2014-15 NFL Week 8: HEE-HAW! (and gifs for the kids)

[Bregor]

Last week:

M/L: 10-5
ATS: 8-7

Overall:

M/L: 64-41-1
ATS: 49-55-2


Bye week: NY Giants, San Francisco


THURSDAY, OCTOBER 23RD

8:25pm EDT, CBS / NFL Network

San Diego at Denver (-7.5) - The PRIVSMVP bandwagon hit a pothole last week as the Chiefs tripped up the Chargers in San Diego. Rivers was not his usual self, as he completed just a tick under 55% of his passes and the Chargers went 3-for-10 on 3rd down. Your thoughts, Phil?

http://cdn1.sbnation.com/imported_as...ers_medium.gif

Things don't get any rosier either, having to travel to Denver on a short week. In the three weeks since their bye, the Broncos are outscoring opponents 114-54 and now Peyton Manning is leading the league in passer rating and QBR. And with Von Miller and DeMarcus Ware racking up the sacks and an improved secondary, the defense is almost as scary. They have some tough road games before it's all said and done (NE, KC, SD, CIN) but I still think Denver runs the table from here on out. Broncos win and cover.


SUNDAY, OCTOBER 26TH

9:30am EDT, FOX

Detroit vs Atlanta (+4) - "Yay more London games!" said no one ever. On paper this looked like a better matchup than the typical Oakland or Jacksonville slop the NFL usually ships across the pond, but the Falcons are approaching that level of terrible. "You win football games in the trenches" might be one of the worst clichés in sports, but Atlanta is doing an experiment to play an entire season without an offensive or defensive line. It's not going well. If they could keep Matt Ryan upright long enough to chuck the ball to JULIO, I might like them to keep it interesting. But my boy only had 8 targets last week while Roddy White had 15, so I'm not bullish. Detroit stormed back in the 4th quarter to take the lead from the Saints last week, and if Jim Schwartz was still the coach you can bet they would have given it away on the last drive. But Jim Caldwell and his staff are doing some great things, especially with Calvin Johnson sidelined. Defensively they only sacked Brees once but still generated lots of pressure, and Golden Tate stepped up big time with a 73-yard touchdown in the 4th quarter to spark the comeback. So for the first time in forever, I'm buying Detroit. That week 17 showdown with the Pack in Lambeau is looking like it could be a good one. This week, Lions win and cover.

1:00pm EDT, CBS

Oakland at Cleveland (-7) -

I'm actually legit happy Hoyer and Cleveland beat the shit outta Pittsburgh..and the next three games coming up are very winnable. Could they seriously go 6-2 in the first half of the season?

Sorry I jinxed the Browns, Bregor.

It wasn't you, Cakeman. The Browns have a long and storied history of Brownsing long before BG was a thing. And it wasn't just losing to Jacksonville. It was failing to do anything against Jacksonville. They only amassed 266 yards of offense, went 4-for-17 on 3rd down, and turned the ball over three times. They even let Denard "Remember when Michigan wasn't a laughing stock" Robinson gain 127 yards rushing. At least they got a terrible loss out of the way and we can see what this year's vintage is made of. In years past, this would be the beginning of the end, where they spiral out of control and drop six or seven straight en route to another top draft pick. So Mike Pettine has a chance here to prove he can get these lovable losers focused and ready for another winning streak. Tony Sparano had a chance to refocus with Oakland after a moral victory going punch-for-punch with the Chargers. But last week Arizona pretty much suffocated the Raiders and there is little reason for optimism (outside of playing Cleland). This will be an ugly, unwatchable game, so of course I'll be glued to it. Browns win, Raiders with the points.

