Story Time, Children!

[Abandon]

I have seen the call for the reminder, and I was just finishing it up. Typed it up on word first to make sure I didn’t butcher any words too hardcore, but here we go. This is the Croatian story that involves a rap concert, a dance club that is open from 7 pm - 5 am, overnight liberty, 3 croatian female bartenders, and a ton of a local liquor called raki.

Myself and a guy I work with named Jeremy arrive at a bar called Twins, on the waterfront near the piers where the cruise ships moor. He and I have already put in chits to get a hotel for overnight liberty, because we decide before we even get to Croatia, that we’re gonna spend the entire day/night drinking, and don’t want to bother with trying to get back on the ship and trying to explain why we were so fucked up. The policy is that in order to go out, one of the people in your group has to stay sober to make sure nothing stupid happens.

Anyway, we’re at this bar, and our bartender speaks very good English, and she has a fat ass. I can’t be persuaded to leave, so Jeremy and I decide to camp out at Twins, and we begin to drink the local beer. Most guys collect something from every port, and I decided that for this deployment, I would get drunk off of the local beer of that country. My bartender’s name is Kristin, and she brings some of the other bartenders around, and we sit and talk to them for pretty much the entire day. They tell us that they’re going clubbing that night. For those of you that don’t know, clubs in Europe might OPEN at 8 or 9, but they don’t get jumping until around midnight, and don’t close until damn near 5 or 6 in the morning. Our liberty policy is to be back on the ship at, the latest, 2 AM. So overnight liberty is all of a sudden, the best idea ever. They tell us that they’ll meet us at a bar at around 10 that night, so we run to our hotel, change and head off to the bar, which opens at 7. We are there, looking as under-dressed as ever, but we’re American sailors in a foreign port, who the fuck cares, right? The answer is, nobody. There are NO black people in Croatia, so when we walk in, literally everyone stops what they’re doing to wave, cheer, point, or simply stare at us as we walk in. On the second floor there’s a huge balcony, and we’re out there waiting for the girls to get there. Outside of bar, there’s a stage set up, about 300 feet left, that anyone up there can see clearly. There’s people performing on said stage, including a bunch of young kids performing American pop music, a freak family performing all sorts of odd feats of strength, and whatnot. So we’re outside on the balcony, and this British couple (the black lady that got the dick in the mouth as I was peeing with her husband outside) come up and offer to buy our first drink. They get us a Raki and coke. Raki is this, I think 180? Proof liquor that smells like rubbing alcohol and goes down much smoother than everything we have in the states that strong. But at the time, we don’t know this. So we’re blasting through the drinks, and the girls arrive. They see what we’re drinking, laugh, and decide to join in.

Out of nowhere, I hear familiar music. One of the guys on my ship raps (lol) and has a mixtape out. He was out with some guys, and one of them talked the people running the stage into playing his shit, so he could rap to it. Aka, impromptu rap concert. So we’re up there laughing and cheering him on, and since we’ve heard his shit enough to know some of it, we rap with it. The girls and the other people around us find this amazing, and the girls ask how we know the song. We tell them we came over with him, we all work together, and us and he hang out a lot. (not true for Jeremy, he’s one of the corniest white people I know, he just so happens to be able to handle his liquor well enough to not be a burden to me, and is decent looking so we work well together when out chasing foreign poon.) This amazes them, because now we’re friends with a rap star.

