Moving Out

[Caiti]

It sounds like your plans are set in stone so there isn't much he can do if he is unhappy with your news. He may never actually understand the problems he has caused for you, but you have to take it upon yourself to put yourself in a better situation. I understand having a parent like that very well, but there comes a point when you need to stand your ground.

[aduidarnenye]

I was reading in a magazine the other day (can't remember which now, I think it was Maclean's) that moving out at 18 is a relatively new trend in human societies. That the normal thing until the 20th century was for sons to remain at home and daughters to marry men who live nearby. Strange how something that was considered normal until recently has such a huge social stigma attached now.

Personally, from the time I was 19 my parents had a revolving door. I kept moving away, usually overseas, for a year or two, then returning for a year or two. This trend continued until I got married. No idea why I did that, just did.

[Celeste]

My parents are torn between asking me to leave and letting me stay until I can support myself, be it until I am 30 if that is what happens. I am 21 years old, so I'm not overly concerned, considering most of my social group also live with their parents. My only desire is to be finally successful in finding a job so that I may contribute more than I am taking away from my family. Not too much to ask for, but it is infinitely harder than you think when coupled with a bad credit history.

[Kuya]

So is it true that Americans like moving out permenantly from their parents home at 18 years old?

[Celeste]

Hey, until the process is finished, you are an American citizen too. :>

[kuronosan]

Well there's just too big of a difference of opinion for me to remain happy. I could offer money, if I wanted, but it wouldn't give me any freedom. Hell, I've even offered money before and I was told "no just save your money money isn't an issue save your money" only to be told later "look you're not paying rent and we're paying for this" so I reiterate again that I'll just give him money to which he goes "It's not about the money".

I would rather take the money I would pay him to continue to be miserable still without my girlfriend being over because his wife's a looney and put it into an apartment where I have my own rules and I can begin my own life.

[Kohan]

So is it true that Americans like moving out permenantly from their parents home at 18 years old?

I wouldn't say people necessarily like it, but a lot of people do expect it. I was asked to move out by the time I was 21.

Right after I finished tech school, to be precise.

[Shiroikage]

So is it true that Americans like moving out permenantly from their parents home at 18 years old?

It's fairly common in Canada too.

[Cesaria]

You just have to grit your teeth, break the news and deal with the fallout. If you can reassure him he's not losing his kid, and that you're grateful for everything he's done for you - it's a better win, but if it's like me and my mother (who is very very controlling) then there will be tantrums and short term fallout whatever you do - she's fine about it now but it took a heck of a lot and me taking a heck of a lot of flack from her to get to that point.

If you've got parents you can get on with well enough to live at home without it driving you nuts - fair play to you, for my own sanity I needed to get out and a place of my own (like I say - my mum's a great mum but very controlling and I didn't want to live my life as her mini-me).

[Syntex]

I find moving out is situational for everyone.

I have enough bills with school/car/insurance/food that if I moved out I would be in perpetual debt with it only getting deeper so I stay at home and use the money I save to take more classes and pay off my bills. I'll move out when I have enough stable income to actually save and not live paycheck to paycheck hoping something like a flat tire wont royally fuck me financially because I can't afford any leeway.

I'm 24 btw.

[Norellicus]

ITT people who got kicked out at 18 and have lived a shit life since.

Living with parents isnt a negative aside from the social stigma. As long as you really arent a mooch, theres nothing wrong with it. If youre paying for your own bills, chip in on food, house payments, utilties, etc, it's still cheaper than an apt. Im 26 and still with mine, mainly because ive been in school, and that we live on a farm and an extra hand around the house is very helpful. Though yes, really anyone older than 30 living with their parents is pretty odd unless you need to take care of them or something. I plan on buying a house this spring/summer, and since I luckily have a loving family who actually wants me to stay with them rather than move out, im able to have a job along with school, have a car, my own furniture, etc, with 0 dept to anyone. Instead of moving out at young age and just wasting money on an apt, im able to move straight in to a house.

