Online Dating - Anyone tried/willing to share experiences and/or tips?

[Benevolentone]

Well I tried with this site and I have realized that online dating is not for me. Not in the slightest. I can not simply make that jump where I see an attractive female, or an interesting one at the least, and then try anything with them. I have a very rigid set of standards(doesn't mean I am too picky, just means that there are certain things a girl NEEDS to have) and need to know a girl for quite some time before I can even think of asking her out. Sites like this had women who were too direct for my tastes, and apparently I was not very desirable from my online profile because I tried messaging alot of people and never got an answer back, save maybe 1/10. So I am totally turned off to OkCupid and other dating sites now.

But good news, I went to a house show, which is something that I have never done before, and met a handful of new people. One of these people was an attractive, interesting girl. We kept catching each other looking at one another across the room and eventually we talked between bands about random stuff, mostly about Lost and my adamant stance that all cool people should watch Twin Peaks at least once. Anyway so near the end of the night I find out she has a boyfriend, which is a huge disappointment to me. He seems to like me when we talked but threatened that his girlfriend was talking to me alone a few times. At the end of the night as I was getting ready to head home she stops me and gives me her phone and asks that I put my number in so that, as she put it, I could call her next time I go to a show so we could meet up. Now my question. I know she has a boyfriend, but is this possibly ample evidence that she is at least interested in me? Does anyone think it is a good/bad idea to maybe ask her to do something low-key like go out for coffee? I have never asked anyone out and gotten a positive response so even attempting this petrifies me and I want to be as sure of things as I can possibly be before I do anything.

tl;dr

I met cool girl. She has a BF. She seemed interested. WUT DO I DO?!?

[Maguspk]

Well I tried with this site and I have realized that online dating is not for me. Not in the slightest. I can not simply make that jump where I see an attractive female, or an interesting one at the least, and then try anything with them. I have a very rigid set of standards(doesn't mean I am too picky, just means that there are certain things a girl NEEDS to have) and need to know a girl for quite some time before I can even think of asking her out. Sites like this had women who were too direct for my tastes, and apparently I was not very desirable from my online profile because I tried messaging alot of people and never got an answer back, save maybe 1/10. So I am totally turned off to OkCupid and other dating sites now.

But good news, I went to a house show, which is something that I have never done before, and met a handful of new people. One of these people was an attractive, interesting girl. We kept catching each other looking at one another across the room and eventually we talked between bands about random stuff, mostly about Lost and my adamant stance that all cool people should watch Twin Peaks at least once. Anyway so near the end of the night I find out she has a boyfriend, which is a huge disappointment to me. He seems to like me when we talked but threatened that his girlfriend was talking to me alone a few times. At the end of the night as I was getting ready to head home she stops me and gives me her phone and asks that I put my number in so that, as she put it, I could call her next time I go to a show so we could meet up. Now my question. I know she has a boyfriend, but is this possibly ample evidence that she is at least interested in me? Does anyone think it is a good/bad idea to maybe ask her to do something low-key like go out for coffee? I have never asked anyone out and gotten a positive response so even attempting this petrifies me and I want to be as sure of things as I can possibly be before I do anything.

tl;dr

I met cool girl. She has a BF. She seemed interested. WUT DO I DO?!?

If she has a BF don't even bother man. It's a respect thing, how would you feel if you knew some guy was trying to get with a girl you were seeing? Unless this girl is like the best ass you'll ever get, the answer is always a succinct, 'No.' I see nothing wrong with keeping the number and the friendship but don't go out of your way for her. She could also just be trying to add a notch in her belt, as soon as she gets you to commit to something showing you're in it to win it, she'll back out knowing she 'succeeded', women love that shit.

[Headspace]

If she's willing to cheat with you, she's willing to cheat on you.

[Benevolentone]

If she's willing to cheat with you, she's willing to cheat on you.

Hmm maybe I should rephrase it. I would not be trying anything with her at first. Just to get to know her. See if what I saw that night was real. If it was then I may be interested for real. But I would need to know. And also regarding the cheating thing, I will never touch a girl who has a boyfriend, but if her boyfriend sucks, neglects her or is emotionally unavailable or is a dick, w/e, then too fucking bad she deserves better. I for sure don't support sniffing around relationships. I am always good friend to girls with BF's, hoping that when/if the break up I would be able to sweep her off her feet, then I wait a respectable time before taking my chance, to let her get over her last relationship and then BAM she is with someone else. Always happens. Anywho yeah I would never be interested in a girl who I thought would cheat on her boyfriend, but there is nothing wrong with realizing the relationship you are in is over and finding someone better.

