NFL Week 15: Let's go trip a Goddamn gunner

[Bregor]

Because a strength and conditioning coach runs the show on the sidelines, amirite?


Record:
119-73 straight
91-98-3 ATS


THURSDAY, DECEMBER 16TH

San Francisco at San Diego (-9) - Both of these teams are a game out of first in their respective divisions, and both seem to come on strong late. I really liked the '9ers before the season started, and they've played pretty well. But losing Gore hurts too much and I have no faith that Alex Smith can put together back-to-back good performances, especially with this game being on the road. Rivers probably cost himself a shot at the MVP with the clunker at home against Oakland two weeks ago, but aside from that he's looked about as good as anyone not banging Giselle. Are there any two head coaches who are more different than Singletary and Norv? I remember when Turner was in DC, his press conferences were hilarious. He would just stare at the lectern and mumble excuses left and right. God I miss him. Chargers win and cover.


SUNDAY, DECEMBER 19TH

Houston at Tennessee (-1.5) - Figured I'd kick off Sunday's list with the toughest football to be played. Who else has better triplets than Schaub, Foster and Johnson? Unfortunately none of them play defense, much like the rest of their roster now that Mario Williams has joined DeMeco Ryans on the IR. But hey, if they win out they'll still be .500 and then next year is the year! For real this time! Tennessee did me a huge favor and backdoor covered against the Colts last week, and they actually held them without a touchdown in the second half (is that even impressive anymore? I mean, it's the inferior Peyton and all.) Have a feeling this will be a shootout and probably come down to the last possession. Only this time no Deions thrown by Schaub. Texans in the mild upset.

Jacksonville at Indianapolis (-5) - Massive game here. A win for the Jags would mean their first division title since the Clinton administration. If Indy wins, they'll both be 8-5 and 3-2 in the division, and we get to dive into all those fun tiebreak scenarios in the last two weeks. The Colts continue to be rather unimpressive, yet I feel like we're all waiting for Manning to just go nuts in one of these home games. Ain't gonna happen. MoJoDrew against the 29th ranked rushing defense? Yes, please. Jags in the upset.

New Orleans at Baltimore (-1) - Who dat dem dey win dem six straight games dere? My preseason Super Bowl pick is looking pretty good, except for the fact that they love to let inferior teams hang around on the road (San Fran, Dallas, Cincy, not to mention a loss at Arizona) and that's not something they can afford to do here. The dogfight in the NFC East (no pun intended) and Aaron Rodgers' shaken not stirred brain cells have the Saints looking like a near lock for a wild card though. The same can be said for Baltimore, as they and the Jets have two games in hand over Miami, San Diego and Indy. So who gets up for this game? I think Sean Peyton finds a way to attack the Ravens defense, and they keep the streak alive heading into Atlanta. Saints in the mild upset.

Buffalo at Miami (-5.5) - That line looks kinda big to me, since it's not a given that either of these teams will actually score five points. Buffalo somehow contained Peyton Fucking Hillis to 118 yards from scrimmage and kept him out of the endzone. Fuck those pieces of shit. I learned a valuable lesson; never bet on a team that has Jake Delhomme under center. The Miami defense really impressed me last week, being on the field all day long and not giving up a touchdown to the great Mark Sanchez. Also have to recognize Brandon Fields and what he did for field position. I think Miami actually gets some offense going this week after only gaining 131 yards (!) in New York. Buffalo's actually done a good job protecting Fitzpatrick, should be interesting to see if they can contain Wake. I'm guessing not so much. Miami wins and covers.

Cleveland at Cincinnati (-1.5) - Hee-Haw McCoy is taking first team reps in practice. Praise be to Orton, yea, for He forgives us our clutchness and delivers us from the AFC North basement. Maybe I hate on Carson Palmer too much. I mean, he threw three TDs last week. Oh... right. Browns in the upset.

Detroit at Tampa Bay (-6) - The Lions beat a Matt Flynn-led Pack last week, which is something half of the teams in the SEC could probably do right now. Does Tampa have the easiest schedule in the history of the NFL? Still, you beat the teams you're supposed to beat, maybe pull off the upset in N'awlins week 17, and BAM! Wild card. Bucs win and cover.

Philadelphia at NY Giants (-3) - Really, Mike Vick? You want a dog now? And you chose to say this on the week that you face the team you're tied with for the division lead? Trading punches with the Kitna-led Cowboys did not impress me much last week, and I know we've already given Vick the MVP, but are they showing some cracks? The Giants, however, have had three straight solid games since they lost in Philly, and it just feels like home field will play a huge factor in this game. Protip: within the first three or four plays, Vick will throw a bomb to Jackson. Might want to double him. Giants win and cover.

