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  1. #1
    Ridill
    Join Date
    Aug 2004
    Posts
    12,469
    BG Level
    9
    FFXIV Character
    Septimus Atumre
    FFXIV Server
    Gilgamesh
    FFXI Server
    Bahamut

    Vorsprung Durch Technik- 05.07.2009 Septimus

    Recently, Square-Enix announced that its North American Community Team would be doing a series of Pod Casts with various Final Fantasy related web sites. As we well know, doing interviews for this game is hard. Not only does the interviewer have to come up with a series of questions that are relevant to all of the people who play this game, but then the interviewees have to craft answers that evade those questions while providing answers that sound like they are made of words that contain absolutely no substantive information at all.



    Fortunately we here at BG are always here to help! Using our state of the art computer banks, we have sent web crawlers to cull hundreds of thousands of forum posts, live journal updates, blog entries, and even twitter tweets to find the topics that are most relevant to and talked about within the population of Final Fantasy XI and pool them into our mighty databanks.



    Then using a series of Psychological tests of the Development team and staff of Final Fantasy XI and multiple logistical regression analyses of previous interviews, we developed a protocol capable of taking these cutting edge questions asked by you, the Final Fantasy player, and answer them to within 95% certainty of how the actual team would answer.



    So without further ado and with great pride we present to you, the Final Fantasy player base, the Square-Enix Final Fantasy XI Interview Generator.

    [bgflash= width = 469 height = 400]InterviewGenerator.swf[/bgflash]


    Just another example of how we in BG labor every day to make every player's life just a little better.



    Stuff we did that someone bothered to get a screenshot



    Dynamis - Xarcabard



    http://www.bluegartr.com/img/050809/dyXarcabard1.jpg

    http://www.bluegartr.com/img/050809/dyXarcabard2.jpg




    Limbus



    http://www.bluegartr.com/img/050809/Limbus.jpg




    Ultima



    http://www.bluegartr.com/img/050809/Ultima1.jpg

    http://www.bluegartr.com/img/050809/Ultima2.jpg

    http://www.bluegartr.com/img/050809/Ultima3.jpg




    Yeah, it's sad, isn't it? Bad BG, bad.



    Stuff we got



    Congratulations to Aerides for Deulist's Gloves, Koga Tekko, and Bahamut's Staff.




    Congratulations to Alleya for Melee Hose.




    Congratulations to Barada for Bard's Cannions.




    Congratulations to Ceiyne for Commodore Culottes, Argute Pants, and Cleric's Mitts.



    Congratulations to Curtis for Summoner's Bracers and Assassin's Armlets. Congratulations to Deus for Cleric's Mitts. Extra special congratulations to Curits for obtaining Maat's Cap!



    http://www.bluegartr.com/img/050809/Curtis.jpg




    Congratulations to Darkdreamer for Mirage Keffiyeh.



    http://www.bluegartr.com/img/050809/Darkdreamer.jpg




    Congratulations to Emmaline for Nashira Gages and Nashira Crackows.



    http://www.bluegartr.com/img/050809/Emmaline.jpg




    Congratulations to Fryte for Monster Trousers, Wyrm Greaves, and Bahamut's Mask.



    Congratulations to Gorion for Summoner's Pigaches, Scout's Braccae, Warrior's Lorica, Commodore Tricorne, Koenig Schuhs completing the full Koenig Armor set, and Saotome Kote for full Saotome Armor set.



    http://www.bluegartr.com/img/050809/Gorion.jpg




    Congratulations to Janessa for Askar Zucchetto and Shadow Cuffs. Special mention for finally getting a Kraken Club from that stupid BC.



    http://www.bluegartr.com/img/050809/Janessa.jpg




    Congratulations to Kazen for Duelist's Gloves, Melee Gaiters, and Usukane Hizayoroi.



    http://www.bluegartr.com/img/050809/Kazen.jpg




    Congratulations to Kiara for Bahamut's Zagnhal.




