Man V. Black Bear

[Ramor]

Man wins!

Manliness factor +10
http://www.ctvbc.ctv.ca/servlet/an/l...ritishColumbia

A B.C. man found himself in a deadly fight with a black bear, and had to kill the large animal to escape with his life. The attack left him with deep gashes in his head that required more than 60 stitches.

Jim West, 45, was walking with his two dogs near 70 Mile House -- about halfway between Kamloops and Williams Lake -- when his dogs reacted to a noise in the woods.

"All of a sudden I heard a 'whoof' on my right and I looked over and there was a bear six feet away from me," he said.

West knew right away he was in serious danger.

"Just one look at that bear and I knew she meant business," he said.

"The bear rose at the same time as my foot went up. I'm not sure if it was her teeth or her claws that caught me in my upper lip."

That's when West was knocked down. He rolled onto his stomach and clasped his hands around his neck to protect his throat.

"She then tore a chunk out my scalp, bit me in my left arm and ribs," West said.

The Caribou man credits his dogs for drawing the bear away, giving him a chance to defend himself. When he turned to stand up, the bear -- apparently a mother -- swatted him in the right arm and bit him again. Knowing he would likely die unless he put up a fight, the bleeding West summoned the strength to get on his feet and picked up a stick about as thick as his arm.

"The bear was running at me full tilt," he said. "I swung the stick and hit her right between the ears and it stopped her dead in her tracks.

West says the initial hit stunned the bear, but he realized the animal would attack again if he didn't keep up the fight.

"I knew if I went down a third time I wouldn't get up again," said West.

"I pretended I was driving spikes with a sledgehammer, and I didn't stop until that bear went down and I saw blood coming out her nose."

After West crushed the bear's skull, he dropped the stick and wrapped his shirt around his head to stop the profuse bleeding. He then walked to a nearby lodge, where he was taken to hospital for dozens of stitches.

Matter of survival

Conservation officers found the bear three hours later, and confirmed the bear's injuries. West says fighting back was a matter of survival.

"Most people would be so scared that they would just stay on the ground and let the bear chew on them, but I have a bit of a temper that I try to stay on top of," he said.

But also West blames himself for the attack, saying the bear was just following its instincts when it attacked.

"With my experience in the woods, I know bears are out foraging in the fall, but with the wind in the face, I know he couldn't smell me or hear me," he said. "I know that people should be prepared when they go out."

[Ramor]

And now for the best part, the comments!

For those of us who live in rural areas, the saying goes: "when it's black you fight back".

OMG... You ugly ahole, you just destroyed a family! Why didn't you just freaking die? THAT WAS THE BEAR'S HOME NOT YOUR PLACE TO GO HIKE YOU IDIOT! Poor bears can't even live a day in peace b/c of stupid idiot like you disturbing their home...
R.I.P Bear and good luck orphaned bear cubs...

I am glad that you survived. But I hope that you can sleep at night knowing you personally killed three wild animals. You where in her territory and you still felt that stunning her again wasn't enough you had to CRUSH her skull. I hope you enjoyed doing it!

Lots more, worth the read.

[Izzy]

And now for the best part, the comments!







Lots more, worth the read.

I fucking hate people lol

[Ramor]

I fucking hate people lol

yeah, it's pretty hilarious though.

also, on a semi-related note (sent to me by a friend) another bear story! this one's a bit more tragic and definitely NSFW

Spoiler: show

Grin and bear it! Barry, an 850 lb. black bear, got a little frisky
with zookeeper Ron Gilks. The anal rape is believed to be the first
inter-special coupling in Metro Zoo history.

Here's a little dog-bites-man tale we couldn't resist! Except
replace "dog" with "850-pound black bear"! And "bites" with "anally
violate"!

Yes, last Saturday a zookeeper at the Metropolitan Zoo had
"claws" for alarm when he was attacked and raped by the same black
bear he had raised from a cub! Geez, talk about gratitude!

"It was horrible, just horrible," sobbed an eyewitness. Guess
she sure got an eyeful!