Arizona at Carolina (-2.5) - Despite the possibility of all four teams finishing 7-9 (or worse) in the division, I'm pretty sure Arizona is eliminated from NFC West contention. The week 17 match between St. Louis and Seattle is pretty much a de facto title game at this point. On the bright side, I think John Skelton was the big, slow kid in my wood shop class in middle school who would constantly grunt and offer to use the table saw for everyone's projects. I mean, look at this guy.
http://www.nypost.com/rw/nypost/2010...0--300x300.jpg
Terrifying. But I'll ride the mildly hot hand for now, because hey, they're playing Carolina. Cards in the upset.

Washington at Dallas (-6) - Yes, good call, Redskins. Hunter Smith was clearly the problem. Expert roster management yet again. Dallas is somehow gaining yards and sometimes even scoring points with Jon Kitna at quarterback. I'm as baffled as you are. The Cowboys weakness is stopping the pass, which is something McNabb will be able to exploit en route to a huge game and a win ov- okay I can't finish writing that without having an aneurysm. Cowboys win and cover.

Kansas City at St. Louis (-1) - Had trouble finding a posted line for this game, probably because of Matt Cassel's uncertain status. Even if he plays, it's no lock that KC would be a favorite here, as a lot more than just Brodie Croyle was wrong with the Chiefs last week. The Rams have shown flashes, especially at home, and to their credit have kept Bradford upright and on the field. Comparisons to the lesser Peyton's rookie season are pretty apt, minus some yards and plus a few wins. And Manning got some help in the passing game from Faulk, after all. Still, I think KC can taste the playoffs, and I'll bet that they find a way to get Cassel under center. Chiefs in the upset (for now.)

Atlanta at Seattle (+7) - The knock on Matty Ice has always been his performance outside of the ATL, but the Falcons already boast a 5-2 road record and the NFL's longest current win streak with seven straight. Peaking too early? Looking ahead to next week? Could be a dicey game for them. Seattle just got blown out by Alex Smith, which is never a good thing. This could be a big statement game for them, a chance to prove to the world that the NFC West can hang with the big boys. Unfortunately for them, they can't. They'll keep it close at home though. Falcons win, 'Hawks cover.

NY Jets at Pittsburgh (-6) - You know how Rex Ryan loves to idolize and yet also compare himself to Bill Belichick? Well, Bill rarely loses two games in a row. I think it's happened twice in the regular season since 2003. Last year the Jets had two separate three-game losing streaks, and I think another is on the way. Dirty, illegal, whatever, Tripgate is just another distraction for a team that needs to focus. And for the record, I hate tacking on -gate to every news item. It's lazy, so cut it out, sports journalists. When you hear, "Oh that defense can outscore some teams' offenses," it's usually hyperbole. But the Steelers turned the trick last week, and they might be able to do it again. Still, six points is a large spread for two defense-first teams. Steelers win, Jets cover.

Denver at Oakland (-6.5) - Denver hasn't been good in a long time, but you could always rely on Orton to put up some great numbers. Well over the last couple weeks, even he's gone down the shitter. Oakland probably cost themselves a shot at the playoffs last week, but at least the offense is rolling again. Playing at home, unless they fall apart in the secondary, they should have little trouble here. Raiders win and cover.

Green Bay at New England (-11) - Biggest line of the week, which will shrink faster than my dick in this fucking frigid weather the second anyone sees Aaron Rodgers with pads on. Lingering brain injuries be damned, Green Bay is cooked if they lose this game and I think there's no way that Rodgers doesn't play. Even if he does, I don't give the Pack much of a chance. New England is hitting its stride and they can taste that first round bye. Weather calls for snow on Sunday, and we all know what that means. Pats win and cover.


MONDAY, DECEMBER 20TH

Chicago at (?) Minnesota (+3) - Another line I couldn't find anywhere. Minnesota decided to double-up on Green Bay and Kansas City, and have two quarterbacks with uncertain statuses for this week. Whoever actually plays in this game, that offense is going to have a real tough time getting anything going. The Bears have been great against the run, and the Vikes aren't exactly a team that can win throwing the ball 40+ times. As delicious as that game was last week, I'm pretty sure it was an aberration rather than a sign of the wheels coming off for Chicago. And with Green Bay stumbling, I think they know they have time to correct their mistakes. They won their first matchup with Minnesota by spreading the ball around and winning the turnover battle. I think they'll be able to execute that game plan again. Chicago wins and covers.

[Penthesilea]

Alright, how is scoring an average of nearly 33 pts slipping? Sure he's thrown 4 picks in the last 3 games, but also is scoring at a ridiculous pace (not TBrady level though).

Also - Eli Manning is playing in this game so I'd be pretty wary of picking the Giants, considering how great the Eagle's run D has been it'll all be on him to not throw INT after INT (highly unlikely, especially in the Meadowlands).

