2015-16 NFL Divisional Round: Kroenke Loves LA

[Bregor]

The NFL approved the St. Louis Rams' request to re-become the Los Angeles Rams yesterday, meaning 2016 will be the first time since the 1994-95 season the nation's second largest city will have an NFL franchise. The league also approved the San Diego Chargers for relocation to LA with a yearlong window to negotiate a stadium leasing deal, and if they fail to do so or decline the option then the Oakland Raiders would have the final crack at it.

Rams owner Stan Kroenke's $1.8 billion project entails building the stadium in Inglewood, where he will undoubtedly be up to no good. (Actually, pretty much every Rams quarterback since Marc Bulger has literally been up to no good.) The facility is set to open in 2019. Until then, the Rams will likely play at the LA Coliseum. Kroenke will also pay the NFL's $550 million fee to move a team, because the NFL doesn't have enough money already.

But I'm happy about the move. First of all, fuck St. Louis. You already have Cardinals Bullshit on your side. So if the Gateway Arch suddenly turned into a giant demonic portal and swallowed your entire shithole of a city whole, it would serve you right. Second, LA needs an NFL team. In 1994, ESPN had just launched ESPN2 or "THE DEUCE" as they tried to brand it, Prodigy and America Online were dueling for the burgeoning ISP market, and Peyton Manning was a freshman at Tennessee. Needless to say, the landscape of the NFL and sports media in general has changed significantly. I'm not familiar with Los Angeles-area geography, but unless this stadium is buried next to the guns used to kill Biggie and 2Pac, the team will succeed. Finally, it's just cool to go back in time. Brace yourself for highlights of Jerome Bettis in a Rams uniform, for Flipper Anderson factoids, and most of all for Jim Everett, who definitely does not want to be called Chris.



WELCOME TO 1994 MOTHERFUCKERS!



Last week:

M/L: 2-2
ATS: 2-2

Overall:

M/L: 162-98
ATS: 132-120-8



SATURDAY, JANUARY 16TH

4:35pm EST, CBS

Kansas City at New England (-5) - It may have been an exciting weekend of football, but don't tell that to Andy Reid and the Kansas City Chiefs, who dismantled Houston en route to a 30-0 rout. KC forced five turnovers, but then again how much of that was HOYER THE DESTROYER? The offense looked decent, but two offensive touchdowns won't get it done in Foxboro. New England's week off was much appreciated to get healthy. That is, except for Chandler Jones, who chose to visit the hospital for "an undisclosed issue." Can you overdose on Addreall? Anyway, Julian Edelman is questionable to play Saturday, but if he does you have like their chances. The last two weeks of the regular season were not kind to the Pats as they scored just 30 points total and lost to the Jets and Dolphins. But the week off did more than just allow the Pats to heal. No one is more deadly on the football field than Bill Belichick with time to prepare for an opponent. I'm hoping for a good game, or at least another KC blowout so we can get more Andy Reid dabbing gifs. But I don't like betting against the Hoodie to win on the field, no matter how much his offense struggles. Pats win, Chiefs with the points, over 42.



8:15pm EST, NBC

Green Bay at Arizona (-7) - Good job, Green Bay. You defeated the mighty NFC East Champion Washington Redskins. After starting the game down 11-0 then being behind 18-17 in the 3rd quarter, it was all Packers, scoring 18 straight and holding the 'Skins to two punts and three 4th down stops. They'll need a similar defensive performance against Arizona, who finished the regular season second in both points and passing yards. Both teams are banged up, with Arizona losing linebacker Alex Okafor and defensive tackle Cory Redding for the rest of the playoffs, and Green Bay will likely be without receiver Davante Adams. But as long as Carson Palmer and his receivers are healthy, I really like Arizona here. Aaron Rodgers said in his postgame presser that a team just needs one good performance to get their mojo back, and while I think there's a chance the Pack comes out guns blazing, my money is on the Cardinals defense giving him a gentle reminder that his success came against Washington and not a real playoff team. Cardinals win and cover, over 50.




