Everyone I Know

[Krye]

Goes away in the end

[Krye]

Jesus Christ why does it hurt so bad

[Krye]

Fuck there are tears all over my desk

[Shiroikage]

Hey Krye.

[Shiroikage]

He imagined the pain of the world to be like some formless parasitic being seeking out the warmth of human souls wherein to incubate and he thought he knew what made one liable to its visitations. What he had not known was that it was mindless and so had no way to know the limits of those souls and what he feared was that there might be no limits.

hmm

[Krye]

Shiro I feel so alone.

A few years back, my best friend Chris OUT OF FUCKING NOWHERE said we weren't friends anymore. So I started hanging out with Gabe, he got me to quit FFXI and start playing WoW, and we got drunk as fuck all the time. His friends hated me and they'd always be like COME PARTY DAWG and he'd ask if I could come and they'd say no so he'd be like LOL PEACE BITCHES and he'd chill with me instead. We started doing drugs together, tried some coke, did some mushrooms, went on our 200~ pills each in under a year ecstasy binge. Then we both pretty much became too tolerant to even feel the effects of ecstasy anymore, we'd either feel nothing or we'd get really sick if we took any. I quit doing drugs altogether(aside from the occasional mushrooms), and he started abusing painkillers and coke. We played WoW together, but we hardly ever hung out IRL anymore. Chris admitted that he was a retarded douche and we became friends again, then I moved in with him. I hung out with Gabe a couple days ago and bought a big ass bottle of whisky or some shit to split with everyone there, but he wouldn't even drink any. Apparently he shook his painkiller addiction and quit everything except weed. He's dating a nigger now, so he spends days at a time at her house, smoking weed 24/7.

He just told me on vent that he's selling his WoW account. So now I'm losing the last bit of contact that I have with him. And that got me thinking back to the guild we were in together when I first started playing WoW almost 2 years ago. I had so much fun with everyone, but one by one they all quit or server transferred. I used to spend a lot of time with Shady online, then I got him to play FFXI, then I got him to play WoW, he might even have been my best friend for a while. But now we only talk once every few weeks or maybe it's even months, I can't even pay attention to time anymore. At the end of a battleground I check the scoreboard to see how bad I did compared to everyone else because I was alt-tabbed the whole game and then I see that I destroyed everyone on the meters which means I was actually playing the entire time and I'm just completely zoned out. Chris is my only friend left IRL and he spends most of his time with his girlfriend, she gets all bitchy if I even come in to talk to him for a minute. And I don't have any friends left online, they're all gone, or they'll all leave eventually, there's no point making myself vulnerable just so I can get hurt again.

It sounds like such a stupid thing to get sad about, but it's very rare that I hold people dear to my heart, I don't know if I can express how happy certain people make me. I spend hours a day, days a week, weeks a month, months out of the year raiding or doing arena with people, taking it beyond the game sharing jokes and stories, getting to really know each other, and then they just disappear from my life. I've never cried about any of them before, but when Gabe told me he's quitting it all hit me at once. He's my friend in real life and I can't even spend time with him, he won't even drink with me, but he'll go to a fat dirty smelly nigger's house and get high even though "I don't like being high all the time, it's actually pretty irritating".

I don't know maybe I'm just tired, but everything feels so empty and meaningless, and this pain is aching from my heart through my entire body.

[Shiroikage]

Shiro I feel so alone.

A few years back, my best friend Chris OUT OF FUCKING NOWHERE said we weren't friends anymore. So I started hanging out with Gabe, he got me to quit FFXI and start playing WoW, and we got drunk as fuck all the time. His friends hated me and they'd always be like COME PARTY DAWG and he'd ask if I could come and they'd say no so he'd be like LOL PEACE BITCHES and he'd chill with me instead. We started doing drugs together, tried some coke, did some mushrooms, went on our 200~ pills each in under a year ecstasy binge. Then we both pretty much became too tolerant to even feel the effects of ecstasy anymore, we'd either feel nothing or we'd get really sick if we took any. I quit doing drugs altogether(aside from the occasional mushrooms), and he started abusing painkillers and coke. We played WoW together, but we hardly ever hung out IRL anymore. Chris admitted that he was a retarded douche and we became friends again, then I moved in with him. I hung out with Gabe a couple days ago and bought a big ass bottle of whisky or some shit to split with everyone there, but he wouldn't even drink any. Apparently he shook his painkiller addiction and quit everything except weed. He's dating a nigger now, so he spends days at a time at her house, smoking weed 24/7.

