[PALAMECIA] SLASH ANGRY

[isladar]

http://www.slashangry.net/sabanner.png

SLASHANGRY IS MAKE ALL FOR GUILD RESPONSIBILITY OF HIGH QUALITY PRODUCTION,
FISHING AND ARMOR EXCLUSIVE TO RESTRICTED INFORMATION

:hfyb: I HEARD YOU WISH TO FITE ME
Slash Angry is a premier, first-class, plus one, endgame, totally sweet, elitesauce, HQ, Top-End Post-Hardcore Shell but not if you don't feel like it, whatever, its cool, linkshellclanguild. We have been playing XIV since before the JP alpha, like seriously, SE totally was like "Man, we should do another MMORPG", and /angry was already playing it. We had like five King Behemors while you were still trying to shot the stupid camera controls. If there are D-rings in this game, we'll have like ten the first week, no joke.

Our linkshellclanguild consists of a bunch of jerks, mangs, dudes, and some actual irl bitches. The /angry crew all have PhDs in knowing how to rock. They meet or exceed You Must Be This Tall To Ride. Slash Angry is managed, run, terrorized and cajoled by Isladar. She can ban you irl. Callisto does all the boring shit like knowing game mechanics, stratecizing, and mathology, but that shit's for pussies and grandpas, and eh, I think you knows it. Slash Angry consists of 99% Elvaanazen, some Tarulas, two Hurrderrs which actually put us over cap space but once we move over some deadweight to the AHL we'll be golden, and one Hoegaarden. That's Mote. You will respecognize.

/angry will be located on the PALAMECIA server. PALAMECIA is the most metal of servers, and is far more sinister than other, less metal servers. In a recent study by EXEUNT Project Laboratories it was concluded that only little girls prefer non-PALAMECIA servers. PALAMECIA: It's Not for Bitches. See below.

http://www.slashangry.net/metalgraph2.png

:hfyb: THIS IS A DANZIG VIDEO:


:hfyb: RULES N' SHIT
There is but one rule in /angry: THERE ARE NO RULES.
Aside from that, there's also several rules which must also be followed:

• Shut the fuck up. This is typically strongly recommended to be followed by getting the fuck down. Rest assured these are both for your own safety, there's all kinds of shit blowing up and flying around about here.

• While it is not against the rules to be a jerk, since you're all jerks and we'd be unable to accomplish anything if we were just like "Hey, Jerk, quit doing that jerk shit", it is required in requisite fashion that upon being a jerk, the offending jerk must offer to take the victim of said jerkitude out to Sonic, and we mean like IRL Sonic, the place with the sweet raspberry limeonades and chili-cheese tots, not some sort of gay Sega Genesis All-Stars furry orgy like what you were just thinking about when I said 'Take them out to Sonic', so knock that shit off.

• There are also strict rules against shit-talking against rival shells in /say, /shout, or /yodel. This is largely do to the fact that it would be absolutely stupid to recognize some other bitches as a 'rival shell', since let's be fucking serious here, it's not even close, I mean look at us out here grindin', then look at these baby-blue polo-wearing motherbitches and try to tell me they're going to claim a guildleve over us, shit just does not mathpute.

• We at /angry strongly discourage our members from utilizing the /sit command to sit in a chair. You're a fucking adventurer, and it's been established since like, table-top RPG days that sitting in chairs is for ladies and homosexuals, and it will not be tolerated within our shell. Sit on the ground like a normal person/elf/galka/mithra (just kidding lol, see next rule).

• No Miqo'tes. This isn't even us being comical anymore. You keep your weeaboo furry shit the fuck out of our family-oriented linkshell.

• Crafters will be expected to be solely dedicated to their crafts, and focus on capping those above all else. However, as mentioned elsewhere, all event attendance is also totally mandatory, so they also expected to level healing classes and come keep Isladar alive at Limbus. Crafting is to be done before and/or after events, usually when Callisto and Ikarys are busy plowing through bottles of Stella at Neighborhood Inn while Isladar has some gay shit like Blue Moon with a cucumber slice in itplanning future events.