EDIT: I am NOT looking to fuck. I am 20. I am a virgin. I am quite content with waiting for the right person. I don't want to get drunk and fuck some random girl. So this whole thing has NOTHING to do with sex.

[SephYuyX]

BF/GF is not the same as being engaged/married.
I think it's kind of expected that people will still be 'shopping' around in this phase one way or another. While what Mag said is probably true in a lot of cases, you never knowm and she may just not be happy with her current BF and want to explore better.

I am not one to mince words, and for some reason people like to beat around the bush when it comes to dating (that whole chasing shit), but my advice would be to just call her and just ask directly what the situation is lol. It'll solve your probelm right then and there.


And yeah Cyn, everyone is pretty much atheist/agnostic that meet those other standards. Also true with Neo, I cant give you one example of a catholic girl I knew when I was younger who didnt pop out a kid out of wedlock.

[Guitarman]

bene: take my advice, it's not worth it. if you have a shred of decency you'll feel like shit for breaking the man-code by going for another guy's woman. an unhappy girlfriend is probably the easiest girl to get in the sack, but your conscience will get the better of you, i know, i've been in that situation. don't even call or text her back, even to "just see". forget about her and move on, there's ALWAYS another woman.

[The Stig]

bene: I agree with you about the man code/waiting thing, I too am kinda waiting but not really since she is overseas, but I get the feeling she doesn't want to be with her fiancee much... anyhow...

Since this topic was bumped, I was going to create a new one, but instead i'll stash it here.

Anyone got experience with Speed Dating? I totally forgot about that so skipped straight to online. But Speed Dating seems to be a possible/easier venue for now.

[Zoolander]

What the fuck are you guys talking about? This bitch isn't married FFS, you nor he have any idea what their relationship is. Im not saying let the girl cheat on her BF with you, but this man-code is bull shit in this type of situation. Guilty conscience? Gimme a break, for all you know her and her "bf" could be going out for a week and he can't even make her orgasm. Doesn't exactly sound like bene is constantly pulling in the chicks either, at least look into it for both your sakes.

[AoE]

I love reading when guys like bene ask themselves or people on message boards why chicks pick other dudes over them.

Sooner you stop restricting yourself with "rules" the easier it becomes to get out there, within reason of course.

[Conrad]

What the fuck are you guys talking about? This bitch isn't married FFS, you nor he have any idea what their relationship is. Im not saying let the girl cheat on her BF with you, but this man-code is bull shit in this type of situation. Guilty conscience? Gimme a break, for all you know her and her "bf" could be going out for a week and he can't even make her orgasm. Doesn't exactly sound like bene is constantly pulling in the chicks either, at least look into it for both your sakes.

HAcoreRD.

[Ensam]

What the fuck are you guys talking about? This bitch isn't married FFS, you nor he have any idea what their relationship is. Im not saying let the girl cheat on her BF with you, but this man-code is bull shit in this type of situation. Guilty conscience? Gimme a break, for all you know her and her "bf" could be going out for a week and he can't even make her orgasm. Doesn't exactly sound like bene is constantly pulling in the chicks either, at least look into it for both your sakes.

x2

Shit's situational.

"If she cheats with you, she'll cheat on you" is extremely solid advice but what I'm talking here isn't fucking/cheating. Going after another guy's girl (And having her leave him for you) is different from cheating with her on him. You hold that off until they break up, and it's a way to see if she actually cares rather than just wanting another notch on her belt.

And, I don't want this to come off the wrong way, but based off your two posts I think you have a misguided view of what a relationship really is, Bene.

Also, did anyone else get the e-mail of being knocked up to the "most attractive users" group thing? I'm curious if it's real or if it's more of a ploy to get you to keep using their site (I got it two weeks to the day after I signed up).

[SephYuyX]

Got mine 21 days after signup.

[Benevolentone]

And, I don't want this to come off the wrong way, but based off your two posts I think you have a misguided view of what a relationship really is, Bene.