The only negative as mentioned is the social stigma, and if someone isnt going to give you the time of day because of it,
http://i228.photobucket.com/albums/e...ew/haters2.jpg


Err but yeah, it's wierd your dad seemingly wont like the idea, I assume something with his dad in the past. As said, just sit down with him and talk like men.

You missed the part where his parents are crazy and make his girlfriend feel like dirt if she tries to come hang out with him.

But in the interest of full disclosure, I'm 25 and still technically live at home. I cosigned a sizable house with my folks and contribute to the mortgage; in exchange, I have free reign of the finished basement (which probably equates out to 900 sq.ft. or so).

[Cyn]

You missed the part where his parents are crazy and make his girlfriend feel like dirt if she tries to come hang out with him.

But in the interest of full disclosure, I'm 25 and still technically live at home. I cosigned a sizable house with my folks and contribute to the mortgage; in exchange, I have free reign of the finished basement (which probably equates out to 900 sq.ft. or so).

....so you live in your parent's basement?

[Rhinox]

Whats the problem with that?

[Celeste]

Stereotypical habitat of the MMO player.

[Cesaria]

Staying at home depends on the relationship you have with your parents - if they're able to do the seeing you as an adult and treating you accordingly thing - fine go for it. If they still expect you to be a stroppy teen and to behave accordingly - bollocks to that - GTFO. My mum's very much one of the latter - to the extent that even when I went back for 9 months to do my teacher training, she wouldn't even knock before coming into my room - for our mutual sanity I got back the hell outta dodge as soon as I possibly could and we get on better now I'm independent. Can see my little brother being at home a lot longer than I was though - he very much does get allowed to do his own thing, have his own space and the like - think it was the first child/mother-daughter shit kicking in that made it pretty hellish for me.

Plus with the economy in the state it's in - it's harder to do the Uni > Job > Mortgage path of tradition - hell it's taken me till in my 30s to be able to buy a house, depending on if you value saving for a deposit and living at home while you do that over renting and not saving as well but being independent - I can see why people do it (they just ain't met the unstoppable force that is my mother)

[Kuya]

I can't imagine being able to buy a house right after finishing uni and getting a job.

[isladar]

Well there's just too big of a difference of opinion for me to remain happy. I could offer money, if I wanted, but it wouldn't give me any freedom. Hell, I've even offered money before and I was told "no just save your money money isn't an issue save your money" only to be told later "look you're not paying rent and we're paying for this" so I reiterate again that I'll just give him money to which he goes "It's not about the money".

You probably understand this better than anyone else in this thread, but the specifics of all these circumstances are really immaterial. This is about emotional control. Your father and stepmother probably have no idea why they do these things, and really, it doesn't matter; you can't be held responsible for someone else's neurosis. You know your girlfriend is a worthwhile investment. It doesn't matter to your parents who your girlfriend is; unfortunately for them, every situation and every person is being used to foster and continue this emotional control.

The conflict comes in, like I said, when you try and talk to them about the minutiae, because it doesn't matter whether it's about you living there, your father's professed feelings of abandonment, your girlfriend, or anything else. The only truthful (to both himself and you) thing he's said is "It's not about the money". It isn't. It's control. As soon as you decide the terms of engagement, as it were, all those chips become meaningless.

[Takedown3]

you move out, live your own life, figure out your finances, pay ALL the bills, eventually move from rent to ownership(if it makes sense) and , build your own family

cream you just being ignorant because of your situation, ya you would move in with your parents if you could suckle on their teats again because u a broke ass punk, once you grow up a little bit more you might get it or maybe a steady paycheck, one or the other maybe

[Norellicus]

....so you live in your parent's basement?

No, I live in the basement that I own. The space is mine to do with as I please, and it's fully equipped such that I can go week to week without ever setting a foot in the upper parts of the house. I pay my portion of the utilities and amenities. The fact that they live up there is irrelevant.

Would you make the same double-take if I was paying to rent a random third party's basement?

Stereotypical habitat of the MMO player.

Recreationally speaking, I spend more time out than I do in this basement

[Kuya]

Why not just live in a room rather than a basement? You're already in the house.

Would you make the same double-take if I was paying to rent a random third party's basement?

Yes, actually.