So the girl I’ve been chasing all day, Kristin is starting to warm up to me. She’s sitting in my lap drinking with me and kissin on my neck, etc. Jeremy is talking to one of Kristin’s friends, I forgot her name, but that bitch was smoking. And the drinks keep coming, and the guy we knew that was rapping came upstairs with his new groupies, and we’re partying like rockstars. Now, 1 dollar for us is about 6 to them, and they are a rather poor country, so they think we’re rich, because we’re buying all sorts of people shots, and Raki and cokes, and people are fucking wasted all over the place, and it finally hits….midnight. I look at the watch Jeremy bought (diamonds all over the damn thing that only cost him 400 american dollars), see what time it is, and get a kick of energy to make this shit fun at least until we pass out. 700 dollars later, we’ve bought everyone in the bar all sorts of shit between us 5 (me, Jeremy, the rapper, and his 2 liberty buddies), we’re taking body shots off random bitches on the bar, and we’ve got these 2 girls lapping up whatever bullshit spouts out of our shitfaced mouths. Jeremy gets up to break the seal (yes, 7 hours later, neither of us have peed yet) and he comes back with the biggest grin ever. I ask what happened, and he said he got a blowjob after he peed by some random girl that followed him into the bathroom. I clearly don’t believe this, but I am proven wrong when the girl comes up about 10 minutes later asking when we were gonna leave, because she wanted to find out of the rumor about black guys was true, and she liked Jeremy too. I spit out my drink while laughing and trying to think up something clever to say, but Jeremy beats me to it. “this nigga gots the LD.” I lose it, and she asks what LD is, which is obviously the long dick. Kristin and her friend hear all this, so the decision is made to leave and procreate. I say not yet, because I have every intention of staying until the bar closes. I like to close out bars. So they say fine, and we decide to go to the right end of the balcony, where for some reason, there are less people sitting. At this point, I couldn’t have told you what country I was from. But as any dude knows, once you get in the zone for potential pussy, you fight through it… or keep drinking until you’re sober and hope you don’t wake up in a dumpster. So I’m in and out of it, and when I finally get to where I’m sobering up from the drinking, I realize that Jeremy is sitting next to me, yelling and cheering. Then I realize that the girl from the bathroom is giving him a blowjob, the other girl he was initially talking to is topless and letting him suck on her tits, and Kristin is straddling me with her thong around her ankles, grinding on me and biting on my ear. So I make perhaps the best decision ever. Time to go back to our hotel.

We get outside after pulling up whatever clothing is required to not get arrested, and we stagger back to my hotel, which is luckily not more than a ¼ mile from the bar. We get up to the room, and it’s actually not bad at all. 2 beds, 2 baths, a separate living room-ish area, 2 tvs, dvd player, a 4-person hot tub. This sounds like the recipe for a porno, but this is actually where things take a turn for the funny. We all hop into the hot tub, naked. Within minutes I’m fucking Kristin and Jeremy …. Is passed out with a girl taking breaths to suck on his balls, because the other girl is riding him. Deep breath girl gets agitated, and gets up and goes to lay down on the bed, because she is highly disappointed. I need more room to maneuver, so I pick up Kristin, and head to the bed away from the AC, because goddamnit, I don’t like fucking when it is fucking freezing. I’m putting in work, and the girl on the bed is watching. I’m drunk and thinking to go for gold, so I start trying all sorts of positions that I’ve seen in porno and always thought would be funny to try. Kristin is weirded out by this, but warms up to it because the other girl starts playing with herself, and at the point Jeremy comes to. He almost sprints to the other bed and starts trying to get with the girl playing with herself… and she punches him in the balls, obviously for passing out. I start laughing, and the girl that was fucking him laughed so hard he pees herself. So I laugh even harder, and Kristin starts laughing. Jeremy is apparently impervious to pain, because he doesn’t miss a step and starts fucking the girl that just punched him. After about 10 minutes, I’m still fucking Kristin, he’s fucking the girl he originally wanted to fuck, and the bathroom blowjob is going between us, sucking when she can, and occasionally jumping on a dick. When I wake up in the morning (11:17 to be exact), I see perhaps my favorite memory for the rest of my life. Jeremy, passed out with a girl on top of him still, also passed out. Kristin and I are spooning, and with my morning wood, I’m basically just parked in her vag. The other girl is nowhere to be found, so I look up. She’s parked above where our heads are, legs spread, because as I found out later, after I blew (for god knows how many times I did), I did the manly thing and went to sleep, so her and Kristin decided to make out, and then she moved above us as to not disturb me while Kristen could eat her out whilst staying close enough so that if I were to wake up, the fucking could continue.

