Sexual Advice: Teaching girlfriend...

[Jodwahh]

Get her to make an O with her mouth (no teeth now!) and then grab the back of her head via a nice handfull of hair and just fuck her mouth. Bosh problem sorted, I just hope she doesn't have a strong gag reflex.

[Faris]

http://i11.photobucket.com/albums/a1...s/facepalm.jpg

incase anyone missed it.

[Ivve]

Just tell her what she's doing wrong when she does it, man. Personally I think you should dump her. I think it's amazing someone can be dumb enough to fuck up a handjob so that it's not just ineffective (which is understandable; you have to develop technique) but actually painful. Some people have no rhythm and can't dance. Your chick has no innate fuck skills, get rid of her.

[Kuya]

Seriously how do you screw up a handjob that's like... impossible...

[Gunitsoldier]

facepalm.jpg

Way to contribute, guy is asking for advice and you use the oldest bandwagon in the book and to be honest, you suck at doing so.

Ontopic: I had the same situation a while ago with my new girl. She had never done a hand or blow job before and in my mind I was like : she can't be serious. But, I thought she's asking me how to do so so I just gave tips in the best way I could.
Also as some said, practice alot, win-win.

[Zalius]

this is a great thread

[Ragnell]

this is a great thread

i love it

[Blabj]

Actually it was in response to Absolutely Virtue's post, not the thread.

I don't know a lot about giving head. I'm sure you guys do though.

[Sigi's Boytoy]

What, a thread where Tenacious D's "Fuck Her Gently" is topical? who'd have thought?

[Dimmauk]

So I have this new girlfriend and she has never given a handjob or blowjob and honestly trying to teach her myself is hurting my dick pretty bad. She feels bad about it and I feel bad because she feels bad and she really REALLY wants to please me that way.

I was curious if anyone else on BG has had this experience and can give me advice one what to do.

You got your answer in the first reply.

[Charismatic]

No, seriously... how do you fuck up a handjob so bad that it hurts?
She must be doing this on purpose.

[kuronosan]

I can't imagine anyone needing help learning how to do a handjob. Sometimes my girlfriend yanks it hard just to fuck around with me but when push comes to shove she knows exactly what to do. Fucking hell, even the blowjobs are otherworldly.

If she doesn't have the patience to listen to what you're saying, she may not be into it at all. There's nothing you can do to change that, really.

Otherwise, silent encouragement works. When she does something wrong, make a hurting noise. When she does something right, moan. Don't use words like "ow that fucking hurts what the fuck" just let the moaning do the work.

[Skjie]

Just tell her what she's doing wrong when she does it, man. Personally I think you should dump her. I think it's amazing someone can be dumb enough to fuck up a handjob so that it's not just ineffective (which is understandable; you have to develop technique) but actually painful. Some people have no rhythm and can't dance. Your chick has no innate fuck skills, get rid of her.

Why waste time with handjobs. Kill two birds with one stone and just do each other. Efficient and effective.

The only useful assistance. tbh, you really shouldn't be asking this on a forum. If the two of you can't figure out how to get this working, you need to just stop. Say you're doing it for Jesus or some shit.

[Neosutra]

Bite her the next time you got down on her and see if she doesnt up her game.

[Skjie]

I lied, that's the best advice.

[Absolutely Virtue]

Actually it was in response to Absolutely Virtue's post, not the thread.

I don't know a lot about giving head. I'm sure you guys do though.

This is my favorite post so far. The joke was too easy, but it had to be made and it was done with efficiency and solid timing. Cheers.

[Blabj]

I tried my hardest.

[kuronosan]

I tried my hardest.

You should have tried your mildly flaccid-est.

[Izzy]

A thread full of dudes giving head advice on an MMO forum.

Could this be any more stereotypical?

[zoobernut]

Why has no one told him to have his girlfriend take a class with Andy Dick yet?