    Congratulations to Kuno for Argute Bracers.



    http://www.bluegartr.com/img/050809/Kuno.jpg




    Congratulations to Marius for Skadi's Jambeaux, Bahamut's Staff, and Summoner's Horn completing full Summoner's Attire set.



    http://www.bluegartr.com/img/050809/Marius.jpg




    Congratulations to Maxxan for Commodore Culottes and yet another Abyss Burgeonet.


    http://www.bluegartr.com/img/050809/Maxxan.jpg




    Congratulations to Nicostrato for Shadow Coat and Commodore Tricorne.



    http://www.bluegartr.com/img/050809/Nicostrato1.jpg
    http://www.bluegartr.com/img/050809/Nicostrato2.jpg




    Congratulations to Nickolias for Nashira Seraweels.




    http://www.bluegartr.com/img/050809/Nickolias.jpg






    Congratulations to Popeh for Melee Hose and Bard's Roundlet.




    Congratulations to Rocl for Scout's Braccae.




    Congratulations to Ryphen for Cleric's Cap and Valkyrie's Fork.




    Congratulations to Septimus's mannequin for Saotome Kabuto. Congratulations to Atumre for Argute Pants.



    http://www.bluegartr.com/img/050809/Septimus.jpg
    http://www.bluegartr.com/img/050809/Atumre.jpg




    Congratulations to Shiznicle for Warrior's Calligae and Valor Gauntlets.



    http://www.bluegartr.com/img/050809/Shiznicle.jpg




    Congratulations to Slone for Mirage Shalwar, Etoile Tiara, Summoner's Horn, and Assassin's Armlets.




    Congratulations to Sobius for Sorcerer's Tonban.




    Congratulations to Sonomaa for Wyrm Greaves and Koga Tekko.




    Congratulations to Tearshang for Monster Trousers, Etoile Tiara, and Duelist's Chapeau. Extra special congratulations to Tearshang for obtaining Maat's Cap!



    http://www.bluegartr.com/img/050809/Tearshang.jpg




    Congratulations to Warthog for Bahamut's Zaghnal, Bahamut's Mask, and Duelist's Gloves.




    And whose algorithm processed enough items to be this month's Loot Whore of the Month?



    http://www.bluegartr.com/img/lootwhore.gif




    RAGNHILD! Congratulations for Summoner's Bracers and Amanomurakumo.




    http://www.bluegartr.com/img/050809/Ragnhild.jpg


    Join us next month as we find other ways of improving our lives through science, such as Chocobos with spinning rims.

  2. #2
    The God Damn Kuno
    Join Date
    Dec 2004
    Posts
    13,671
    BG Level
    9
    FFXIV Character
    Kuno Sedai
    FFXIV Server
    Gilgamesh
    FFXI Server
    Bahamut

    Woot. Me and sept worked hard on the generator so have fun with it. =3

  3. #3
    E. Body
    Join Date
    Dec 2006
    Posts
    2,096
    BG Level
    7
    FFXI Server
    Leviathan

    Quote Originally Posted by Not Kuno View Post
    Woot. Me and sept worked hard on the generator so have fun with it. =3
    great job it's randomness is really funny best I saw was:
    "Question: We feel that Valentione's Day is too random. Can you please give us answers that contradict answers given in previous interviews?

    Answer: The person in charge of Valentione's Day was mysteriously murdered in Bastok [S]."
    or
    "Question: We feel that the Rank 3 Dragon is too easy. Can you please not nerf it?

    Answer: The person in charge of the Rank 3 Dragon fell into portal to the future."
    I died laughing at these random references.

  4. #4
    This isnt going so well guys.
    Join Date
    May 2005
    Posts
    3,735
    BG Level
    7
    FFXI Server
    Bahamut

    Question: We feel that Aphmau is too suck-tacular. Can you please ban everyone who has ever done it?

