The Recent Break Up Club

[izembo]

if i remember right his wife wasnt even caring about having a nice wedding and was willing to just go to the courthouse and get it done

[Kyo]

Be strong, bitches love confidence.

[Day]

8 years. Nice Tyche you just made my day. My family is pushing me haha, but I've only been dating my gf for 3 years now. I'm in no rush, but everyone around wants me to be.

[Dimmauk]

Got married to my wife after 8 years, was engaged for 6.

I was with my wife for 6 years before we got married. April 1st 2009 was our 9th anniversary. I think we've been together longer than some of the BG posters have been alive. Fuck I'm old.

We have stayed to together for so long, because we respect each other, we have a good time and make each other laugh, we have good sex, and keep the drama to a minimum. Now we have a kid, and it been even more fun.

[Feielle]

Should have gotten married sooner, 7 years of dating is called Scared as shit to commitment.

I just got engaged after 9 years dating. Finances, living situation, shit gets in the way sometimes.

Situational.

[zoobernut]

I was with my wife 6 years before I proposed and we were engaged for 2 years before finally getting married last August. Our wedding was 8-8-08.

Stuff does sometimes get in the way.

[Tyche]

I was with my wife 6 years before I proposed and we were engaged for 2 years before finally getting married last August. Our wedding was 8-8-08.

Stuff does sometimes get in the way.

You were married 1 day before I was married...

[Dmitry]

Girlfriend dumped me because and keeps saying I can do better. I don't understand women sometimes.

[Yuri-G]

Girlfriend dumped me because and keeps saying I can do better. I don't understand women sometimes.

oh, this is an easy one, let me translate:

"I can do better but I'll tell you that you can do better so you feel better about yourself and I don't feel like a shallow bitch for dumping you."

sorry, truth is harsh sometimes. if it's any consolation, anyone who will give you that bullshit line you probably can do better than.

[Ivve]

oh, this is an easy one, let me translate:

"I can do better but I'll tell you that you can do better so you feel better about yourself and I don't feel like a shallow bitch for dumping you."

sorry, truth is harsh sometimes. if it's any consolation, anyone who will give you that bullshit line you probably can do better than.

Yes, because not wanting to completely step on someone's confidence on the way out of a relationship is definitely the sign of a person of inferior quality. Sometimes grown-ups want to part on amicable terms rather than burning bridges. Just because she didn't want to be with him anymore doesn't necessarily mean that she thinks he's a shitty person -- or even not "good enough" for her. Every now and then people just come to the realization that they're not good together, and that each of them could find someone better suited.

And yes, there is a distinction to be made between "not good enough" and "not a good fit." The first one implies that the other person is below you, where the second one means that you just don't work as a couple, without saying anything about the quality of the other person.

I'm not saying that this is necessarily the situation in all cases; maybe she does think he's a shitty fucking person, but wants to take the high road and not read him a list of his faults. I'm simply saying you really don't know enough about the situation to make some seriously ridiculous interpretation like that. An overblown sense of machismo seems to be pretty par for the course in threads like this, though. Of course she must be a shallow bitch! Those two sentences about their relationship truly tell the tale.

I really don't understand men. They bag on you for trying to part on good terms and bag you just the same for calling them a fuckface on the way out the door. It seems there's no way to win if you've got ladybits below deck.

[Xajii]

I was with my wife for 6 years before we got married. April 1st 2009 was our 9th anniversary. I think we've been together longer than some of the BG posters have been alive. Fuck I'm old.

We have stayed to together for so long, because we respect each other, we have a good time and make each other laugh, we have good sex, and keep the drama to a minimum. Now we have a kid, and it been even more fun.

This is a thread for post-partum depressed people not happily married faggots you asshole!

[Yuri-G]

Yes, because not wanting to completely step on someone's confidence on the way out of a relationship is definitely the sign of a person of inferior quality. Sometimes grown-ups want to part on amicable terms rather than burning bridges. Just because she didn't want to be with him anymore doesn't necessarily mean that she thinks he's a shitty person -- or even not "good enough" for her. Every now and then people just come to the realization that they're not good together, and that each of them could find someone better suited.

And yes, there is a distinction to be made between "not good enough" and "not a good fit." The first one implies that the other person is below you, where the second one means that you just don't work as a couple, without saying anything about the quality of the other person.

I'm not saying that this is necessarily the situation in all cases; maybe she does think he's a shitty fucking person, but wants to take the high road and not read him a list of his faults. I'm simply saying you really don't know enough about the situation to make some seriously ridiculous interpretation like that. An overblown sense of machismo seems to be pretty par for the course in threads like this, though. Of course she must be a shallow bitch! Those two sentences about their relationship truly tell the tale.

I really don't understand men. They bag on you for trying to part on good terms and bag you just the same for calling them a fuckface on the way out the door. It seems there's no way to win if you've got ladybits below deck.

Jesus Christ, ease up a bit on the rage would you? Do you have some deep-seated issues regarding this shit or is this just a bad day?

BTW, I'm a gay dude whose sole experience with relationships is with (obviously) guys. So my perspective had nothing to do with her being a woman, nor did it have anything to do with machismo, both of which are rather sexist assumptions for you to make. In fact, gender doesn't play into this equation at all for me, so I'm not sure why you brought it up.

All I'm saying is, "it's not you it's me" and "you could do better" are bullshit lines spoken by bullshit people. You really want to know what pisses me off about them? Even if you're trying to be nice when you say that kind of stuff, what you really end up doing is patronizing the other person, and I loathe people who patronize other people. You don't have to be brutally honest and list every fault they had that made you break up with them but you could be honest enough and just say that you're no longer interested in them as a boyfriend/girlfriend. If they push the issue to the point that you really need to tell them why you don't like them, they deserve to hear the truth, and once they get over the sting it will probably teach them a lot. If they're smart though, they'll get the hint and move on, the relationship ending with mutual respect (whether or not there is a mutual friendship that continues on).

