So... my girl wants to be celibate...

[archibaldcrane]

It sounds like you two are basically completely incompatible sexually. She sees sex as a sin, something she has to be ashamed of, and you see it as a healthy and wonderful way to express intimacy and have a great shared experience.

that's a fucking huge problem

Don't marry her. This won't work. You think she's going to be the happy-go-lucky cool chick that tries to break personal best sex records once you walk her down the aisle? If you actually go through with this, your shit is doomed.

Her telling you not to masturbate is fucking HILARIOUS. Plain and simple - it's so laughable I don't even know what to do with it. It sounds like she doesn't know you at all, that her decisions are being made in some sort of alternate universe that has nothing to do with your current relationship. Take notes, I'm giving you good fighting material here.

She'll come back with "So our relationship WAS just based on sex then!" Don't fall for this guilt trip bait. Your desires to have sex and be intimate are not just based on the fact that "that's what you used to do" - it's who you are and you aren't ashamed of it. Don't feel the need to apologize for your sexual needs, ever.

3 years? Yeah, no. A few weeks before the wedding is one thing (I'd be up for that honestly, ravaging my new bride after a layoff sounds great) but this is retarded and unfair to your relationship.

It sounds like she has a lot of growing to do in regards to how to integrate her relationship with god into her relationship with you. And by that, I mean that you should come first.

If she's serious about this, it doesn't have to end in hard feelings - plenty of perfectly good couples don't end up getting married for a myriad of reasons, this is just one of them. If she sees sex as a sin (outside of intending to procreate), good on her. She'll just have to find a man who shares her views. Don't pretend you are that man. You know you're not.

[kuronosan]

She said no blowjobs, no handjobs, we've never done anal and I'm sure that's a no also. She also doesn't want me to masturbate or watch porn.

The 1-8 times sounds like a lot but it's not. The 8 times only happened once and that's cause we were trying to break a previous record of mine. It's one of those, we're young, let's see if we can do it X amount of times type deal. So on average it's like 2-3 times a night (when I bust). So the 8 in the previous post only happened once.

I just feel like I'm being punished. I sat and watched my friends, both male and female, cheat one their partners and get away with it. I've been 100% faithful but I'm the one getting no sex? It's ridiculous. I'm trying not to make a big deal out of it but I don't foresee us getting married anytime soon. 3 more years at the earliest.

She sounds extremely insecure about your relationship. I'm wagering she might feel the only reason you are with her is because she was giving you sex. I'm gonna go ahead and go with the guy who said she's testing you. She also sounds like a control freak. No masturbating? No watching porn? She's been completely brainwashed by her church (hey, there is nothing wrong with not having sex before marriage, but to tell people to stop being human is wrong) and now she's trying to put this phase onto you.

You need to stop and analyze this. Ask yourself:

1) Why will it be 3 more years before you're married?
2) Why are you focusing so much on the loyalty vs. sex?
3) Why is it so crucial to her that you not only do this for her but refrain from masturbating (which she can't possibly know if you do or not anyway)?

Lastly, ask yourself if you really want to marry this woman still. She's telling you what you should and shouldn't do. Honestly, you need to man up and approach her (in a gentle way) and tell her how you feel. Start by telling her you respect her desire to want to hold off from sex until marriage (which you clearly feel isn't right, since you don't see yourself being married for another 3 years, which is a problem in itself) but that while you are there for her through whatever it is she is going through right now - you are not going to stop being who you are as a result.

You can only support her decisions, which is what you do for someone you love - but that doesn't mean you change how you feel and just let them tell you how to live. That's not a relationship. That's a dictatorship.

[Sepukku]

There's not enough room in a vag for both a dick and God. If shes going to let some book written almost 2,000 years ago dictate her sexual actions and decisions to the point where she won't even open up to compromises that satisfy your needs (BJs, porn, etc), then you need to bounce. ASAP. Thats not going to be a healthy relationship, let alone marriage - especially if you aint down with the whole Jesus thing as devoutly as she is. Just imagine how aggrivating it'll get when she starts letting the whole church thing dictate how she insists the kids be raised, hypothetically assuming you have them.

[Tyche]

This is a really easy solution. Go along with it. She won't last long, and you'll be having sex within the next 2 weeks. It's a phase, she'll grow out of it.

