Seriously how does a guy stay with just one woman?

[Howard Roark]

I suppose it's not necessarily a rush for me, but the girl I'm with now is also my age, 29 and has a considerably more urgent timeline to deal with, that being her biological clock and my lack of desire to raise children with birth defects -- the risk of which increases significantly after 32/33 and after 35 you should really be going for adoption imo

I pretty much plan on sticking around and I'd like her to be popping one out by 31



I can always start over with a younger model, and I guess I could swing a house on my own with a shit-ton of overtime, but there's a whole lot of starting from scratch that I'd need to consider before I just throw this all away/pop the hey let's do whatever we want question

[Mizango]

Hmm

[mootsfox]

You never hear it in PR because there is always a crazy woman screaming in your ear.

I just lol'd outloud in class.

[Charismatic]

that had to be one hell of a lol then

[Ivve]

i think there's way way too much emphasis on the sex factor here. you have to come to realize that having a monogamous long term relationship is only in (small) part based on sex and the rest based on compatibility, friendship, mutual support (financial and emotional), and shared goals. that's not to say sex is not important; finding someone who is compatible with you in the bedroom is a big deal, but honestly sex fades with age. your drive will most likely decrease (or probably has already -- can you still fuck as many times a day as you felt you could when you were 20? do you think you will feel the same when you're 40, 50, 60?) as will your tolerance for silly bitches who don't know a prostate from a podiatrist and still don't know to manicure their nails to avoid a misjerk during your super dee duper special intimate times.

whoever you are married to when you are 40 is not going to be as physically attractive as some fresh young thing in their 20s, but the attraction you have to your partner is supposed to be built on emotional foundations as well as physical ones. it sounds like you just have a very difficult time actually truly involving yourself emotionally based on some of the things you said in the thread so far. seriously, talking about how you could just scrap one relationship and start over? it sounds like you really think a whole host of compatible women are growing in a magical woman orchard in your front yard or something. spoilers: pouty lips, long legs, pretty eyes, or other features you find intoxicating do not a good babymama or life partner make. it also sounds like you are genuinely led around by your penis to a good degree. yes, you have a tendency to romanticize your attractions to random women, but you are reducing those women to their body parts; you are not truly attracted to them as women or people.

i think you need to define what your actual priorities are. what qualities other than pouty lips and pretty bodies are actually important to you in a partner? what is make or break for you? are you sure those things are non-negotiable? i know a lot of people who say truly fucking stupid things about how they could never be with a woman who doesn't like a particular artist or movie, but the truth is that my husband likes soulja boy tellem (in before what's wrong with that? like you don't fucking know) and he is also the one who has been here to help me plan for my mom's elderly care, my aunt's funeral, etc.

you say you want your potentially future wifey to be popping out babies by the time y'all are 31, but is that because you actually have a desire for children in the very near future or are you submitting to the ticking of your biological clock? is this really a dependable woman, and do you really think that's such a common virtue that you would have no problem kicking her to the curb and picking up some new bitch who you assume would do all the same things? there should be some kind of feeling there that this person in some way goes beyond what you would expect.

as for polyamory:
Health-Relationships Grand Opening: A Beginners’ Guide to Open Relationships
Health-Relationships Blind Faith: When Polyamory Doesn’t Work Out

most of the people i've known in open relationships are only using it to experience something new, to learn about themselves, to overcome jealousy, and/or to experiment. i have yet to meet a person who is in a happy, seemingly functional, VD-free, long term open relationship. shit just does not last. while i don't think we are necessarily coded to stay with one person for life, i truly truly believe we are not predisposed to be with more than one person at a time. jealousy is a reality, and it's the ultimate love and relationship killer. jealousy just feeds into resentment, and if you can't reconcile that with the person you're with, it will pretty easily fuck up your relationship. you can't really enjoy being with someone you're perpetually angry with, even if the anger is on a low boil. but, like i said, i've known a couple of people who tried to use polyamory to dismantle, understand, and ultimately overcome their jealousy but it really did not work out well for most involved.

i think it's probably a more tedious arrangement than plain monogamy, because you are bringing a third (or fourth, or fifth) person into your arrangement who may have opinions on and desire input about your boundaries. negotiating the terms of your relationship to allow for all of the complications that come up seems like an intense amount of work. many people can't even put in the work to make it with one person, so i would think the chances of a functional relationship with a total three or more people is substantially reduced. it's not ever going to be as simple as having a working relationship with one woman while you go out and put your dick in whoever you like. also, read that second article. would you be able to cope with your woman going out and trolling for dick, or are you just looking for a way to dip your pen in all the ink?

[Ivve]

WALLLLLLLLLLLLLLLL

[Ivve]

but i know howard will read it, idc about anyone else wading through that

[tyven]

lol

[Kuya]

The problem is, jealousy is a reality no matter what kind of relationship you have. If jealousy is such a deal breaker then we mind as well not go near eachother. It's not as if a non monogamous relationship is oblivious to jealousy, and if jealousy were to break the relationship apart, it'd be no different than if it were a monogamous one. If you're trying to say that jealousy is more likely in a non monogamous relationship, then yea, that's obvious. But to put it as something we can't just overcome is ridiculous, seeing as how we deal with jealousy all our lives and on various different matters.

Maybe the point is that we shouldn't try to avoid being jealous.

[tyven]

im jealous of your hairlessness

[Kuya]

what hairlessness?

[Ivve]

i think you missed the point entirely. i think that the nature of a polyamorous relationship makes jealousy much more pervasive and much more severe as well. i might get jealous that my partner checked out another woman, but that is nowhere near being on the level of how jealous i would be if he was fucking another person on the regular. i'm not sure that i could personally reconcile something that i consider that big with myself or with the other person. i don't think many people can. that's all i'm saying.

[Kuya]

Well this is because you are inferior ivve.

[Ivve]

poor trolling is poor.

[Kuya]

What trolling?

[Kuya]

Not all the instances of people pointing out your shortcomings is an instance of trolling, ivve. Leave those defense mechanisms for the clinic!

[Kuya]

Ivve, you are inferior.

[Ivve]

the bad kind that you're doing right now.

[Ivve]

you're going to bury that response in a bunch of stupid kuyaisms, aren't you? that took me a while to type

[tyven]

what hairlessness?

you are hairless like a chihuahua