Step-parenting 101

[kuronosan]

Shue, you've got no fucking idea what you're talking about. I didn't move out, then move back in to save money. My father divorced his second wife and offered to room with me so that I could go back to school. We then moved because he wanted to be near my brother and his new son and have a nice big family.

Then he met his current wife, and all that went out the window. I got a new job to save up to move out and was laid off because of cutbacks (I had two jobs and went to school full time to get my degree), which put my plans on hold.

Jesus, if you're going to troll at least sound halfway intelligent.

And holy crap *lol* at the people calling me terrible when you don't even fucking know me. I've done much more and been there much more for my father than most people are.

That hardly qualifies me as terrible just because I don't like being treated like shit. Imagine giving your father a kidney, then you turn around and ask for a tooth, and all he can say is "I need my teeth to eat, you're an ungrateful jerk". That's exactly how I feel. So no, I'm not whining. I'm asking if I'm justified or not, and if I'm not, what exactly I should be doing instead of what I've been doing.

I already know the answer is to move out, and I'm not a pussy, because I had plans to move out already.

Read the fucking thread.

[TheShadyMan]

If you know the answer, then what the fuck is your point?

[Shuemue]

So you just wanted sympathy?

I reiterate, fucking pussy.

[Hitoshura]

Disgusting.

[Ddz]

If you don't like the rules in someone else's house, regardless of their social or mental demeanor, then you need to figure things out and move out. Where there's a will, there's a way.

[altwight]

Regardless, the OP has every right to bitch at his stepmother even if it is her house. My girlfriend's mom is exactly the same way as OP's stepmom. Every little detail reminded me so much of her mom. It's to the point where we have nothing to do with each other which puts her in the middle of everything. (although she hates her mom too but her mom has control over her)

To contribute, your stepmother is not going to change. Work your way out ask your dad for some halp if you have to. Don't try to keep it between you and your dad only because if she weeds it out of him she wins again. Let her know you wanna ditch cause she's a tard ass nab.

If your dad refuses to halp because your stepmom refuses to let him. Throw the guilt trip on your dad. Ask him how he can let some secondary person in his life rule over his own son.

[Graves]

Even though im sure it has been said many a time, your best bet is to just man up, and just tough it out. I know where you are coming from, and my stepfather would annoy the hell out of me. The hard cold truth is that its your father AND her house. She has every if not more of a right to be there compared to yourself. Its your father so of course he is going to take you in, but have some respect for the man and give her a break.

I really cant say i know exactly what you have to deal with, i only have a rough idea, but come on man.....just keep a low profile and your mouth shut and concentrate on what you have to do to get out of there and into your own place!

Try this out next time you feel the need to yell at your stepmother: SERENITY NOOOOW!!!!

[Shalyn]

It's almost like... if something is so obviously in favour of the OP, the trolls come out of hiding to do their best 'Devil's Advocate' impression. Honestly, sometimes people need a bit of sympathy and/or confirmation that they aren't the shit-heads in a situation. I don't think it's something you need to flame someone for.

Personally I think the "not moral obligation after 18" idea is retarded, especially these days when, as we can see by this guy, people are losing their jobs and are unable to live on their own. I don't think there is anything wrong with living at home as long as you can stand it... your parents had you knowing they'd have to deal with you for the rest of your life, just like you have to deal with them. If it were switched roles, if this dude's dad moved into HIS girlfriend's/wife's house and they were treating him as his dad and step-mom are, how different would people feel? Actually it sounds more like the roles are reversed since this dad seems to be a complete child. There can't be that low of a price on a person's self-respect (monthly rent). Just my opinion on that matter.

To the OP: I feel your frustration but it seems like you're fueling some kind of weird addiction by giving your obviously so responsible dad your credit card, which makes you a sucker. What you need to do, other than get the fuck out, is ignore it. Seriously ignore it. Don't give in to talk that leads into something more: walk away, take the higher road. Also get used to your bedroom.
Your dad helped put you into that situation but, like the credit cards, he doesn't seem to care to help you out of it, so reciprocate. When you leave, you cut him off completely (money-wise). You are too much of a pushover and that is probably why he thinks that he can take his wife's side and not worry about whether you'll just take it since you're easier to deal with.

Also I personally wouldn't recommend paying rent, because once you go there, it seems like they'd take advantage and try to swindle more out of you. You helped them get together, they should be grateful and pay you back with kindness, not douchebaggery.

