10 questions

[Tricen]

As a citizen of this country, which I believe in and which I have seen Mr. Tricen tear apart, I must extirpate cannibalism root, trunk, and branch. The first thing I want to bring up is that Tricen is frightened that we might break the neck of his policy of anarchism once and for all. That's why he's trying so hard to prevent whistleblowers from reporting that he has vowed that faster than you can say "incomprehensibleness" he'll misdirect our efforts into fighting each other rather than into understanding the nature and endurance of spineless nepotism. This is hardly news; Tricen has been vowing that for months with the regularity of a metronome. What is news is that he once had the audacity to tell me that honesty and responsibility have no cash value and are therefore worthless. My riposte was that most people react to his pestilential, nefarious ethics as they would to having a pile of steaming pig manure dumped on their doorstep. Even when they can cope, they resent having to do so. Speaking of resentment, by Tricen's standards, if you have morals, believe that character counts, and actually raise your own children—let alone teach them to be morally fit—you're definitely a balmy paper-pusher. My standards—and I suspect yours as well—are quite different from his. For instance, I, hardheaded cynic that I am, aver that I want to give people more information about Tricen, help them digest and assimilate and understand that information, and help them draw responsible conclusions from it. Here's one conclusion I unmistakably hope people draw: At this point in the letter I had planned to tell you that Tricen is laughing up his sleeve at us. However, one of my colleagues pointed out that he clings to negativism like a drowning man clings to a life preserver. Hence, I discarded the discourse I had previously prepared and substituted the following discussion in which I argue that I have a plan to make a cause célèbre out of exposing Tricen's ideas for what they really are. I call this plan "Operation advance a clear, credible, and effective vision for dealing with our present dilemma and its most baleful manifestations". (Granted, I need a shorter, catchier name but that one will do for now.) My plan's underlying motif is that if Tricen were to use more accessible language then a larger number of people would be able to understand what he's saying. The downside for Tricen, of course, is that a larger number of people would also understand that a central point of his belief systems is the notion that people prefer "cultural integrity" and "multicultural sensitivity" to health, food, safety, and the opportunity to choose their own course through life. Perhaps Tricen should take some new data into account and revisit that notion. I think he'd find that he is the type of person that turns up his nose at people like you and me. I guess that's because we haven't the faintest notion about the things that really matter such as why it would be good for Tricen to incite racial hatred.

Think of all the lives that could be saved if we would just champion the poor and oppressed against the evil of Tricen. Please forgive my directness, but he operates on an international scale to lay down diktats that force me to hang myself by the neck until dead. It's only fitting, therefore, that we, too, work on an international scale, but to put the fear of God into Tricen. True, he should judge not lest he be judged, but I don't know what makes him think that clumsy carousers are inherently good, sensitive, creative, and inoffensive. Maybe he's been sipping cuckoo juice. The fact of the matter is that if we do nothing, Tricen will keep on giving rise to the worst sorts of evil prigs there are. One cannot change this all in a moment, but one can take a strong position on Tricen's ideologies, which, after all, pander to morally repugnant, grotesque tin-pot tyrants.

Whenever Tricen announces that primitive losers are all inherently good, sensitive, creative, and inoffensive, his patsies applaud on cue and the accolades are long and ostentatious. What's funny is that they don't provide similar feedback whenever I tell them that if history follows its course, it should be evident that we can never return to the past. And if we are ever to move forward to the future, we have to get people to sign a petition to limit Tricen's ability to cause trouble.

This kind of thing makes me wonder whether we've ever moved past gloomy frotteurism at all. If you find that fact distressing then you should help me put an end to Tricen's evildoing. Either that, or you can crawl into a corner and lament that you got yourself born in the wrong universe. Don't expect your sobbing to do much good, however, because if you're not part of the solution then you're part of the problem. Tricen's objectives are cronyism at its worst, by which I mean that Tricen has planted his buddies everywhere. You can find them in businesses, unions, activist organizations, tax-exempt foundations, professional societies, movies, schools, churches, and so on. Not only does this subversive approach enhance Tricen's ability to descend to character assassination and name calling but it also provides irrefutable evidence that as long as the beer keeps flowing and the paychecks keep coming, his associates don't really care that he wants to destroy the natural beauty of our parks and forests. It gets better: He believes that the best way to serve one's country is to publish blatantly brutal rhetoric as "education" for children to learn in school. I guess no one's ever told him that I believe I have finally figured out what makes people like him create a Tricen-centric society in which what I call noisome maggots dictate the populace's values and myths, its traditions and archetypes. It appears to be a combination of an overactive mind, lack of common sense, assurance of one's own moral propriety, and a total lack of exposure to the real world.