Also bad car commercial = road to redemption

[Bregor]

considering how great the Eagle's run D has been

BEARS

[Bregor]

Anyway I'm going to sleep. Long night/morning. I can't wait to wake up to the rest of you homers clubbing my picks.

[Penthesilea]

BEARS

Michael Turner - 15 carries for 45 yds
Chris Johnson - 24 carries for 66 yds
Colts - 19 carries for 62 yds
Keiland Williams - 16 carries for 89 yds
Giants - 19 carries, 61 yds
Forte - 14 carries, 117 (the only bad game, and most of those came on one play for 61 yds
Foster - 22 carries for 88 yds
lolboys - Jones, 13 c for 41 yds , kitna 3 for 27, Austin 1 for 26, Choice 7 for 16 (110 yds total)

[Diamicles]

Michael Turner - 15 carries for 45 yds
Chris Johnson - 24 carries for 66 yds
Colts - 19 carries for 62 yds
Keiland Williams - 16 carries for 89 yds
Giants - 19 carries, 61 yds
Forte - 14 carries, 117 (the only bad game, and most of those came on one play for 61 yds
Foster - 22 carries for 88 yds
lolboys - Jones, 13 c for 41 yds , kitna 3 for 27, Austin 1 for 26, Choice 7 for 16 (110 yds total)

BEARS

[Valisk]

Last Week: 11-5
Season: 124-84 (.596)

San Francisco at San Diego
Houston at Tennessee
Jacksonville at Indianapolis
New Orleans at Baltimore
Buffalo at Miami
Cleveland at Cincinnati
Detroit at Tampa Bay
Philadelphia at NY Giants
Arizona at Carolina
Washington at Dallas
Kansas City at St. Louis
Atlanta at Seattle
NY Jets at Pittsburgh
Denver at Oakland
Green Bay at New England
Chicago at Minnesota

[Conrad]

Alright, how is scoring an average of nearly 33 pts slipping? Sure he's thrown 4 picks in the last 3 games, but also is scoring at a ridiculous pace (not TBrady level though).

Also - Eli Manning is playing in this game so I'd be pretty wary of picking the Giants, considering how great the Eagle's run D has been it'll all be on him to not throw INT after INT (highly unlikely, especially in the Meadowlands).

Listen I know our team has had it tough, but we don't need to get offended or prove wrong any and all smack talk against the Eagles, the city of Philadelphia, or Michael Vick. You know just as well as I do how inconsistent and volatile Philly is; we can implode and shit the bed on any given Sunday, then go out and score 59 points the next week. The only constant is that we choke in the playoffs.

[Rhinox]

BEARS

I was wondering why my dick got hard all of a sudden

No homo

BEARS


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[Chun Liroy]

Listen I know our team has had it tough, but we don't need to get offended or prove wrong any and all smack talk against the Eagles, the city of Philadelphia, or Michael Vick. You know just as well as I do how inconsistent and volatile Philly is; we can implode and shit the bed on any given Sunday, then go out and score 59 points the next week. The only constant is that we choke in the playoffs.

Nearly losing to lol 4-8 dallas all because of either A)jon kitna int or B) lack of ability tackle of catch a gimpy Djax is slippin imo.

@penth but dont feel like scrolling up to quote.

[Rhinox]

Nearly losing to lol 4-8 dallas all because of either A)jon kitna int or B) lack of ability tackle of catch a gimpy Djax is slippin imo.

@penth but dont feel like scrolling up to quote.

No lol




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[Azull]

Do they still plan to hold the Bears/Vikings game outdoors? If so..awesome.

[Conrad]

Do they still plan to hold the Bears/Vikings game outdoors? If so..awesome.

The Bears can't play in cold weather, though. At least, not until the second half.

[Rhinox]

Do they still plan to hold the Bears/Vikings game outdoors? If so..awesome.

Talk in Chicago is the BEARS are going to petition the league to move the game. There is like a foot of frost on the field and from reports the surface is as hard as asphalt. And they expecting more snow before Monday

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[Rhinox]

The Bears can't play in cold weather, though. At least, not until the second half.

Apparently neither can the vicks


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[Conrad]

Apparently neither can the vicks

36-7

[Rhinox]

11-28


And that's not a record its a date


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[Valisk]

Talk in Chicago is the BEARS are going to petition the league to move the game. There is like a foot of frost on the field and from reports the surface is as hard as asphalt. And they expecting more snow before Monday

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Aww, what's wrong? Bares can't play tough football in "their" weather?

[Rhinox]

Aww, what's wrong? Bares can't play tough football in "their" weather?

No such thing as BEARS weather.

I wouldn't want to risk injury on a scrub team either


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[Chun Liroy]

Neither did the pats, but they still played.