Men: On infidelity, adultery and marriage

[Pirian]

Sounds like a self-control issue, lol

[Yuri-G]

if you really want to be trying to get laid at age 40, go for it.

I'd rather settle down before then. not yet. but before 40 for sure.

that's really what it comes down to.

and hey, nothing wrong with open relationships for those who can't settle down completely. well, I shouldn't say nothing. but they're not inherently flawed like some people seem to think. they can be a great option for people who feel the need to cheat... because cheaters need love too, and if they can cheat on each other with permission but still wake up next to the same person every day, I think they should go for it.

[Pirian]

if you really want to be trying to get laid at age 40, go for it.

I'd rather settle down before then. not yet. but before 40 for sure.

that's really what it comes down to.

and hey, nothing wrong with open relationships for those who can't settle down completely. well, I shouldn't say nothing. but they're not inherently flawed like some people seem to think. they can be a great option for people who feel the need to cheat... because cheaters need love too, and if they can cheat on each other with permission but still wake up next to the same person every day, I think they should go for it.

The swingers life, baby!

[Tristam]

I don't think this problem is unique to men, rates of infidelity among women are quickly approaching those of men.

That being said, I've seen some marriages break down over sexual issues, and I've been cheated on myself. Having seen and felt how shitty it makes people feel, I don't do it. It IS a difficult thing to train yourself not to think of other women that way, especially when someone at work or something gets a little flirty. You just have to set up boundaries, and make a conscious effort to be the person you want to be.

In my limited experience, inevitably sex gets boring for the women, or too infrequent for the man, or whatever, and both parties end up unhappy. They're too afraid to talk about it, and it gets worse. Eventually, one person will justify infidelity to themselves, and it might as well be the end of the relationship at that point. Gotta learn to talk about what you want I guess.

[archibaldcrane]

I would break up with my girl before I would cheat on her

This. If you don't want to be in a committed sexual relationship, don't enter one. If you entered one and change your mind about it, get out of it first. Cheating is just lazy.

[Antithesis]

This question is just directed at women because it's something that was brought up the other day with people at work. Why is it that women decide to get married? As far as I am concerned, women are just too unstable / unsatisfiable to be with anyone. They end up bitching all day about the men they're with and never actually address the problem. I am sure men do this as well but probably not to the same extreme as women.

My question is why? Why bother getting married with someone if 5 - 10 years down the road you are going to end up bitching about someone every day? Why are we so unstable that we cannot stay with one man?

PS: I am probably generalizing a bit when I say all women. Most women**


Look, I can do it too!

EDIT: Also, it sounds like you need to grow up a little bit and exercise some self-control if you "lose your mind" whenever someone attractive walks by you. Jesus christ.

It's not for me. A whole bunch of the the 30+ men from work were talking about this.

[Antithesis]

Also for fuck sakes this question was just aimed at men. If women want to fucking say shit too I don't fucking care but I this was directed at the men. It's in the OP.

[Meresgi]

This. If you don't want to be in a committed sexual relationship, don't enter one. If you entered one and change your mind about it, get out of it first. Cheating is just lazy.

http://funny4me.com/wp-content/uploa...hate-eagle.jpg



But yeah I agree, i've been cheated on I even confronted her about it and she lied to my face about the whole thing, that shit is what gets me angrier then just the cheating.

[Hatedregret]

Honestly, Most of the times while dating, your signifigant other sleeps with you more often and is open to doing all those dirty things we all secretly love. Once married, it can become stale. It can become boring and routine. Children add to this as well because you feel as though you grow apart somewhat. After time, women(mainly) want sex less in a marriage where men(usually) are always horny. It's one of the few things We ever get into a fight about. This could easily lead some men to cheat. Physical need is real, its painful, and needed by men. It keeps us from killing you all.

Also, It matters as to your attraction level to women and availability to attractive women. If women flirt with you and want you while not getting anything from your wife, I honestly think it's her fault you do it provided you've tried very hard to explain things plainly to her.

[Milkster]

Will save marriages.

Spoiler: show

http://4.bp.blogspot.com/_I2uQkGxIyk...00x399+mcs.jpg

[Carrilei]

I would break up with my girl before I would cheat on her, but I guess that's just me?

That's what I live by, and that's all I'd ask a girlfriend to do in terms of cheating. I can live with being dumped - being cheated on, not so much. I've been in one relationship, was cheated on, and so my concerns there are really amplified. I'm pretty fucking jaded now, it'd take someone special for me to fathom even beginning trusting someone again in that way. Fool me once, shame on you, fool me twice, shame on me, etc.

I don't think people realize how much it hurts to find out that your girlfriend or boyfriend has betrayed you in the most intimate way. Rape, torture, murder - very rare things in terms of every day life. Cheating obviously isn't in that category, but it's by far the worst thing people do to eachother on an every-day basis. It's suggested that roughly half the population has cheated.. It's probably more than 50%, but either way, we're talking billions of people that have decided their selfish desire is more important than the person they supposedly care most about.

