Always wanted to know what Jesus thought about sex?

[BarthelloSylph]

Anal Sex According to the Word of God

That site apparently answers all our questions.

Don't ask me how I stumbled upon it. You wouldn't believe me anyways.

[Seanr]

So... you were searching for anal sex, jesus, or a little of both?

[BarthelloSylph]

Honestly, I was watching the South Park episode where Cartman pretends to be the Dawg, and searched the quote "You're Going with Christ"! because I was curious if that was what the real bounty hunter said when he got criminals (I've only seen the real show in bits and pieces). Type in You're Going with Christ and this is the first result in Google. It's weird, I know.

[thestalkmore]

Some guy wrote that to get with his religious girlfriend. COUNT ON IT.

[Kwijiboe]

That website was totally made by some dude trying to convince his religious partner to take it in the pooper.

Damnit you.

[thestalkmore]

That website was totally made by some dude trying to convince his religious partner to take it in the pooper.

Damnit you.

Too slow Joe

[gamez]

Masturbating for the Glory of God

Some people say that they feel guilty, shameful, or dirty after they masturbate, and so they conclude that masturbation must be a sin. This is just because most of us have been taught, often by misguided religious authorities, that our bodies are bad and anything relating to physical pleasure is sinful. This is simply not true, and this is not what God intended for us. God created our bodies, along with our capacity for sexual pleasure and orgasm. Masturbation is just a normal release of sexual energy, and if used properly, it can help keep us healthy physically and spiritually.

The Scripture tells us that our bodies are the temples of the Holy Spirit, and that everything that we do should glorify the Lord. While masturbation is not a sin, we must be careful to masturbate in a way that is respectful to our bodies, and respectful to God. Masturbation is a gift that we should not abuse. This means we should not masturbate to excess, or to the point where we injure ourselves. If you are masturbating until you are exhausted, or until your genitals are raw or bleeding, this is excessive, harmful, and not what God intended. If you masturbate compulsively to the point that it interferes with your work or your relationships with friends, family, and God, this is a problem. If you masturbate while indulging in impure thoughts (fantasizing about your neighbor’s wife, for example), this is also a misuse of God’s gift. Of course, this is not to say that masturbation in itself is wrong – simply that we must use masturbation in a way that is healthy and responsible.

[miokomioko]

The Catholic Church made it a sin so no one but themselves could do it.

[Guitarman]

Now, the real question is; can we keep this topic focused on the fact that, as said above, some guy made this up to get laid, without it falling into thread # 34534 about atheism v religion?

good read though.

[Rizer2]

just read Leviticus 18

[ZarakiKujata]

That website was totally made by some dude trying to convince his religious partner to take it in the pooper.

Damnit you.

Uh, religious people don't need convincing to take it in the pooper. The whole religious no sex before marriage/sex education should be abstinence only crowd has caused anal sex rates amongst teens to rise, so if anything according to modern religious practice anal sex is the way to go before marriage.

[0ni0n]

anal sex has been the new black for the last few years for those who want to remain a "technical virgin". I read a study before stating that christian girls are like 3 times as likely to engage in sodomy than secular ones.

[ZarakiKujata]

idk if anybody has read the rest of the site beyond the anal stuff, its fucking hilarious.

from the reader question section on 2 guys swapping semen

However, the Bible doesn’t say anything about them having sex or swallowing each other’s semen. You and your friend would be better off each drinking your own semen, as described above. If you want to do it together, that’s probably OK, as long as you don’t touch each other.

[BarthelloSylph]

Yea the other stuff is great, I just chose the thread title because I figured it'd get hits. Here's my favorite Reader Response.

----


We did not mean to suggest that Jesus was propositioning the woman at the well or asked her to give him a blowjob. Of course not! Jesus would never do that. In fact, he refuses to give her the “living water” himself. When she asks him to give her the living water (semen), Christ tells the woman to get her husband. This is so he (Christ) could instruct her on how to give a blowjob to her husband and receive the living water from her husband. Thank you for your concern, and we hope this clarifies matters.

[Lordwafik]

Do girls even get pleasure from anal sex? I thought it was all about the prostate in guys.

My friend's wife loves anal, but every other girl I know doesn't like it / didn't like it when they tried.

[_chuchu]

Do girls even get pleasure from anal sex? I thought it was all about the prostate in guys.

My friend's wife loves anal, but every other girl I know doesn't like it / didn't like it when they tried.

The women that don't like it probably haven't had an analgasm yet. Maybe they're just doing it wrong or feeling bad about it. They could try a Sharpie and insert it with some lube first, though

[miokomioko]

...and the thread takes an interesting turn.

[MisterBob]

This website is an obvious troll, but hilarious

[Kyten]

lol..

[Sol-Blackguy]

This Bible is an obvious troll, but hilarious

Fix'd

Good read though, some of that might come in handy since I realized all the hot girls go to church.