    Answer: The person in charge of Aphmau is camping Fafnir.

  5. #5
    The Once and Future Wamoura
    Join Date
    Aug 2005
    Posts
    18,370
    BG Level
    9
    FFXIV Character
    Rocl Montaigne
    FFXIV Server
    Excalibur
    FFXI Server
    Bahamut
    WoW Realm
    Quel'Thalas

    Question: We feel that Beastmaster is too neglected. Can you please ignore us?

    Answer: The person in charge of Beastmaster was hated to death.

  6. #6
    You wouldn't download a car
    Join Date
    May 2006
    Posts
    242
    BG Level
    4
    FFXI Server
    Quetzalcoatl

    Question: We feel that Pandemonium Warden is too vanilla. Can you please ignore us?

    Answer: We cannot answer questions about Pandemonium Warden because the Rapture is coming.

    rofl

  7. #7
    Hayleystrator
    Join Date
    Jul 2004
    Posts
    7,622
    BG Level
    8
    FFXI Server
    Bahamut

    Hah.

    Question: We feel that the Sunbreeze Festival is too confusing. Can you please make another tacky real-life item that comes with a semi-useful in-game item?

    Answer: The person in charge of the Sunbreeze Festival was hated to death.

  8. #8

    Question: We feel that the Rank 3 Dragon is too hard. Can you please not explain how it works?

    Answer: The person in charge of the Rank 3 Dragon is camping Fafnir.

    awesome! lol

  9. #9
    Champion of the House of Weave
    Sweaty Dick Punching Enthusiast

    Join Date
    Jun 2006
    Posts
    5,424
    BG Level
    8
    FFXI Server
    Sylph

    Amazing job on the generator!

    Some of the ones I got:

    Question: We feel that Level Sync is too over-crowded. Can you please ban everyone who has ever done it?

    Answer: We will take that back with us to Hawaii.

    Question: We feel that Game Masters are too boring. Can you please tell us everything is working as intended?

    Answer: The person in charge of Game Masters was used by beavers to make a dam.

    For SNK:

    Question: We feel that Cargo Crab Colin is too unrewarding. Can you please explain why GM armor is red?

    Answer: Cargo Crab Colin is working as suspended.

    Question: We feel that Cargo Crab Colin is too boring. Can you please make another tacky real-life item that comes with a semi-useful in-game item?

    Answer: We will take that back with us to the Jonas Brother's concert.

    Question: We feel that Clamming is too offensive. Can you please not nerf it?

    Answer: We cannot answer questions about Clamming without our security blanket.

  10. #10
    king future
    King Past of the House of Weave

    Join Date
    Jul 2008
    Posts
    1,606
    BG Level
    6
    FFXI Server
    Phoenix

    Question: We feel that Brenner is too average. Can you please ignore us and pretend that everything is fine?

    Answer: The person in charge of Brenner is stuck in a well.




    Amazing. I wonder which Dev threw him there?

  11. #11
    St. Fiat
    THE TIME FOR QUESTIONS
    HAS PASSED

    Join Date
    Sep 2005
    Posts
    3,808
    BG Level
    7

    Question: We feel that Corsair is too misogynistic. Can you please Cheese Sandwich?

  12. #12
    Banned.

    Join Date
    Mar 2007
    Posts
    15,751
    BG Level
    9
    FFXIV Character
    Patricia Lanvaldear
    FFXIV Server
    Sargatanas

    Question: We feel that Campaign is too time consuming. Can you please ban everyone who has ever done it?

    Answer: We will take that back with us to ... Oh, you're serious? We thought that question was a joke.


  13. #13
    The Once and Future Wamoura
    Join Date
    Aug 2005
    Posts
    18,370
    BG Level
    9
    FFXIV Character
    Rocl Montaigne
    FFXIV Server
    Excalibur
    FFXI Server
    Bahamut
    WoW Realm
    Quel'Thalas

    Question: We feel that Nyzul Isle is too masochistic. Can you please hit your JP Button to magically fix it?