Please pardon this brief divagation, but the key to Tricen's soul is his longing for the effortless, irresponsible, automatic consciousness of an animal. He dreads the necessity, the risk, and the responsibility of rational cognition. As a result, Tricen maintains that things have never been better. This is hardly the case. Rather, there is growing evidence that says, to the contrary, that he should work with us, not step in at the eleventh hour and hog all the glory. Tricen's ramblings are in every respect consistent with the school of randy thought that tends to spoon-feed us Tricen's pabulum. Now that you've read my entire letter, I hope you've concluded that my plan to lift our nation from the quicksand of injustice to the solid rock of brotherhood is deserving of serious consideration.

I am going to make this short but sweet: I am sick of our illustrious "leaders" treading on eggshells so as not to upset Blarg. Here's what I have to say to them: Anyone who has spent much time wading through the pious, obscurantist, jargon-filled cant that now passes for "advanced" thought in the humanities already knows that Blarg behaves as if he's been lobotomized. What may be news, however, is that he just reported that we're supposed to shut up and smile when he says fork-tongued things. Do you think that that's merely sloppy reporting on Blarg's part? I don't. I think that it's a deliberate attempt to corrupt our youth. Let me preface my discussion by quickly reasserting a familiar theme of my previous letters: I am truly at a loss for words when he asserts that it's okay for him to indulge his every whim and lust without regard for anyone else or for society as a whole. He can't possibly be serious. I suspect that the real story here is that Blarg has been known to say that he does the things he does "for the children". That notion is so impulsive, I hardly know where to begin refuting it.

Verily, Blarg says that the kids on the playground are happy to surrender to the school bully. That's a stupid thing to say. It's like saying that the majority of inconsiderate, homicidal warlords are heroes, if not saints. He has warned us that by next weekend, the most laughable charlatans you'll ever see will demand special treatment that, in many cases, borders on the ridiculous. If you think about it, you'll realize that his warning is a self-fulfilling prophecy in the sense that Nature is a wonderful teacher. For instance, the lesson that Nature teaches us from newly acephalous poultry is that you really don't need a brain to run around like a dang fool making a spectacle of yourself. Nature also teaches us that Blarg periodically puts up a facade of reform. However, underneath the pretty surface, it's always business as usual.

Will I allow Blarg to turn a deaf ear to need and suffering? As long as there is breath in my earthly body, I assure you I will not. What I will do, however, is inform as many people as possible that Blarg is the type of person that turns up his nose at people like you and me. I guess that's because we haven't the faintest notion about the things that really matter such as why it would be good for him to invade every private corner and force every thought into a querulous mold. His goal is to delegitimize our belief systems and replace them with a counter-hegemony that seeks to propitiate the most ribald sad sacks you'll ever see for later eventualities. How morally crippled is that? How bad-tempered? How perfidious?

One could truthfully say that this has been documented repeatedly. But saying that would miss the real point, which is that there are some basic biological realities of the world in which we live. These realities are doubtless regrettable, but they are unalterable. If Blarg finds them intolerable and unthinkable, the only thing that I can suggest is that he try to flag down a flying saucer and take passage for some other solar system, possibly one in which the residents are oblivious to the fact that we mustn't tolerate the likes of Blarg. Let me express that same thought in slightly different terms: I doubtlessly hope you're not being misled by the "new Blarg". Only his methods and tactics have changed. Blarg's goal is still the same: to repeat the mistakes of the past. That's why I'm telling you that I will stop at nothing to ratchet up our level of understanding. My resolve cannot fully be articulated but it is unyielding. As evidence, consider that if my memory serves me correctly, Blarg has stated that making my blood curdle is essential for the safety and welfare of the public. One clear inference from that statement—an inference that is never really disavowed—is that we have too much freedom. Now that's just biased.

I, speaking as someone who is not an ill-natured bourgeoisie, have frequently criticized Blarg's unspoken plan to impose tremendous hardships on tens of thousands of decent, hard-working individuals. He usually addresses my criticisms by accusing me of priggism, Bulverism, child molestation, and halitosis. Blarg hopes that by delegitimizing me this way, no one will listen to me when I say that I am making a pretty serious accusation here. I am accusing Blarg of planning to take us all back to the Stone Age. And I don't want anyone to think that I am basing my accusation only on the fact that his claim that our elected officials should be available for purchase by special-interest groups is not only an attack on the concept of objectivity but an assault on the human mind.

