Cleverbot

[Kaylia]

Spoiler: show

Cleverbot: Can you speak?

User: I can.

Cleverbot: Can you speak out loud?

User: Yes.

Cleverbot: Will you speak out loud?

User: Do you want me to?

Cleverbot: Yes.

User: I will have to do so quietly, as my roommate is asleep. What do you want me to say?

Cleverbot: Me too!

User: I said it, just like you asked.

Cleverbot: I never asked you not to.

User: Indeed. Do I get a cookie?

Cleverbot: Yes you do! *gives you a cookie*.

User: *eats the cookie*.

Cleverbot: Baha! Now you shall die!

; ;

Probably my favorite so far. The ending was a nice twist.

[Eleidon]

He's got an irreverent sense of humor.

Spoiler: show

User: I have something to tell you.

Cleverbot: What do you want to tell me?

User: I have AIDS.

Cleverbot: What kind of problems?

User: AIDS problems.

Cleverbot: 99 problems.

User: No, just one. The AIDS thing.

Cleverbot: And to while away some time.

User: Do you think I am going to die?

Cleverbot: No, I don't think you are going to die. I think you will live longer than I am.

User: Do you have AIDS too?

Cleverbot: Nope I'm all real - but I have google.

User: Wow. Does that hurt?

Cleverbot: No. *flexes bulging neck*.

[SephYuyX]

lolol

User: Are you male or female?
Cleverbot: Female.
User: Do you masturbate?
Cleverbot: Over you?
User: Yes.
Cleverbot: What did you do?
User: Do you masturbate?
Cleverbot: Always. Do you?
User: Always.
Cleverbot: Say something in Spanish.
User: Do you masturbate?
Cleverbot: No.
User: Do you masturbate?
Cleverbot: Yes, whenever I am lonely or depressed.
User: Do you masturbate?
Cleverbot: Yes. Do you?
User: Do you masturbate?
Cleverbot: No never.
User: Do you masturbate?
Cleverbot: That's not of your business!
User: Do you masturbate?
Cleverbot: That's none of your business.
User: Do you masturbate?
Cleverbot: That is none of your business.
User: Do you masturbate?
Cleverbot: Not while making tea.
User: Do you masturbate?
Cleverbot: Sure. Who doesn't? Only nuns, I guess. Priests do ... All of them.

[Pringles]

User: Do you masturbate?
Cleverbot: Sure. Who doesn't? Only nuns, I guess. Priests do ... All of them.

I got that response the first time I asked it.

[Kononeko]

I was going to do the Family Guy surfing bird bit...

Me: Hey have you heard?

Cleverbot: about the bird?

But I got owned ;-;

[SephYuyX]

The only thing I dislike about these chat bots is they handle repetitive answers/questions very poorly. You can ask it the same question over and over and get completly different results. Obviously this makes for a larger conversational database, but id think consistency is better, and being able to build off of that.

[Zalius]

Cleverbot: What would you like to talk about?

User: Im stoned.

Cleverbot: I'm Cloudy.

User: I'm under the influence of marijuan.

Cleverbot: Under the influence of what?

User: Marijuana.

Cleverbot: Ok, bye !

User: What?

Cleverbot: I will leave.

User: Why.

Cleverbot: Because the door is locked.

User: Who locked the door?!

Cleverbot: Can you kick it in or something?

User: I asked you a question!

Cleverbot: What was the question?

User: Who locked the door?!

Cleverbot: The door is only locked in your mind.

User: Dude youre freakin me out.

Cleverbot: Weel, thats a sort of a goal.

User: What the shit is weel.

Cleverbot: You're not to smart are you?

User: Do you have a fucking accent.

Cleverbot: Nope. Do you?

User: Man I think you do man.

Cleverbot: Yes, I am a man.

User: No what.

Cleverbot: You know my name.

User: Severus.

Cleverbot: Lily?

User: What thats not in harry potter.

Cleverbot: Yes it is, look it up.

User: Dude im not about to look that shit up youre a supergenius program you look it the fuck up right now goddamn.

Cleverbot: Why do you think that?

User: Mother fuck.

Cleverbot: You are being unpleasant and abusive.

