Texts from Last Night

[Stiker]

Someone had this linked on Facebook today and I've been laughing my ass off for a solid 30 minutes so far. I think this might actually trump FML.

EDIT: Hey link would help! >.> http://www.textsfromlastnight.com/

Some gold:

(510): I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
(702): Are you high?
(510): No. That's why it's odd

(512): 3.50 mugs at the bar.
(1-512): Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
(512): How ugly, and does she have friends?

(508): hdsncx Gizmo asnqw toilet blanasdi
(214): ok, stay where you are, be there soon

(312): You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?

(202): He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia

(678): why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
(770): I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle

(215): Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.

(218): No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus

(503): i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
(360): let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.

[Avryll]

lmao those were great!

[Dimmauk]

The period one makes me laugh, cause that wont stop a real man.

[Kael]

The period one makes me laugh, cause that wont stop a real man.

Gotta earn yor Red Wings eventually amirite?

[Stiker]

I just realized I forgot to post the link...sorry for that, OP edited.

[Abraxas]

(678): why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
(770): I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle

man, thats priceless

[oldoldman]

(214): dude. I'm so drunk.
(972): pete, this is bryce's mom
(214): I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
(972): pete, this is still bryce's mom

THAT'S GOLD JERRY

[Day]

Please post more, site is blocked at work

[Devolver]

THAT'S GOLD JERRY

hooooooly shit, lol.

Edit: Also what Day said, shitty Community College connection, etc etc

[oldoldman]

(610): I thought she had blonde hair
(302): No, Gonorrhea actually

wow.

[0ni0n]

haha,

Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."

[oldoldman]

(419): mustard is like jesus in yellow tights

I don't get it, but god damn if I didn't just crack up at my desk.

Three words: puerto rican gang bang

(303): Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.

(210): Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys

(630): her vagine was all disorganized.

(810): Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?

(781): You can't wash away shame.
(1-781): I can try.

[Dimmauk]

I don't get it, but god damn if I didn't just crack up at my desk.

A-1 sauce is like Jesus in leather pants.

[oldoldman]

A-1 sauce is like Jesus in leather pants.

Hot sauce is like Jesus on fire.

Am I doin it right?

[Heian]

man, thats priceless

No fucking way......


Ugh Halloween party last year I ended up a Ninja Turtles, and she was Raphael....

[Feielle]

wait wait wait wait wait....

I'm seeing way too much punctuation and capital letters for these to be actual text messages

[Darkslitter]

(614): Dude you're not going to believe what happened last night
(469): What
(614): So me and Steve got pretty wasted last night at the bar when guess who walks in
(469): Who Don't tell me it was Amanda
(614): Nah fuck that bitch think good not bad
(469): Oh was it Kaity
(614): Nope you're getting close though
(469): Just tell me already
(614): Ok ok it was Jennifer
(469): Oh shit don't tell me you worked up the nerve to talk to her
(614): well I had liquid courage on my side, from the aforementioned beer, but that's not the half of it
(469): Well what happened
(614):Well we started talking and one thing lead to another If you know what I mean
(469): Niiice, so you hit that
(469): Cmon dude did you nail her
(469): Dude I gotta know, did you bone her
(469): What the hell man Did you tap that
(614): Oh sorry phone died no I got her number and were going out tomorrow just takin it slow you know
(469): oh thats pretty cool bro couldnt you have just texted me that rather than have this whole conversation
(614): Yeah well people always make long text conversations rather than just calling them
(469): yea it kinda bugs me
(614): Plus I just wanted to cock tease day and anyone else who can't read the website
(469): You mad

[oldoldman]

(512): I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.

[Dimmauk]

(614): Dude you're not going to believe what happened last night
(469): What?
(614): So me and Steve got pretty wasted last night at the bar, when guess who walks in?
(469): Who? Don't tell me it was Amanda
(614): Nah, fuck that bitch think good not bad
(469): Oh was it Kaity?
(614): Nope you're getting close though
(469): Just tell me already
(614): Ok ok it was Jennifer
(469): Oh shit, don't tell me you worked up the nerve to talk to her
(614): well I had liquid courage on my side, from the aforementioned beer, but that's not the half of it.
(469): Well what happened?
(614):Well we started talking, and one thing lead to another. If you know what I mean
(469): Niiice, so you hit that?
(469): Cmon dude did you nail her?
(469): Dude I gotta know, did you bone her?
(469): What the hell man? Did you tap that?
(614): Oh sorry phone died. no I got her number and we're going out tomorrow, just takin it slow you know?
(469): oh that's pretty cool bro, couldn't you have just texted me that rather than have this whole conversation?
(614): Yeah well, people always make long text conversations rather than just calling them.
(469): yea, it kinda bugs me
(614): Plus, I just wanted to cock tease day and anyone else who can't read the website
(469): You mad

LMAO!!

[Day]

I laughed