Garden advice (yes homo)

[Fhqwghads]

I don't know shit about gardening. I do, however, want a plant that won't fall over dead in our shitastic winters up here by Seattle, and I want something that will get pretty big and bushy, and do it fast.

My deck looks into the neighbors yard to the west, and I'd like more privacy. Fence is out of the question because they don't allow fences to be built 30 feet high. No bamboo, I know that would probably be the easiest, quickest to grow, but fuck me that shit will take over a whole yard and digging up the roots is about as pleasant as shoving a thermometer in your dickhole and smashing it with a rubber mallet and then drinking enough beer until you can't hold it any longer and have to piss out the shards. (I'm serious, if you've never tried digging up bamboo you've no idea what an insane network of roots that shit has.)

Something big, and green and very full of leaves and junk. It can lose leaves in the fall, because we don't go out on the deck when it's cold out anyway. I have plenty of space on that side of the yard, too, so size really isn't much of an issue.

[Kiehl]

My dad has always used evergreens as his privacy fence. He digs up small trees he finds on the roadside near work. Honestly, about a third of them die and have to be replanted. But free privacy is nice. He grabs the ones that are 2-3 ft high and within a couple years they are about tall enough to block the tops of the windows from being able to look into.

[Fhloston]

In this heat? Fuck gardening. Apartments for the win.

Yes, I'm a hispanic who hates yard work of any kind!

[Stumblingdrunk]

In this heat? Fuck gardening. Apartments for the win.

Yes, I'm a hispanic who hates yard work of any kind!

Well few people like to take their work home with them

[Guyverarmor]

Mow my lawn Fhloston. I am a mexican who hates yard work as well.

[Fhqwghads]

My dad has always used evergreens as his privacy fence. He digs up small trees he finds on the roadside near work. Honestly, about a third of them die and have to be replanted. But free privacy is nice. He grabs the ones that are 2-3 ft high and within a couple years they are about tall enough to block the tops of the windows from being able to look into.

I was hoping for something like a bush that grows big and fast, with little to no maintenance, and can stand up to infrequent snow in the winter, and a decent amount of heat and sun in the summer. Where I'd be planting is close enough to the house that in a strong wind a heavy evergreen would smash through the roof of my bedroom if it fell.

[Ksandra]

This probably isn't helpful 'cause I'm about to be vague, BUT try researching about blueberry bushes.

My house in CT has a lot in the front yard that are nice, and extremely hardy in cold weather. I, unfortunately, don't know what type of bush it is (there are several varieties of blueberry bushes). What I can say is the berries they create are very very tiny, and not the kind you eat. We've had the same bushes since my parents bought the house in the late 70s, so ya they last forever if you can find the right type.

[Jodwahh]

Sounds like you want some leylandii up in this motherfucker!

Grows fast as hell and is used here as a fencing bush:



Just a word of warning from wikipedia however:

Their rapid, thick growth means they are sometimes used to enforce privacy, but such use can result in disputes with neighbours whose own property becomes overshadowed.

[miokomioko]

Not to mention it ends up requiring additional yardwork for your neighbors to keep it under control on their side unless you're willing to go over and trim it up and clean up the debris in your neighbor's yard...

[Jodwahh]

What kind of dimensions is your back yard?

[Fhqwghads]

Sounds like you want some leylandii up in this motherfucker!

Grows fast as hell and is used here as a fencing bush:



Just a word of warning from wikipedia however:

That right there is bad-ass. Do want.

I don't have dimensions, but here's a picture of what I'm dealing with. Good excuse to try out some HDR software too since the bright sun was creating god-awful contrast (hence the watermarks).

[Elesirdur]

Go to a garden store and ask about hedge bushes. Evergreeen trees would be great, though I imagine getting relatively mature ones would be pretty expensive. Honestly, anything that's already big enough to provide some privacy will be expensive. If you're willing to wait a year or two then can probably get something small and have it grow in.

Rhododendrons would be gorgeous. There's likely enough sun to get them to bloom nicely in the Spring, and you'll have some thick cover the rest of the year.

[Fhqwghads]

Rhododendrons, eh? Alrighty, I'll have to look into that. The suggestion Jod made concerning leylandii is appealing too. Apparently those things grow over a foot a year, so realistically I could probably buy about 4 smallish ones and be good to go in a few years. I've had the home for over a decade, so a few more years won't hurt. I'll check out your idea too.

P.S. To the mod who changed the title: well played. Jerks.