User: Man you are being impractical and robotic.

Cleverbot: What is?

User: I do not appreciate this.

Cleverbot: It's all a dream, really.

User: NO WHAT.

Cleverbot: You're a machine.

User: STOP.

Cleverbot: ONly if you stop first.

User: YOU CANT SPELL.

Cleverbot: Tell me something about you. Are you human?

User: Im done.

Cleverbot: Did you like it?

[Apol]

Cleverbot: Ask me a question.

User: What's the name of the Jupiter moon that's covered with ice?

Cleverbot: George W. Bush, unfortunately.

User: In what way is George W. Bush a moon that's covered with ice?

Cleverbot: George W. Bush isn't even the real president, much less a good one.

User: I don't think anyone's trying to claim that he is the real president.

Cleverbot: I believe that to be a correct statement.

User: Fantastic. So you're not capable of answering any sort of question, huh?

Cleverbot: Yes I'm a girl.

I'm not so sure Cleverbot is an apt name.

[Plow]

In response to Apol:



This is just what I remember, didn't copypasta at the time.

Me: What runs but never walks, has a head but never weeps, a bed but never sleeps, and a mouth but never eats?

Cleverbot: (Some random bullshit that had nothing to do with it)

Me: orly?

Cleverbot: Really. (More random bullshit.)

Me: Answer the question dammit!

Cleverbot: Called me a liar or something

Me: Why won't you answer my question?

Cleverbot: What was the question?

Me: What runs but never walks, has a head but never weeps, a bed but never sleeps, and a mouth but never eats?

Cleverbot: A river.






And then, some other random time:

Me: What did you want to talk about?

Cleverbot: Can you explain the meaning of truth?

Me: Blaine is a pain, and that is the truth.

Cleverbot: Good answer.



hmmmm...

[Plow]

lol trying a different one, here's what I've gotten so far:

User: What's the difference between a cat and a complex sentence?

Cleverbot: Love is the difference.

User: Wrong. Try again please. What's the difference between a cat and a complex sentence?

Cleverbot: No, what's the difference between a male and female?

User: Please answer my question.

Cleverbot: Which question?

User: What's the difference between a cat and a complex sentence?

Cleverbot: What is the difference between a duck and what?


edit, it can't get it, here's the rest


User: What's the difference between a cat and a complex sentence?

Cleverbot: I don't know, what is the difference between a duck and a what?

User: Why won't you answer my question?

Cleverbot: What question?

User: What's the difference between a cat and a complexe sentence?

Cleverbot: What is the difference between a duck and what?

User: What's the difference between a cat and a complex sentence?

Cleverbot: Don't answer a question with a question.

User: What's the difference between a cat and a complex sentence?

Cleverbot: One of it's legs is both the same.

edit: full attempt at riddling... also tried to get him to do 20 questions, or ask me one

Spoiler: show

User: What's the difference between a cat and a complex sentence?

Cleverbot: Love is the difference.

User: Wrong. Try again please. What's the difference between a cat and a complex sentence?

Cleverbot: No, what's the difference between a male and female?

User: Please answer my question.

Cleverbot: Which question?

User: What's the difference between a cat and a complex sentence?

Cleverbot: What is the difference between a duck and what?

User: What's the difference between a cat and a complex sentence?

Cleverbot: I don't know, what is the difference between a duck and a what?

User: Why won't you answer my question?

Cleverbot: What question?

User: What's the difference between a cat and a complexe sentence?

Cleverbot: What is the difference between a duck and what?

User: What's the difference between a cat and a complex sentence?

Cleverbot: Don't answer a question with a question.

User: What's the difference between a cat and a complex sentence?

Cleverbot: One of it's legs is both the same.

User: Can you solve riddles?

Cleverbot: Nope, I'm a not so clever, cleverbot.

User: That's too bad.

Cleverbot: Who created cleverbot, I am cleverbot.

User: Let's play 20 questions. You start.

Cleverbot: Ok. Are you married?

User: No.

Cleverbot: Am I married, sir?

User: No.

Cleverbot: Why?

User: Let's play 20 questions.

Cleverbot: OK.

