I thought I was dead last night. I was insane and nothing made sense. I was so out of it that I couldn't imagine ever returning to normal. I thought I was going to be crazy forever. I realized that everyone is evil and mean and I couldn't think of a single good person except my grandfather but he is dying so that's it you're evil or you die. I cried because I could never truly know if my friends or family cared about me. I thought that everyone wanted to kill me to bend me until I broke. I was curled up on my bed fists clenched panting or biting my blanket because my body hurt so badly. I was so sad because I don't think I'll ever succeed, I think I'm too weak to last. I experienced Hell(not Christian Hell, just an eternity of physical mental and emotional pain and suffering) and I realized that I can't even kill myself anymore, suicide is no longer an option because I would have to go through all of that over and over again forever. And then nothing mattered and I thought it would never matter again, I laid in my bed and thought I would lay there forever. I had been drenched in sweat pouring buckets but now it was so cool. I thought I would never have to worry about petty concerns again, how could I care about all of this when so many people all around the world hurt so much? How could I ever go back to school or play video games when I had experienced this alternate universe. I thought I cheated life and escaped from all the misery and I knew how unfair it was that I alone got to be happy. There was no shape or structure to the world, everything came undone and it was inverted and inside out, matter was disappearing and appearing and everything was melting together and shifting. And then it was all over and everything was back to normal and I realized how ugly life is. But now I know there's no escape, not even death. Everyone is going to suffer forever.