He just told me on vent that he's selling his WoW account. So now I'm losing the last bit of contact that I have with him. And that got me thinking back to the guild we were in together when I first started playing WoW almost 2 years ago. I had so much fun with everyone, but one by one they all quit or server transferred. I used to spend a lot of time with Shady online, then I got him to play FFXI, then I got him to play WoW, he might even have been my best friend for a while. But now we only talk once every few weeks or maybe it's even months, I can't even pay attention to time anymore. At the end of a battleground I check the scoreboard to see how bad I did compared to everyone else because I was alt-tabbed the whole game and then I see that I destroyed everyone on the meters which means I was actually playing the entire time and I'm just completely zoned out. Chris is my only friend left IRL and he spends most of his time with his girlfriend, she gets all bitchy if I even come in to talk to him for a minute. And I don't have any friends left online, they're all gone, or they'll all leave eventually, there's no point making myself vulnerable just so I can get hurt again.

It sounds like such a stupid thing to get sad about, but it's very rare that I hold people dear to my heart, I don't know if I can express how happy certain people make me. I spend hours a day, days a week, weeks a month, months out of the year raiding or doing arena with people, taking it beyond the game sharing jokes and stories, getting to really know each other, and then they just disappear from my life. I've never cried about any of them before, but when Gabe told me he's quitting it all hit me at once. He's my friend in real life and I can't even spend time with him, he won't even drink with me, but he'll go to a fat dirty smelly nigger's house and get high even though "I don't like being high all the time, it's actually pretty irritating".

I don't know maybe I'm just tired, but everything feels so empty and meaningless, and this pain is aching from my heart through my entire body.

I don't know what to say really. I've lost some good friends just by them drifting away, and I'm sure I've done the same to other people. A few of my close friends from high school really left our group and even though they still make it clear that they are friends, they really never make themselves available to hang out or stuff. It sucks.

Shit, I'm moving across the country and I'll probably lose touch with the vast majority of all of my friends. I am really not looking forward to that. People drift away emotionally and geographically and if you're on the losing end it feels terrible. It's not as if you should avoid making connections with people or anything, but it certainly sucks when they're broken. I guess there's not much one can do but accept that these things are very transient and you need to enjoy them while they're there. Permanence isn't really part of the human condition.

I know what you mean about feeling alone. When I was alone in Saskatoon last summer, my depression just ate away at me. I saw my close friends maybe once a month and I didn't have much to do besides just feel alone. I'm not very good at making friends or meeting people anymore because I kind of forgot how. And pretty soon, I'm going to be away from all of my close RL friends and we don't really talk online or anything, so I don't know what the fuck I'm going to do. It scares the shit out of me.

I guess there isn't much one can do but remember to enjoy a moment when a moment is enjoyable. If you're happy for some time, then it's important to think to yourself that in that moment you are happy. I think it's important for people to recognize that because it's not as if it's always going to be there. I don't know what the fuck I'm saying because I'm pretty tired and I'm not sure this makes sense.

And yeah, it probably does make it worse that you are tired. One's heart is definitely most vulnerable when one's mind, body, and soul are worn down.

Like I said before, feel free to add me if you want to talk or vent frustrations or whatever. I like getting on AIM or MSN or what have you if I know that someone is actually going to talk. Pretty much the only time that I'm not available is when someone is over or I am playing something I can't alt+tab.

[Arvin]

you guys can talk to me im a good shoulder to cry on

or to have sex with

[Norellicus]

How would someone have sex with your shoulder?

[Tits]

Clearly you've never met his shoulder.

[Norellicus]

Hot.

[Norellicus]

Or gay.

[Norellicus]

I'm not sure

[Shiroikage]

it's hot

[Diamicles]

Hot.

Or gay.

yes

[Shiroikage]

so it is hot and gay?

[Krye]

Always

[Conrad]

gahot
hogay

[quannum]

hard gay

[Krye]

Here comes Skirkle jumping in my thread hoping that even a little bit of glow will hit him from my spotlight sorry bro hideous monsters are better off left in the dark keep having fun in this freakshow until everyone realizes you're not wearing a mask