NFL Week 3: Mundane mediocre matchups (eh, save a few)

[Bregor]

Missed last week because I was out of town, but I'm back with a vengeance, kids.

Record: 7-8-1 with the spread


SUN, SEP 26

Tennessee at NY Giants (-3) - Is Tennessee good? They beat up on Oakland, sure, but a loss at home to the Dixon/Batch-led Steelers looks bad. Vince Young keeps talking like it's a given he'll be an MVP some day. That means consistency, which we're still waiting for. Meanwhile, Baby Eli gets his mojo back after being embarrassed by Peytie Pie. Giants win and cover.

Pittsburgh at Tampa Bay (+2.5) - This spread seems funny to me, how much bigger would it be with Big Ben under center? Alas, We'll never know, just like the Milledgeville Police will never know what went on in that bathroom. Regardless, Miz could be playing QB for the Steelers and they'd still take this one. Polamalu and James Harrison could outscore (and maybe outgain) the Bucs offense. Pittsburgh wins big.

Cincinnati at Carolina (+3) - Cincinnati, I am dissapoint. On a team with so much offensive talent, your top performer is Mike Nugent. Good thing the run defense will be able to put Clutch 2.0 into enough 3rd-and-longs to make for an easy afternoon. So much for the best one-two RB tandem in the league, Williams and Stewart are averaging 3.5 and 4.2 yards per carry. Yawn. Bengals win and cover.

Cleveland at Baltimore (-10.5) - Woe is me, my Brownies had such an easy schedule the first two weeks. Nothing says a 2-0 start like dates against Tampa and Kansas City. And yet, Mangenius managed to fuck it up royally. Don't blame the defense, Cleveland has outgained both opponents thus far. This will be a test though, and how long can Ray Rice go without a monster game? The answer is about two more days. Still, these division games are always a dogfight, even if the Dawgs always end up in the basement. Baltimore wins, Cleveland covers.

Dallas at Houston (-2.5) - http://i37.photobucket.com/albums/e5.../RW11keanu.jpg
Texans win and cover.

San Francisco at Kansas City (+3) - I watched San Francisco beat New Orleans on Monday. I don't care about the score, the 49ers got to Breesus and were able to move the ball consistently on your reigning Super Bowl champs. But for a couple of tipped balls, they would have actually won as well. Kudos to Tyche for staying on the bandwagon. And Kansas City? Is there even a bandwagon to get on? Even Tampa Bay is generating more buzz than this team. I'm not buying the Weis/Crennel turnaround just yet. San Francisco wins and covers.

Detroit at Minnesota (-11) - Vikings by 11? Really? I guess Vegas hasn't watched Minnesota yet this year. I thought they'd get by on the strength of their offensive and defensive lines, but losing two heartbreakers doesn't instill a lot of confidence in this year's product. Detroit has also lost two heartbreakers, last week to the Eagles and week one to the rulebook. I can't imagine the Vikings starting 0-3. Wait, yes I can. BWAHAHAHA! Okay, I'm done. Minnesota wins, Detroit covers the ridiculous spread.

Buffalo at New England (-14.5) - Finally, a massive spread that seems reasonable. The Pats looked bad in the second half against the Jets, but otherwise it's business as usual. Week one, I asked why Trent Edwards still had a job. I guess someone heard me. They might as well punt the season and hope for the Ryan Mallet/Jake Locker era to begin in 2011. Still, like the Browns/Ravens, these division games sometimes surprise. Pats to win, Bills to cover.

Atlanta at New Orleans (-3.5) - The Saints have to be the luckiest bunch of cocksuckers on the planet. Held to around 300 yards in both games so far, they're still 2-0. On top of that, Breesus is trying to unseat Peyton for the "write me a check and I'll promote it" award. I'm already sick of them and it's only week three. The Falcons exploded last week and should keep the ground game rolling. Atlanta wins in an upset.

Washington at St. Louis (+3.5) - During the Spurrier/Gibbs 2.0/Zorn eras in DC, the 'Skins would often play to the level of their competition, for better or for worse. Their first two opponents have been very good football teams, and Washington was up to the task. This game should signify if Shanahan has really changed anything in this town. As close as the Rams' two losses have been, they've also come against bad teams. I think McNabb asserts himself with a big win over an inferior defense. 'Skins to win and cover.

Philadelphia at Jacksonville (+2.5) - Any time I think of the Jags, it elicits a thought of "meh." How could a team with a black QB seem so vanilla? The Eagles are apparently gonna ride the Michael Vick train as long as they can, which just might be to a division title. Philly wins big on the road.

Oakland at Arizona (-4.5) - Speaking of "meh," who gives a shit about this game? Prepare to see the wonders of Tim Hightower and Darren McFadden gaining four yards in a cloud of dust over and over again. The difference should be Gradkowski, who I thought proved a lot at the end of last season and should take control of the starting job. Oakland wins in a mild upset.

San Diego at Seattle (+5.5) - The Chargers week one loss to Kansas city might be the best thing that could have happened to them. I fully expect them to beast mode on the next four teams on their weak ass schedule. Seattle, meanwhile, pasted a good team (San Fran) and got waxed by a mediocre team (Denver) so who the hell knows what they've got in the tank. I'm guessing not much. San Diego to win and cover.

Indianapolis at Denver (+5.5) - Remember when Denver started 2009 6-0? They're 3-9 since then, and haven't proven they can hang with the big boys. This game should be no different. Lots of little bumps and bruises for the Colts, but they should still have enough manpower to dispatch Denver. Indy wins and covers.

