Pastor deflects four rounds with a bible before being gunned down

**kareface** · 2009-03-09 03:50

No, but the formal attire for our pastors is full Kevlar. We start every sermon with the audience taking shots at the pastors with low caliber handguns. So says the great magic water buffalo in the sky who conveys his wisdom to me only at the exact moments that prevents me from ever proving it happened.

The title of the thread is a little deceiving. I was expecting him to of deflected 4 bullets. Now that I hear it's only 1, it obviously isn't a miracle.

**Khamsin** · 2009-03-09 04:36

I was envisioning:

As a preacher gives his weekly sermon, he takes note of an unfamiliar man standing up in the back. Curious, his eyes follow the man as he starts walking up the aisle when suddenly, the man pulls a gun from his jacket and takes aim at the preacher.

Startled, the preacher swings his bible out just in time to deflect the bullet and says, "Is that all you got, punk?"

The man, still walking at a steady pace, takes aim and shoots again.

Furious, the preacher swiftly moves the bible to intercept, and once again addresses the man.
"Come on, drop the gun and let's settle this like men!"

Perturbed, the man keeps walking and responds, "Why won't you die, preacher man?!"
Once again, he takes a shot and then another, which the preacher deflects one after the other.

Fuming, the preacher replies, "I am a man of God. He has seen fit to save me," as the man finally reaches him.

"Yeah, well..." the man begins, as he places the barrel of his gun against the preacher's forehead.

"Let's see your god save you from this."

One final shot echoes through the church halls. Blood sprays the congregants seated just feet away in the front row of pews, as the realization slowly dawns on them that this is not confetti.

**Max™** · 2009-03-09 04:42

I saw the same, except with Trinity from the Matrix saying "you moved like they do", and the Pastor saying "whoa" then getting shot.

**Cjskater** · 2009-03-09 05:21

It totally happened like this:
http://i43.tinypic.com/333jpc6.jpg

Although a little more awesome and there was definitely a bullet time sequence.

**Khamsin** · 2009-03-09 05:36

Like when people deflect bullets with swords, nunchuks, or wristguards, right?

**Olo401** · 2009-03-09 08:37

This pastor clearly watched the Burn Notice episode where they bulletproofed a car using phone books.

**Dimmauk** · 2009-03-09 08:50

He should have countered with his Jesus Cross Throwing stars.

**The Blackrose** · 2009-03-09 09:20

Was this the Presbyterian Church, by chance?

http://tornandfrayed.typepad.com/pho...ian_church.jpg

**Fhloston** · 2009-03-09 09:34

Originally Posted by MSNBC

The Rev. Mark Jones, another First Baptist pastor, later urged a Sunday evening prayer service attended by hundreds at nearby Metro Community Church in Edwardsville to be resilient after "this attack from the forces of hell."

lol

Granted, it's still sucks how the Pastor died, and how he was a husband/father as well. They say the pastor did not seem to recognize the gunman, but I just wonder if he had any involvement with that church before, or any other church. This calls for some Rorschach style investigation.

**Mizango** · 2009-03-09 09:37

Originally Posted by Headspace

ib4 Mizango

**altwight** · 2009-03-09 09:40

you people fail at reading.

**Brill Weave** · 2009-03-09 09:50

If that shit was the old testament he would be alive today!

**tyven** · 2009-03-09 10:00

Originally Posted by Dimmauk

He should have countered with his Jesus Cross Throwing stars.

hahaha holy shit

**Kuya** · 2009-03-09 10:02

I think this might be a parody thread.

**Brill Weave** · 2009-03-09 12:11

I'm fairly sure it has turned into that now Kuya.

**GeneJackit** · 2009-03-09 13:43

Psalm 28:7

"The LORD is my strength and my shield; My heart trusts in Him, and I am helped; Therefore my heart exults, And with my song I shall thank Him."

could've used more shield

**Mizango** · 2009-03-09 13:57

Originally Posted by GeneJackit

Psalm 28:7

"The LORD is my strength and my shield; My heart trusts in Him, and I am helped; Therefore my heart exults, And with my song I shall thank Him."

could've used more shield

lol

**Araelus** · 2009-03-09 14:09

ITT: Commentary on the human condition - someone gets murdered and people laugh because ...they disagree with his views?

To be fair, I was half expecting to see a link to Nine Shot Sonata.

**Jaybar** · 2009-03-09 14:14

On Sunday night, a pastor died in Maryville.

Somebody knows why. Down there, somebody knows.

http://i274.photobucket.com/albums/j...Rorschach1.jpg

**Dimmauk** · 2009-03-09 14:18

That is why the church wants to ban questionable books and comics and TV and Video games.

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