[Colenzo]

I hate to say this but, never seek the advice of an audience of people for personal advice on how to act in your day to day life. The best advice that I can give and its the easiest thing to do. Never question yourself, if you are unhappy about a certain situation, take fate into your own hands and do what you can to make your life happier. If people are dragging you down and making you sad and pissed, fuck them, move on to greener pastures. If theres a will theres a way, you just have to work your dick off to get to that level of happiness and have a plan. /shrug I dont know if that helps but its what I live by :/

[kuronosan]

Thank you.

[Vandalhart]

I would say, that you definately have to have a sit down with your dad and talk to
him 1 on 1. You know your father more than your Step Mom does, I'm sure you can
get through to him at least to let him know where you stand.

You just have to do it in a diplomatic way, and not come across as if you are attacking him,
nor his wife. Trust me.. He'll choose his current wife over his child every time.

[Ohaigaiz]

All these people saying man up and move out are really getting on my nerves. If it made remotely any sense to move out obviously he would. That being said, you have to respect your dad's wishes no matter how much he/his wife piss on your pride. Trust me, my dad is the same way as yours(demands respect and shit), but he isn't a douche and has never mentioned how hard he works(60+hours a week). If you just comply with him your life will be much easier so long as you don't let him use you for his own person gain.

My dad threatened me all the time with if I was ever in a shit ton of trouble(girl pregnant, debt, no place to live) he would not help me. He's more of a one-for-all type person I guess. Those things have never happened to me, so I can't say for sure if he means it, but he's a softy at heart.

Anyway, I'm not one of those 'I demand respect' etc. people, but my parents are both that way. When living with these types of people your life is pretty easy if you comply with them. Being stubborn and butthurt just because you don't want to do what they say is retarded. Honestly, even if you were paying rent, it's still not your house, and he is still your father.

Either learn to manipulate them or just suck it up and clench your buttcheeks. If you aren't good at manipulating people in the first place, though, don't even try .

[Dimmauk]

Here's a nice topic of discussion for all you BGers out there.

Since the economy sucks and I haven't finished my degree, I'm forced to live at home until I can get a job that allows me to rent my own place. My stepmother annoys me to no end because she always gets her way and is emotionally unstable, so if you disagree and yell at her she breaks down and my father jumps to her side and gets on my case.

On top of that, my girlfriend is tired of it (and she is also disrespected by the stepmother) and is at odds with her on a regular basis. My father tells me I should tell my girlfriend to basically STFU and take it out of respect for them.

My stance is that since my stepmother condescends to both of us, is judgmental, and is completely disrespectful to the two of us (on top of being a McCainer, "devout" Christian (read: hypocrite), that she deserves neither my respect nor my sympathy.

My father's stance is that you don't ever disrespect someone (read: her) or treat them bad just because they've wronged you or continue to wrong you. You should be civil.

He claims that my girlfriend is driving a wedge in our family, and I say that it's my stepmother and his need to not die alone that's driving the wedge.

This brings us to the topic. Besides the obvious question of who is right or wrong in this situation, how do you guys feel the appropriate way for a step-parent to act is? I've been planning to move out for a while now and since I lost my main job and only have my part-time job now those plans have to be put on hold.

My father, in the meantime, keeps trying to guilt me and tell me I need to set my girlfriend straight... but I agree with her completely.

Do you guys think a step-parent should just get away with whatever they want because it's "their" house (read: her house and my father just lives there even though they're married) or should they attempt to treat people with a measure of respect and not expect anything in return until they do?

And, to compound further on that, am I in the wrong, is my girlfriend in the wrong, is my father being a douche, or does my stepmother need to stop acting like everyone else is beneath her and never does anything wrong?

Last bit of info, in case anyone suggests a sit-down talk: Any time we sit down to talk to her about what the problem is, she simply replies "Sorry I don't see it that way" and never concedes that she is being disrespectful or condescending no matter what. My father is exactly the same way and says that he doesn't want to have to never see me but if it preserves his relationship with her and my girlfriend and her can't get along then that's how it has to be.

Discuss.

http://3.bp.blogspot.com/_04dOdG4x1P...s320/Capa.jpeg

YouTube - Parents Just Don't Understand

Move the fuck out. I'd rather live in a shithole then deal with crazy parents. Just be nice, explain you want to do your own thing, and GTFO.

