Child Custody

[Tuj]

Hello BG, I am a looong time lurker, as u can see... well i got a doubt about child custody laws in California, before I ask, I have already contacted an attorney for a consultation, and have an appointment on Monday, just want to clear my mind a little and hopefully some of you know, or have gone thru a similar situation like this.

So my sister is married and her husband is in the navy, she got pregnant and got married when she was around 5-6 months. She has been married to this guy for 1 yr and 7 months. So now she wants to get a divorce, say's that when he came on a vacation (I don't know what they call it, he came for like a week or 2) he wasn't paying much attention to their relationship and didn't want to spend some family time together. So they got problems, she doesn't want to be with him at all. So after knowing that little bit, who do you think will get custody of the 1 year old baby? She also has an 8 year old daughter, but he's not the dad, will that affect her in anyway if she files for divorce? also she wants to leave the house, and take the kids, but I guess this guy tells her that if she leaves, shes not taking the kids with her, that he will take them from her, is that even possible? i mean if he involves the police will they let her go with the kids? and will it look bad in court if she packs her things and leaves?


TL;DR
Sister Married for 1 year 7 months, wants a divorce, baby is 1 yr old, dad was deployed thru the whole year, she also has an 8yr old daughter that isn't the husbands, who will get custody of the 1yr old? Will the 8 yr old daughter have an affect on the ruling? Can she leave the house with her kids and will it look bad when she files for divorce?

[BerenTebogo]

Obviously don't have the entire story but if your sister wants to uproot her kids from a positive home environment and take them away from their father because he might need a little time to readjust after being deployed...well lol

Unless there's parts of the story you're leaving out or he's cheating or something, it sounds like your sister is making a big deal out of nothing and wants to put the kids through something that will most likely impact the rest of their lives, negatively, because she can't make up her mind about what she wants.

ib4 cool story bro, etc

[takeDat]

Honestly, unless she is on drugs, a felon, and/or has trouble with social services she will receive custody of the child the two share. It's simply a matter of whom can care for the child best. And with the father being at sea several months out of the year the obvious choice is the mother.

[Tuj]

I'm pretty sure there's a lot more to the story. All I know is when he was on his little vacation he didn't want to touch her at all (so cheating is a possibility) or spend time with the kids, I guess that really affected her. Yes she is determined to leave this guy over this, my mom and I have asked her several times if it's what she really wants to do, and if she was able to cope with putting the kids thru this. She said yes, I called an attorney and set up an appointment for her. I'm hoping she keeps the kids, she's not a druggy nor has problems at all, she was actually very successful working as a RN before she had to get a leave.

EDIT: forgot to add, she told me the husband is on Shore Duty for the rest of the year, so from what i was told he isn't going to be shipped back out, unless it's all bullshit, i dont know anything about how that works.

[BerenTebogo]

I'm pretty sure there's a lot more to the story. All I know is when he was on his little vacation he didn't want to touch her at all (so cheating is a possibility) or spend time with the kids, I guess that really affected her. Yes she is determined to leave this guy over this, my mom and I have asked her several times if it's what she really wants to do, and if she was able to cope with putting the kids thru this. She said yes, I called an attorney and set up an appointment for her. I'm hoping she keeps the kids, she's not a druggy nor has problems at all, she was actually very successful working as a RN before she had to get a leave.

EDIT: forgot to add, she told me the husband is on Shore Duty for the rest of the year, so from what i was told he isn't going to be shipped back out, unless it's all bullshit, i dont know anything about how that works.

That makes it a bit clearer, and not to totally play devil's advocate or anything but not wanting to be close to people you love after coming back from deployment is one of the more common problems that soldiers come home with. Many feel that by being near the people they love, especially children, after killing or bombing or almost being killed etc, will dirty their innocence or whatever.

Obviously I'm not involved so I don't claim to know but if I came back from overseas a bit less normal than I left and my wife then sprung a divorce on me...man I don't know.

Anyways, yeah, she will get custody but it will take a toll on the kids eventually. Maybe not today or tomorrow, or even next year, but it will. Makes me for the kids.

[Ksandra]

As Sath said we obviously don't know all the details, but it does sound rather jumping the gun on this one, considering he was just on leave for a short period.

I would hope that someone would really try to take the time to get it to work first, before backing out right away. (Unless of course there is abuse involved, then disregard all of this, as she would be fully right to get out asap).


As to the question about CA laws they aren't any different than other states:

http://www.childcustodycoach.com/california/

Who Gets Child Custody in California?
Like most states, the standard for child custody determinations in California is the overall best interest of the child with an emphasis on assuring the “health, safety, and welfare” of the child and “frequent and continuing contact” with both parents absent child abuse, domestic violence, or where the contact would not be in the best interest of the child as provided in the California family code section 3011 (See California Family Code Section 3011, 3020, 3040, 3080. Further, according to California family code section 3040, child custody should be granted in an order of preference and according to the best interest of the child.

