NFL Week 5: The (Gun)slinger.

[archibaldcrane]

Well let's be honest. I'd probably send her mine too if I could get between those titties.

Are your balls old and your pubes grey?

If not, you might have a shot!

[Akiyama]

Are your balls old and your pubes grey?

If not, you might have a shot!

sadly I'm only 24

[archibaldcrane]

I don't think you're picking up what I'm putting down.

[Effluo]

Giants @ Texans Cushing makes his comeback this week. The Texans have managed without him, but with him it will be awesome. I think Andre Johnson will be good to go this week, since they let him rest during the Raiders game. Even with Jacoby being questionable, Arian Foster has shown he can catch the ball, as well as run like hell. The secondary needs to step the hell up though; I'm tired of giving up a shitton of yards everygame. Texans by 7

and if the O-Line let some shit happen to Schaub like happen to Cutler imma be pissed.

[Chun Liroy]

You put cushing as a footnote? That bitch tits won't sniff a sack for 5 weeks.

[Mizango]

You put cushing as a footnote? That bitch tits won't sniff a sack for 5 weeks.

Nigga you trippin.

[Chun Liroy]

http://news.spreadit.org/pics/brian-...-and-after.jpg

[Mizango]

He still crushes heads. Fatliff has titties and a tiny head in his before and before pictures, whats his excuse?

[Tyche]

Annnnd, ESPN has jumped ship. I guess because the NFL opened an investigation.

http://sports.espn.go.com/nfl/news/story?id=5663024

[Rhinox]

all they did was copypaste an AP report. I wanna see Sportscenter comment on this before I take anything of what I said back.

[archibaldcrane]

all they did was copypaste an AP report. I wanna see Sportscenter comment on this before I take anything of what I said back.

It was on the bottom-line ticker just now. I'd bet they'll touch on it in Sportscenter.

[Chun Liroy]

He still crushes heads. Fatliff has titties and a tiny head in his before and before pictures, whats his excuse?

Because Ratliff's name is Ratliff. Cushing? That shit sounds like Cushion ergo, soft as shit.

[Denchi]

Favre's wife might have a look at these pictures eh?

[Olo401]

Annnnd, ESPN has jumped ship. I guess because the NFL opened an investigation.

http://sports.espn.go.com/nfl/news/story?id=5663024

And now.. Scott Van Pelt with the news.

Spoiler: show

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[Akiyama]

http://deadspin.com/5659388/retired-...ves-jesus-guns

Good thing Coffee found Jesus, otherwise, he'd have no shot at heaven.

[Rhinox]

oh man lol

http://deadspin.com/5659474/sources-...yline=true&s=i

Shit is starting to spiral

Brett should've stayed retired.

[Krandor]

Personally finding it a bit odd that someone who was apparently as "clean-cut" as Favre was doing all this shit, and apparently only while a member of the Jets, since no one is coming forward talking about what an awful human being he was while with the Packers or Vikes

[Bregor]

Record:
24-22 straight
20-25-1 ATS

Jacksonville at Buffalo (PK) - Wow. Jacksonville really impressed last week, played a perfect, turnover-free game and beat the Indianapolis Mannings with a last-minute drive. Their reward is a plane ticket to Buffalo. This is a big letdown game for the Jags, and Buffalo won't lose 16. Or will they? Either way, this will be a close one, so I'll take the Jags talent over the Bills home field.

Tampa Bay at Cincinnati (-6.5) - After getting Peyton Hillis'd last week, Cincy will be looking to rebound and keep pace with Baltimore and Pittsburgh. Benson is only averaging 3.3 a carry, but the Bucs run defense is giving up over 140 a game. The Bengals get the ground game going, and Tampa doesn't have enough weapons to score on a good defense. Still, Cincy has burned me all year. This is your last chance, fuckers. Bengals win and cover.

Atlanta at Cleveland (+3) - Peyton Hillis. Fuck yeah. Anyway, outside of the abortion of a defensive effort put forth by the Cards against Atlanta, both of these teams like to get the running game going and keep it low-scoring. I like under 41.5 a lot better than the line, but my gut says the Falcons are a very good team, and Cleveland is not. Atlanta wins and covers.

St. Louis at Detroit (-3) - This is a good matchup? Really? I guess in the same way that Grambling/Southern or your local high school rivalry will be a good matchup. I still don't care about it though. Three of Detroit's four losses have been by 5 points or less. Oy. The Rams have looked good at home, but I don't think Bradford will be able to have the same success on the road. SJax's groin injury didn't affect him last week, but it might be an issue all season. I like Detroit to win at home and cover, but I'd feel a lot better about the line if it was 2 and a hook.

