Coming Out?

[ertyu]

be moar selfish


I love how I can get into an argument where I start off by saying "there's nothing wrong with it" and argue with someone who also thinks "there's nothing wrong with it".

That's what you get for having a different opinion than other people.

Showed you!

[Nystul]

this is good.

modern culture created this "coming out" lifestyle, don't abide to it.

you like doing boys, its your life. you don't have to swing in everyone's face. keep it yourself, its personal

If you like worshipping allah, its your life. You don't have to swing it in everyone's face. Keep it to yourself (don't wear religious clothing/don't discuss your religion/don't practice your religious beliefs in public), its personal.


(I'm not *really* saying that, I don't believe that it is. I'm just pointing out the hypocracy.)

[Koga]

From personal experience (I was raised in a Southern Baptist Home) and I am sure its been said in here before but I am not really in the mood to read 3 pages of presumed flames, don't tell them unless you want to. Don't get pressured into it. Also, there is some things you will want to make sure you are prepared for.

Expect the best response, but prepare for the worst.

Be financially 'secure' in that you are ok living on your own or paying your friend a couple hundred for a room/couch. Worst case scenario is they disown you and you are left in the dust. You want to make sure you are not sleeping on a park bench if that happens. When my mom found out, she kicked me out and I had to live with friends for about a month until she came around finally. Personally, I would have chosen a better time and place to do it, but the gay porn I left in the DVD player had other plans I guess.

You may want to try telling them not so much in private, but in a public location. Much like breaking up, it can reduce the drama that is brought up right away to a minimum as most people don't want to make a scene. Especially if they won't like the idea- the last thing they would do is get up in a public place and scream you are gay. You might have to cover the tab though if it really does upset them too much and they walk away - so keep that in mind.

Finally, and while this may suck hearing this, they are just your family. People. Just like you and me and everyone else in this thread. Everyone has their own opinion and they are entitled to it. There is no reason that you -have- to be attached to your family. I only speak to my mom and my sister about once a month to catch up on small talk. Short of that though, I have not spoken to any of my other family members in about 5 years now. While that may seem harsh, it actually caused me to 'grow up' that much faster. I learned how to make friends just as good, if not better, than my family. You have to put yourself out there and on the line and you might get hurt, but the benefits you get in the end are definitely worth it.

Best of luck to you when you do decide to come out and just keep your head up - no matter how much drama it brings your family. You shouldn't have to live in hiding because of their intolerance of your choices.

My .02 for you and anyone else that has similar issues. If you really wanted to talk in more detail you can PM me.

[Nuker]

just tell your family they made you gay. all bases covered.

[Norellicus]

K. Do the same with your heterosexuality, then. Try to think consciously for once about all the things you do in your daily life that throw your sexual orientation in peoples' face without even realizing it. You'd be surprised.

Can you honestly tell me that the gay community at large would be ok with an innocent, non-volatile display of "heterosexual pride" simply with the intent of being proud of who they are? Because I'd bet money that the accusations of bigotry and closed-mindedness toward said display would be deafening.

People are free to make their own choices, but the dogma the GLBT community has created that they MUST make their choice made clear as loudly as possible is quite frankly irritating. You want to be accepted as "normal", then BE NORMAL. Quit feeling like you have to shout your position to the world in order to fit in. It's irrelevant to the populous at large.

[Aerides]

OP: How old are you, how long do you plan to live at home, and how likely is this going to be a surprise?

I don't think parents really want to confront a childs' sexuality in any orientation - as a straight female it's not like I announced at breakfast to my dad when I lost my virginity, or even felt compelled to discuss the boys I liked.

So, you have to balance your "need" to divulge (are you being forced to date the neighbor's daughter, asked about getting laid, or generally being left alone?), vs. your perceived risk in sharing...you know your family best, what do YOU think they will do, and are you prepared to deal with the outcome?

I agree that no one should have to hide their identity. But I also don't think that requires you to make a full and immediate disclosure. It would be great if you do come out and your family is accepting, but you have to be tolerant and understanding if there are some difficulties, and be prepared to address them.

