I'm so bad at sex

[ZarakiKujata]

So I know when FML was posted a lot of people in General thought it was funny, well this site is pretty similiar in vein but only sex related stuff.

Enjoy

i'msobadatsex - because we all are

[Brill Weave]

Here I was expecting this to be an I accidentally put the tip in her butt story.

[Katlan]

Here I was expecting this to be an I accidentally put the tip in her butt story.

same /letdown

[ZarakiKujata]

I'd post something like that in Spam probably

[Yuri-G]

Here I was expecting this to be an I accidentally put the tip in her butt story.

Someone did that to me once, but it turned out we were both gay so that worked out just fine.

[Dimmauk]

Here I was expecting this to be an I accidentally put the tip in her butt story.

I did this once, butt it was no accident.

[Absolutely Virtue]

I did this once, butt it was no accident.

well played

[Dmitry]

Great, something else to waste my time with. I read through all the FML entries I think.

[kuronosan]

Ironically, none of that has shit to do with being bad at sex.

[Brill Weave]

Someone did that to me once, but it turned out we were both gay so that worked out just fine.

Was that necessary you fudgepacker?

[Jodwahh]

My girlfriend and I were having sex and she asked me to put my finger in her ass. We had never done this before (and never did it again), so I tried it. After pulling it out, I realized how disgustingly filthy it was. Not wanting to interrupt the sex to wash my hands, I pulled her close and pretended to hug her. What I was really doing was wiping her own poo all over her back and off of my finger. I told her about it immediately after we finished. I laughed and she stormed out of my house, furious.

Beautiful imagery lol.

[Darunia]

My girlfriend and I were having sex and she asked me to put my finger in her ass. We had never done this before (and never did it again), so I tried it. After pulling it out, I realized how disgustingly filthy it was. Not wanting to interrupt the sex to wash my hands, I pulled her close and pretended to hug her. What I was really doing was wiping her own poo all over her back and off of my finger. I told her about it immediately after we finished. I laughed and she stormed out of my house, furious.

Beautiful imagery lol.

Thats pretty much the only one that made me laugh on there. Oh! and the shiney zapdos card vs virginity one was pretty win too.

[Maguspk]

this site is pretty hilarious

[Mici]

Meh, FML was funny as hell, this, not so much.
And we have all accidentally put the tip in the butt

[Ragnell]

So, this one time, I was having sex with a guy in my bedroom, and I didn't realize my cat was in the room with us. Mid thrust, doggy-style, I hear the guy yelp, and he immediately stops and sits down. My cat apparently attacked his naked and dangling balls. My cat and I are so bad at sex.

oh god wow, that sounds fucking painful

[kuronosan]

At some point I should tell my girlfriend that I never miss and to just take it.

edit: Yea, that sounds painful... my cat watches us all the time but just sits back. A couple of times she's jumped on the bed but we don't let her near us because she has some pretty sharp claws.

[ZarakiKujata]

Thats pretty much the only one that made me laugh on there. Oh! and the shiney zapdos card vs virginity one was pretty win too.

I had a major crush on my TA a couple years back. She was a graduate student and I was a fresh faced freshman, eager to expand my mind. On the last day of classes the TA decided to take my seminar group out for drinks, I learned one thing at this bar, my TA can hold liquor worse than a bottomless cup. Two White Russians in she drunker than Yeltsin at a wine tasting expo. Anyway, I knew that this was my chance, I was not sober to say the least, but I felt like my high school moves might woe this elusive princess. I convince her into going back to my residence, which was unfortunate because she began to sober up, but I was persistent. We're going at it pretty hard, I'm going down on her, then we start with the sex, no dome, she claimed to be on the pill. About fifteen minutes into it she asks "are you a virgin, cause it seems like you have no idea what you're doing," my ego was vanquished like the Dresden bombings. She gets her stuff and leaves, leaving my skinny, pale, naked frame sprawled out on my bed. Two weeks later it started to hurt when I peed, she gave me Chlamydia. I took a C+ on my final paper because all my arguments were loosely linked to the fact she gave me a venereal disease. I'm so bad at sex.

I think is hte funniest one, but zapdos is definitely win.

[Dimmauk]

This one time me and my girlfriend are having sex in a hotel room. She is on top and she is holding onto the headboard. She starts to climax, and suddenly rips the headboard out of the wall and smashes me in the head with it. I'm so good at sex.


This was a true story.

[Ragnell]

Sounds legit

[Selamis]

A fine read when work is slow, such as now.

Edit: Adding in the first one that made me crack up at my desk.

Alright, so I was the guy in high school everyone said would get laid last, and at one point it seemed pretty obvious it was the case, until I met this one girl. It was the summer before grade 12, and drinking was quickly becoming a common thing to do on the weekend. So one night her parents were gone, there was a party at her house, we drank and had fun. Next thing I know she was taking me to the bedroom. I was pretty nervous, and excited. When finally came the time to put it in, the first thought that crossed my drunken mind was "it's so warm!". Then being so worried about how long I'd last, I looked at the clock, 2:51, or something like that. After some time (thinking this is fucking awesome) she turns to me and says "I can't do this." Pushes me off, puts on her clothes and leaves to the bathroom where she cried with her friends. She was still hooked on her ex-boyfriend, and couldn't stop thinking of him while I was on her. I ended up rubbing one out on her bedsheets, your move princess, your move. I'm so bad at sex.