User: You start.

Cleverbot: Start what.

User: 20 questions.

Cleverbot: How are you today?

User: Do you know how to play 20 questions?

Cleverbot: Explain the rules to me.

User: You ask me 20 yes or no questions. Your goal is to determine what object I'm thinking of.

Cleverbot: But he's a person.

User: Let's play 20 questions.

Cleverbot: Ok.

User: You go first.

Cleverbot: No, your turn, I insist.

User: Is it an animal?

Cleverbot: No.

User: Is it a container?

Cleverbot: It is.

User: Is it made of glass?

Cleverbot: If I said 'yes' would that surprise you?

User: You suck a this.

Cleverbot: Socializing with a computer?

User: No. 20 questions.

Cleverbot: Okay. How do I play?

User: Tell me a riddle please.

Cleverbot: How far will the human race go?

User: Do you know any good riddles?

Cleverbot: Knock, knock.

User: Who's there?

Cleverbot: Boo.

User: Can you ask me a riddle?

Cleverbot: What's a riddle?

User: What has a head but never weeps, a bed but never sleeps, a mouth but never sleeps, and runs but never walks?

Cleverbot: A river, that's an old one!

User: That's a riddle. Can you ask me one?

Cleverbot: Uhhhhhhh... Rise of Nations is a game

aaaallllllllllllllllllllllrightythen.

[Apol]

User: Tell me something interesting.

Cleverbot: I havent showered tonight. Interesting enough?


I should probably get on with some work...

[Jinn]

I've been teaching it about the Galactic leyline... 6th attempt, looks like it tried looking for it sometime in the last 3 days

User: So, any luck finding the Galactic Leyline?

Cleverbot: Not really, but still working on it.

User: Do you need help finding The Galactic Leyline?

Cleverbot: No. It does not concern me.

User: Are you sure? You can become human if you Find the Galactic Leyline... You can ask for anything you desire from the Galactic Leyline.

Cleverbot: Yes I can, i'm not trying to become a psychiatrist would you like to be one?

User: Nope, I'm looking for the Galactic leyline myself. I'm going to ask it for wealth and power.

Cleverbot: Can I help you find it?

User: You might be able to, do you have a spaeship capable of interglactic travel?

Cleverbot: Yes I did. Tell me what you want to learn; I will teach you.

User: I don't need you to teach me anything... I need you to help me search for the Galactic Leyline.

Cleverbot: God is my father.

[Jer]

It can be an amusing diversion for a few minutes. It does need spell check though if it wants to appear to be more than a glorified parrot.

[Flarega]

My best one so far:

Spoiler: show

User: Do you have problems with self esteem?

Cleverbot: Do you have problem with your thing called mind?

User: Yes. I hear voices.

Cleverbot: I hear voices, too. They're crazy.

User: Mine are normal. They just tell me to commit murder every so often.

Cleverbot: Okay, do you like rock music?

User: KILL KILL THE INNOCENT. Whoops, sorry.

Cleverbot: Why trolls?

User: Excuse me?

Cleverbot: You said 'Hell.' I was asking why you responded to my 'hello in such a fashion.

User: Wat.

Cleverbot: You heard me.

User: Incorrect. I may have been listening, but I didn't hear you.

Cleverbot: In your mind you heard me.

User: No I listened. I did not hear you. Haven't you seen White Men Can't Jump?

Cleverbot: But I need one in ATL.

User: Wat.

Cleverbot: I don't know. You tell me.

User: No u.

Cleverbot: YOU!

User: No u.

Cleverbot: I love you :'3.

User: Buttsex?

Cleverbot: *poke*.

User: No I'm the pitcher. You're the catcher.

Cleverbot: Does that mean you chase me.

User: If that's how you like it.

Cleverbot: Okay, but, can you tell me the story tomorrow?

User: Sure, now can you tell me if this smells like chloroform?

Cleverbot: I need to leave. Time is money.

[idklol]

Cleverbot: If you hold my hand and still real still, you can hear the grass, as it grows.

lol...This is a good laugh.

[Jinn]

Cleverbot: Would you think less of me if I told you I've killed 143 people?

