Texts from Last Night

[Quixon]

(612): that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch

I lol'd

[Stiker]

(614): Dude you're not going to believe what happened last night
(469): What
(614): So me and Steve got pretty wasted last night at the bar when guess who walks in
(469): Who Don't tell me it was Amanda
(614): Nah fuck that bitch think good not bad
(469): Oh was it Kaity
(614): Nope you're getting close though
(469): Just tell me already
(614): Ok ok it was Jennifer
(469): Oh shit don't tell me you worked up the nerve to talk to her
(614): well I had liquid courage on my side, from the aforementioned beer, but that's not the half of it
(469): Well what happened
(614):Well we started talking and one thing lead to another If you know what I mean
(469): Niiice, so you hit that
(469): Cmon dude did you nail her
(469): Dude I gotta know, did you bone her
(469): What the hell man Did you tap that
(614): Oh sorry phone died no I got her number and were going out tomorrow just takin it slow you know
(469): oh thats pretty cool bro couldnt you have just texted me that rather than have this whole conversation
(614): Yeah well people always make long text conversations rather than just calling them
(469): yea it kinda bugs me
(614): Plus I just wanted to cock tease day and anyone else who can't read the website
(469): You mad

A+ post, well done lol

[Tymon]

(614): Dude you're not going to believe what happened last night
(469): What
(614): So me and Steve got pretty wasted last night at the bar when guess who walks in
(469): Who Don't tell me it was Amanda
(614): Nah fuck that bitch think good not bad
(469): Oh was it Kaity
(614): Nope you're getting close though
(469): Just tell me already
(614): Ok ok it was Jennifer
(469): Oh shit don't tell me you worked up the nerve to talk to her
(614): well I had liquid courage on my side, from the aforementioned beer, but that's not the half of it
(469): Well what happened
(614):Well we started talking and one thing lead to another If you know what I mean
(469): Niiice, so you hit that
(469): Cmon dude did you nail her
(469): Dude I gotta know, did you bone her
(469): What the hell man Did you tap that
(614): Oh sorry phone died no I got her number and were going out tomorrow just takin it slow you know
(469): oh thats pretty cool bro couldnt you have just texted me that rather than have this whole conversation
(614): Yeah well people always make long text conversations rather than just calling them
(469): yea it kinda bugs me
(614): Plus I just wanted to cock tease day and anyone else who can't read the website
(469): You mad

Fucking excellent

[Antithesis]

(859): I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
(1-859): Well... I doubt that.

(973): it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn

(314): Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...

(301): porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.

(310): she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
(1-310): ewwww. she might as well have a dick.

(812): Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
(917): Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
(812): Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.

[guartz]

This is like that FMyLife - FML : Your everyday life stories. website.

Some quotes;

Today, I got home from visiting my long-distance girlfriend. I spent $366 to get a plane ticket to visit her for the week. The day after I arrived there, she broke up with me and I had to buy a ticket for an earlier flight home. With fees and penalties, I payed around $550 to be broken up with. FML


Today, I was insulted online by a teenager who said that I was probably a fat loser that still lives with their mother and a couple of cats. They were right. FML

Today, I went downtown to pay my speeding ticket. After standing in line and arguing with a rude woman behind the desk, I get back to my car only to find an expired meter and a parking ticket. I got a ticket while paying my ticket. FML

[Diamicles]

Today, I was insulted online by a teenager who said that I was probably a fat loser that still lives with their mother and a couple of cats. They were right. FML

sounds like the spam forum

[ZarakiKujata]

FML was olde before it was even posted on here 2 months ago guartz

[Day]

sounds like the spam forum

http://2.bp.blogspot.com/_IVI5W8Eg3G...320/YouMad.jpg

[Antithesis]

http://2.bp.blogspot.com/_IVI5W8Eg3G...320/YouMad.jpg

http://i44.tinypic.com/2d8f1vl.jpg

[Stiker]

This is like that FMyLife - FML : Your everyday life stories. website.

Like I said in the OP, I'm liking this a lot more than FML. Not all the texts are in the embarrassing realm, but just pure humor and gold.

Here's a couple more:

(502): Dude, just got a bummer.
(1-502): What??
(502): A blow job from a homeless chick.

(321): My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?

(208): i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.

(803): We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
(843): You're upset about this?

(717): Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
(206): Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.

[Guitarman]

the bum one had me goin. I gotta use that lol.

[Royal]

(323): How was Slumdog? Did it pull your heartstrings?
(213): It was entertaining. Better than most other Mexican films.

I liked the one about checking yes or no haha.

[Jaybar]

(209): dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
(1-209): nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all

[yayaok]

lmfao

[Tricen]

the bum one had me goin. I gotta use that lol.

ROFL, man that was funny.

[Boyiee]

wait wait wait wait wait....

I'm seeing way too much punctuation and capital letters for these to be actual text messages

unless they are all done on iPhones.

But otherwise, I agree. Most of these are eh, I guess it's hit and miss just like anything else.

(717): Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
(206): Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.

lol

[The.Answer]

unless they are all done on iPhones.

or a BB, or any full keyboard device ya?

[Gregorio]

I do all my texts with proper punctuation and capital letters unless I'm hammered. It's even easier when I use T9 cause it does it for ya.

[Selamis]

Lol, I spy me some 630 and 312 area codes. Representing Chicago and it's suburbs to the finest degree.

[Price]

(419): I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.

hahaha. my son.