Spam Parse Complete

Tagus · 2009-09-02 10:39

Hello.

For those of you who do not know me, my name is Tagus. I've spent approximately twenty four hours straight in spam, excluding six hours for sleep and a fifteen minute pizza break, and I have some information that I would like to share with those of you who are considering making the attempt to "fit in" here in the future.

* You will be trolled heavily in the first six hours of your attempt, in many cases by people who are very young and/or have horrible sentence structure. It will be challenging, as many of the trolls will simply tell you to gtfo, or call you a faggot, or both. There is no response to anything that anyone says that will not result in immediate criticism.

* At approximately hours 8-12, spam will begin to stop telling you to gtfo. They will become confused as to why you continue to make an attempt to co-exist with them in the entirely hostile environment they create. Some of the younger and less experienced trolls will become very upset with you for sticking around this long, because the existence of yet another person threatens to disrupt the heirarchy that they have attempted to establish themselves in. The fact that their "GTFO" attempts were failures will cause them to fear that you may push them lower on the virtual spam totem pole in the future.

* Hours 12-24 are the lamest hours of your first twenty four. You will continue to be trolled by the spam trolls, however your presence will gradually become familiar to them and they will be less likely to immediately throw their vitual shit at you. Some of the nicer members of the spam community may actually engage you in limited one-two post conversations.

*Hour 24. Olo414 will be the first person to make a joke that is actually funny and does not insult you at the same time.

I'd like to thank all of the participants in this study.

**Charismatic** · 2009-09-02 10:41

Shut the fuck up.

**Mizango** · 2009-09-02 10:46

You left out the part about me winning the parse.

**Conrad** · 2009-09-02 10:49

lol

Originally Posted by Mizango

You left out the part about me winning the parse.

lol

**zoobernut** · 2009-09-02 11:11

Originally Posted by Mizango

You left out the part about me winning the parse.

Miz you always win the parse.

Also OP is a dumb shit whether or not he gtfo's.

Seriously can you ever make a post OP without bringing up someones age, or pulling out the RL card?

Tagus · 2009-09-02 11:18

Originally Posted by zoobernut

Miz you always win the parse.

Also OP is a dumb shit whether or not he gtfo's.

Seriously can you ever make a post OP without bringing up someones age, or pulling out the RL card?

I'm sorry, but the study has been completed and Miz was announced as the parse winner. No further troll applications will be accepted at this time.

**Olo401** · 2009-09-02 11:21

WTF are you talking about.. I'm an Elvaan BLM I don't win parses.

**Blabj** · 2009-09-02 11:22

A strange game, spam. The only winning move is not to post.

**Kiro** · 2009-09-02 11:22

Originally Posted by Blabj

A strange game, spam, the only winning move is not to post.

xkcd

**Senoska** · 2009-09-02 11:24

If you want to make a difference you will not reply to this shitty thread.

**zoobernut** · 2009-09-02 11:25

Originally Posted by Tagus

I'm sorry, but the study has been completed and Miz was announced as the parse winner. No further troll applications will be accepted at this time.

You make no sense at all. Is English your first language? I don't think you fully understand what you are typing when you post.

**Brill Weave** · 2009-09-02 11:29

This right here is why Spam fucking sucks. Shit posts like the OP. Get the fuck out and keep your fucking lame ass attempt to be original to yourself. You're not a delicate unique snowflake and we don't give a shit what you post. We post here to have fun. If you can't have fun in here and fuck around with the rest of us here's a hint. Spam may not be the forum for you. Might I suggest the following forum that might be more your speed.

Hello Kitty - Forum

**Tempyst** · 2009-09-02 11:56

Originally Posted by BrillCS

This right here is why Spam fucking sucks. Shit posts like the OP. Get the fuck out and keep your fucking lame ass attempt to be original to yourself. You're not a delicate unique snowflake and we don't give a shit what you post. We post here to have fun. If you can't have fun in here and fuck around with the rest of us here's a hint. Spam may not be the forum for you. Might I suggest the following forum that might be more your speed.

Hello Kitty - Forum

This is the saddest thing I've ever seen :-/

**Dimmauk** · 2009-09-02 12:05

Originally Posted by Blabj

A strange game, spam. The only winning move is not to post.

LOL. Fuck, what movie is that from?

**Ivve** · 2009-09-02 12:08

this parse doesn't even have percentages. how are we supposed to know who dealt the most emotional damage or who had the greatest amount of real talk? reparse.

**Charismatic** · 2009-09-02 12:09

No, don't

**Ivve** · 2009-09-02 12:10

don't tell him what to do, char. i've heard he's a man of impressive stature irl.

**zoobernut** · 2009-09-02 12:14

He will beat you down with his massive muscles.

I am not sure a parse even took place. Where is the proof of said parse. Parses produce data. I want to see DATA!

**Brill Weave** · 2009-09-02 12:21

This is the saddest thing I've ever seen :-/

You love me and you know it

**Ryko** · 2009-09-02 12:22

Originally Posted by Dimmauk

LOL. Fuck, what movie is that from?

War Games

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