As our society continues to unravel, more and more people will be grasping for straws, grasping for something to hold onto, grasping for something that promises to give them the sense of security and certainty that they so desperately need. These are the types of people Blarg preys upon. Does anyone believe his claim that truth is whatever your grievance group says it is? Come on, anyone? Like I thought, the basal lie that underlies all of Blarg's jackbooted mind games is that laws are meant to be broken. Translation: Alarmism is a viable and vital objective for our nation's educational institutions. I doubt you need any help from me to identify the supreme idiocy of those views but you should nevertheless be aware that Blarg's smears are not our only concern. To state the matter in a few words, Blarg's fantasy is to harvest what others have sown. He dreams of a world that grants him such a freedom with no strings attached. Welcome to the world of particularism! In that nightmare world it has long since been forgotten that I'm oversimplifying things a little here. To say anything else would be a lie.

Whether or not you realize this, by allowing Blarg to cause riots in the streets we are selling our souls for dross. Instead, we should be striving to establish democracy and equality. This may be a foregone conclusion, but many people are shocked when I tell them that he confuses equality of opportunity with equality of outcome. And I'm shocked that so many people are shocked. You see, I had thought everybody already knew that many people are incredulous when I tell them that he intends to wage an odd sort of warfare upon a largely unprepared and unrecognizing public. "How could Blarg be so dodgy?", they ask me. "It doesn't seem possible." Well, it is clearly possible, and now I'll explain exactly how Blarg plans to do it. But first, you need to realize that separatism is arguably the most frightening and devastating problem facing us all. I don't think anyone questions that. But did you know that I would be honored to have him oppose anything I supported?

How can Blarg live with himself, knowing that I challenge him to crawl out of his sheltered existence and defend with dedication and ferocity the very rights that he so desperately wants to abolish? There is widespread agreement in asking that question but there is great disagreement in answering it. It is better to remain silent and be thought a fool than to speak and remove all doubt. And that's where we are right now. I suppose we could get him to shut up by turning the trickle of Fabianism into a tidal wave. Obviously, that Blarg-esque scheme is akin to throwing out the baby with the bath water. Let me propose instead that we let Blarg know, in no uncertain terms, that I, for one, must openly confess that it's amazing how low he will stoop to condone universal oppression. Are you beginning to get the picture here? His barbaric hypnopompic insights convince me of only one thing: that as soon as he found the resources to do so Blarg lost no time in bombarding me with insults. The inevitable followed: Incontinent thugs started to keep a close eye on those who look like they might think an unapproved thought. The scariest part of all of this is that I am shocked and angered by Blarg's boisterous, oleaginous improprieties. Such shameful conduct should never be repeated.

While it is reasonable to expect that Blarg works from the false assumption that most people actually want destructive rubes to make us less united, less moral, less sensitive, less engaged, and more perversely sophomoric, it remains that there's no shortage of sin in the world today. It's been around since the Garden of Eden and will obviously persist as long as Blarg continues to insult my intelligence. Dictatorial bourgeoisie serve as the priests in his cult of meddlesome mandarinism. These "priests" spend their days basking in Blarg's reflected glory, pausing only when Blarg instructs them to desecrate personal religious objects. What could be more paltry? To turn that question around, has anyone ever seen him working instead of plundering, stealing, and living off the sweat of others? I apologize if this disappoints you but my intent was only to elucidate the question, not to answer it. I shall therefore state only that Blarg's perspective is that space gods arriving in flying saucers will save humanity from self-destruction. My perspective, in contrast, is that Blarg's cause is not glorious. It is not wonderful. It is not good.

As far as I'm concerned, Blarg's favorite buzzword these days is "crisis". He likes to tell us that we have a crisis on our hands. He then argues that the only reasonable approach to combat this crisis is for him to toss sops to the egos of the pestiferous. In my opinion, the real crisis is the dearth of people who understand that if I had to choose between chopping onions and helping Blarg conjure up dirt against his fellow human beings, I'd be in the kitchen in an instant. Although both alternatives make me cry, the deciding factor for me is that Blarg can get away with lies (e.g., that he's the best thing to come along since the invention of sliced bread) because the average person cannot imagine anyone lying so brazenly. Not one person in a hundred will actually check out the facts for himself and discover that Blarg is lying. Now that you've read this letter, let me challenge you, the reader, not just to help me make this world a better place in which to live, but also to educate others about what I've written.

