Buying condoms

[antihero]

http://i41.tinypic.com/ev6ey1.jpg

TL;DR Buy these from the store. It's great fun.

Whenever I need to grab condoms I do a quick visual check of the checkout clerks to make sure I don't run into any old ladies with my box of giant rubber dicksheathes. This usually gets further limited to any cashier who's not an 18-24 year old hot chick, but I can't really help myself. The reactions are great from everyone though. There's a group dynamic between the cashier and the bagger- you get different reactions accordingly- a psychologist could do a good paper on it. Two girls will trade looks and giggle silently, a girl with an older woman will pretend to scan the box without looking at it or noticing what it is. Males have some of the funniest, if significantly less arousing reactions. And so on.

Today I got a bunch of groceries along with the same box of condoms from the pic. I got up to the checkout isle, and it was blonde cashier, asian cashier. Asian was standing right next to another clerk who was a weird chick from school I didn't get along with, so blonde chick, despite not the shortest line. I had time. When I got to the conveyor, I threw everything on it, with the condoms placed pretty randomly in the bunch, not too visible, but not at all hidden. Not looking at the girl at all. Well, not too obviously anyway. She had her blonde hair tied back with thin locks hanging at her neck and cheeks, soft skin, and there were some substantial tits. She looked 19 or 20. Useful to the story is a description of me 20 years old, ripped(avatar), clean but with stubble sticking out, college T-shirt from someplace you've never heard of. I'm buying some serious culinary shit, I obviously know how to cook and cook like an adult.

When my stuff got to the end, I looked up like I'd just noticed her and she said hi, I said hi confidently to her eyes, and went for my wallet. I could have paid with my card but that would mean staring at a little machine and dealing with that instead of her. As I was fishing for a twenty, she rang up the magnums, and immediately looked up at me. I just patiently waited for her to ring everything else up. "cash or credit?" she said as she looked at me from the corner of her eye. "cash." I put it in her hand palm up so i would touch it briefly. She took it and made change, bringing back 88 cents and a sharp smirk. I acted like nothing was going on, while she started sliding stuff to the bag boy. "paper or plastic?" She'd been leaning up close to the counter because I'd been back a half step, and at this point I took a casual full step forward and said "i'll take plastic" hovering directly in front of her face as she (with the slightest pause) passed the condoms to her left without breaking eye contact.

She was face-down eyes-up right into mine, smiling a coy smile you always see in this situation. For the first time I returned it, aggressively. I showed her I wasn't fucking around- any timidity, any waver, and it would have looked like I had come down there to buy some big condoms for my pin dick in a desperate attempt to- No. Serious Business had just occurred. She flushed but did not lean away; she leaned just a little closer, I saw a flash of white teeth, and I could smell it on her. She wanted my cock. She wanted to be thumped, pounded, clobbered, with dick. She wanted it upside down, right side up, wrong side in the fucking air. She wanted to get stuck in the rear with my pike, to get ambushed from behind with meat bayonets fixed and leveled, she wanted broad side raking fire into her ship's stern from my 42-pound gun. She wanted to have sex.

I put away my change and picked up my bags- the guy bagging it had seen everything and had to actually bag the condoms, so he couldn't look at me or say anything, even though at that place they're supposed to ask you if you need help etc... he was silent. I casually shot her another look and turned to leave the store- and I could see from a reflection in a window that she was staring at me the whole way out.

[Ryko]

http://i43.tinypic.com/1zlsmdy.jpg

[Mizango]

A+ trolling Bucket, everyone knows you're white. Buying novelty Magnums is soooo '95.

But man I used to rock those bad boys back when I actually wore condoms back in the day.

[Ted Danson]

Was waiting for http://i40.tinypic.com/2vj8qc6.gif, fale

[Kipling]

http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v6...mi/2vj8qc6.gif

[Tyler Durden]

Yo son, me too

[Senoska]

http://i39.tinypic.com/11skzh0.jpg

Did he actually say this? God I hope he did.

[antihero]

A+ trolling Bucket, everyone knows you're white. Buying novelty Magnums is soooo '95.

But man I used to rock those bad boys back when I actually wore condoms back in the day.

I usually buy Lifestyles X2, the ones lubed inside and out but I was hitting on this dime from high school so I went with the box of huge rubber dicksheathes instead, I plan on having consensual intercourse with her within the next 24 hours.

[Brill Weave]

consensual intercourse

You know duct taping her mouth shut doesn't mean consensual right?

[antihero]

What if she likes it?

[Brill Weave]

I think you're square in that case. Just to be safe you should probably smack her around a little to start off.

[Mizango]

Hand her a stick to bite down on to establish your alpha position immediately. Trust me, I'm a pro at this shit.

[Kuya]

i love robert

[Ivve]

a girl with an older woman will pretend to scan the box without looking at it or noticing what it is.

as someone who worked as a cashier in a drug store for 2 years, we're really not pretending when we don't have a reaction to your XXL dongbags. sometimes when people would buy condoms it would just make me sad to think that they're going to get laid while i'm counting out the change in my drawer. there's nothing less funny than being the checker ringing up condoms.

[Ragnell]

I dont wear magnums

[antihero]

Buy magnums, and then buy your extra small ones from another store with a cashier that doesn't speak english. by the time you go to fuck the cute cashier, once you whip out your needle dick, it'll be too late, then if she resists there's always duct tape or chloroform

[antihero]

I find magnums to be the best median for this approach though, if you buy the magnum XXXXL horse cock sized ones she'll know you're not serious, even with magnums its all in the delivery

[Blarg]

My dick is so huge I wear the large Ziploc freezer bags. I usually buy them along with some lube and a playboy and when the cashier babes see what is up they usually laugh from being turned on so much.

[Ragnell]

Buy magnums, and then buy your extra small ones from another store with a cashier that doesn't speak english. by the time you go to fuck the cute cashier, once you whip out your needle dick, it'll be too late, then if she resists there's always duct tape or chloroform

So anything not magnum = needledick? K

Spoiler: show

Youre a bad troll fyi

My dick is so huge I wear the large Ziploc freezer bags. I usually buy them along with some lube and a playboy and when the cashier babes see what is up they usually laugh from being turned on so much.

I believe this

[Andy]

no number, no name, nothing.

I am not impressed. 1 star out of 5.

Pull the trigger next time pussy.