SUNDAY, JANUARY 17TH

1:05pm EST, FOX

Seattle at Carolina (-2.5) - First, click this link. Second, ask yourself if the Seattle Seahawks, who "won" the game by gaining just 226 yards and had pretty much one good offensive play the entire game, could do any better against the NFC's top defense. Then ask yourself why this line is under three points. Yes, Seattle is battle tested in the postseason. Yes, Seattle has Russell Wilson, who through some combination of being lucky and good has already helped Seattle win seven playoff games in four years. But it's the Carolina Panthers who more closely resemble the Super Bowl-winning Seahawks from two years ago. Their defense is playing excellent football, their offensive line is solid, and tailback Jonathan Stewart's return gives them the edge running the ball. I feel like Vegas has sold Carolina short all season, and I'll double down on them here. Panthers win and cover, under 44.



4:40pm EST, CBS

Pittsburgh at Denver (-7) - Joining Seattle on the "should be booking a tee time" bus is the Pittsburgh Steelers, who employed the a cunning two-fold strategy to beat Cincinnati. First, they ran players at or near Vontaze Burfict and waited for him to commit attempted murder. Second, they sent their staff onto the field to tend to an injured player, infuriating the Bengals and turning the game into, to borrow a phrase from tyven, Rwanda 1994. The real tragedy here is no one will remember AJ McCarron's strike to AJ Green to "beat" Pittsburgh. CLICK HERE TO SEE IT ROLL TIDE Y'ALL. Anyway Pittsburgh is banged up and not that good. The transformation of Denver into an all-defense, no-offense team was pretty staggering. They turn back to the Tyrannical Touchdown Tosser, who inspired the team to actually start run blocking as Ronnie Hillman and CJ Anderson trucked the Chargers in the final game of the regular season. Pittsburgh's defense will be a tougher test, but if the time off gave Peyton Manning some of his arm strength back, I could see Denver running away with this one. But with all the injuries and question marks surrounding both teams, seven points looks like a gift. I'll take the Broncos to win, Steelers with the points, over 39.5.

[Rhyis.]

I can't believe we're getting an Arians/Reid Superbowl.

KC over HOU
PIT over CIN
SEA over MIN
WSH over GB

DEN over PIT
KC over NE
CAR over SEA
ARI over WSH

ARI over CAR
KC over DEN

ARI over KC

Riding this till I can't.
Just change out ARI stomping GB instead of WAS.

[Cutriss]

It probably won't be -5 in Carolina this weekend so I think Seattle might deserve a little more credit.

(something something dome team)

[tyven]

i think the only thing holding carolina back is that they have 1 defensive back on the entire team at this point.

[notorious bum]

Fucked up: Antonio Cromartie expecting 11th and 12th kids — after vasectomy
http://pagesix.com/2016/01/12/antoni...ium=SocialFlow

[Roranora]

divisional round

chefs
glendale
chosen newton
more large ben

[Cail]

i think the only thing holding carolina back is that they have 1 defensive back on the entire team at this point.

AT least Kurt Coleman should be back as well as Stewart and Ginn

[Cail]

the marvin lewis coaching tree is expanding more!

Hue Jackson to Cleveland as HC

[Krandor]

I wonder who they'll hire in 2 years after he gets fired.

[Marootsoobutsu]

I wonder who they'll hire in 1 year after he gets fired.

fixed

[Dimmauk]

Fucked up: Antonio Cromartie expecting 11th and 12th kids — after vasectomy
http://pagesix.com/2016/01/12/antoni...ium=SocialFlow

Should name them Eleven and Twelve so he doesn't forget their names.

[Bregor]

the marvin lewis coaching tree is expanding more!

Hue Jackson to Cleveland as HC

FUCK

[Wulfgang]

Pulling hard for the Kansas City Andy Reids this weekend; fuck the Pats

[Moss]

It probably won't be -5 in Carolina this weekend so I think Seattle might deserve a little more credit.

(something something dome team)

^^^

[Byrd]

Should name them Eleven and Twelve so he doesn't forget their names.

I don't know whether we can expect him to do that much math.

[Marootsoobutsu]

A Seahawks-fan teacher got a bunch of her kids in Minnesota to send good feels to Walsh. Why do I get the feeling she's got even better feelings about him than the kids do?

http://www.nfl.com/news/story/0ap300...to-blair-walsh

[Krandor]

Cromartie is getting better though.

That's now 4 kids with the same woman, as opposed to his other 8 with 5 different women.

[Cail]

Ken Whisenhunt to the Chargers as their OC

[Krandor]

And Hue Jackson apparently wants to move on from Johnny/Billy

[Gadritan]

Pulling hard for the Kansas City Andy Reids this weekend; fuck the Pats

I'm a Pats fan this weekend if Carolina gets the win. I'd love to see a rematch in the SB.