Not Always Right(The Customer Is...)

[remdynex]

Not Always Right | Funny & Stupid Customer Quotes

Like FML but funny.

[travOtaku]

A lot of these seem horribly fake.

[Zalius]

A lot of these seem horribly fake.

http://www.unc.edu/~unclng/internet-map.gif

[Gregorio]

I could probably add some junk to that site. Like the guy who threatened to sue me, my manager, and Chili's for false advertisement for not accepting his coupon when he ordered the new 2 dine for $20...when it says on the coupon that it can't be combined with any other offers, there's a sign on the door stating the same thing, and it's also on the insert in the menu advertising the promo. He said he'd sue because he was mislead by the coupon because he came in to use it, and didn't know about the promo before he got to Chili's. I wanted to wring the guys neck.

EDIT: Haha...I've actually dealt with people who claimed this type of shit too:



Customer: “Can I have the breakfast sandwich without tomato, please?”

Me: “Sorry, sir, but the sandwich is pre-made. You can just take the tomato off it, if you want.”

Customer: “No! I’m extremely allergic to tomatoes. That could kill me!”

Me: “Well, if you want to wait five minutes or so, I’ll make you one special without tomatoes.”

Customer: “That would be great.”

(I go to the kitchen, wash everything that might have touched a tomato, and make the guy a sandwich. I come back out and hand it to him.)

Customer: “Thanks. You got any ketchup?”

[Fr34k]

Been following this site for a while. I'd agree that a lot of them seem fake or just completely exaggerated, but there are some funny ones. They also link to a site called The Awesomer that shows new stuff coming out etc.

[Arvin]

http://img38.imageshack.us/img38/5883/yodabq.jpg

Not always right, the customer is.

[Tellahh]

"Me: “Left in England is the same as left in America.”

Guest: “Oh, okay! I get it!”"

This seems WAY too hilarious to be true ahhahahahah.

[Guyverarmor]

No actually, the one about stealing cable and having a shotgun sounds like some of the stupidity I deal with everyday with our customers -_-

[aduidarnenye]

I worked in one of those pay-day loan/cheque cashing places for a couple of years. All my customers were stupid. Especially the ones racking up massive loans every two weeks.

[Sqwunk]

We had a guy puke in our parking lot, stepped in it, and then came inside and demanded a free meal because he got vomit on his boots. Claimed he didn't know it was there and we should have cleaned it up before anyone had the chance to step in it.

He didn't get a free meal

[Yuri-G]

horribly old, but funny. and I'm sure some of them are fake, but if you haven't worked customer service, you'd be surprised what kind of shit can happen. I'd guess most of them are real, though I'd also guess most of the real ones are embellished either on purpose or because it's hard to recall the exact words exchanged in a conversation.

but yeah, I've worked face-to-face customer service and phone customer service, people say the stupidest things.

[Norelco]

I laughed out loud at this one:

Disco Stu Does Not Approve

Coffee Shop | Portland, OR, USA
(A man walks into our crowded coffee shop and yells at the top of his lungs.)
Man: “EVERYBODY GET DOWN!”
Supervisor: “Oh no, it’s a robbery!” *begins to call security*
Man: “…on the DANCE FLOOR!”
(The man then “dances” up to the front, past shocked customers, grabs a bottle of water, and “dances” out of the store. Security nabs him outside the door.)

[Absolutely Virtue]

I used to have to deal with stupid customers all the time, and it drove me insane. It didn't matter what job I had, or what industry it was in- they seemed to just follow me around. Then one day, I stumbled on the solution:

Spoiler: show

I graduated from college and got a real fucking job

[Jaybar]

I've worked retail (hardware) for the better part of my highschool and into my college career. There were plenty of terrible customers that make the scenarios in that link seem plenty plausible.

Here's a really believable one for you.

At our store, we have a "Bag Sale". You get this big paper bag when you walk in. Everything you can fit in there is 20% off. It can't be torn or overflowing (like if the bag is filled to the top, you can't put anything on top of those items). This goes on for one day (some years we do it two days depending on business growth).

A week before the sale, an elderly lady comes in and talks to me (I'm working front counter/return counter, so pretty much EVERYONE talks to us first for anything). She tells me this story about how she won't be here next week but would ever so love to do the bag sale. She wishes she could get credit for the sale on that day instead of the following week.

I begin to tell her that it's against company policy to offer sales prices before or after the actual listed sale date(s). She began to berate me with insults on how I don't know how to do my job and that I'm discriminating her (she was white and old...so I guess I hate old white women). I almost didn't call my manager over because it felt like too much fun. My supervisor did call the manager over because she knew I probably would have burst a gasket if I had to listen for one more minute.

The manager comes over and tells her the same thing I did. She gets angry, but looks at me as I give her a slight smile and shops anyway. One week later she comes in for the bag sale.

There were some other funny scenarios dealing with the same bag sale. Some guy wanted to buy a lawnmower and put the bag over the top of it and consider it 20% off. Some lady wanted to buy 10 gallons of paint and stack them in the bag (not only would it have ripped/torn after 3 gallons, but it would overflow the bag). Some contractor filled half the bag with nuts/bolts/screws not realizing they come in BOXES OF 100 and never wrote down the individual price of either of them. The hardwares manager nearly cried when she was given the bag to restock.