At very least it is going to be an adjustment.

[Julian]

Can you honestly tell me that the gay community at large would be ok with an innocent, non-volatile display of "heterosexual pride" simply with the intent of being proud of who they are? Because I'd bet money that the accusations of bigotry and closed-mindedness toward said display would be deafening.

People are free to make their own choices, but the dogma the GLBT community has created that they MUST make their choice made clear as loudly as possible is quite frankly irritating. You want to be accepted as "normal", then BE NORMAL. Quit feeling like you have to shout your position to the world in order to fit in. It's irrelevant to the populous at large.

Coming out doesn't mean running down the streets shouting "I'M GAY!!!!!!!!" or that you suddenly start wearing "gay clothing" or talking in a lisp or whatever. (Although for some flaming guys it may be, but for the other 99% normal people out there, it isn't.)

It means that you tell your closest friends, relatives, etc, that you like guys, that's it.

And for the argument where it shouldn't really be any of their business, that's kinda true, but when they keep asking questions like "When are you going to get a girlfriend?", then, they are making it their business.

edit: Not saying that you shouldn't tell them if they don't ask, because I do believe that it should be their business and that they should know.

[oldoldman]

modern culture created this "coming out" lifestyle, don't abide to it.

you like doing boys, its your life. you don't have to swing in everyone's face. keep it yourself, its personal

Well to be fair Firas, we won't be summarily executed by a mob of crazy people for being gay in America.

[Koga]

A parents mindset is generally that of that you are already straight - granted I wouldn't tell them when I started having sex.... But telling them you are gay doesn't mean you are having sex either does it? (Although, that might be the case... you are not directly saying it)

By telling your family/friends you are gay, you are making things less awkward for yourself. You are living a lie letting them think you are straight and thus the concept of coming out. If you are straight, and they assume you are straight - you are not really living a lie then - No?


EDIT --> J.HOLMES! Whats up bitch?! Miss you!! <3

[Nuker]

To OP;

What level of gay are you?

Lv1: Hes cute omgggg

then theres

Lv2: ASSFUCK


If its Lv2, i probaly wouldnt tell my family or anyone. ever.

If its lvl1 read if its Lv2

[Ruiner]

Can you honestly tell me that the gay community at large would be ok with an innocent, non-volatile display of "heterosexual pride" simply with the intent of being proud of who they are? Because I'd bet money that the accusations of bigotry and closed-mindedness toward said display would be deafening.

People are free to make their own choices, but the dogma the GLBT community has created that they MUST make their choice made clear as loudly as possible is quite frankly irritating. You want to be accepted as "normal", then BE NORMAL. Quit feeling like you have to shout your position to the world in order to fit in. It's irrelevant to the populous at large.

I'm not saying that straight people are having heterosexual pride parades in the streets, I'm saying that because society has become so comfortable with straight people, it's almost impossible not to swing your sexuality in someone's face, without you even knowing it. The reason "gay pride" exists is because people are so comfortable with "straight pride" that they don't even realize it's there.

[Andarvi]

I'm not saying that straight people are having heterosexual pride parades in the streets, I'm saying that because society has become so comfortable with straight people, it's almost impossible not to swing your sexuality in someone's face, without you even knowing it. The reason "gay pride" exists is because people are so comfortable with "straight pride" that they don't even realize it's there.

Well said. Was about to type same thing almost verbatim.