This is why Croatia is my favorite country.

[Kiarax]

Raki looks like cum.

[Abandon]

it mixes well with coke. well enough to where i don't do the normal "holy shit this stuff is strong" face

[Ryko]

fapfapfapfap

[MF Perm tha Fineass]

Awesome. This is why I love it when people make gay jokes about me being in the Navy. Sailors are by pure definition the biggest pimps on the planet.

[Antithesis]

Should I send extra Blowpops for the girls, Abandon?

[Kiarax]

Okay I actually finished reading it now and holy fuck lol. I am slightly jeal of your misadventures.

[Abandon]

depending on the ports you hit, it literally takes, zero effort. in Australia, the women throw tennis balls over the gates with names and phone numbers. in some places, you write your name on your cover and throw it over, and whichever woman gets it, is yours.

[Antithesis]

Who says stereotypes aren't a good thing.

[Abandon]

Kristin and I send probably 40 emails to each other every day. I like that place. Her boyfriend doesn't approve, but he won't dare speak against the black american rich guy.

Score.

[richardd]

holy shit. only in Europe. have you fucked with swedes or norwegians yet? lol

i heard as far as quality woman go in Europe, they're at the pinnacle of trophy fucks

[MF Perm tha Fineass]

In Korea we went to a 'buy me drink' bar with some friends and there were some Russian girls there. Me and my boy Matt were hanging out with some Korean girls not spending money ready to bounce and do some fun shit since these places are a money pit with zero return. After two hours of our other two friends that were spending money on these Russian girls all like "they're gonna fuck man just stay just stay" we just exclaimed "You're not gonna fuck these dumb bitches they just want your cash, assholes."

The girls stood up, my friend Matt had a drink thrown at him and I got slapped and they stormed away. All four of us flex to go barhopping and hit the nightclubs. 3am me and Matt are buying drinks at the bar of this club and the Russian girls were right next to us. Long story short we ended up fucking them in a park 5 blocks away.

Every country can rock man, not just Croatia. You'll prob have shit 10 times better and funnier than that happen to you in the next few years.

[AidenCarby]

Abandon: A god amongst niggas.

[MF Perm tha Fineass]

depending on the ports you hit, it literally takes, zero effort. in Australia, the women throw tennis balls over the gates with names and phone numbers. in some places, you write your name on your cover and throw it over, and whichever woman gets it, is yours.

Australia is nuts man. More women than men, the men treat women like complete shit, and the girls LOVE sailors. If you venture out of the port city a little bit you can usually get a bartender to give you free drinks all night for a few trinkets off the ship like a zippo with the ships seal or a t-shirt.

Australia is baller.

[Abandon]

i wish i could tell you guys where i'm going on this deployment, lmao, some of the ports, if they happen, are going to be fucking epic.

[MF Perm tha Fineass]

It's a shame you may never have a chance to get a soapy in Phuket

[Abandon]

oh, i am well aware of the zippo thing. i have 20 on me. 15 from this ship, 2 from the USS Cole, and 3 random other ships including the Eisenhower, Enterprise, and the USS Annapolis, which is a submarine. i came prepared to get shit.

[Kyo]

Awesome fucking story, I need to go to Croatia, american bitches be damned.

[Abandon]

not this upcoming port, but the next one? the ports are unvisited enough to where the zippos become magic. and i shall gather free shit.

[MF Perm tha Fineass]

oh, i am well aware of the zippo thing. i have 20 on me. 15 from this ship, 2 from the USS Cole, and 3 random other ships including the Eisenhower, Enterprise, and the USS Annapolis, which is a submarine. i came prepared to get shit.

lol nice. I had a few friends from A-School die on the Cole