Anyone speak/read Hebrew?

[ZarakiKujata]

did you read the thread lol? The girl doesnt know hebrew for shit and he had a bar mitzvah so he knows how to pronounce it...

tl;dr this will get him into her pants.

[Darus Grey]

No I didn't honestly. But what he's asking is impossible.

[ZarakiKujata]

No I didn't honestly. But what he's asking is impossible.

I agree but for his purposes he could say Shema Yisrael and she'd likely blow him.

[Davricle]

Or the Kiddish! Lmfao thats awesome, I needed the laugh!

[tyven]

whats shema yisrael? i know two jews i wouldnt mind invading

[Davricle]

Its the most common prayer said in Jewish homes and synagogues. I wouldn't say it is bland, but it has nothing romantic in it.

[tyven]

GOOD ENOUGH FOR ME

[Davricle]

Someone responded on Yahoo answers with this:



Ha-Khyiukh Ve-Ha-Einayim Shelkha (for male) / Shelakh (for female) Pashut Otsrei Neshima

Good luck

[tyven]

if i post that OP scribble scrabble on some jew sluts wall will she let me titty fuck her?

[MrW]

if i post that OP scribble scrabble on some jew sluts wall will she let me titty fuck her?

Naw don't waste your time. Jewish girls are genetically predisposed to giving head. I'd just save time and pull out your dick. The rest should handle itself.

[Atreides]

man that was the absolute worst part about hebrew school. You were doing great learning to read/write the hebrew, then someone drops this on you:

"AND NOW YOU SHALL READ IT WITHOUT VOWELS"

edit: that and everyone at my hebrew school was a complete turd

[Conrad]

whats shema yisrael? i know two jews i wouldnt mind invading

I'm flattered, but gonna have to say no tyven

[ZarakiKujata]

Naw don't waste your time. Jewish girls are genetically predisposed to giving head.

Especially if you are a schwartz. Gotta piss daddy off somehow.


Also, I was actually pretty good at that Atreides, they gave me an especially difficult Haftorah portion b/c of the promise I showed doing that 2 years ahead of time and then were quite pissed when I completely blew off learning my haftorah all winter for my March 31st bar mitzvah.... Then were as happy when I learned it the week of under threat of having the whole thing get cancelled. (I needed my money lol)

Most people at my synagogue were turds and pretty dumb at that. My Rabbi was pretty cool though and I would still try to stay in touch with him if I didn't realize midway through college how full of shit his logic was alot of the time. I mean I was always a bit of an agnostic going through hebrew school but when I realized that no Zionism isnt cool and that trying to reconcile the Bible with historical/archaelogical/scientific evidence is bullshit I lost a ton of respect for him/my synagogue. I used to think his expeditions to Egypt to look for archaelogical evidence the Jews were slaves there was cool now I realize how ridiculous it is.

[Meat]

Especially if you are a schwartz. Gotta piss daddy off somehow.


Also, I was actually pretty good at that Atreides, they gave me an especially difficult Haftorah portion b/c of the promise I showed doing that 2 years ahead of time and then were quite pissed when I completely blew off learning my haftorah all winter for my March 31st bar mitzvah.... Then were as happy when I learned it the week of under threat of having the whole thing get cancelled. (I needed my money lol)

Most people at my synagogue were turds and pretty dumb at that. My Rabbi was pretty cool though and I would still try to stay in touch with him if I didn't realize midway through college how full of shit his logic was alot of the time. I mean I was always a bit of an agnostic going through hebrew school but when I realized that no Zionism isnt cool and that trying to reconcile the Bible with historical/archaelogical/scientific evidence is bullshit I lost a ton of respect for him/my synagogue. I used to think his expeditions to Egypt to look for archaelogical evidence the Jews were slaves there was cool now I realize how ridiculous it is.

You have no idea how good it was being brown mizrahi sabra growing up in the ashkenazi part of Brooklyn. I had that half dangerous\half safe thing going on, ass city.

I don't daven or daf yomi but I'm still somewhat religious, my home is kosher, keep yom tov and if family's over Shabbos. Imo if you view Torah as a rule and not a history book, it's still entirely possible to reconcile one's religion to the modern world. Besides I quite value the ethics of my fathers.

[Davricle]

I'm more Jewish by culture than by religion. I think the tradition and teachings are absolutely beautiful and value them for that.

[Pirian]

I had a bar mitzvah at 13 and that was probably the peak of my religious experience. I didn't know about it until later because they both actually did me the favor of not making it public, but apparently my mother and our rabbi got in a big fight about some of the details of my bar mitzvah so shortly after I had it we stopped going to synagogue. I have to admit I did take some days off during high school for "religious holidays" though.

My mother is pretty stereotypical Jewish mother and it's hard to take my grandmother out to eat as a family because she complains about everything (She's actually fine when I take her out, which I try to do pretty often since my grandfather died a year ago).

[ZarakiKujata]

I'm more Jewish by culture than by religion. I think the tradition and teachings are absolutely beautiful and value them for that.

I would say the same about culture for me but more about being jewish like Larry David then actual judaic culture. The only elements of Judaism that have any meaning for me are tikkun olam and tzedekah beyond that its a bunch of bronze age hokey nonsense. And what do you mean by reconciling residue? Picking and choosing what you like from the Torah/Talmud and ignoring Leviticus telling you that you can't talk to a woman who has had her period for a certain period if she has not washed herself in a certain way or that you are obligated to stone gay ppl? Anyways, pigs are tasty and the laws of kashrut are no reason not to eat them. The environmental impact raising them causes is why you shouldnt

[Meat]

The very smell of bacon makes me nauseous

More than anything it's applying common sense, even the most orthodox rebbi will tell you it's not our place to stone much less judge anyone.

[Faris]

Firas, ready the rocks!

http://www.silviacattori.net/IMG/jpg...imes.texte.jpg