Also, did anyone else get the e-mail of being knocked up to the "most attractive users" group thing? I'm curious if it's real or if it's more of a ploy to get you to keep using their site (I got it two weeks to the day after I signed up).

Just curious but how so do you mean? I know that I have very... different views on what a real relationship is compared to my friends but I always appreciate discussing it. Things like relationships are incredibly important to me so I don't want to rush things with anyone without being sure that I know what I am getting into before taking the dive. I just can't see myself with just anyone. Or for that matter, with anyone lol.

Also I got that e-mail. I assume it is BS, just because it seems like something a dating site would send out to all its members to boost confidence.

[Nirokun!]

There's nothing wrong with having more friends (esp female friends) to set you up. But don't be a homewrecker. Bullshit like "they've been together a week and he cant give her an orgasm" is just bullshit. Don't make up shit to justify being a douche

[Benevolentone]

There's nothing wrong with having more friends (esp female friends) to set you up. But don't be a homewrecker. Bullshit like "they've been together a week and he cant give her an orgasm" is just bullshit. Don't make up shit to justify being a douche

Just curious but do you think that breaking up an obviously bad relationship that isn't even extremely committed is really comparable to homewrecking? I don't respect people who stay in bad relationships because they think if they stick it out they can "change" the guy/girl or whatever. If you aren't working move on. Simple as that. Forcing something that isn't working is a bad idea.

[Maguspk]

Nobody cares if you think their relationship is right or wrong, it's their choice as the parties involved what they do.

[Cephius]

Just curious but do you think that breaking up an obviously bad relationship that isn't even extremely committed is really comparable to homewrecking? I don't respect people who stay in bad relationships because they think if they stick it out they can "change" the guy/girl or whatever. If you aren't working move on. Simple as that. Forcing something that isn't working is a bad idea.

Because it's immature. Some relationships get off to rocky starts but get better as the two learn each other and adjust. There's nothing wrong with that.

The main point is, who are you to judge someone else's relationship? If you care about the chick you're talking about, you'll let her figure things out for herself. To repeat what the other guy said... don't be a douche.

[Nirokun!]

Just curious but do you think that breaking up an obviously bad relationship that isn't even extremely committed is really comparable to homewrecking? I don't respect people who stay in bad relationships because they think if they stick it out they can "change" the guy/girl or whatever. If you aren't working move on. Simple as that. Forcing something that isn't working is a bad idea.

If two people in a bad relationship arent ready to break up, why get involved in their mess?

If you don't respect people in a bad relationship, why are you trying to get with one of them?



Answering questions with questions. Trying to change someone into a more desirable person is just as backwards as trying to break up people that you don't see fit to be together*. Also, with all the single people out there, why go after someone in a relationship?

(*This is assuming it isnt like, an abuse situation.)

[Zoolander]

A home wrecker...lol what a joke. Talk about being overdramatic. You are only making my point for me, he doesnt and couldnt understand their relationship, so if she is obviously interested in him then why wouldnt he pursue it if he is also interested? Plenty of people stay in mediocre relationships until they find something better.

Why go after someone in a relationship? SHE went after him ffs, obviously that tells you something. I'm not saying be the guy that she is cheating on her BF with, but I don't see any reason at all why you wouldnt pursue her if she basically told you she wanted you to.

You guys must be serious pushovers if you honestly think it is his responsibility to turn her away because "some relationships get off to rocky starts but get better as the two learn each other and adjust."

[Fistandantilus]

I'm gonna agree with Zoolander. I don't agree at all with breaking up relationships, but you aren't chasing this girl down for a quick fuck or anything. You hit it off and she wants to go to another art show with you, she's not saying hey call me for a quickie, she just wants to hang out and get to know you a bit. Some girls just want to be friends but have jealous boyfriends who instantly hate every guy they see, it's possible she doesn't want to fuck you. Or she's in a relationship she isn't very serious about and wants to see what kind of guy you are.

I would invite her to another show but go into it with zero expectations. I would consider it like going out with a new friend who's a girl. If she brings it up or is being flirty you will be able to tell and then you can question her a bit about her motives and find out if she's just a tramp looking for another notch in her belt or a cool girl who happens to be in an awkward situation.