HALP BG! I'm afraid to fart in public.

[Dimmauk]

This one time this really really fat guy used to fart at his desk and smell up the place. Then one fateful day he sharted on himself, and had to run to the bathroom while shit poured down his legs. He left a trail of crap from his desk all the way to the bathroom. Then he runs from the bathroom, out the front door, and too his car. We never saw him again. The only reminder of him was the trail of poo, and the stains it created.

Because of this, I am afraid to fart in public. I would hate for the same thing to happen to me, and I also hope it happens to anyone that does fart in public. It is becoming more and more uncomfortable to hold in my gas though, and its makes my stomach make noises.

What should I do? HALP BG.

[Tricen]

It's pretty easy to tell if you are going to shit yourself when farting. Don't do it if you haven't shit in a while, and only fart when necessary. When your sphincter feels like someone punched it with a fist full of bees, let a little slide and see how it feels.

[Olo401]

Don't fear the heater, man..

[Olo401]

Actually if it's really that painful then you should hit the unisex bathroom and pollute the fucker.

[Pikarya]

I remember back in high school/weightlifting class. There was this douchebag that would try to fart (weightlifting was always after lunch) in the lifting room thinking it was awesome.

Little did he mistake, he shit on himself (I'm guessing diarrhea since it stained through his underarmor shorts so quickly) and Coach Hines called his mother to come drop off new boxers and such.

Never did it again after that day, ironically. Seen him the other day actually and just grinned as I walked by. Cool Story Bro.

[Dimmauk]

It's pretty easy to tell if you are going to shit yourself when farting. Don't do it if you haven't shit in a while, and only fart when necessary. When your sphincter feels like someone punched it with a fist full of bees, let a little slide and see how it feels.

What if you have a really loose butthole? Anyone have a good sphincter workout?

[Conrad]

Don't take it in the ass?

[Absolutely Virtue]

What if you have a really loose butthole? Anyone have a good sphincter workout?

Post belongs in dick thread.

[Darkslitter]

make sure you have someone to pin the blame on. Ideally you want a fat person because sometimes they don't even feel the air coming out of their giant ass. Stand close to your victim and let loose. Then what you want to do is take one sniff and put a disgusted look on your face while looking at your victim. Take a few steps away if you don't feel like leaving entirely and keep a disgusted face on until he leaves. When he walks away turn to whoever has been with you since the start and say "Can you believe that guy?"

Note this doesn't work if only your victim is near you. In those situations you fart and then whip out your cock and jerk off right there. He will be so distracted by your penis that he won't even remember you farted

[Bagel]

Urge to move to General...

[Kiarax]

A discussed look on your face always works wonders.

[Darkslitter]

oh please note the he, no one will believe a girl farted in public. So don't pick them as a victim

[Darkslitter]

A discussed look on your face always works wonders.

mother fucker, u_u i've been awake for 27 hours. I'll fix that

[Bagel]

A discussed look on your face always works wonders.

http://i41.tinypic.com/2vwbm0m.jpg

[Absolutely Virtue]

The other day I was having a conversation with one of our VPs all the way down the hall and into the bathroom. I went to the urinal and he went to the stall. Lots of noisy gas and deucing followed. It was unpleasant.

I was actually going to make a post in General with a poll about attitudes about and comfort with pooping in public, but I was too busy at work to do it properly. Maybe I still should.

[Day]

Belongs in generall...

[Dimmauk]

I'm conflicted, cause I really need to fart, but I'm afraid I might shit myself, and I also hate when people fart when I'm around. I dont want to smell someone's poo poo particles, so thats why I also secretly wish those people shit themselves so they stop farting.

I dont want to be a hypocrite.

[Kiarax]

http://i41.tinypic.com/2vwbm0m.jpg

I'm not gonna call woosh just because I love you.

[Bagel]

I'm not gonna call woosh just because I love you.

[Tricen]

We should just switch general and spam since there's better threads in spam than general these days.