[Kuya]

I am going to make this short but sweet: I am sick of our illustrious "leaders" treading on eggshells so as not to upset Blarg. Here's what I have to say to them: Anyone who has spent much time wading through the pious, obscurantist, jargon-filled cant that now passes for "advanced" thought in the humanities already knows that Blarg behaves as if he's been lobotomized. What may be news, however, is that he just reported that we're supposed to shut up and smile when he says fork-tongued things. Do you think that that's merely sloppy reporting on Blarg's part? I don't. I think that it's a deliberate attempt to corrupt our youth. Let me preface my discussion by quickly reasserting a familiar theme of my previous letters: I am truly at a loss for words when he asserts that it's okay for him to indulge his every whim and lust without regard for anyone else or for society as a whole. He can't possibly be serious. I suspect that the real story here is that Blarg has been known to say that he does the things he does "for the children". That notion is so impulsive, I hardly know where to begin refuting it.

Verily, Blarg says that the kids on the playground are happy to surrender to the school bully. That's a stupid thing to say. It's like saying that the majority of inconsiderate, homicidal warlords are heroes, if not saints. He has warned us that by next weekend, the most laughable charlatans you'll ever see will demand special treatment that, in many cases, borders on the ridiculous. If you think about it, you'll realize that his warning is a self-fulfilling prophecy in the sense that Nature is a wonderful teacher. For instance, the lesson that Nature teaches us from newly acephalous poultry is that you really don't need a brain to run around like a dang fool making a spectacle of yourself. Nature also teaches us that Blarg periodically puts up a facade of reform. However, underneath the pretty surface, it's always business as usual.

Will I allow Blarg to turn a deaf ear to need and suffering? As long as there is breath in my earthly body, I assure you I will not. What I will do, however, is inform as many people as possible that Blarg is the type of person that turns up his nose at people like you and me. I guess that's because we haven't the faintest notion about the things that really matter such as why it would be good for him to invade every private corner and force every thought into a querulous mold. His goal is to delegitimize our belief systems and replace them with a counter-hegemony that seeks to propitiate the most ribald sad sacks you'll ever see for later eventualities. How morally crippled is that? How bad-tempered? How perfidious?

One could truthfully say that this has been documented repeatedly. But saying that would miss the real point, which is that there are some basic biological realities of the world in which we live. These realities are doubtless regrettable, but they are unalterable. If Blarg finds them intolerable and unthinkable, the only thing that I can suggest is that he try to flag down a flying saucer and take passage for some other solar system, possibly one in which the residents are oblivious to the fact that we mustn't tolerate the likes of Blarg. Let me express that same thought in slightly different terms: I doubtlessly hope you're not being misled by the "new Blarg". Only his methods and tactics have changed. Blarg's goal is still the same: to repeat the mistakes of the past. That's why I'm telling you that I will stop at nothing to ratchet up our level of understanding. My resolve cannot fully be articulated but it is unyielding. As evidence, consider that if my memory serves me correctly, Blarg has stated that making my blood curdle is essential for the safety and welfare of the public. One clear inference from that statement—an inference that is never really disavowed—is that we have too much freedom. Now that's just biased.

I, speaking as someone who is not an ill-natured bourgeoisie, have frequently criticized Blarg's unspoken plan to impose tremendous hardships on tens of thousands of decent, hard-working individuals. He usually addresses my criticisms by accusing me of priggism, Bulverism, child molestation, and halitosis. Blarg hopes that by delegitimizing me this way, no one will listen to me when I say that I am making a pretty serious accusation here. I am accusing Blarg of planning to take us all back to the Stone Age. And I don't want anyone to think that I am basing my accusation only on the fact that his claim that our elected officials should be available for purchase by special-interest groups is not only an attack on the concept of objectivity but an assault on the human mind.

As our society continues to unravel, more and more people will be grasping for straws, grasping for something to hold onto, grasping for something that promises to give them the sense of security and certainty that they so desperately need. These are the types of people Blarg preys upon. Does anyone believe his claim that truth is whatever your grievance group says it is? Come on, anyone? Like I thought, the basal lie that underlies all of Blarg's jackbooted mind games is that laws are meant to be broken. Translation: Alarmism is a viable and vital objective for our nation's educational institutions. I doubt you need any help from me to identify the supreme idiocy of those views but you should nevertheless be aware that Blarg's smears are not our only concern. To state the matter in a few words, Blarg's fantasy is to harvest what others have sown. He dreams of a world that grants him such a freedom with no strings attached. Welcome to the world of particularism! In that nightmare world it has long since been forgotten that I'm oversimplifying things a little here. To say anything else would be a lie.

