NFL Week 1: PUT IT ON THE BOARD!

[Penthesilea]

Man, this one is just sad to read.

Cleveland Browns

* Strength: N/A
* Weakness: Okay, where to begin? Let's see, Jake Delhomme is their starting quarterback. Bobby Engram, their 37-year-old starting wide receiver, caught 5 passes last year. Running back Jamal Lewis was cut in the off-season. Man, this is fun and easy! What else? Okay! They're in a constant state of rebuilding and have no team identity, the future of the franchise is Colt McCoy, and their biggest asset is team president and non-football-player Mike Holmgren
* Strength: Oh, just thought of one: dog faces
* Player to Watch: To see Colt McCoy become a starter too early, get extremely flustered, and have a terrible rookie season could be quite delightful
* Biggest Question: How soon will fans bust out the paper bags?

[Headspace]

i was disappoint with the Bengals one. So much to use and it wasn't that good.


Eagles Weaknesses were good.

[Chun Liroy]

Player To Watch: Veteran Brian Westbrook is always a threat to explode into a cloud of ligaments and bone

49ers, lmao.

[Correction]

Dying of laughter, the Onion's on a fucking tear today:

Cleveland Browns

* Strength: N/A
* Weakness: Okay, where to begin? Let's see, Jake Delhomme is their starting quarterback. Bobby Engram, their 37-year-old starting wide receiver, caught 5 passes last year. Running back Jamal Lewis was cut in the off-season. Man, this is fun and easy! What else? Okay! They're in a constant state of rebuilding and have no team identity, the future of the franchise is Colt McCoy, and their biggest asset is team president and non-football-player Mike Holmgren
* Strength: Oh, just thought of one: dog faces
* Player to Watch: To see Colt McCoy become a starter too early, get extremely flustered, and have a terrible rookie season could be quite delightful
* Biggest Question: How soon will fans bust out the paper bags?

[Mizango]

Awesome.

[Chun Liroy]

Miz, assistance required on FB.

[Penthesilea]

New York Jets

* Strength: Rex Ryan is a coach who leads by example, an approach that has helped the Jets build one of the fattest offensive lines in the league
* Weakness: New Jet Santonio Holmes claimed to have a great weed connect, but after hooking teammates up with total schwag, he has lots of ground to make up

[Melena]

Yay for the Onion actually giving me something somewhat sig worthy for the NFL season.

[Valisk]

Division Champion:
AFC East: New England Patriots
AFC South: Indianapolis Colts
AFC West: San Diego Chargers
AFC North: Cincinnati Bengals

NFC East: Dallas Cowboys
NFC South: New Orleans Saints
NFC West: San Fancisco 49ers
NFC North: Green Bay Packers

Wildcard Spots: Oakland Raiders, Baltimore Ravens, New York Giants, Atlanta Falcons

AFC Title game: San Deigo Chargers at Indianapolis
NFC Title Game: Dallas Cowboys at Green Bay Packers
Superbowl Champion: Indianapolis over Green Bay Packers

Rookie of the year: Ryan Matthews
Most Valuable Player: Aaron Rodgers

Five bold predictions:
1. Oakland Raiders make the playoffs.
2. Jets don't make the playoffs. lolRevis
3. Cowboys win 2 playoff games.
4. Bold part: Batman leads the league in receiving TDs. Not bold part: Robin leads the NFL in fines.
5. Favre has more INTs than TDs.

Week 1:
Minnesota at New Orleans
Miami at Buffalo
Detroit at Chicago
Oakland at Tennessee
Cincinnati at New England
Carolina at NY Giants
Atlanta at Pittsburgh
Cleveland at Tampa Bay
Denver at Jacksonville
Indianapolis at Houston
San Francisco at Seattle
Green Bay at Philadelphia
Arizona at St. Louis
Dallas at Washington
Baltimore at NY Jets
San Diego at Kansas City

[archibaldcrane]

Green Bay Packers

Strength: After giving up 50 sacks in 2009, Green Bay's offensive line appears to have forgiven Aaron Rodgers for whatever he did

oh god lol

[sekaran]

San Francisco 49ers

• Strength: He may not be a Joe Montana, but Alex Smith is proving to be a better QB than Jim Druckenmiller, Gio Carmazzi, or Steve Stenstrom ever were
• Weakness: Whatever head coach Mike Singletary is thinking at any given moment
• Player To Watch: Veteran Brian Westbrook is always a threat to explode into a cloud of ligaments and bone
• Biggest Question: If the 49ers are willing to let Glen Coffee go to follow Christ, what's to stop the entire team from following suit?

Made my day.

[Mizango]

Miz, assistance required on FB.

Done.

[Conrad]

Skirk, are you going to play with Penthesilea and I when I'm in Philly next weekend?

I'm not going to the game, but I can come into Philly and chill at a bar or whatever if you guys let me know ahead of time

[Mizango]

I'm not going to the game, but I can come into Philly and chill at a bar or whatever if you guys let me know ahead of time

FredEx and I shall attend as well.

[Mizango]

Thanks for the invite.

[Conrad]

you showing up to events, lol

[Chun Liroy]

Miz is givin the Tyven promise.

[Mizango]

Oh man, harsh.

[Conrad]

I appreciate you trying to get me to meet Freddie Mitchell so I can pussy out and apologize to him for talking shit about him over the internet ridicule and tell him how much he sucks meet him in person, though.

[Conrad]

Miz is givin the Tyven promise.

Word is bond.