Spam isn't spam

[Callisto]

that got mathemetated

[Mertron]

we had a 24 pack and there were 4 left when I left for home and I'm no mathmather but between the two of us I'd say that makes me drunk

casual

also, a tale

yesterday i was stuck on route 1 in miles of traffic, and my exit was coming up. i put on my right blinker, and the guy in the lane to my right put on his left blinker. it was a battle of will to see who would succed in making it into the lane first, and after 5 minutes no progress was made. so i came up with the most obvious solution. the next time we were dead even in our lanes, i rolled down my window, and asked him if he wanted to switch cars. he replied "what?" and i figured he couldnt hear me, so i said in shouty fashion DO YOU WANT TO SWITCH CARS? I WILL BE IN YOUR CAR IN THE LANE I WANT TO BE IN, AND YOU WILL BE IN MY CAR IN THE LANE YOU WANT TO BE IN, AND BOTH OF OUR CARS LOOK REASONABLY SIMILAR IN WEAR AND TEAR SO EVERYONE COMES OUT EVEN ON THAT END AND WE WILL BOTH BE IN THE LANES WE WANT TO BE IN, and then while he was processing this information i sped up and slid in in front of his car because a gap had been created in the time it took me to say that, so i am the winner

[Mertron]

and yes that actually happened, and it was fucking fantastic

but i was in the car by myself so it was less fantastic :<

[Shiroikage]

I am willing to believe.

It really is such a wonderful story that it compels one to believe it.

[Chun Liroy]

I'm here to make sure this thread lives up to its terrible potential.

[Shiroikage]

why do you revel in shittiness

[Chun Liroy]

Wait derock already posted.

[Chun Liroy]

why do you revel in shittiness

If I can't beat it, enjoy it?

[Shiroikage]

If I can't beat it, enjoy it?

no, be less shitty

[Mertron]

before that happened i was at a gas station filling up my car, and achmed or whatever his name is but it is probably achmed had the meter stop at something like $23.16. so i grab 23 dollars and a quarter, assuming he will top it off at $23.25, but noooo he keeps going, so i grab another quarter but nooooo he keeps going, so i grab another quarter but NOOOOOO HE KEEPS GOING, and sure enough at $23.80ish i hear the glorious sound of gas pouring on the ground. so he keep going anyway and finally stops at $23.85. now, i really dont care, but im not digging around looking for nickles and dimes, or just dimes but shut up i am telling a story here, so i just say fuck it, im giving him $24 dollars just so i can get the fuck out of here. so i hand achmed and that was probably his name the $24 dollars and he says OK I GIVE YOU 15 CENTS ONE SECOND and i said "keep the change, its fine" and he gives me this dirty look, but i dont care and i speed away. then when i left i wondered if by saying "keep the change" he thought i was tipping him, which i wasnt i just wanted to get the fuck out of there, but actually i hope he does think i was tipping him a whopping fifteen cents so he can go home and say to his wife and kids GET IN THE CAR, PRAISE ALLAH THIS GENTLEMEN AT THE STATION OF GASSING TIPPED ME A WHOPPING FIFTEEN CENTS TODAY, TODAY WE WILL EAT LIKE BROWN KINGS AND QUEENS AND LITTLE BROWN PEOPLE AS WELL and then he went in the bathroom and shot himself in the eyeball

[Mertron]

the first part of that happened, the second part is conjecture

[Shiroikage]

But it's probably how it did play out.

[Mertron]

maybe it's just the old style talking, but any of you guys ever get tempted to just totally crap your pants sometimes? Like if I was single and didn't have my g/f laying a few feet away, I'd be half-tempted to just drop a load in my pants right now, as a combination of 1) it being funny, 2) me being bored so why the hell not, and c) me having to drop one and the bathroom being like 12 feet away and I don't really want to be in danger of not finishing this post just so that I can ook a dook

when i was like 22, i was at jersey freeze enjoying a delicious pineapple milkshake, when suddenly, the urge happened. i ignored it, thinking the poop would wait, but it would not. i got up and went to the bathrrom, but they were closing in like 10 minutes and already locked up the bathrooms, and i said fffffuuuuuu and tried to hold it in anyway. so i returned to my table and sat amongst my imaginary friends for a little bit, and then i was like, well, i gotta go, see ya. so i jump in my car and speed like a motherfucker trying to get home. i arrive, and start running up the steps, and in the process of running up the steps, phbbbbtttt, poop time. so i take off my clothes and throw them in the trash, take a shower, get redressed, and head out to a party at my friends place. upon arriving, my friend says "hey, how have you been?" to which i responded "pretty good, i pooped myself about an hour ago but im ok now" and that is my story

[Kytele]

you just start spouting stories off in much the same fashion as calliso did, that's cool i guess

[Mertron]

imitation is the most sincerest form of wanting to penis fence

[Shiroikage]

Really, everything is good as long as great stories are being told.

[Kytele]

ok, here's a story i guess

once my sister and i ate at our favorite chinese restaurant. naturally we had leftovers, and in the fridge they went. sis is off at work. i'm hungry after finishing an 8 hour art project.

open fridge, there is the magical white box with red print and the typical pagoda/palace/thank you come again graphic. i open it. it's the sweet n sour pork that is my sister's. if i eat it, she'll yell at me, but i'm rather peckish. not to mention their sauce is god fucking tier. i finally decide to not be a bitch and just forage for something else. i'm about to close the box when i hear "you're not gonna eat us?". the sweet n sour pork was talking to me. i basically accepted this, instantaneously. i tell the pork: "i shouldn't eat you. my sister will kill me, you're hers to devour"

"but we're so delicious!" they reply "yeah!" "we won't tell, we promise!" "who wants to get eaten first?" followed by all pieces cheering in reply


i'm done. the box goes in the microwave and i can hear them all ogling their eventual demise. i take the box out and get a fork. as i spear one for its initial sacrifice, the others just cheer, as if their deliverance has come.


i feel guilty as i'm eating my sister's leftover sweet n sour pork, incredibly so. but all i can hear as i am chewing is cheers.

[Mertron]

BULLSHIT!

[Kytele]

fuck you, they were delicious

[Lucienne]

I'm not a great storyteller, but here is a true one for you:

I was 17 and I was home from school with a cold, doing nothing much till the mailman rang on the bell downstairs. I put on my purple bath robe and ran down to fetch it. Upon my return I found our door firmly shut, it was one of those doors that don't have a proper handle on the outside. My mother was out of town on a bussiness trip so I decided to walk to my younger brother's school to see if he had keys. It was in February, I was wearing a night gown, purple bath robe and slippers. I knocked on the door in the middle of his class, in my bathrobe, only to find out he didn't have keys either. I then decided to walk to the university where my grandmother worked to see if she possibly had a key. She did not, however she got me a locksmith who followed me home, looked at our two security locks and said he couldn't open it.
We ended up calling a lift company who took me up on a platform and lift me to our balcony, the door was open. They didn't even charge me.

On an unrelated note, I managed to spell that bussines strip. I thought it needed to be added.