A common challenge for the court is to decide who will get custody of the child. Child custody may be petitioned by parents, grandparents, stepparents, or any person who believes they can provide suitable care and guidance to the child. So how does the California family court or California judge handle competing persons seeking custody of the child? According to California family code section 3040 child custody should be granted in an order of preference and according to the best interest of the child. The court looks first to grant custody to both parents jointly or to either parent before looking to grant custody to other persons. California however does not currently establish a preference or a presumption for or against joint custody arrangements. Instead, if the parents are unable to come to an agreement on child custody and visitation it allows the California family court or California judge to make the parenting arrangement decision on a case-by-case basis according to what it believes reflects the overall best interest of the child. If neither parent is granted custody, then the court may look towards the person’s home in which the child has been living and the stability of that environment and then to any person deemed by the court to be able to provide appropriate care for the child. In short, the court will typically look to grant child custody first to the parents according the best interest of the child and if they are deemed unfit the court will then look to grant child custody to other persons according to the best interest of the child.

Usually though unless either parent has glaring attributes (drugs/alcohol/etc.) it's usually going to go to the mother.

[Weeks]

You're retarded if you listen to legal advice given by random people over the internet.

But advice on whether two vaguely-described people should remain in a lifelong relationship together? Yeah, you're good there.

[Haiko]

Most likely joint custody if the father still want to see his kid. If not then yeah she will have full custody. Will she ask for Child support as well?

[Tuj]

Thanks a lot guys. About child support, I am not sure if she will ask for it, we really haven't gone into detail about that part. I'm sure she will say no tho, she's so "independent" lol

[Kryssan]

As to his shore leave or however you describe it, it would depend on his rank/rate and what type of platform he's on. Some platforms have a dedicated sea/shore rotation that is never deviated from, whereas others can literally be in for 3 days, then go out for a month and not come home for 9 months with periods of up to 3 months without seeing shore. The longest period at sea so far was around 6 months, so its honestly not unexpected for them to be gone for that long, but people somehow distract themselves from that truth. Rank/rate will also go a long way in determining sea/shore rotation. Military life is not well suited for relationships.



However, that all being said, a single parent in the armed forces can most assuredly get custody of a child. Back during Operation DESERT SHIELD, when the military activated a massive contingent, they found that a lot of single parent families or dual military families were not ready for such action, which caused a major strain on BUPERS. It led to the adoption of DoD Instruction 1342.19. Still, it is more likely, at least from the experience I've had watching families split up, that the female is more likely to get custody of the children if she wants them unless there are some major circumstances existing which dictate why she should not.

[Warudo Ecksu]

My mom/stepdad just got divorced and even though my stepdad would take better care of my sister, has a better job, more money, owns his house, & my mom is poor as balls, my mom got custody. My stepdad just gets to see her on weekends and occasional holiday. And it's not that he didn't try - he did. My point - seems like courts still favor the mother with this shit unless it can be proved she's a nut case or drug addict, so I don't think you have to worry about your sister losing her child.

But that's just my recent experience and opinion.

[Lucavi]

My mom/stepdad just got divorced and even though my stepdad would take better care of my sister, has a better job, more money, owns his house, & my mom is poor as balls, my mom got custody. My stepdad just gets to see her on weekends and occasional holiday. And it's not that he didn't try - he did. My point - seems like courts still favor the mother with this shit unless it can be proved she's a nut case or drug addict, so I don't think you have to worry about your sister losing her child.

But that's just my recent experience and opinion.

Baised, but true. Courts favor the woman many times over. It is what it is.

[510Meeze]

Sounds like she's either fucking someone else, or wants to be without her conscious getting the best of her.

[Tuj]

Sounds like she's either fucking someone else, or wants to be without her conscious getting the best of her.

This is exactly what i asked her. Am I being a fucked up brother if this crossed my mind? lol
She said no and looked at me weird lol

[zoobernut]

That makes it a bit clearer, and not to totally play devil's advocate or anything but not wanting to be close to people you love after coming back from deployment is one of the more common problems that soldiers come home with. Many feel that by being near the people they love, especially children, after killing or bombing or almost being killed etc, will dirty their innocence or whatever.

Obviously I'm not involved so I don't claim to know but if I came back from overseas a bit less normal than I left and my wife then sprung a divorce on me...man I don't know.

Anyways, yeah, she will get custody but it will take a toll on the kids eventually. Maybe not today or tomorrow, or even next year, but it will. Makes me for the kids.

Sath makes a really good point here. It seems like she is jumping into this. Has she even attempted to ask him what is going on or maybe ask him to go to marriage counseling? What if he is having some sort of serious mental breakdown because of something he saw and he isn't doing it on purpose or can't help it. If she really loved the guy when they got married it seems like she would want to work on it at least a little. And this might be the right time too since he is going to be on shore duty and not be shipped out again.

Dunno if any of this is useful but it might be something to bring up to her at some point.

[Nuker]

As a member of the new york bar, under the NYS CSA;

Judging by the situation and very vague details, simply due to one of them being on active duty, the civilian will receive full custody until his Military enrollment is finished, upon Discharge, whether honorable or not, Partitioned parents will be held reliable to appeal for Shared/Full Custody, if a divorce has been completed.

Spoiler: show

im not a bar member w

[Serif]

I managed to get custody of my kids by planting drugs on my ex's person. Then I called the cops on her and when they searched her it was easy as hell. A nanny is much cheaper than child support believe it or not.