• Gay Vampire Fucker LARPer Division. We will also be looking for members to fill our coveted /angry Gay Vampire Fucker LARPers Division. If you believe that you're fat enough, white enough, ugly enough, and damned be what everyone says, gay enough to be willing to spend hours sifting through the bargain bin at Spirit Halloween Superstore to find just the right pair of stupid glow-in-the-dark plastic fangs for you to be up to the challenge, we proudly welcome you amongst our elite ranks. Please note that we will strictly differentiate between a gay guy who fucks vampires and a guy who only fucks gay vampires in loot distribution and macaroni. See below.

:hfyb: LOOT DISTRIBUTION
Not like this shit even matters cuz we just uh dupe everything that drops anyway its ttl easy, you just split your union while the stuff is in the pool and then equip the grip before it does the staff, but I spent like two weeks and four bushels of catnip writing this so we'll say it anyway. /angry uses a common method of dorp known as Double-back flapjack no-bid blind-vote divide-by-zero-sum DKP. If you haven't heard of how that works, then ha ha welcome to ur first MMO newb, but here goes:

Attendance is mandatory at all events. If you fail to attend an event, your DPK is reset to 000. Sucks to be you. If you keep up your attendance, however, you get (((Sum gil value of all dorp as reported by ffxivah.org / number of attendees) * logn e) modulo jpbork)^ordinal day of the week KPD. You can't spend any of this run's OPP on drops, you have to save it for next time, unless you miss event in which case your points is 000. If you want to spend last run's PCP on a drop, find a bidding buddy. Don't ask Isla, she is her own bidding buddy. If you cannot afford a bidding buddy, one will be appointed to you at no cost. Now it's time to bid. Without looking at your screen, enter your bid in kilogil on your tenkey (see recruitment requirements below) and send it in a tell to first the closest sack in malms, and then to your bidding buddy, who will have been being having done the same. At this point, the sack will left-justify your cell in our Excel spreadsheet, and normalize factorial your bid and your buddies against all past drops this run, or the last drop last run if this is the first drop this run. If your bid meets or exceeds the mean normal average median value of the item you're bidding for, congratulations! Your bidding buddy gets the item and you get 000 DRK. Please note that you can only bid on one item per run, so make sure you know what's going to drop the rest of the run before you bid, otherwise you're going to waste your points. If you can't seem to get past 000 KPD, there are some methods that you can use to earn them outside of runs, as long as our double-buffered sqrt(0) sum system has appropriate slack.

• 1 point for exceptional roleplay
• 1-4 points for exercising strength
• 2 points for exhibiting your virtue/vice/nature/demeanor
• -50 points for shirtlessness or other brands of sexual favors
• 7777 points if you junction the right materia into your pouch slot (it changes weekly, subscribe to the mailing list)

Oh, and then there's Macaroni: Macaroni in /a is a form of currency that brings your metal-ness up by a facter of elevendy/(total manjinas in team-awesome). The more macaroni that is supplied when you come to events, the more chance you have of becoming the fudgehog for the day. Fudgehogs are ridden by Queen Isla, and are farly superior to bears. Be sure to have a good supply of Macaroni, which can be earned by :3. If no Macaroni is provided, we will have no official map to go on, and you will immediately be expelled for a lack of macaroni and that's just sad. If you are afraid of not having enough Macaroni, then you are immediately expelled for a lack of macaroni and that's just sad. Hail all with :3 and reap the rewards of :3 and <3.

:hfyb: A NOTE ABOUT /ANGRY
/angry is open to players of all kinds of stupid backgrounds. Except you, Frenchy. Get-ay le Fuck Out. Many of our associates are fluent in English and North Village dialect. Here is a word from Skaterman:

GREETINGS TO ALL COMRADE GUILDSHELL SUPPLICANTS! IS SKATERMAN HOUR UP IN HIZZOUSE OF RECRUITMENT AD. SKATERMAN IS SUPER FLY AND WILL ROCK YOUR DOME PIECE WITH PERTINENT ADVICE FOR MAKING OF LINK-CLAN RESPECOGNITION! IN FIRST ARTICLE, BE NOT SO TRYHARD FOR LS MAKING. IS ALWAYS TRYHARDS MESSING WITH EVENT, TOUCHING UP ARMORS AND BREAKING THEM, SPENDING WALUABLE TIME ON DISCUSSION OF ELITE PRACTICES WHEN NO DISCUSSION IS NEEDED. SUCH PRACTICES BREED NARCISSISM AND DECAY STRONG MORAL FIBER OF NORTH WILLAGE! IN SECOND ARTICLE, IS RECOMMENDED TO MAKE FOR ALL HIGH QUALITY. IN SUCH A CASE AS HIGH QUALITY CANNOT BE MADE, WE ARE FIND EVIDENCE FOR GUILDSHELL AND LINK-CLAN OSTRACISM. SKATERMAN IS JUST SAYING.

