Rules of Love (A No Right Answer Thread!)

[QuePsiXI]

Miz do I need to quote posts that support my claim that you are a hater? It doesn't take away the fact that you're dropping truths here like it's Def Poetry.

One of which was the sex bucketlist. I am absolutely in love with my girl, but I do have a wandering eye. I'm strong enough not to let it be a wandering dick, but life would be so much easier if I would have got those "indiscretions" out of the way. She is not one I can say "oh I'll find another so let me go be a male whore." But my first year being frat was supposed to be full of threesomes, blowjobs in a Nissan, and new and exciting STDs, not beginning a long-distance relationship. C'mon, me.

I actually wanted to answer all the questions because I saw this thread damn near just as it was posted yesterday. And calm Isladar is weird, but I ain't hatin'. But for now I"ll just lurk.

[isladar]

Actually, not to derail the sexy fite that's evidently brewing, I've heard a lot of different lines from men, either from the "Yeah, guys are always going to be shopping, if only just with our eyes/heads" camp or the "I WOULD NEVER EVER LOOK AT ANOTHER WOMAN" group, who we all know are lying. LYING.

Do you think indiscretions are something to 'get out of the way', that the desire for them is 'natural', or do you think that there is influence externally by constantly being told that as a man your eyes or dick tend to wander?

And calm Isladar is weird, but I ain't hatin'. But for now I"ll just lurk.

Protip: it's usually safe when I'm yelling, it's when I'm quiet that shit gets real. REAL. To be fair, the OP was a day-after, let-me-put-this-in-appropriate-for-public form. During the actual conversation there was a lot of cussing.

[Mizango]

Miz do I need to quote posts that support my claim that you are a hater? It doesn't take away the fact that you're dropping truths here like it's Def Poetry.

lol

One of which was the sex bucketlist. I am absolutely in love with my girl, but I do have a wandering eye. I'm strong enough not to let it be a wandering dick, but life would be so much easier if I would have got those "indiscretions" out of the way. She is not one I can say "oh I'll find another so let me go be a male whore." But my first year being frat was supposed to be full of threesomes, blowjobs in a Nissan, and new and exciting STDs, not beginning a long-distance relationship. C'mon, me.

I feel you on that, I can honestly look back with no regrets in that regard. I will spare you the details because some of the shit I did and witnesses would strain our friendship. I mean, some shit is just so vile and filthy...

And calm Isladar is weird, but I ain't hatin'.

Shhh, we don't need our rivers running red this early in the morn... No seriously, you should seriously hear our nerdy pillow talk. We fap to science and archaeology all day long.

Isladar:

[BerenTebogo]

Actually, not to derail the sexy fite that's evidently brewing, I've heard a lot of different lines from men, either from the "Yeah, guys are always going to be shopping, if only just with our eyes/heads" camp or the "I WOULD NEVER EVER LOOK AT ANOTHER WOMAN" group, who we all know are lying. LYING.

Do you think indiscretions are something to 'get out of the way', that the desire for them is 'natural', or do you think that there is influence externally by constantly being told that as a man your eyes or dick tend to wander?



Protip: it's usually safe when I'm yelling, it's when I'm quiet that shit gets real. REAL. To be fair, the OP was a day-after, let-me-put-this-in-appropriate-for-public form. During the actual conversation there was a lot of cussing.

The people who are going to cheat are the people who are going to cheat, regardless of circumstance. As Caiti pointed out earlier a lot of the girls she's worked with over the years come in and gossip, "Oh mark pissed me off this weekend so I slept with his best friend teehee."

It's more common than you'd like to think. Obviously the same goes for guys though. Urges in your pants will always be natural in some form or another, you're always going to see someone who isn't your wife or husband who you find attractive. How you handle the situations you allow yourself to get into that involve them are what define you as a husband or wife.

I don't think it's healthy for a husband and wife to be watching TV together when a victoria's secret commercial comes on and the husband has to resort to, "no honey, I don't think those women are anywhere near as pretty as you." I mean really, what good is the lying? Just creates tension when one or the other in a relationship feels that they cannot be open with their partner.

That being said though it all goes back to how you handle yourself. Husband in Grad school while wife is at work and a hot fellow student wants to go back to her place to study. Are you going to put yourself in that situation for the small chance that it is just to study? Or are you going to say that you can meet them in the library for a bit before you have to go home to see your wife? How out of control a person lets a precarious situation get depends ultimately not on how many girls / guys you fucked prior to getting married, but on how much the marriage means to you.

If at 65 years old the worst thing you can say about your life is that you didn't fuck enough women when you were younger are you really that much worse off?

