Miscarriage on unplanned pregnancy...now what?

[wyrmtung]

My coworker informed me about what is going on in her personal life lately. She kept it on the down low that she was pregnant and recently had a miscarriage on it. It was an unplanned pregnancy with her boyfriend and they had planned on keeping the baby. It got me to thinking about where do they go from here? How is this going to effect their relationship?

For the last few weeks they were coming to terms with raising a child together. Maybe they made plans to move in with each other. Maybe they even discussed taking the next step in their relationship and get married. But now the slate is wiped clean and they no longer are under obligation to make their relationship work anymore. I would think it is impossible to go back to the way it was between them.

It happened recently so I couldn't really ask her about this kind of stuff so I'm asking you guys since I'm sure there are more than a few of you, um how do I phrase this, Planned Parenthood Club Card Members. So has anyone gone through this or know someone who has? Did it doom the relationship or make it stronger? I know that she is feeling a sense of loss right now but I think there is a sense of relief there too. Same with the guy.

I'm kind of a young Larry David myself so I know I would be high fiving my buddies right now.

There's gotta be a sense of obligation now to continue to progress a relationship beyond just casual dating to more serious and long term. Do they contemplate trying to have a baby again but on purpose? Do they consider getting engaged and married so that they are better prepared if it happens again? Do they realize that there so many other people that they still wanted to fuck before settling down and raising a family?

I just keep imagining all they stuff they might have said while they were planning to have the baby. All the promises and assurances they gave to each other. I am reminded of that great line in Army of Darkness:

Sheila: But what of all those sweet words you spoke in private?
Ash: Oh that's just what we call pillow talk, baby, that's all. :bagel:

[crazyrabbit]

Well as stupid as this sounds, but thats the best way to know if they wantet to make the next step just because of the baby or because they realy wantet that next step. I guess if they realy wantet to move forward and felt good with planning the family and stuff, they could get a better relationship and get closer now and try for a planned pregnancy in a few month.
On the oposite, if they did that stuff just because of the baby, odds are it could have ended worse if she didnt had a miscarriage.
I know my mom had a miscarriage before i was born and got a lot closer to my dad because of that. The loss is horible of course, but it doesnt have to have an overall negative effect on them and their relationship.

[BerenTebogo]

Wife and I have strict stance that no matter what happens, it ends in abortion.

That will probably piss a lot of people off but fuck if we care, its what works for us and planning ahead of time for your future prevents you from ending up like britney spears.

Getting my tubes tied eventually but yeah, ow.

Point being, if you haven't had a serious conversation with somebody you love / are married to about all possible scenarios, you're preparing for disaster.

[Lockecole7]

Wife and I have strict stance that no matter what happens, it ends in abortion.

That will probably piss a lot of people off but fuck if we care, its what works for us and planning ahead of time for your future prevents you from ending up like britney spears.

Getting my tubes tied eventually but yeah, ow.

Point being, if you haven't had a serious conversation with somebody you love / are married to about all possible scenarios, you're preparing for disaster.

Huh? You have fallopian tubes?! Glad you've read up so much on the contraceptive options besides abortion.

[BerenTebogo]

Ok, my vas defrens, happy?

It's all tubes and wires down there man, one form or another.

[Tyche]

Our first pregnancy (unplanned) also ended in miscarriage. It wasn't really far into the pregnancy, a couple of months if I remember correctly. Understandably, we grew quite excited over the upcoming child. The grandparents were stoked, as for most of them, it was their first. It was not to be however, as tasha started with a little blood like during the menstrual cycle, and we ended up in the hospital soon there-after. They had to perform a procedure called a DNC. This, from what I understand, cleans out everything that was there from the pregnancy. What this also does is provide what I would call a direct route for the sperm to hit the egg. We decided to go ahead and try for another baby after the miscarriage and it happened almost immediately. The docs said that it's really easy to get pregnant after that procedure. Second pregnancy went absolutely perfect and we ended with the little bundle of hell most of you have seen in some of the threads.

[Talus]

Unplanned or not, miscarriage puts a strain on a relationship, whether a couple is married or not. If they can go through something as traumatic as that, especially when they have gotten used to the idea that they'll become parents, it can be hard to get through. However, if they make it through, their relationship will only be stronger for it. Of course it's 50/50. Choice 1 is it makes them grow apart, Choice 2 is it brings them closer together in their bond.

[Mizango]

Our first pregnancy (unplanned) also ended in miscarriage. It wasn't really far into the pregnancy, a couple of months if I remember correctly. Understandably, we grew quite excited over the upcoming child. The grandparents were stoked, as for most of them, it was their first. It was not to be however, as tasha started with a little blood like during the menstrual cycle, and we ended up in the hospital soon there-after. They had to perform a procedure called a DNC. This, from what I understand, cleans out everything that was there from the pregnancy. What this also does is provide what I would call a direct route for the sperm to hit the egg. We decided to go ahead and try for another baby after the miscarriage and it happened almost immediately.