Kansas City at Indianapolis (-7) - I imagine Peyton Manning has been sitting alone, in the Fortress of Solitude, just steaming about the loss to the Jags last week. I expect nothing short of 300/3 from him this week. I normally like teams coming off a bye, but I don't see the Chiefs putting up points on an angry Indy defense. Colts by two scores.

Green Bay at Washington (+2.5) - Goddamnit Redskins, I was so much happier when I thought you were made of fail. Still, your surprise win last week means that Dallas is alone in the basement, so it wasn't all bad. But there's no way in hell Washington holds the Pack to under two touchdowns. I also like Green Bay's defense better than the McNabb/Torain show. Packers win and cover.

Chicago at Carolina (-1) - Last week I thought the odds makers were disrespecting Chicago's body of work. Then they got their asses handed to them by the G-ladies. Fool me once... The Todd Collins experience starts for at least a week, so expect to see Forte early and often. Same goes for the Cats with Pickle minus Steve Smith. 33.5 seems low for a O/U but I'd still take the under. I think the Bears defense steps up big time, Chicago to win and cover.

Denver at Baltimore (-7) - They laughed at me, LAUGHED I SAY, when I thought Baltimore could penetrate the Steelers defense. Well, they didn't really, but Jeff Reed made sure my upset pick stood up. They draw an easier bout this week with Denver, but Orton + no Ed Reed means it will be interesting. The Broncos also have an underrated defense, especially in the passing game, that keeps them in every game. Still waiting for Ray Ray to go off... Ravens to win, Broncos to cover.

NY Giants at Houston (-3) - The Giants should be riding high after a total team effort on Sunday night. And they're only giving up 140 passing yards per game, second best in the league. Still, the man to worry about is Foster, who should get plenty of touches. I also think the Texans will be able to get to Eli and cause some turnovers. Houston to win and cover.

New Orleans at Arizona (+6.5) - Ty Detmer Max Hall gets to draw the reigning Super Bowl champions with his first NFL start. Welcome to the bigs, kid. I'm not exactly sure what happened to the Saints offense last week, but it seems like the loss of Reggie Bush will definitely affect their play calling and electricity. However, I think the opportunistic Saints defense gets a few picks, setting up some layups for Breesus. Saints win and cover.

San Diego at Oakland (+6) - As soon as I think I know a team is mediocre, like the Chargers, they go nuts and explode. Is Oakland that dissimilar from Arizona? Sometimes great, sometimes healthy RB tandem, problems at QB, inconsistent defense... I think San Diego finally has things figured out (I hope.) Rivers keeps on rolling after making some eggs for Keyshawn, Bolts win and cover.

Tennessee at Dallas (-7) - Big D caught a break last week, and I'm not talking about their bye. The Eagles had an opportunity to take control of the division, but their offense was Kolb-bered by DC. Dallas will take advantage and get their offense uncorked against a Titans team still trying to recreate their magic from the second half of 2009. What was the O/U on Chris Johnson rushing yards this year? Can I go back in time and take the under? Dallas wins and covers.

Philadelphia at San Francisco (-3) - Ugh. When the season started, I thought this would be a great matchup. The 49ers remind me of the Titans last year, lots of talent but just nothing going right. It took Tennessee a while to figure it out, and I don't see San Fran doing any better until their bye week. Kolb gets another crack at it, and based on how he plays and Vick's ribcage, it could be his last one of 2010. Still, I think he has enough weapons to win the game, if not the starting job. Eagles in the upset (!) on the road.

Minnesota at NY Jets (-3) - Favre's penis photography vs. Sanchez's sideline hot dog eating prowess. A recipe for hilarity, to be sure. Revis says he'll play, at least until Moss burns him and he'll "tighten up" again. Until a couple days ago, I thought the Vikes would get on track, with a win, a bye week, and adding Moss. Then, a distraction. Home field and the Jets defense should carry the day. New York to win and cover.

[Rhinox]

Personally finding it a bit odd that someone who was apparently as "clean-cut" as Favre was doing all this shit, and apparently only while a member of the Jets, since no one is coming forward talking about what an awful human being he was while with the Packers or Vikes

Brett was god in green bay

You think someone in a town of 100k people would look kindly to someone exposing their best football player in that shithole of a town?

[Drex]

lol enjoyed this pic in the comments

http://cache.gawker.com/assets/image...a69a5/340x.jpg

also funny story from there but not nfl related: the duke fuck list