NY Jets at Miami (-2) - The Dolphins? Favored in my AFC East? It's more likely than you think. This should be another low-scoring affair for Miami, which makes this line a bit tougher than it might normally seem. With Revis out, I expect the 'Fins to make just enough plays to pull this one out. Which would be more hilarious, 0-3 Minnesota or 1-2 New York? I think we'll see half of that equation. Miami wins and covers.


MON, SEP 27

Green Bay at Chicago (+3) - The Most Interesting Interception Machine in the World has looked great early, but THIS GAME IS TOTALLY IN CHICAGO and will be his toughest challenge yet. Thus far on paper, it looks like an even matchup. But do I like Cutler to keep it up? Do I think the Bears defense can contain Rodgers? No, and no. Packers win and cover.

[Lucavi]

Rams over Skins? Surely you jest.

[Conrad]

Yes, I'm testing your football knowledge. Name a Bears backup QB. Good luck.

Mike Teel baby

Also

Tennessee at NY Giants
Pittsburgh at Tampa Bay - Dixon getting hurt was the best thing that could have happened to Big Ben. Now there won't be a QB controversy when he gets back, unlike the OTHER team from Pennsylvania.
Cincinnati at Carolina
Cleveland at Baltimore
Dallas at Houston
San Francisco at Kansas City
Detroit at Minnesota - Upset of the week, calling it now.
Buffalo at New England
Atlanta at New Orleans
Washington at St. Louis
Philadelphia at Jacksonville - Meh
Oakland at Arizona
San Diego at Seattle - The Whitehurst Bowl!
Indianapolis at Denver
NY Jets at Miami
Green Bay at Chicago - With the upset!

[Stiker]

Too busy to write out picks (I'm two weeks behind on that anyways), but I will say my hopes are not high for the 'Boys at all against Houston. I'm glad I've been out of town the last two weekends so I haven't had to sit and watch that crap without DVR fast-forward.

This football season seriously sucks right now

[tyven]

I can google too bro doesn't change the fact that there is a HUGE drop off from Ryan Grant.

if i had googled i wouldnt be waiting for you to name the bears backup qb. brandon jackson has been the #2 forever, john kuhn scores all the goal line tds, figure you should know these things considering they are a division rival.

[Conrad]

This football season seriously sucks right now

lol

[Diamicles]

MON, SEP 27

Green Bay at Chicago (+3) - The Most Interesting Interception Machine in the World has looked great early, but at Lambeau on national television will be his toughest challenge yet. Thus far on paper, it looks like an even matchup. But do I like Cutler to keep it up on the road? Do I think the Bears defense can contain Rodgers? No, and no. Packers win and cover.

game is in Chicago, doofus

[tyven]

YEA DOOFUS

[tyven]

me and rhinox and diamicles are all going together and going to have J-A-Y written across our BEAR (get it) chests

[Diamicles]

me and rhinox and diamicles are all going together and going to have J-A-Y written across our BEAR (get it) chests

I GET IT

[Conrad]

idgi

[Mizango]

I don't like all these people jumping in on Miami against the Jets. We're only at -2 at home--I'm still nervous as hell.

Nice jersey, Tyche, what size?

3T im sure.

Rams over Skins? Surely you jest.

Yeah, I dont see that happening either. I think thats his Millen pick of the week.

me and rhinox and diamicles are all going together and going to have J-A-Y written across our BEAR (get it) chests

OH GOD LOOOOOL SUPERIOR LULZ! SO MUCH SO IM SHUOTING

[Effluo]

Dallas @ Houston - This is going to be an interesting game. The Texans have given up over 400 yards passing in each of the first two games. If they can't get the secondary to make some stops, it's going to get ugly. With Duane Brown suspended four games, that also leaves the blind side a concern. Hopefully Rashad Butler can get the job done. Hell, this might be his ticket to becoming a starter if he does well. The Cowboys have been in disarray. If they pull it together it will be an interesting game. Being 0-2 can go either way in this game. Who shows up, a Cowboys team desperate for a win, or a Cowboys team that will work hard for the win?

Texans win by 10.

Mario sacks Romo 3 times
Foster rushes for 150 and a TD
Andre Johson shows why he's the best reciever with 200 and 2 TDs

[Chun Liroy]

Texans may win by 10, but there's no way Romo gets sacked 3 times, on top of Foster and Johnson having big games. It's either one or the other, I doubt both will have a good game.

[Effluo]

Week 1 was the running attack. Week 2 was the clutch passing attack. This week, their forces will combine to form the two headed dragon of balance attack!

[Chun Liroy]

Wait, let's talk about how no-show Miles has been getting no yards these past 2 games.

[Mizango]

The Texans are going to win and I will tell you why; Brooking is goign to cheap shot the shit out of Schaub and injure him for the game, Orlovsky is going to come in and throw for a modest 378 while going 5-6 passing in the third quarter. Kubs will then bring in Leinart during garbage time, who will thus begin to pour more salt in the would by throwing for 167 on 3 passes in the fourth quarter.

Dallas will implode, Cap'n Down's and the Ginger will be fired next week, Dave Campo will take back over the team and the real lulz will only then begin. OMG THEN HE WILL TRADE AUSTIN FOR ROBISKIE, STRAIGHT UP AND.........to be continued.

[Headspace]

As long as Foster is contained I, once again, don't give a fuck about this state.

[Mizango]

Foster is going to raep.

[Chun Liroy]

Ratliff going Beast mode to avenge his grandparents.