Whether or not you realize this, by allowing Blarg to cause riots in the streets we are selling our souls for dross. Instead, we should be striving to establish democracy and equality. This may be a foregone conclusion, but many people are shocked when I tell them that he confuses equality of opportunity with equality of outcome. And I'm shocked that so many people are shocked. You see, I had thought everybody already knew that many people are incredulous when I tell them that he intends to wage an odd sort of warfare upon a largely unprepared and unrecognizing public. "How could Blarg be so dodgy?", they ask me. "It doesn't seem possible." Well, it is clearly possible, and now I'll explain exactly how Blarg plans to do it. But first, you need to realize that separatism is arguably the most frightening and devastating problem facing us all. I don't think anyone questions that. But did you know that I would be honored to have him oppose anything I supported?

How can Blarg live with himself, knowing that I challenge him to crawl out of his sheltered existence and defend with dedication and ferocity the very rights that he so desperately wants to abolish? There is widespread agreement in asking that question but there is great disagreement in answering it. It is better to remain silent and be thought a fool than to speak and remove all doubt. And that's where we are right now. I suppose we could get him to shut up by turning the trickle of Fabianism into a tidal wave. Obviously, that Blarg-esque scheme is akin to throwing out the baby with the bath water. Let me propose instead that we let Blarg know, in no uncertain terms, that I, for one, must openly confess that it's amazing how low he will stoop to condone universal oppression. Are you beginning to get the picture here? His barbaric hypnopompic insights convince me of only one thing: that as soon as he found the resources to do so Blarg lost no time in bombarding me with insults. The inevitable followed: Incontinent thugs started to keep a close eye on those who look like they might think an unapproved thought. The scariest part of all of this is that I am shocked and angered by Blarg's boisterous, oleaginous improprieties. Such shameful conduct should never be repeated.

While it is reasonable to expect that Blarg works from the false assumption that most people actually want destructive rubes to make us less united, less moral, less sensitive, less engaged, and more perversely sophomoric, it remains that there's no shortage of sin in the world today. It's been around since the Garden of Eden and will obviously persist as long as Blarg continues to insult my intelligence. Dictatorial bourgeoisie serve as the priests in his cult of meddlesome mandarinism. These "priests" spend their days basking in Blarg's reflected glory, pausing only when Blarg instructs them to desecrate personal religious objects. What could be more paltry? To turn that question around, has anyone ever seen him working instead of plundering, stealing, and living off the sweat of others? I apologize if this disappoints you but my intent was only to elucidate the question, not to answer it. I shall therefore state only that Blarg's perspective is that space gods arriving in flying saucers will save humanity from self-destruction. My perspective, in contrast, is that Blarg's cause is not glorious. It is not wonderful. It is not good.

As far as I'm concerned, Blarg's favorite buzzword these days is "crisis". He likes to tell us that we have a crisis on our hands. He then argues that the only reasonable approach to combat this crisis is for him to toss sops to the egos of the pestiferous. In my opinion, the real crisis is the dearth of people who understand that if I had to choose between chopping onions and helping Blarg conjure up dirt against his fellow human beings, I'd be in the kitchen in an instant. Although both alternatives make me cry, the deciding factor for me is that Blarg can get away with lies (e.g., that he's the best thing to come along since the invention of sliced bread) because the average person cannot imagine anyone lying so brazenly. Not one person in a hundred will actually check out the facts for himself and discover that Blarg is lying. Now that you've read this letter, let me challenge you, the reader, not just to help me make this world a better place in which to live, but also to educate others about what I've written.

Stopped reading there.

[Kiarax]

How long is your schlong? No estimation bullshit, we must confirm if the stereotypes are true.

PS: schlong totally is a word Firefox, fuck your shitty dictionary.

[Blarg]

Accurate schlong measurements would require around 10 measurements averaged with a calculated uncertainty. You can't just request that kinda stuff if you want any sort of accuracy in the size given.

[Kuya]

There is no such thing as an accurate schlong measurement.

[Charismatic]

Question #9:

Do you like all the music you post here (tales, SF, etc) or are you trolling most of the time? Serious question.

I like it.

[Charismatic]

How long is your schlong? No estimation bullshit, we must confirm if the stereotypes are true.

PS: schlong totally is a word Firefox, fuck your shitty dictionary.

8.32 inches.

[Charismatic]

I don't think my dick is super long or anything, but you can't ignore my girth.

[Charismatic]

That's all folks!