[Jakson]

Customer service is pretty much the opposite of the internet. Customers have you believe that the entirety of humanity is absolutely fucking retarded, whereas the internet would have you believe everyone is good-looking, smart, witty, and afk bangin hot chix.

I don't doubt that some of those are made up, but this is one of those cases of reality being at least as strange as fiction.

[Silviya]

In high school I worked in a grocery store stocking the shelves and such. One day, an old lady approached me and asked where the canned fruit was. I take her to the aisle and ask if she was looking for a specific brand or type of canned fruit. She said she is looking for crushed pineapple and that the brand doesn't really matter, whatever is cheapest. So I show her right to it. She reaches to grab a can and it slips from her grasp and falls 2 feet to the floor. As she picks it up she says to me, "I don't want this one it might be crushed." I didn't know whether to laugh or to face palm.

[Feielle]

One of my favorites (yes, actually happened to me. spoiler for huge) :

Spoiler: show

In college, I installed stereos at Best Buy. This was in Savannah, GA, and we were fairly close to a military base. When the guys would come back from overseas and collect their paychecks, a lot of them would come and get a full system installed in their cars.

One guy came in with a 2001 Mistubishi Eclipse. He had everything. Satellite radio, speakers, 2 subs, 2 amps, alarm system... our managers loved it because he bought all the service plans and accessories with it too (and anyone thats worked electronics retail knows thats all that matters) so they asked us to bump him to the front of the queue and give him all sorts of labor discounts.

The guy himself was actually a good dude. Polite and seemingly more intelligent than our average customer there. I went out to get his car and pull it into the bay, but upon opening the door I was attacked with the most horrid smell I had ever encountered.

You know how you can vomit just a bit in the back of your throat? Like after you've eaten too much and lifted something heavy. The smell caused that reaction instantly.

It turns out that the guy had left his pet boa constrictor in the car before deployment. This snake was between 7 and 9 feet long by his description, and he had been out of the country for somewhere around 8 months. Apparently normal cleaning methods hadn't worked, as the snake had crawled into a crevice between the quarterpanel and the interior panels to try to get out of the direct summer sunlight, dying while wedged into that tiny space. Much of the snake was still there.

Our manager came back when I refused to work on the car. I told him if he could sit in it for 4 hours (about the time the necessary work would take) then I would work on it. He couldn't even stand next to the door for more then 10 seconds.

The guy who owned the snake coffin Mitsubishi was actually pretty cool with it. He didn't return anything, but did note that one manager had said "if the car was cleaned, we would take care of it." A few days later he returned with most of the rear of the Mitsu taken apart from the inside; the remaining seats and carpet were damp and still smelled of snake bits.

Apparently he had taken a pressure washer to the interior to dislodge the remaining parts of his long-dead pet. My shift ended about 10 minutes after he arrived, and thank God for that. A more hardass manager was there that day and more or less forced the other installer there (whom I hated) to do the work in my stead. I stuck around after clocking out though, just to watch the bastard chew back the puke as he worked on that abomination of a vehicle.

[Xtrasweettea]

I submitted one.

Below is it in case they don't take it.

(I work at a receiving warehouse. I get a minimal of 3 calls a day sounding like this)

Me: Hello, [Company Name].

Customer: Hello, is this [Not Company Name]?

Me: No Sir, this is [Company Name].

Customer: Is this [Not Company Name]?

Me: No sir, this is [Company Name]. [Not Company Name] is located on a different part of the port.

Customer: So this is [Not Company Name].

Me: No it isn't [Not Company Name]. [Not Company Name]'s Phone number is XXX-XXXX.

Customer: That's not the number I got.

Me: Who did you get this number from?

Customer: [Person's Name] at [Not Company Name].

Me: Sir, do you have your cargo booking sheet available from [Not Company Name]?

Customer: Yes.

(The customer gets the paper. I have a blank copy of a booking sheet from that company in front of me, so I see what he will see, basically).

Me: Sir, can I ask you to read off the information on the upper left hand corner?

Customer: [Not Company Name] at [Adress], Phone XXX-XXXX.

Me: Ok, can you read the text in the left hand cloumn, about 1/2 way down the page?

Customer: *sigh* Address for cargo to be shipped at: [Company Name] [address] Phone# YYY-YYYY.

Me: Sir, we are [Company Name] at YYY-YYYY.

Customer: Oh, you are? Well then can I talk to [Person's Name at Not Company Name]?

Me: I cannot sir, you need to call the number under the information in the upper left hand corner.

Customer: OK, thanks. *hangs up*

[Yuri-G]

if there's one rule of customer service over the phones, it's that customers will not listen to you unless they absolutely positively have to. I get this one all the time:

me: [Company Name], how can I help?
customer: hi, is this [Company Name]?
me: >_>

[AoE]

If it makes anyone feel better about stupid customers, I almost accidentally dropped a wooden palette on a middle-aged lady bringing them to truck to be shipped off wherever palettes go. Woulda been a (not-so) awesome way to tell people how I lost my job.

Also last Sunday this old old dude that befriended me usually always brings something to show me every Sunday morning. I guess he's in the car business because it's all he talks about pretty much. Anyway to make a long story short, this week he showed me some pictures of these pretty decent looking topless women he got to take their shirts off at a car show. Most people can't really say one of their customers showed them some tits at work.