"Fuck My Life"

[Sythe]

These all sound terribly fake and if not then i just hate the format their in. They all sound like 1 person wrote them.

[Dimmauk]

These all sound terribly fake and if not then i just hate the format their in. They all sound like 1 person wrote them.

That is why making them up is more fun!

[Swatt]

you are so funnay.

[remdynex]

the "Today" part of the sentence is by default so they can't change that if they wanted to.

Also, i agree most have to be made up but even if they are, still doesn't stop it from being funny and a good read.

[Akucaen]

This site made class tolerable today. :D

[thestalkmore]

I made that up. LOL its not on the website.

What's funny about this site is that most of these things sound in the realm of plausibility. Get it?

[zoobernut]

Today, my boyfriend told me in a very natural way that my mother is better at sex than me. FML

This one made me laugh.

[Dimmauk]

What's funny about this site is that most of these things sound in the realm of plausibility. Get it?

Yeah just like Jerry Springer and Maury?

[Penthesilea]

Today, I fell asleep in my driver's ed class, and I woke up in a middle of a dream laughing. Everyone stared at me. I found out that the teacher had just finished talking about his vegetative niece who didn't wear a seat belt

[Klain]

Today, I was eating at a restaurant with my boyfriend, he is 6'2 and i am 4'11. Out of nowhere, the hostess started openly flirting with him, and asked him if he needed a booster chair for his daughter.

[Waef]

I liked this one.

Today, I sent a guy that I like alot a pitcure of myself, I got all dressed up sexy and did my make-up. He sent me a reply saying "your cat is fat". FML

[HAcoreRD]

"Today, I met a guy at a bar and we went back to my room. We start having sex and about 30 seconds in he stops and says it's not right - he likes me too much for a one night stand. He gives me his number, a kiss on the cheek and leaves. Turns out he already came. I call his phone - wrong number. FML"

[Skeelo]

Today, my professor, who was born without arms, asked somebody "need a hand?" There are over 300 students in that class and I was the only one laughing. FML


Today, I was DJ'ing a wedding. The groom wanted a song played for his grandma and grandpa. I announce over the microphone for his grandparents to come to the dance floor for a special song. Turns out his grandparents have been dead for over a year and the song was supposed to be in dedication. FML

[Chreman]

Today, I called the florist and ordered a flower arrangement for my grandma, who I was told was sick. I said I didn't know what to get her, so just to send her something nice. I got a call from my mom calling me an inconsiderate bastard. They sent my grandma forget-me-nots. She has Alzheimers. FML

[Despain]

Today, I was having sex with a girl I really like for the first time. After a while I told her I was about to come. Her response: "Lucky you." FML

This had me rollin'

[thestalkmore]

Today, I called the florist and ordered a flower arrangement for my grandma, who I was told was sick. I said I didn't know what to get her, so just to send her something nice. I got a call from my mom calling me an inconsiderate bastard. They sent my grandma forget-me-nots. She has Alzheimers. FML

looooooool

[Vic]

Today, I was in one of those lucid half sleeps with my boyfriend. Not fully awake to control myself, I ripped ass. I had no idea what to do. I pretended to still be sleeping. I'm pretty sure he noticed because he patted me on the back in a congratulatory sort of way. FML

[Sol-Blackguy]

Today, I was in one of those lucid half sleeps with my boyfriend. Not fully awake to control myself, I ripped ass. I had no idea what to do. I pretended to still be sleeping. I'm pretty sure he noticed because he patted me on the back in a congratulatory sort of way. FML

ROFL, sounds like something I would do.

[EckoGecko]

Today, I was taking a dump and just as I was going to wipe I realized there wasn't any toilet paper. I had to go back to class. FML

jesus christ.

[kuronosan]

"Today, I met a guy at a bar and we went back to my room. We start having sex and about 30 seconds in he stops and says it's not right - he likes me too much for a one night stand. He gives me his number, a kiss on the cheek and leaves. Turns out he already came. I call his phone - wrong number. FML"

"Today, I met some girl who I really liked and asked an internet forum how I could steal her away from her boyfriend. They all sided with her and called me an idiot. Now I avoid every mention of it every opportunity I get. FML"