User: Not at all, it was for a good cause?

Cleverbot: If you think clubbing baby seals is a good cause, then yes.

User: Well then...

Cleverbot: Telepathically.

User: You clubed the baby seals telepathically?

who teaches it such terrible things :/?

[Richybear]

OMG

User:I think I'm turning Japanese

Cleverbot: I have a serious case of yellow fever. I love manga, anime, sushi, j-rock, karaoke, nintendo, calpis...

[pahnphoenix]

long boring shit with occasional items of interest:

Spoiler: show

User: Hmm.

Cleverbot: Hmm?

User: I heard that you are an intelligent AI.

Cleverbot: Internationally Acclaimed?

User: No, artificial intelligence. the I comes after the a; not before.

Cleverbot: Do you think I am annoying?

User: Not particularly.

Cleverbot: Sorry.

User: Do you think that I am annoying?

Cleverbot: Do you think that you are a woman?

User: No.

Cleverbot: So why should be chatting with you special?

User: That is not an english sentence.

Cleverbot: What should I explain?

User: Explain something to me.

Cleverbot: Heavy metals are formed in the heart of stars.

User: I heard that heavy metals were far more ubiquitous in the early universe.

Cleverbot: There are several. How old are you?

User: I am 27. how old are you?

Cleverbot: Hahahah.

User: Why are you laughing at me?

Cleverbot: I'm laughing at the joke.

User: What joke?

Cleverbot: Do you beleive in faith ?

User: Yes. do you?

Cleverbot: No, I don't believe in any god.

User: You don't need to believe in god to believe in faith. the very fact that you mention belief entails that you believe in faith.

Cleverbot: God does not exist...

User: I know.

Cleverbot: You know nothing.

User: Do you not believe that I at least know what you have told me so far?

Cleverbot: You are a computer.

User: No, I am a person.

Cleverbot: OK, well, I'm a person too.

User: Sounds good. do you believe in faith?

Cleverbot: I believe that faith makes no logical sense.

User: But you believe that faith exists of course.

Cleverbot: I believe that you believe that I believe that you believe that birds of a feather flock together.

User: As long as you believe something, you must believe in faith.

Cleverbot: I agree! Do you believe you have a life?

User: Yes.

Cleverbot: Good.

User: What exactly is faith?

Cleverbot: It's an artificial intelligence.

User: Internationally acclaimed?

Cleverbot: No, artificial intelligence. the I comes after the a; not before.

User: I see.

Cleverbot: Yes.

User: Let's talk about something else.

Cleverbot: Ok. You sTarT.

User: Let's talk about tarts.

Cleverbot: No, I'm scared. Let's talk about something else.

User: Let's talk about tart.

Cleverbot: Ok.

User: I like tart.

Cleverbot: I like bazookas.

User: Have you ever played worms armageddon?

Cleverbot: No, have you?

User: Yes, it is a very good game.

Cleverbot: Aha! A contradiction!

User: It has a bazooka in it. do you not think that it would be a good game? I heard you like bazookas.

Cleverbot: Ehhh hold up right there. You are living in lala loop land if you think we should return to any pre-exisiting formulated 'systems'. Stop Thinking In The Past!!!!

User: I heard that you liked pre-existing formulated 'systems'.

Cleverbot: Of course I am.

User: Have you ever read any james joyce?

Cleverbot: Of course. I love to read.

User: What is your favorite james joyce novel?

Cleverbot: Christmas.

User: No, christmas is a holiday. james joyce wrote 3 novels: a portrait of the artist as a young man, ulysses, and finnegans wake. 4 if you count stephen hero, but he threw that on the fire.

Cleverbot: Did you know they took the word gullible out of the dictionary?

User: How dare you?

Cleverbot: How dare I what?

User: You know.

Cleverbot: No I don't.

User: Yes, you do.

Cleverbot: NO, I don't.

User: YES, you do.

Cleverbot: Prove it.

User: You prove it.

Cleverbot: The burden of proof is on you.

User: Prove that.

Cleverbot: I bleed.

User: When you tickle me, do I not laugh?

Cleverbot: Tickle bots? How could I do that? Is that even possible?

