i don't feel like it

i dunno why i let you be a jerk to me for an extra unnecessary three weeks. i dunno why you didnt tell me those three weeks were unnecessary. it would have been nice to know that theres not a part of you that cares about any part of me left,then maybe i would not have wasted my time,effort and exhausted feelings on you. im sorry for the fact that you never found it in you to get over what i did almost as much as i am sorry for doing it. feelings aside,i did the right thing. i left you and then messed around with him. would it have been better if i was as bad of a person as you force yourself to think i am? what if i just cheated on you,and you never found out? things would have lasted longer,but not much longer,because again,as much as you force yourself to think this was all my fault - theres no way. although,i am sorry for the things that didnt help keep us together. ive been working on myself,and if you were to have given me the opportunity,i would have at least been been a great friend. i should have 'realized' you havent liked me as a person for so long because of how much of an asshole you were,and how you never wanted to talk to me. (even though that point made me wonder why you didnt break up with me.) those things made me cry because it made me realize that even the times i thought were happy were probably a front. maybe if you would have told me how you actually felt,when you actually felt it,things might have been a little different. i dont know why i expect someone who doesnt believe a word i say to tell me the truth. regardless of what you believe and what you dont - i like knowing that its been a long time since i have said something i didnt mean. i meant that i loved you,that i didnt want to be with anyone else,that because we couldnt be together anymore,i wanted to be your friend,and that i didnt think i would be able to call anyone else my baby. you parroted it all back except for the last,and you didnt mean a word. the front you have up wont let you care,and if its not a front,well then youre pretty heartless.
im sorry if this was a waste of time. im sorry for everything you regret,and ill miss everything you dont.
sadly,im not the kind of person who this relationship wont mean anything to years from now. i know you wont change your mind about caring about being friends/talking,so im not sure why i told you to call if you did. i already said bye,but this is a little bit of what i had left to say. bye baby.