Edit: And I think the old saying that guys always cheat and women never do is null and void in this day and age. An attractive woman, despite a ring, will always be pursued by some form of douchebag or assbag, no matter how clear the signs. Some women like the attention and one thing leads to another, some women just don't give a fuck and think the guy is hot (same is said for guys)

It all comes down to what matters more to you, regardless of whether you have a dick or a vagoo.

[QuePsiXI]

Yeah I see her slowly getting hyphy, so I will let sleeping dogs lie.

To answer that question:

Do you think indiscretions are something to 'get out of the way', that the desire for them is 'natural', or do you think that there is influence externally by constantly being told that as a man your eyes or dick tend to wander?

Yes, I do. Why? Because I never cheated. Since none of you niggas know me, I'll go ahead and disclose a little known fact: I was a virgin until 21. Now, being that I'm not shit here, that doesn't break waves like when Chappelle announced that he had the cure to AIDS. But people who know me or see me would not assume this.

Now, once I did start having sex, I'm Pringles(once you pop...). But still, in none of my relationships have I cheated; I'd sooner break up. Having eyes to say "oh that's cute" is okay; women do that with dresses and puppies, nobody raises an eyebrow.

However, having eyes that glue on the ass and then the head whips in 180 degrees as she walks past and you keep walking and then bump into a baby stroller and trip into a woman who just finished lactating so now you have improper thoughts in your head and foreign milk on your cheek....yeah that's not okay.

----
So tl;dr non-incredibly hood and random version, our hormones really aren't that raging. Plenty of people who could whore out have women that they want to be committed to, and that's that. But we allow that myth to continue because it has benefits when utilized properly.

[Acturus]

However, having eyes that glue on the ass and then the head whips in 180 degrees as she walks past and you keep walking and then bump into a baby stroller and trip into a woman who just finished lactating so now you have improper thoughts in your head and foreign milk on your cheek....yeah that's not okay.

See, I could totally see this happening to you, man.

[#686578]

Thank you, I really appreciate the responses, especially from people who've had long long long engagements. It seems that all of the mentioned circumstances were done with a lot of communication, which is, to me, about the same thing as saying "Here is a fixed date".

I did want to comment on this:



Of course there is not absolutely perfect moment, financially or otherwise. However, there is such a thing as a Type I error, and doing something because "Well what if it I regret it if I don't" seems like a terrible reason to commit yourself to something that should be an arrangement that is an expression of being able to ask someone to spend the rest of their life with you, because you're offering the rest of your life to them.

There is no by-the-numbers method to the procedure of finding and marrying the person you love. What I do find immensely insulting is using that arrangement to facilitate some sort of 'security' that isn't present right now. I told him that the person to say yes to that kind of proposal is the exactly what he deserves, regardless of whether he initiates the move or if she supposedly 'wants it' by hinting at such.

And salient detail that I forgot to mention: This woman (girl, let's be honest) refuses to give the guy a blowjob. This fact is being saved for my last-ditch trump card if he doesn't pull his head out of his ass. CONGRATULATIONS, YOU'RE NEVER GETTING BLOWN AGAIN.

By the by, the by-the-numbers method of finding and marrying the person you love is finding a sixteen year old.

[Colenzo]

You've asked me like three times already

We're no strangers to love.
You know the rules, and so do I.

Basically all im saying is that this thread is pointless because we all know the rules.

[Electro]

I personally believe it all depends on the two people at hand whether or not this and that will work. Yes I know this is a generic answer but its true. People are only bystanders to another persons relationship. Regardless of whether you see them arguing out in public doesn't mean that when they are home everything isn't perfect. So I believe engagement without a date set is definitely ok depending on the people's circumstances.

I myself am currently engaged. Have been engaged for about a year and will remain engaged through the rest of this year. We have set a date, but it wasn't going to be immediately. There are things we wanted to do as an "us" before we wanted to get married into a legal binding arrangement. We both wanted to travel together, we wanted to experience each others temperaments while living in the same house, and we wanted each other to finish working on some of their goals (IE: Wanted her to find a job she enjoys doing what she enjoys with what she went to school for. Also for me to finish the restoration of a vehicle I have been working on for a few years). The reason wanting to finish these were of importance were because they each are things that require time and money. Not to mention this also enables her to plan the "wedding of her dreams."

We all know marriage will bring a different way of life; house, kids, the entire family aspect. So we both needed to be ready. The engagement showed her that yes I do want to marry her but I also want to finish what we started. Financially we are both well off, and this time and length of the engagement has been all for planning the future. I know alot of people don't plan but I prefer to, regardless of if something comes up, I just see it as an obstacle in the way that we overcome. Plus we are in the process of getting a house built so its stuff we want to build a family into instead of making a transition from marriage>house>kids.

Sorry for the wall of text. Sorry if it doesn't make too much since, as I am typing while working on paperwork.

[willriker]

In my experience, cheating is an equal opportunity thing.

Ive never done it, but i know people of both sex's who have.