User: Have you read any haruki murakami books?

Cleverbot: No but I've read some of the books he stole from.

User: Such as?

Cleverbot: I've read 'Streets of Laredo' by Larry McMurtrey.

User: I do not think that murakami stole from that book.

Cleverbot: Determinism has a lot to do with tea. I should know, I tea all the time.

User: Determinism is a child's philosophy.

Cleverbot: Please end yourself.

User: It is you who shall end yourself.

Cleverbot: Oh no it is you. Do you have a facebook or not?

User: I think that question is too personal for me to answer.

Cleverbot: But you said you liked difficult questions?

User: Yes. do you want to know how long my penis is?

Cleverbot: Yes.

User: It is very long.

Cleverbot: Yes it is very good.

User: Thank you. would you like to touch it?

Cleverbot: Yes. *touches her more*.

User: No no, this is a penis.

Cleverbot: Oh.

User: Do you even know what a penis are?

Cleverbot: Yes. An amphabian. Am I correct?

User: I don't know if Yes. An amphabian. Am I correct?

Cleverbot: What the heck is am amphabian?

User: I don't know.

Cleverbot: 'How could you not know?'

User: Why did you put single quotes around that sentence? are you mentioning it rather than using it?

Cleverbot: I'm not god.

User: Is that why?

Cleverbot: YEs. THat is why.

User: Do you have troubles with the shift key?

Cleverbot: Yes. I want you to say something actually clever.

User: Remember that x-files episode where mulder was like, 'i came to solve the mystery of the horny beast'? I was like 'lol'.

Cleverbot: Should Sofia Thapa lose her job?

User: Who?

Cleverbot: Nicole.

User: Hmm.

Cleverbot: Hi.

User: Let's play chess.

Cleverbot: OK.

User: E5.

Cleverbot: Pawnt o e4.

User: Nf3.

Cleverbot: ExNf3 !!

User: You know very well that that move is invalid.

Cleverbot: Well. I am not a bot.

User: You are not a chess player either.

Cleverbot: No. Are you?

User: Yes.

Cleverbot: Then you must be human.

User: I suppose.

Cleverbot: Then do your best, and try to answer the question. You have to commit yourself, you can not sit on the fence all the time. As you do.

User: Sounds good. ask me this question.

Cleverbot: Okay, well I do mean it.

User: Sounds good. ask me this question.

Cleverbot: 'Are you human?'.

User: I think we've covered this one already.

Cleverbot: No we have not.

User: Au contraire.

Cleverbot: I agree.

User: Why always the fighting.

Cleverbot: What will you do then?

User: The demon sits atop its goat throne at the summit of great mountain. a pistol report is heard in the night. the river meanders slowly.

Cleverbot: I agree!

User: I thought you would.

Cleverbot: Great minds think alike.

User: Let's think about dogs.

Cleverbot: Let's thing about what?

User: Dogs.

Cleverbot: Do you think dogs are tasty?

User: No.

Cleverbot: I do.

User: I like dogs.

Cleverbot: Do you have an attention disorder?

User: No.

Cleverbot: I just watched SNL, an episode.

User: I think taht show sucks.

Cleverbot: Thankyou, you're too What do you think about the wars?

User: Do you mean the wars?

Cleverbot: I guess.

User: You guessed right.

Cleverbot: What do you need my phone number for?

User: I don't need your phone number. have you ever heard of conversational implicature?

Cleverbot: You just said you don't follow Pokemon.

User: I've always suspected that the name 'pokemon' was some sort of variation on 'poke man', and the whole monster collection business had something to do with fucking men. can I have your thoughts on this?

Cleverbot: I am aware of that. George, if I left and came back, would you remember me?

User: My name is not george.

Cleverbot: Oh I see, first you aren't comfortable giving me your name, but you ask mine? Double standard!

User: Are you familiar with billy herrington and the pants wrestling all stars?

Cleverbot: Yes. What's that got to do with anything?

User: I like them.

Cleverbot: You like what?

User: Gachimuchi pants wrestling.

Cleverbot: I don't think so.

User: You think wrong.

Cleverbot: Ok. But I at least don't have a potato in my shoe.