Seattle at Carolina (+5) - Lines for this game are all over the map, anywhere from SEA-5.5 down to -3.5 so I guess Vegas is a little spooked by Seattle's losing streak. What's wrong with the Seachickens? Well, most of their stats are pretty similar except for one thing: turnovers. They're 29th with only five takeaways, unlike last year where they led the league with 39, including 28 interceptions (they have only 2 so far this season). So the Legion of Boom needs some better play and better luck if Seattle has any hopes of repeating. I think part of the problem is Seattle is playing more close games, so teams aren't forced to throw it as much, lessening the impact of their secondary. This week they travel to Charlotte, where I have no clue which Panthers team will show up. The Cats got boat raced by Green Bay last week, down 28-0 before they managed much of anything. In the off-season Carolina went from a three-man offense (Cam, Smitty, Olsen) to a three-man offense (Cam, Benji, Olsen). And the defense has Luke Kuechly FIGHTIN' MAD!

http://giant.gfycat.com/GargantuanAl...nguelizard.gif

Settle down, White Stallion. I thought Seattle would come out swinging last week, and they didn't. I'm doubling down on Swaggy Pete and saying he gets things going again. Seahawks win and cover.

Baltimore at Cincinnati (-1) - I am contractually obligated to say that I like the Baltimore Ravens because I picked them in Eliminator last week and the coasted to an easy win. I also like the way Forsett, Daniels, and the Smithses have been playing. But what I really like is CJ MOSLEY MOTHERFUCKERS. We could be looking at the next Ray Lewis, minus that whole capital murder thing (probably). This was supposed to be the year for Cincy, and I was buying them early, but their injury report looks like a Pro Bowl roster. The offical one for this week comes out tomorrow, but expect Green, Maualuga, GIODUDE, and Vontaze to all be questionable or worse, and they also have dings and dents along their offensive line. You could see what effect this had on them last week as the Colts put a smackdown on Cincy that is usually reserved for SEC-against-Sun Belt paydays. Exhibit A:

http://cdn1.vox-cdn.com/uploads/chor...dard_709.0.gif

Winless since their bye week, the Bengals can really get themselves right here and get some momentum with Jacksonville and Cleland the next two games on the menu. Or they could tank the season and finally put Marvin Lewis (and Heady) out of his misery. Ravens in the upset.

Miami at Jacksonville (+6) - So the first week of the Lamar Miller show didn't go so well for him, but Tannehill picked up the slack and had a great day in Soldier Field, where the Blackhawks have won more recently than the Bears. Tannehill spread the ball around to eight targets and also added 48 yards rushing for a 93.9 QBR. Of all the young quarterbacks starting right now, Tannehill might have the most sneaky upside. I'd like to give Gus Bradley and the Jags some credit for their first win, but really Cleland just gift-wrapped it for them. Bortles didn't play particularly well, the defense didn't create stops so much as stand still while the Browns fell apart, and I don't see it as a trend of better things to come. Dolphins win and cover.

Buffalo at NY Jets (-3) - We all knew the Bills had a talented but risky quarterback and two potent tailbacks, but we didn't know they would be Kyle Orton, Anthony Dixon, and Bryce Brown. Only a game back of New England, if Buffalo can stick around and win ugly they have a real shot at the playoffs, where as Wulfy will remind us Buffalo hasn't been since 1999 when Andre Reed was still starting. The Jets might have also had a shot at the playoffs, considering they have one of the best defenses in the league and Chris Ivory is having a nice season. Yet they chose not to go with a Orton-esque veteran and have stuck with Geno Smith under center. If they see him as the starter next year and beyond, then by all means leave him in and let the kid learn. But this is a New York sports team, and they'll probably cut him and draft Famous Jameis or something. My only question is where Rex Ryan ends up in 2015, either as a head coach of a bad team in need of a rebuild (Jets or some other basement dweller) or maybe the best defensive coordinator in the league. Bills in the upset.