[Yuri-G]

I don't think you can really discuss coming out as a blanket term. there are so many different ways of coming out and so many different motivations. some people are doing it just to be selfish, to piss their family off, to make their co-workers uncomfortable, to get attention, whatever. if you think there aren't some gay people who do it just or the attention, you don't know how huge some of the attention whores in the gay population are. it's disgusting.

other people come out because they feel that there is a barrier between them and their family, a lie that keeps people from knowing who they really are. in this sense, coming out applies to a lot of different things. some people come out as vegetarians to meat-loving parents. some people come out as atheists to religious parents. and a lot of the time, they do it because they love their family. how do you think your parents would feel if they found out you'd been in love with a guy for twenty years but never told them? I'd bet that 9 out of 10 parents would be offended, hurt, and emotionally pained to think that you kept this from them for so long. in this sort of case, coming out is not only NOT selfish, it's the exact opposite. you're doing it because you love them and you want to share an important part of your life with who they are.

those are only two of the big dichotomies when it comes to coming out, there are lots of people and situations who fall somewhere in-between. but to say that it's selfish, I don't think it usually is. it can be, but it's just as selfish to refuse to accept someone you supposedly love because your viewpoints are opposed to their lifestyle.

also, I don't think very many gay people shove their lifestyle in everyone else's faces. there are some people who do that, but to define gay people by those few is a prejudiced and bigoted viewpoint to hold. a lot of us gays hate those fags just as much as you do.

however, let's be clear: gay men have just as much of a right to small amounts of PDA as anyone else without being accused of shoving their sexuality in people's faces. it's more noticeable because it's not the norm, but it's not fair at all to say that gay people holding hands or kissing is anything other than two people who care about each other showing it in public. it has nothing to do with their sexuality and everything to do with the fact that they care about each other. if you don't like two gay men kissing in public, your problem should be with the PDA, not with their sexual preference.

as for Firas's opinion, well, he's Firas. it's expected. kinda pathetic that he posted the same exact thing twice just so he could get some attention, but he's like a kid that way. not much you can do about it.

[Norellicus]

I'm not saying that straight people are having heterosexual pride parades in the streets, I'm saying that because society has become so comfortable with straight people, it's almost impossible not to swing your sexuality in someone's face, without you even knowing it. The reason "gay pride" exists is because people are so comfortable with "straight pride" that they don't even realize it's there.

I don't necessarily disagree with you if this is true, but I guess I'm having a hard time connecting with what you mean...is it just the fact that GLBT is the minority point of view and thus the public eye takes a "straight man's approach" to virtually all aspects of social behavior?

[Andarvi]

I don't necessarily disagree with you if this is true, but I guess I'm having a hard time connecting with what you mean...is it just the fact that GLBT is the minority point of view and thus the public eye takes a "straight man's approach" to virtually all aspects of social behavior?

Yes, this, and the fact that what they do as far as organized pride events and what not are not only acceptable but comepletely normal, all civil rights movements in the history of the US (blacks, women, etc...), have done similar things. In fact, the GLBT movement is one of the more pacifist and non-aggressive movements I can remember. At least thats my spin on Ruiner's post.

[Diamicles]

this is good.

modern culture created this "coming out" lifestyle, don't abide to it.

you like doing boys, its your life. you don't have to swing in everyone's face. keep it yourself, its personal

modern culture created this "coming out" lifestyle, don't abide to it.

you like doing boys, its your life. you don't have to swing in everyone's face. keep it yourself, its personal

Did you seriously just post the same thing twice in the same thread, on the same page?

[Andarvi]

Did you seriously just post the same thing twice in the same thread, on the same page?

It was so profound it needed to be stated twice?

[Antithesis]

EternityEnd, I see you lurking, don't come in here and fag-tag-team with Tsuko

[EternityEnd]

modern culture created this "coming out" lifestyle, don't abide to it.

you like doing boys, its your life. you don't have to swing in everyone's face. keep it yourself, its personal

Yeah because straight guys aren't obnoxious and annoying when it comes to hitting on women and shit, AMIRITE?

What the fuck, are you retarded? Oh wait, it's Firas.

[Jazz Kazuko]

If you like worshipping allah, its your life. You don't have to swing it in everyone's face. Keep it to yourself (don't wear religious clothing/don't discuss your religion/don't practice your religious beliefs in public), its personal.


(I'm not *really* saying that, I don't believe that it is. I'm just pointing out the hypocracy.)

Or be a buddhist. Problem solved. LOL