Coming Out?

[Julian]

A parents mindset is generally that of that you are already straight - granted I wouldn't tell them when I started having sex.... But telling them you are gay doesn't mean you are having sex either does it? (Although, that might be the case... you are not directly saying it)

By telling your family/friends you are gay, you are making things less awkward for yourself. You are living a lie letting them think you are straight and thus the concept of coming out. If you are straight, and they assume you are straight - you are not really living a lie then - No?


EDIT --> J.HOLMES! Whats up bitch?! Miss you!! <3

Hey you, it's been a long time!

I've been good, about to start my 2nd year at uni in like a week :D, how have you been?

Missed you too <3

[drwaffles]

I feel very detached from the BG gay scene.

[Yuri-G]

there isn't really a scene, it's more like little cliques here and there. the only person I know very well at all is Atreides.

and you could join us if you wanted!

[Arvin]

atrei is the only gay man who i would go gay for

[Koga]

Nobody but atrei wants to gay for arv.

[Arvin]

wait......

[archibaldcrane]

This.

I wonder if any of you young fuckers even knew what I was referencing.

YouTube - "I Learned It By Watching You" Anti-Drug PSA

Classic, classic anti-drug ad.

[Dimmauk]

I wonder if any of you young fuckers even knew what I was referencing.

YouTube - "I Learned It By Watching You" Anti-Drug PSA

Classic, classic anti-drug ad.

I did. My Brother and I say that to our dad all the time.

[Kuya]

Didn't read all the posts, but i'll toss my opinion in too.

It probably isn't a good idea to come out if it is particularly harmful to you, that is, for example, if you are a minor and your parents might kick you out of their house or harm you if you come out; it's just common sense. But that sort of reveals a bit of the issue at hand. You would only come out to people if you thought that they wouldn't take it too badly, but you'd also only do this if you were already engaging in revealing behaviour, that is, romantic or sexual relationships with someone of the same sex. In other words, if you wouldn't engage in overt romantic and sexual relationships with someone of the same sex, you probably also wouldn't tell anyone that you're gay. In reality, coming out in this situation is really just something done for one's sake, to feel honest, and because they think it would be nice not to hide secrets from people close to them, because there is very little difference in coming out and having public relationships with people of your own sex.

And that takes me to another issue, that the concept of coming out if something that a lot of people seem to have confused with various things. Coming out of the closet because somebody wants to make it formal to others that they are gay is not the same thing as ceasing to deny one's sexual appetite for the same sex. In fact, the latter is much more appropriately a coming out than the former, but the latter is also more personal. You can have a partner of the same sex out in the open, and formally tell others that you're gay, which is one thing. You have people who don't want to have it known they have partners of the same sex (for various reasons), so naturally they would not tell anyone that they're gay or what have you. And then, you have people who reject their interests in people of the opposite sex.

The latter also brings up the issue that when people speak of coming out one commonly understands the stereotype to be that, if one accepts one's desires, one's attitude and appearence must change, as if their desires came bundled with some urge they have to act and dress in some way that they were previously resisting. If we say that one's desires for someone of the same sex does not come linked to a certain way of acting or appearing, then we might end up with the situation where accepting these desires brings no noticeable difference in the person in question to others.

If i were to take what i've said before as true, i could conclude that "coming out" is fundamentally a personal experience of accepting one's desires rather than informing others of a change that they could not probably see. I might even be so bold as to say that coming out to others is nothing more than preference and convenience.

[Cream Soda]

[Yuri-G]

I haven't been able to get that song out of my head this whole day, ever since I first saw this thread. fuuuuuuuck.

[archibaldcrane]

I haven't been able to get that song out of my head this whole day, ever since I first saw this thread. fuuuuuuuck.

Same, stuck in my head since yesterday. But it does progress into the Puff Daddy version - not sure if that's better or worse.

[Antithesis]

I haven't been able to get that song out of my head this whole day, ever since I first saw this thread. fuuuuuuuck.

This one always gets stuck in my head too. Enjoy.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FfBwsG8ubFw

[Yuri-G]

Same, stuck in my head since yesterday. But it does progress into the Puff Daddy version - not sure if that's better or worse.

oh great now I've got that one in my head too. although honestly, I think that's probably for the better.

[EternityEnd]

Totally on topic. Thanks for posting.

Let's all not read quotes, it'll be fun!

[ThattJackal]

When I came out of the closet, I had all these fears that people would reject me, that my parents wouldn't ever give me money again if I needed it, and that my straight friends would worry that I was interested in them when I really wasn't. All of these were completely unfounded, in my personal experience. Even though I thought I was completely "Straight-acting" and discrete, all my friends and family knew before I even told them. It was almost like, "Finally, We can all talk to you about your life without this elephant in the room".

Coming out of the closet is NOT gay people shoving their homosexuality in your face. It is way more about someone who is gay finally coming terms with themselves and being comfortable to share that part of themselves with other people. Us gays would much rather "live and let live" but until society doesn't blink an eye when a child has two mommies or daddies, when two men are holding hands in public, or when god forbid we want to get married in a private ceremony of our own, we will have to continue to listen to these played-out ignorant arguments that we are trying to shove OUR lifestyles up your ass in lieu of the other way around.

[Despain]

Lawl I found gay porn on my brother's computer and I told my dad about it when I was younger. That's when he came out. Needless to say, he was promptly kicked out of the house for about a couple of months, 'til my dad came to his senses.

My brother's a douchebag anyway, so I don't care. If he likes to suck dick, that's his prerogative, I won't stop him.

[Atreides]

is he hot

[Ruiner]

Lawl I found gay porn on my brother's computer and I told my dad about it when I was younger. That's when he came out. Needless to say, he was promptly kicked out of the house for about a couple of months, 'til my dad came to his senses.

My brother's a douchebag anyway, so I don't care. If he likes to suck dick, that's his prerogative, I won't stop him.

Depending on how old you were, that's either kind of a dick move but you didn't really know what you were doing or a huge dickhole douchebag move which your brother would probably be justified in excommunicating you completely. But, I don't know the inner workings of your family, so that's just judging from what you posted. Take it with a grain of salt. Coming out, though, is, needless to say, an extremely personal thing to do. Making that decision for someone is just wrong.

[Despain]

Depending on how old you were, that's either kind of a dick move but you didn't really know what you were doing or a huge dickhole douchebag move which your brother would probably be justified in excommunicating you completely. But, I don't know the inner workings of your family, so that's just judging from what you posted. Take it with a grain of salt. Coming out, though, is, needless to say, an extremely personal thing to do. Making that decision for someone is just wrong.

Nah. I just hate my brother. I'd do it again if I could.