[Day]

This is a really easy solution. Go along with it. She won't last long, and you'll be having sex within the next 2 weeks. It's a phase, she'll grow out of it.

My thoughts exactly.

[Sunrider]

If you can't masturbate, she can't buy new clothes, shoes, jewelry, makeup, or accessories. See who breaks first.

YES

[Seraph]

This is a really easy solution. Go along with it. She won't last long, and you'll be having sex within the next 2 weeks. It's a phase, she'll grow out of it.

It's definitely a phase, unless she is using this as ammo to get him to pop the question. The real problem here is she might learn that she can withhold sex to get what she wants, and that can be a definite deal breaker.

More than likely though, she heard some really fire and brimstone homily at her church talking about how evil sex is unless you make babies and it scared her. She is now afraid that what she is doing is wrong, and is trying to project that unto you (which explains the taboo on self love, as it were.)

Now that I think about it, was she really into having sex, or was she just doing it because she felt guilty that she was letting you down if she didn't? If it really was a guilt thing, and the church flavor of guilt has taken over, you might seriously be screwed. (I couldn't resist.)

[kimble]

if you do this no sex thing now, 10 years down the road she has an excuse not to fuck you for long periods of time. dont let her pull this bullshit.


find a new one. here, let me help


www.eharmony.com

[The_OG_Nelta]

Who had to google celibate?

[Seraph]

Who had to google celibate?

"Celibate? Is that some new position you saw in the Internet, baby?"

[Sunrider]

There's not enough room in a vag for both a dick and God.

Oh goodness, this is going in my sig.

[Headspace]

Like I'm going to take sex advice from intranet nerds.

[Sunrider]

Well, good thing he's not on an intranet, huh?

[Bingbong]

The real problem here is she might learn that she can withhold sex to get what she wants, and that can be a definite deal breaker.

Ugh, talk about a miserable existence, I was in a relationship like this, where I had to barter for sex, and promise to do stuff and shit... I was in it for way to long, and looking back, should have dumped the bitch when I felt that there wasn't enough physicality in the relationship and her reply was that she didn't like doing it.

Like archi said, if having sex is part of what you deem important in a relationship (lets face it, without sex, you're just BFF's who hold hands), don't stay with a girl who doesn't a least partly agree with that.

[Drex]

No masturbating, and no sex with her?

Fuck her friends.

[Meian]

Don't see why this is such an issue. Judging from your post, you do love her and have at least somewhat plans to start a family and get married. Sure, this is a big step in a relationship, but it's something you probably need to go through with. You guys seem like you've been having sex a ton, more than couples do in the average relationship (1-6 times a day, 5 days a week? That's an average of 15 times a week which is a lot). Take some time off of sex. Take her out to some unique places. Try to discover other ways to have fun outside of sex. If celibacy destroys your relationship you probably wouldn't have a successful marriage with her anyway. Respect her needs and she will respect yours. If you can be celibate for a few weeks or months, she'll see that you're serious. If it goes well, eventually the sex will come back, and hopefully with it an even stronger connection than before.

Look ahead for the long-run in this situation. You've spent 4 years of your life with her and you seem like you love her. Don't throw it away.

There's always porn.

/thread

Seriously, if having no sex for a while (especially the amount you claim to have on average) is going to ruin the relationship then... just... wow >>

[Vandalhart]

Clearly if she THINKS she can give up sex for that long, you two are doing it wrong.
My wife used to be a sex camel... then I started steppin it up and pushin her further.. now she can't handle NOT having it after a day or two.

[Belkin]

hahahaha Whoever said "Play "Just the tip"" is a genius.

And if she asked you stop beatin' too, that is a serious problem. I would be like "Okay just stop, jokes over." Seriously what is she thinking?????????? I don't even...

[archibaldcrane]

Seriously, if having no sex for a while (especially the amount you claim to have on average) is going to ruin the relationship then... just... wow >>

Yeah, forget your happiness, Jesus is here for you now and always - being happy and sexually healthy and not repressed is overrated anyway.

also, lol @ "for a while", when they are years off from being married. And way to completely ignore the "no masturbation" edict.

[Sunrider]

/thread

Seriously, if having no sex for a while (especially the amount you claim to have on average) is going to ruin the relationship then... just... wow >>

It's fine if "awhile" is a couple days. Hell, it's fine if it's a couple months.

But they may not be getting married for years, and she's asking him to abstain from masturbation? bitchplease.