[Diamicles]

easy answer here:

most people are assholes, even women, get over it while you are getting free room and board, consider putting up with it as a small price to pay while you get back on your feet.

[Yuri-G]

This is why I pay my own bills and my own rent and work my ass off at a job I really don't like all that much to keep it all in order. Although my stepmom isn't as bad as yours sounds, both her and my dad treated me like shit growing up, to the point that it left me with severe psychological issues that I'm just starting to get sorted out now.

What's great is we get along now. Why? Because one day, when they were helping me move, my dad went off on a rant about how dirty my microwave was and how that somehow implied that I was a worthless human being who would never amount to anything (he used to do that a lot - extrapolate small issues into character-defining moments). I told him it was just a dirty microwave. He didn't like that, so he started going off. I started to speak my mind and told him it was no big deal, so what, my microwave was dirty. Who cares? He said I better stop talking back or he was gonna take his truck and drive right back home. I lost it, and started screaming at him to get the fuck away then, leave my shit in the parking lot, just fuck off and leave me the fuck alone and I would move my own goddamn shit, I'd pay for a motherfucking u-haul because I don't want his fucking help if this is how he's gonna fucking talk to me. I basically said everything I had wanted to say for years but couldn't because I depended on them, and now that I was able to support myself, he had nothing to hold over my head anymore. And if it sounds like I was being immature, I really wasn't, you have to understand the depth of the shit he put me through growing up. I was just standing up for myself for the first time in my life.

Anyway, of course they both leave. Then he calls me back three hours later to apologize. Yep. After I tore his head off, HE apologized, because he realized he was wrong for talking to me that way. Ever since then, we've gotten along, very well actually. We actually say things like "I love you" now. Of course, I could never have pulled that off if I weren't self-sufficient.

The point? As long as you live with them, you're going to have to put up with this shit. Obviously, you know this, but I don't think you fully grasp what it means. You have no choice and I doubt you'll get much sympathy from anyone either. Move out, make damn sure you're self-sufficient, and the next time the shit hits the fan, say everything you've ever wanted to say. It works wonders! Or he might disown you, but from the way he and your stepmom sound, that would be no great loss. I know that if the night I screamed bloody murder at my dad had gone the other way and he and my stepmom had both decided to never talk to me again, I would have been okay with that. Luckily, it actually turned out pretty well.

[Norelco]

Kuro, I've read as much of this thread as I can stomach. I don't know what other advice to give you than make yourself scarce when it comes to your dad and step-mom, and to save your pennies for your own place.

It always baffles me when parents start to choose their new spouses over their children, but it's an all too common occurrence. I'm sorry you're in the situation you are in. Good luck.

[Jaybar]

Also invest in a mini fridge and store your food in there. Also invest in a heavy duty padlock for said fridge. You'll spend about as much on that as your step-mom does hoarding your food.

Then catch her in the act of breaking a Commandment.

[kuronosan]

Thanks guys, I know what I have to do now. Losing my job set me back a good six months or so for my plans (as I was planning to move out this winter) so what I'm doing is hoping I can extend my federal loans to cover board and then find a job that allows me to cover the remaining expenses.

I appreciate the advice and (sometimes harsh) criticism.

Yuri - what you said is exactly how I feel. My father sees it as disrespect whether my girlfriend speaks up or not, and the reason I say nothing is because I'm essentially freeloading. She told me the same thing last night... to just put up with it for now (and so will she) and once we move out the first time they criticize us to just basically lay it on the table and tell them how it is.

Also invest in a mini fridge and store your food in there. Also invest in a heavy duty padlock for said fridge. You'll spend about as much on that as your step-mom does hoarding your food.

Funny thing is my girl said the same thing, and I told her I didn't have the room for one. Seems like a plausible idea now.

[Yuri-G]

I think you've got the right idea then. Good luck. You will be so much happier once you're on your own (but I don't have to tell you that).

[Tyche]

My dad has never once disrespected me. Not a single time. My mom and I have had some pretty explosive arguments, but mostly over my kid (her grandchild), and her telling me that I'm doing something wrong in the way I handle her. Nothing we don't get over in 2 days. With that said, I haven't lived with my parents since I was 18, we all get along absolutely fantastic, they (divorced) get along great, and my mom's boyfriend of 10 years (they refuse to marry since she's been married twice and botched them both, superstition thing) and I have a great relationship. I think you can be too close to your parents when you grow up and start to develop your own self interests. If you are too close and they vary, shit can blow up.