I'm speaking from experience, I can't tell you how many guys let me down easy before I finally realized that it WASN'T them, it WAS me, and finally started to work on the shit that I realized was driving men away. I really think if someone would've just given me the real shit straight-up that I would have been better off, even if it hurt more upfront.

[Qalbert]

"it's not you it's me" CAN be valid. it is certainly cliche and overused, but it can be legitimate.

[Fhloston]

http://img7.uploadhouse.com/fileuplo...fb11de3792.gif

[Day]

Fuck that, I don't want brutal honesty. If you're not happy cause I'm an ugly, lazy, stoner that plays too many tales games, please god don't tell me that, I already have zero self esteem.

I'd much rather be let down easy and lied to thanks.

[SephYuyX]

BS lines are cop outs. Id rather be told the truth up front so that if it is on my end I can fix the issue if possible for the next person, or if it really is the other person (which it rarely ever is) things could be worked out to remaining friends if both desire such.

I dont care if it's 'hard on me', I want the truth no matter what it is. I hate hate haaate liars and people who avoid responsibility.

[Yuri-G]

"it's not you it's me" CAN be valid. it is certainly cliche and overused, but it can be legitimate.

I may have worded my opinion a little too strongly (because I never do that right >_>) and I'm not so closeminded that I'm going to say it's never true. You're right there. I do believe that 95% of the time it's a cop-out, though. I guess it's a preference, if people believe ignorance is bliss and want to be lied to, cool, but I'd rather just be told it's over and let that be that.

[Ivve]

@Yuri: I'm not raging, I just found your "interpretation" incredibly immature. Sorry if my blunt honesty offended your sensibilities. Be aware of the atmosphere where you're posting; 95+% of relationship-centric threads include responses along the lines of post pics, some kind of useless sentiment about how relationships with women are useless and you should just be using them for sex, etc etc. Viewed in the context of someone who doesn't know your life story but reads BG with regularity, comments on some random dude's ex being a "shallow bitch" based on two lines pretty much firmly places you into exactly that same response category.

Aside from that, agreeing with Qalbert "it's not you, it's me" is often a valid, if not original thing to say. Personally, I don't try to change other people. That never, ever works. People only change when they feel they're ready, and you can't force that to happen with any amount of words. If someone told you that you were a selfish shitbag during a breakup, you may or may not have actually taken it to heart and done something about it sooner. You possibly would have just assumed they were saying it in anger and brushed it off; that is the case for an overwhelming majority of people. I can tell you from experience that no matter how much you tell someone about what you perceive to be their problems, it rarely ever makes them into a different person. In fact, more often than not it just makes you a nagging bitch.

My personal philosophy is that the other person is just being the only way they know how to be, and I must not be properly equipped to deal with all their baggage. Who am I to tell someone what they need to work on in their life? What I consider to be a dealbreaker or to be intolerable does not necessarily mean that it needs to be changed. The only person who can decide to work on them is them, so I leave them to it. Basically, I don't feel I am the authority on how everyone else should live, nor am I obligated to be some kind of life coach for another person. If they want to work their problems out, that's all on them to analyze and decide. I don't get involved in other peoples' soul searching unless it's directly asked of me, because most people really do not want (or care about) your honest opinion -- especially in the moment when you are in the process of splitting up. I don't think that's an uncommon sentiment, either.

[Tyche]

@Yuri: I'm not raging, I just found your "interpretation" incredibly immature. Sorry if my blunt honesty offended your sensibilities. Be aware of the atmosphere where you're posting; 95+% of relationship-centric threads include responses along the lines of post pics, some kind of useless sentiment about how relationships with women are useless and you should just be using them for sex, etc etc. Viewed in the context of someone who doesn't know your life story but reads BG with regularity, comments on some random dude's ex being a "shallow bitch" based on two lines pretty much firmly places you into exactly that same response category.

Aside from that, agreeing with Qalbert "it's not you, it's me" is often a valid, if not original thing to say. Personally, I don't try to change other people. That never, ever works. People only change when they feel they're ready, and you can't force that to happen with any amount of words. If someone told you that you were a selfish shitbag during a breakup, you may or may not have actually taken it to heart and done something about it sooner. You possibly would have just assumed they were saying it in anger and brushed it off; that is the case for an overwhelming majority of people. I can tell you from experience that no matter how much you tell someone about what you perceive to be their problems, it rarely ever makes them into a different person. In fact, more often than not it just makes you a nagging bitch.

My personal philosophy is that the other person is just being the only way they know how to be, and I must not be properly equipped to deal with all their baggage. Who am I to tell someone what they need to work on in their life? What I consider to be a dealbreaker or to be intolerable does not necessarily mean that it needs to be changed. The only person who can decide to work on them is them, so I leave them to it. Basically, I don't feel I am the authority on how everyone else should live, nor am I obligated to be some kind of life coach for another person. If they want to work their problems out, that's all on them to analyze and decide. I don't get involved in other peoples' soul searching unless it's directly asked of me, because most people really do not want (or care about) your honest opinion -- especially in the moment when you are in the process of splitting up. I don't think that's an uncommon sentiment, either.

I couldn't disagree more.

[Ivve]

You try telling a 20-24 year old man anything about themselves/their problems and see how effective that is. Probably many/most women that age as well.