In short, humans are scum!

[Kumbai]

Will save marriages.

Spoiler: show

http://4.bp.blogspot.com/_I2uQkGxIyk...00x399+mcs.jpg

I find fleshlights scary lol.

[Alleya]

It's a social construct. It's important to people for some reason, and the situations you describe is when it's important for no reason at all. In the old days many things were attached to marriage, from land ownership/kingdoms/avoiding intense social stigma, but now marriage is just something you do, and that is why it is becoming increasingly dilute as a concept. Some people assign more importance to it than others. There's also the social engineering factor of it--the government is run on the basis of the family unit, which marriage is an important part of.

I don't buy that infidelity is inevitable, and even then there is such a thing as an open relationship. Sexual exclusivity is an agreement between partners, not an inherent component of marriage. Infidelity doesn't necessarily invalidate the concept of marriage when the definition is becoming increasingly nebulous.

The reasons for its continued existence are myriad. OP isn't necessarily wrong, but not necessarily right. If you don't want to get married and your woman agrees, then OK, whatever, but you're going to face some pitfalls with that from a purely legal standpoint. Many states consider you married to someone you live with for more than ~7 years anyway.

[Mizango]

This. If you don't want to be in a committed sexual relationship, don't enter one. If you entered one and change your mind about it, get out of it first. Cheating is just lazy.

^ This.

There is not such thing as "too horny" or anything justifyable, too horny means you just hit your pussy stride too late. I had a fucking blast being single and did things that only a select few people on the planet know about. Most people fall head over heels and try to lock a bitch down and settle when they're 20, and there are quite a few of you guys here in this thread so I wont call names, but if you do that then you are practically asking for trouble.

I cant speak for everyone, just for myself. I just wanted to get that out in the open before these bitches that cant keep a woman come strolling in, dropping real_nigga comparisons. Guys are too quick to settle down and for the most part are as bad as women. If you KNOW you are into a certain thing, a hardcore gamer or have some of the wall fetish, know that and find someone that has the same interests, too many of us think we can lock down the first piece of ass we get and try to 'change it' and conform it to what we want our dream slut to be and it doesn't work like that. Never has, never will.

I don't get cheating, if you guys would take time out to enjoy being single and actually talk to and enjoy the company of a woman without turning into a creep then this wouldn't be that bad an issue. Just take a FWB situation at face value and keep it simple. Once youve committed to someone and have taken it to the next level, its too late to realize that you've made a mistake and resorting to cheating speaks volumes of what a failure you are at recognizing your own faults. Its too easy to play the "im a man" card. "All men do it" is a cop out and could have been avoided if you were payed attention to what you were boning.

Thats just my two cents, I know there are people here that hell bent on believing that "all women cheat, so why not" and single guys all up in this bitch slanging around advice like its going out of style. Posting from my phone and this was a pain in the ass, ill elaborate more when I get home.

[Zilong]

There isn't much problem in this life that you can't solve with a good imagination and a skillful hand

[Nevex]

Am I the only one who thinks that the best way to deal with your girlfriend cheating is toying with her feelings and make her feel like a useless piece of junk and that you were just using her anyway (regardless the fact it's true or not)? If done properly you can even induce her to suicide! Works wonders if you show zero anger - just act like you don't care at all.

...don't take the above very seriously, but it's an option if you feel like acting like a complete asshole.

[Mizango]

I honestly dont know how I'd handle that. Contrary to Titanssonian logic that is a foreign concept to most guys. I mean I see how people react on TV and I think it would depend on the situation of if the guy knew before hand or not.

[Hatedregret]

Boyfriend/girlfriend and marriage are also two completely different things. Marriage involves finances, children, family friends, mortgages etc. It's not really like you can wake up, look at your wife and kids, say meh, and leave. Everyone using that "just leave" arguement is flawed.

Communication is the answer and sadly not a lot of men and women can do that about sex openly. Feelings get hurt(which can lead to LESS sex).

Fleshlight looks silly and I would not be able to bear having that sitting out for someone to see or (vomits) cleaning it each and every time.

[Arelian]

Really, my big problem with the post is insinuating that almost all men cheat and basically saying that women don't do it nearly as often. Both sides cheat and usually for the same reasons.

It's extremely hard to keep your relationship open to the point where if an issue of sex comes up, it's addressed immediately. It's easier for most people, both man and woman, to go get some on the side then to actually open up to the person they're supposed to be committed to. Sex is considered too big of a taboo to be brought up when there's a problem, I think. And I think that's the actual problem. Communication stops most problems, and I really believe that the people that are good at communication don't run into the problem of cheating that often.

I know the second my girl and I are having problems, we come to the other one immediately and tell them what's up and the issue is usually solved on the fucking spot.

[Nimla]

My advice is to marry a schizophrenic.