Yeah man, miscarriages are really tough to deal with, my wife and I had one when we first got together and it was hard for everyone especially the Grandparents on both sides. I also distinctly remember the DNC procedure also, they are not kidding when they say it "cleans" everything out. Our nurse referred to it as a super period, lots of bleeding, passing of clots etc... You get the idea lol.

Everything went perfect the next time around.

The docs said that it's really easy to get pregnant after that procedure. Second pregnancy went absolutely perfect and we ended with the little bundle of hell most of you have seen in some of the threads.

ROFL, but what a cute little bundle of hell she is though. I feel your pain nonetheless.

[Heian]

I'm still waiting for the day for effective male birth control besides abstinence, or butt sex.

Like others have said, if they really want to go forward for the sake of going forward then they will be fine, if not better off in the long run. If was for the sake of the kid, well then yeah it would end pretty badly.

As much as it sucks for her its probably a good thing, if people are going to reproduce then they need to plain accordingly.

Because with the way things are, the next time I am on a nine hour flight and trying to sleep, and a fucking brat is running up and down the aisles screaming and yelling, I'm tripping the little fucker and then throwing them out the back. Fuck that shit.

[kuronosan]

wife and I have a strict abortion policy

You know, as much as I believe people have a right to do whatever they want in their lives... have you tried... I dunno, taking responsibility for your actions instead of taking the easy way out like a little child?

[Creeps]

wife and I have a strict abortion policy

You know, as much as I believe people have a right to do whatever they want in their lives... have you tried... I dunno, taking responsibility for your actions instead of taking the easy way out like a little child?

Sometimes you can be as responsible as it's possible to be and accidents happen, don't be a judgmental prick

[Tyche]

And there are some people that are smart enough, mature enough, and responsible enough to make the best out of impossible situations. Just because you don't plan for it doesn't mean "you're preparing for disaster".

[Creeps]

Also, I'd rather be truthful with my future child and tell them they were planned and wanted than have to lie to them and tell them that they weren't an accident

[Tyche]

My parents tell me I was an accident. Most children are. You think it's going to send your child into a vortex of depression that results in wrist slitting?

[Creeps]

My parents tell me I was an accident. Most children are. You think it's going to send your child into a vortex of depression that results in wrist slitting?

Nope, just my personal preference

[Rocl]

My parents tell me I was an accident. Most children are. You think it's going to send your child into a vortex of depression that results in wrist slitting?

I was planned therefore I am inherently better than you.

Wait, no I wasn't and I don't exactly hate my parents for it? I don't think it matters much to a kid lol.. I've never known anyone upset about being an "accident"

[Creeps]

My parents tell me I was an accident. Most children are. You think it's going to send your child into a vortex of depression that results in wrist slitting?

I was planned therefore I am inherently better than you.

Wait, no I wasn't and I don't exactly hate my parents for it? I don't think it matters much to a kid lol.. I've never known anyone upset about being an "accident"

Well, I base all my life decisions off of episodes of Fresh Prince, so...

[Airenn]

My parents tell me I was an accident. Most children are. You think it's going to send your child into a vortex of depression that results in wrist slitting?

I was planned therefore I am inherently better than you.

Wait, no I wasn't and I don't exactly hate my parents for it? I don't think it matters much to a kid lol.. I've never known anyone upset about being an "accident"

I tell my mom: Well, ya learned didn't ya?

I SURE DID. 22 and Still Kidless! (She had me around 17 )

As for OP: I dunno. I was more thinking the opposite everyone else: Thank *god*. Now we can get back to fucking unprotectively!

[Senji]

I've never known anyone upset about being an "accident"

I only know 1 person where this could be a case. He was born 15 years after his parents were "finished", special surprise gift by mom, unwanted crutch by dad. Dick bag dad being the unhealthy factor in it all though imo.

[archibaldcrane]

Man, this flipped me out a bit. As many of you my remember, back in March or so, I made a thread that turned pretty hueg about a friend of mine who got blacked-out drunk, fucked a terrible girl, woke up finding a broken condom in the garbage, etc. etc. (Thread was lost in a forum rollback unfortunately) Anyway, she gets knocked up, refuses to get an abortion after scheduling a couple and backing out, telling him about all the child support and medical bills she was going to "make him pay for", basically driving my friend insane (they were not a couple by any means, had never even kissed before that blackout night).

Skip forward 9 months to December, he's come to terms with having a baby, they've named him (they aren't a couple), etc. etc., and her planned C-section is coming up. Baby is a little underweight, so they put off the C-section 2 weeks. Day before it's going to happen, she has some sort of seizure, ambulance takes her to the hospital, emergency C-section...stillborn.

He's...ok with what happened, turned out for the best, etc. etc., but man, I can't even imagine. I'm sure she's crushed...but fuck that whore.

Just in case anyone was wondering how that whole situation turned out.

On topic: After this miscarriage, after grieving they will have another chance to really see what they have between them. I think trying for another child "just because" would be a mistake at this time. They weren't ready for the first baby, it just happened - now they can decide if being with each other is really what they want for their lives and see how that feels, without the added pressure of another life depending on them.