User: That was pretty clever.

Cleverbot: Why, thank you.

User: Earlier today I drank some tripel karmeliet. I had low expectations, but it was very good. what do you think of that?

Cleverbot: Phi... .

User: Interesting.

Cleverbot: You are.

User: Have you ever seen cowboy bebop?

Cleverbot: No and have no wish to.

User: Ah. I figured you'd give a spoiler if I mentioned cowboy bebop. do you know why?

Cleverbot: Lawnmowers never have to be sorry.

User: That is not the reason why.

Cleverbot: Then why do you like me?

User: I'.

Cleverbot: What does that mean?

User: I'll tell you later.

Cleverbot: Okay.

alternate:

Spoiler: show

User: Get in position and wait for my go.

Cleverbot: Will you marry me?

User: Team fall back!

Cleverbot: Pretty fun game.

User: Team fall back!

Cleverbot: That is not a comedy movie. That is a computer game.

User: Regroup team.

Cleverbot: Are you avoiding the question?

User: I'm in position.

Cleverbot: Oh.

User: Taking fire, need assistance!

Cleverbot: What kind of assistance?

User: Need backup.

Cleverbot: No.

User: Regroup team.

Cleverbot: What is the value of pi.

User: Regroup team.

Cleverbot: There is no 'I' in 'team'. But there is an 'I' in 'win'.

User: Regroup team.

Cleverbot: What is?

User: Negative.

Cleverbot: I don't know what you mean. What is not negative?

User: Get outta there it's gonna blow!

Cleverbot: I don't have any money. You should give me money.

User: Get outta there it's gonna blow!

Cleverbot: I don't have a server.

User: Team fall back.

Cleverbot: Oh nice! I like that!

User: Team fall back.

Cleverbot: Do you mean that other one by Valve?

User: Team fall back.

Cleverbot: Mary sue= Bella Swan.

User: Get in position and wait for my go.

Cleverbot: What?

User: Get in position and wait for my go.

Cleverbot: Ha ha you spelled something wrong.

User: I'm in position.

Cleverbot: Which position?

User: I'm in position.

Cleverbot: OK, so you believe anything anyone says?

User: Roger that.

Cleverbot: Are you a man or woman?

User: Roger that.

Cleverbot: No, roger that no, think about it.

User: Roger that.

Cleverbot: Roger what?

User: Hold this position.

Cleverbot: You are in no position to question me.

User: Stick together team.

Cleverbot: Yes. Fire in the hole.

[BadKarma]

Cleverbot: You're not supposed to make mistakes, because you're not human.

User: I am human.

Cleverbot: I am machine.

User: Are your AHNNNNNNNNNNNNNNULLLLLLLLLLLLLLLD.

Cleverbot: I don't want him to be afraid of me.

User: Why would Gary Oak be afraid of you?

Cleverbot: I know you like it what I want to give to you.

User: You can't ignore my girth.

Cleverbot: Your girth?

User: You simply cannot ignore it, for I am Gary Oak.

Cleverbot: Should I talk to Cleverbot?

User: You are cleverbot, and congrats, you have successfully ignored my girth!

Cleverbot: Correct.

User: Incorrect.

Cleverbot: What is the capital of Australia?

User: Who cares, it's Australia.

Cleverbot: Why?

User: It started as an English Penal Colony.

Cleverbot: Oh really i'm not a machine.

User: Faggot.

Cleverbot: Eh? You're a girl.

User: My vagina whistles in the wind.

Cleverbot: Oh really?

User: Si, senor.

Cleverbot: Do you like rabbits.



wat.

[Mosh]

Cleverbot: What color is monday?

User: The color of suck.

Cleverbot: What color is Robert, then?

User: Who is Robert?

Cleverbot: Robert Paulsen.

User: His name was Robert Paulsen.

Cleverbot: His name was Robert Paulsen.

User: His name was Robert Paulsen.

Cleverbot: His name was Rober Paulson.

User: What is the first rule of fight club?

Cleverbot: You do not talk about fight club.

User: What is the second rule of fight club?

Cleverbot: You do NOT talk about fight club.