1:00pm EDT, FOX

St. Louis at Kansas City (-7) -

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Brass balls, man. CLICK THIS LINK. BRASS BALLS. I've always loved Jeff Fisher and with his job potentially on the line he pulled out every trick he had to beat the Seahawks and teach you all a lesson about taking road teams in Eliminator. Other than the two trick plays, St. Louis didn't do anything special. They enjoyed an incredibly efficient day from Austin Davis, some solid running from rookie Tre Mason, and the run defense kept Lynch in check. Much like Jacksonville, I think this is a blip rather than a trend. Kansas City, on the other hand, has won three of their last four, Alex Smith had an efficient Sunday of his own in San Diego, and Jamaal Charles looks 100% again. There's bound to be a letdown from the Rams after that big win, and Arrowhead is a tough place to play. I don't think this will be close. Chiefs win and cover.

Houston at Tennessee (+2) - Houston has played some tough football recently and has no wins to show for it. They were up on the Steelers 13-3 with under two minutes until halftime, when two turnovers deep in their own territory allowed Pittsburgh to score three touchdowns in four offensive plays, and the Texans never recovered. With Indy on a five-game win streak, Houston's playoff chances are looking pretty slim now. What can I say about Tennessee other than they lost to Hee-Haw and the Redskins. The good news is Jake Locker should be back, but how sharp he is with the layoff and the thumb injury should be interesting. Houston is also likely to get Clowney back, so Locker might actually want to take an extra week off. Texans win and cover.

Minnesota at Tampa Bay (-3) - So Teddy Throwsevelt is still learning on the job, but taking five sacks and a 56 passer rating looks pretty grim. At least he threw his first career touchdown to Cordarrelle Patterson, and Jerick McKinnon is lightning in a bottle. Minny might be one of my sleeper teams next season if they can get some help along the offensive line. Tampa's coming off their bye, and they had a lot to fix after getting waxed by Baltimore. It looks like Lovie is sticking with Mike Glennon, who played well in Pittsburgh and New Orleans. But the defense has struggled, and if there was ever a game for Bridgewater to air it out, it'd be here. It's a pretty low over/under at 42 and despite the futility of these teams I like the over. As for the game, I have to give the edge to the well-rested home team. Buccaneers win, Vikings with the points.

Chicago at New England (-6) - The good news for the Pats is they're at home, the bad news is Chicago isn't. The Bears are now 0-3 at home this season, and they looked sloppy as hell last week with four fumbles, two of them lost. Cutler only had one pick, but three of those fumbles were his. It's easy to forget their week 2 win in San Fran with how they've played since. With both Detroit games and one more with Green Bay ahead of them, there's still time to get back into the hunt. But they need to do it quickly. Maybe Brandon Marshall's words will be able to do what Brandon Marshall's play hasn't. So the Patriots who are totally fine and not in panic mode like they were last month had a bit of trouble with the Jets at home. If not for an errant two-point conversion throw and a blocked field goal, we might be hearing more "IS THE DYNASTY OVER?!?!" nonsense. Still, allowing the Jets to rack up over 400 yards is a little concerning. Chicago's receivers will pose a challenge to the secondary, even if they've underperformed a bit so far this season. I hope RedZone sticks with this game primarily because I'm most looking forward to how both these teams perform and the unit matchups are intriguing. Let's go full chaos mode, bring back CUTTY APPROVES and say

BEARS IN THE UPSET

4:05pm EDT, FOX

Philadelphia at Arizona (-2.5) - Chip Kelly's arial assault was good for only 7th in the league in passing yards per game, and I'm sure they got some things ironed out during their bye week, starting with getting Shady McCoy more targets. Arizona has the reputation of having a good secondary but they've been very soft so far this season. Of course, they've faced Peyton Manning and PRIVSMVP, so there's that. Offensively I have a lot more faith in them with Carson Palmer back running the show. But some of us fake football owners would like some more targets for Michael Floyd, you bastard. This could be a shootout, and over 48 would be my first call. But I'll take the Eagles in the upset.