    Answer: Nyzul Isle is working as expended.

    Question: We feel that Dragoon is too sleep depriving. Can you please refuse to answer the question?

    Answer: The person in charge of Dragoon is playing Evita on Broadway.



    This one looks like an actual question:

    Question: We feel that Pandemonium Warden is too hard. Can you please ban everyone who has ever done it?

    Answer: We will take that back with us to Beadeaux.



    Oh god for Septimus:

    Question: We feel that Adventuring Fellows are too kinky. Can you please leave it alone?

    Answer: Adventuring Fellows are working as attended.


    Question: We feel that Sea is too too much of a waste of time. Can you please tell everyone complaining about it to shut up?

    Answer: The person in charge of Sea is busy being cloned.

  14. #14

    Question: We feel that Cargo Crab Colin is too misogynistic. Can you please tell us that Steamcleaner's pop conditions have been changed?

    Answer: The person in charge of Cargo Crab Colin is busy plotting a nefarious scheme with NegaDuck.

  15. #15
    Absolute Messenger of Promathia
    Join Date
    Jan 2008
    Posts
    9,736
    BG Level
    8
    FFXIV Character
    Blaise Destin
    FFXIV Server
    Sargatanas
    FFXI Server
    Asura

    Question: We feel that the Rank 3 Dragon is too over-crowded. Can you please make a video showing how to do it right that doesn't show us anything worthwhile?

    Answer: The person in charge of the Rank 3 Dragon is trapped in the Apature Science Lab.


    Question: We feel that Alexandrite is too hateful. Can you please explain why GM armor is red?

    Answer: We cannot answer questions about Alexandrite because your mamma's so fat that when she goes out to get the mail, people think that Shamoo got loose. Awww snap.

  16. #16
    They're just like us
    Join Date
    Jun 2007
    Posts
    3,751
    BG Level
    7
    FFXI Server
    Asura

    Oh god I got an actual question I think:

    Question: We feel that Patch Day is too underpowered. Can you please not explain how it works?

    Answer: We cannot answer questions about Patch Day with anything useful.
    LOL Edit:
    Answer: The person in charge of Moogle Cap was killed by angry villagers for being a witch.

  17. #17
    You wouldn't know that though because you've demonstrably never picked up a book nor educated yourself on the matter. Let me guess, overweight housewife?
    Join Date
    Mar 2006
    Posts
    20,499
    BG Level
    10
    FFXIV Character
    Allyra Arianos
    FFXIV Server
    Sargatanas
    WoW Realm
    Windrunner

    ahahaha generator is awesome A++!

  18. #18
    Melee Summoner
    Join Date
    Aug 2006
    Posts
    46
    BG Level
    1
    FFXI Server
    Quetzalcoatl

    I believe an actual interview question slipped in:

    Question: We feel that Square-Enix Policy is too masochistic. Can you please give us answers that contradict answers given in previous interviews?

    Answer: We cannot answer questions about Square-Enix Policy unless you waterboard that information out of us.

  19. #19
    Resident Moogle
    Join Date
    Mar 2007
    Posts
    11,903
    BG Level
    9
    FFXI Server
    Asura

    Question: We feel that Pandemonium Warden is too time consuming. Can you please make a PoL news post about it in a month?

    Answer: Pandemonium Warden is working as offended.



    This generator is starting to scare me...

  20. #20
    Ranger
    2600klub

    Join Date
    Apr 2005
    Posts
    11,334
    BG Level
    9
    FFXIV Character
    Sonomaa Kihten
    FFXIV Server
    Gilgamesh
    FFXI Server
    Bahamut
    WoW Realm
    Durotan
    Blog Entries
    12

    Question: We feel that Square-Enix Policy is too repetitive. Can you please nerf it?

    Answer: We cannot answer questions about Square-Enix Policy because that would make this interview helpful.

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