The bear, named "Barry," attacked zookeeper Ron Gilks as Gilks
entered the cage to give him dinner. Barry lunged at his throat,
goring him with his huge claws and razor-sharp teeth. Some of the claw
marks were three-quarters of an inch deep. Ouch!

Then, astonished onlookers could "bearly" believe what happened
next--Barry began to brutally rape zookeeper Gilks!

Frantic zookeepers rushed for rifles as others tried to divert
the bear. But there was no stopping Barry! This bear kept "bearing
down," and Gilks just had to grin and "bear" it! Maybe Barry was
mistaking him for his "honey"!

Gilks was pronounced dead upon arrival at the hospital. A full quart
of bear semen was extracted from his ruptured chest cavity. And that's
no small Boo-Boo!

Barry's 27-inch phallus, armed with guard hairs as sharp as
red-hot needles, shot through Gilks' rectum, shattered his lower spine
and skewered his colon, causing his entire lower torso to "cave" in!
Yikes! Bet that wasn't the type of "cave" you had in mind when you
took up zookeeping, Mr. Gilks!

And can you imagine Gilks' surprise when Barry's putrid ursine
semen flooded his ruptured chest cavity? (By the way, Mr. Gilks,
whatever cologne you've been wearing, where can the public get some?)

Finally, zookeeper Eric Pulliam shot Barry with a tranquilizer
gun and pulled Gilks from the cage. The unconscious bear was later
destroyed. Hey, this "Yogi" made a major "Boo-Boo"!

"I have worked with dangerous animals before," zoo director Kate
Donegal said. "But never have I seen any animal sexually assault a
human being." "Barry"? Try "Scary"!

Meanwhile, Gilks was pronounced dead at an area hospital--but at
least he died grinning and bearing it! No doubt, this episode gives
new meaning to the term, "Do not feed the bears!"

[BRP]

He is going to get a letter invitation to join a secret club of the manliest men in world, ruled over by Zangief from Street Fighter II of course.

[Blabj]

yeah, it's pretty hilarious though.

also, on a semi-related note (sent to me by a friend) another bear story! this one's a bit more tragic and definitely NSFW

FFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU-

[Ramor]

FFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU-

Spoiler: show

that one's fake, but a good read anyway

[Mizango]

Holy shit. Jeremiah Johnson really is real!

"So Pilgrim, Can you skin Griz?"

[GRT]

Is that man going on the Colbert Report?

[Kiro]

BEAR DIDN'T KNOW WHO SHE WAS FUCKING WITH!

[Fahren]

That guy is just pure man...he puts fear in ninja pirates' eyes....although good ol' chuck would have take it out with 1 shot...

[Ramor]

Is that man going on the Colbert Report?

Oddly enough, one of the first few comments on the story was that someone should alert Colbert to this whole thing, it really wouldn't surprise me if they did or didn't, it is kind of a gruesome tale but at the same time it is a bear losing to a guy.

[Eggroll]

yeah, it's pretty hilarious though.

also, on a semi-related note (sent to me by a friend) another bear story! this one's a bit more tragic and definitely NSFW

I don't think there are enough puns in this article.

[Maguspk]

Holy shit, you know he's going to get so much pussy with that story.

[TheShadyMan]

It would have been awesome if he'd pulled that knife made for killing bears and sharks out and decimated it.

[gandorf]

How long till Peta cries and wants this man charged with murder or some bullshit?

[LD]

This kinda makes the end of Legends of the Fall a bit less awesome, but I guess logs that are small enough to heft, but large and hard enough to cause damage aren't always to be had in a forest.

All in all, I like the guy strangling an attempted rapist to death with his bare hands story better.

[Howard Roark]

How long till Peta cries and wants this man charged with murder or some bullshit?

was totally waiting for the 2nd of 3 comments OP highlighted, god people are retarded

[EdgeMoragan]

It would have been awesome if he'd pulled that knife made for killing bears and sharks out and decimated it.

Someone needs to link this lol

[Gregorio]

How long till Peta cries and wants this man charged with murder or some bullshit?

I think this kinda thing happened a while ago. A bear attacked a guy in his back yard and he ended up killing it with his pocket knife. PETA freaked.