Darwin Awards

[Tomiko]

The Darwin Awards

So does anyone else read these? I picked up a book about them a couple months ago and there were some pretty funny stories.

Post some of your favourites.

(August 2006, Brazil) August brings us a winner from Brazil, who tried to disassemble a Rocket Propelled Grenade (RPG) by driving back and forth over it with a car. This technique was ineffective, so he escalated to pounding the RPG with a sledgehammer. The second try worked--in a sense. The explosion proved fatal to one man, six cars, and the repair shop wherein the efforts took place.

Fourteen more RPG were found in a car parked nearby. Police believe the ammunition was being scavenged to sell as scrap metal. If it wasn't scrap then, it certainly is now!

[Blarg]

You could say that his death was indicative of

















poor judgement

[Rhinox]

how Ironic!

[Sera]

Naturally, I enjoyed the story that Tomiko selected as an example.

[Ryko]

His selection of activity was not particularly good in nature.

[Max™]

how Ironic!

http://myspace-524.vo.llnwd.net/0006...60944524_l.jpg

That's not ironic, it's coincidental!

http://i192.photobucket.com/albums/z...dog/bender.jpg

[Rhinox]

its Irony good sir.


Good day to you.

Spoiler: show

whoosh

[Ryko]

The use of evolution expressing something to explain why someone ended their own life.

That is... irony.

[Blarg]

If a person like this had reproduced I'm sure his children would have likely also shown such poor judgement and would have come to a similarly painful early death.

[Ryko]

If only there were a system set in place where people who were worse off, whether it be evolutionarily, physically, or (in this specific case) intellectually were far more likely to die off before they could produce such offspring.

[Shojin]

Been reading them for years.

Robert, 37, shot himself while explaining gun safety to his wife in Glendale, California, when he placed a .45-caliber pistol he thought was unloaded under his chin and pulled the trigger. Shovestall's wife told police that the incident occurred after her complaints about her husband's 70 guns prompted him to demonstrate their safety.

A 23-year-old bar-brawler who had been escorted out of the Turtle Club in Florida by a bouncer, sneaked back in and leaped off a staircase, aiming a kick at another man, but was killed when he landed on his head.

Iraqi terrorist Khay Rahnajet, didn't put enough postage on a letter bomb, and it came back marked "return to sender." He opened the package and was blown away.

Two animal rights activists were protesting the cruelty of sending pigs to a slaughterhouse in Bonn by freeing a captive herd. Suddenly all two thousand of pigs stampeded through the gate they were opening, and trampled the hapless protesters to death.

News of the Weird reports that in September 1996 a man was crushed to death on a stairway at the Sammis Real Estate and Insurance office in Huntington, N.Y., while he was stealing the office's 600-pound safe. He apparently violated that cardinal rule of hauling massive objects: Never stand on a step lower than the one the safe is on. The safe was empty at the time of the incident.

In San Jose, California, Herman, an avid hunter, used the butt of his shotgun to bash his girlfriend's windshield during an argument. But his loaded gun accidentally discharged into his stomach, killing him and ending the argument.

[Blarg]

If only there were a system set in place where people who were worse off, whether it be evolutionarily, physically, or (in this specific case) intellectually were far more likely to die off before they could produce such offspring.

Perhaps a great thinker with an equally great beard will take this theory and encompass it under an umbrella term named after himself.

[Ryko]

That's unlikely.

[Shojin]

One of my favorites.

(20 April 2008, Atlantic Ocean, Brazil) A Catholic priest recently ascended to heaven on a host of helium party balloons, paying homage to Lawn Chair Larry's aerial adventure. Larry, the beloved survivor of a Darwin-worthy fiasco, attached 45 helium weather balloons to his lawnchair, packed a picnic lunch, and cut the tether--but instead of drifting above the Los Angeles landscape as planned, he was rocketed into LAX air traffic lanes by the lift of the weather balloons. Astoundingly, Larry survived the flight.

Adelir Antonio, 51, was not so lucky.

His audacious attempt to set a world record for clustered balloon flight was intended to publicize his plan to build a spiritual rest stop for truckers. But, as truckers know, sitting for 19 hours in a lawn chair is not a trivial matter even in the comfort of your own backyard. The priest took numerous safety precautions, including wearing a survival suit, selecting a buoyant chair, and packing a satellite phone and a GPS. However, the late Adelir Antonio made a fatal mistake.

He did not know how to use the GPS.

The winds changed, as winds do, and he was blown inexorably toward open sea. He could have parachuted to safety while over land, but chose not to. When the voyager was perilously lost at sea, he prudently phoned for help--but rescuers were unable to determine his location, since he could not use his GPS. He struggled with the unit as the charge on the satellite phone dwindled.

Instead of a GPS, the priest let God be his guide, and God guided him straight to heaven. Bits of balloons began appearing on mountains and beaches. Ultimately the priest's body surfaced, confirming that he, like Elvis, had left the building.

The kicker? It's a Double Darwin. Catholic priests take vows of celibacy. Since they voluntarily remove themselves from the gene pool, the entire group earns a mass Darwin Award. Adelir Antonio wins twice over!

[Max™]

The use of evolution expressing something to explain why someone ended their own life.

That is... irony.

True, I was perhaps too hasty in responding as if he was referring to the quoted passage, which in itself is not ironic, only in the context of him winning a prize for successfully failing at passing on his genes does it become so.

The phrase "How ironic!" will forever be read in the voice of the Robot Devil in my head.

[Tomiko]

Been reading them for years.

Iraqi terrorist Khay Rahnajet, didn't put enough postage on a letter bomb, and it came back marked "return to sender." He opened the package and was blown away.

That one had me laughing the most. Its like something you'd see in a movie like Hot Shots or such.

[Beckwin]

If only there were a system set in place where people who were worse off, whether it be evolutionarily, physically, or (in this specific case) intellectually were far more likely to die off before they could produce such offspring.

Charlesism?

[Cyn]

Might fuck an ugly bitch.

But only when I'm drunk.

[Zilong]

Charlesism?

Darwintology?

[Cyn]

Stupidism.