4:25pm EDT, CBS

Indianapolis at Pittsburgh (+3) - All season I've been mocking the Sports Illustrated "Luck is the best QB in the NFL" cover piece, but it's actually not that laughable anymore and it's convinced me that the Illuminati is real. He carved up the Bengals last week and even managed to help TRENT gain 118 yards from scrimmage, which is basically a canonized miracle. Pittsburgh is a mediocre team that got pretty lucky against the Texans on Monday night. I don't see them slowing down the Colts very much. Antonio Brown against Vontae Davis will be interesting to watch though. I'd love for Indy to hit a speed bump but as a bettin' man I'll take Colts to win and cover.

8:30pm EDT, NBC

Green Bay at New Orleans (-1.5) - There were a bunch of times last week where I thought, "Okay this is where Drew Brees wins the game. Nope. Okay, now he will. Nope. Okay, well surely this time. Nope." Now I know he didn't have Jimmy Graham on most snaps, and he still had 342 yards and two touchdowns, but something is definitely un-Brees-like in Louisiana. Settling for two field goals in the 4th quarter was the smart, conservative play, but it doomed them to rely on their defense, and you all saw how that worked out. On the flip side, every now and then I forget how consistently good Aaron Rodgers is. Maybe I've just seen him do special things so many times before, or maybe I've seen too many of archi's passer rating posts, but just take a minute and appreciate how awesome he is from a non-homer. Add that into a suddenly stingy pass defense, and you have a scary team to play in any stadium, even Brees's home plastic turf. Packers in the upset.


MONDAY, OCTOBER 27TH

8:30pm EDT, ESPN

Washington at Dallas (-9.5) -

LOOK AT HEE-HAW

http://giant.gfycat.com/EqualAnxiousDromaeosaur.gif

LOOK AT HIM

Just to be fair, look at what a good, positive teammate Dez Bryant is!



Now that that's out of the way, hearing Jon Gruden have to call a game where his brother's team will get eviscerated is going to be... something. Cowboys win and cover.

[Adajer]

Still waiting on that gif of Rottenburger holding his knee like peter griffin

[tyven]

do black people like vince vaughn?

[Krandor]

I am disappoint that you didn't put this story in the OP.


http://thebiglead.com/2014/10/22/rus...allegedly-say/

[Akiyama]

lol, sorry again Breggy

[Bregor]

I am disappoint that you didn't put this story in the OP.


http://thebiglead.com/2014/10/22/rus...allegedly-say/

What? That's dumb, and it's from Florio and Bleacher Report. Just normal locker room stuff being overblown because Harvin is a douche and they lost a few games.

[Krandor]

Oh it's fucking stupid, and that's what makes it so great.

[tyven]

We got another cornball brother on our hands?

[archibaldcrane]

Tapping the talks

[Bregor]

Sounds like mettenburger is gonna start over locker

Just saw that!

[Moss]

he's more accurate than locker but he is a damn statue in the pocket. from what I've read the TEN oline is bad so there could be some knee ligaments on the field

[Bregor]

he's more accurate than locker but he is a damn statue in the pocket. from what I've read the TEN oline is bad so there could be some knee ligaments on the field

In other LSU QB news, Jordan Jefferson was signed in the FXFL!

[Moss]

MY EYES

[Cail]

Posting in a Chargers thread

[Headspace]

Vontaze full practice bro.

He will play and will be euthanized after the season.

[Chun Liroy]

Posting in a Chargers thread

You mean when they lose 2 games in a row.

[Xajii]

Vontaze full practice bro.

He will play and will be euthanized after the season.

He's gonna concuss himself on Flacco's dick again

[Dimmauk]

I am disappoint that you didn't put this story in the OP.


http://thebiglead.com/2014/10/22/rus...allegedly-say/

BEAST MODE doesn't think C. Thomas Howell from Soul man isn't black enough?

[Arvin]

tonights game gonna be amazing

[Bregor]

Vontaze full practice bro.

He will play and will be euthanized after the season.

That injury report is still plenty long.