:hfyb: LOL, RECRUITMENT
If you turned on that Danzig video earlier in this post you probably feel like you're ready to down a bottle of Jameson, punchfite six Russians while smoking an unfiltered Lucky Strike, and join Slash Angry. WELL HOLD ON TO YER BUTTS, Cap'n Spetznaz, because there are some specifications that I'm gonna specificate right the fuck now. Slash Angry is not some kind of Ladies' Auxilliary Society for Tea-Sippin' and General Japery. I mean yeah, there's the Gay Vampire Fucker LARPer Division, but no one talks to them. Our recruitment is a rigorous process of drinking, mockery, and makin' up words, and there are a number of processes that we gotta rigorize up in this bitch.

• If you played BLU or PUP or NIN or anything retarded in XI, your application is void. Who the fuck do you think you are, Danzig? If Danzig played BLU or PUP, we'd let him join. Not that Glenn fucking Danzig would play a goddamn BLU or PUP, come the fuck on. But since you're not Danzig, pick a useful class, but not mages, because mages are for the aforementioned ladies and you can't no homo that shit, not even once. You should probably have good tenkey skills, too.

• All melee, all the time. What are you, some kind of Nancy-lady pretty pretty princess? Please note that the "all melee, all the time" restriction applies only to Isladar. Everyone else needs to be a dedicated healer to keep my ass alive and buffed out the hoo-hah. I'm not kidding. Did you see how I'm my own bidding buddy? This shit's awesome.

• You must have played, beaten, and unlocked all the hidden characters in WANGMAN AND THE BATTLE FOR BONERTOWN. The original, too. Not the fucking International version, that's for terrorists. Oh and if you gave up Armor King at the Temple of IAS you just stop reading right now. Who the fuck gives up Armor King.

• All applications to Slash Angry must be posted in this thread so that everyone on BG can mock the ever-lovin' shit out of you. We'll also be reviewing every post you ever made on BG, we can do that shit, like half of /angry is on the staff here. How's that for some busted-ass shit? Oh yeah, and if you fuck up in game, you're banned on BG, too.

• I bet you're wondering where the Slash Angry website is. Shut up, that's where. The website is pretty much only for Callisto to upload stupid pictures or some crap and yeah I'll make a thing soon which actually means I'll make Zeith make a thing soon. Guess what. You're on the goddamn Slash Angry website. It's fucking BG. BAM. You a slut.

• We are actually like for serious looking for a distinguished southern gentleman to fill our vent channel with soothing tones and down-home deep-fried nuggets of wisdom. If you like settin' on the porch, sippin' a mint julep and whittlin' for a spell, please apply. And like, if lol you are accepted, NEW MEMBERS WILL BE EXPECTED TO TEND TO THE GOAT HERDS, AND IF A GOAT GETS OUT OF LINE, SAID MEMBER WILL BE TOSSED OUT. Like fucking tossed. Also, have you tried Mote's sauce? Fuck, I can't stop putting it in my mouth.

:hfyb: SLASH ANGRY FAQ
Here are some commonly-asked questions, typically from bitches who don't know what the fuck. In the event of being a bitch who don't know what the fuck, read this section first, then act like you know.

Spoiler: show

Q: What if the server names do not remain the same for Retail as in Beta? Where will /A be located?

A: In the event of S-E totally fucking up and changing the current server names, we will probably still be located on the Emperor server. As previously stated, it is clearly the most metal of servers, and we've already signed a 12-month lease and it's not like they can just make us move by changing the name. Or we may be on the moon.

Q: Like half of what you guys just said in this whole deal isn't even a word.

A: Like all of what you just said isn't a question, this is an FAQ, get the fuck out.

Q: Oh wise and tastiful Sassage King, what is the correct way to prepare a sassage?

A: Great question, Mr. Questionguy. Typically I would recommend a classic serving style of grilling the sassages over an open flame, then serving them on a high-end sassage-style bun such as made by S. Rosens. Top with spicy brown mustard, sauteed onions, and giardiniera. If using bratwurst-style sassages, it is recommended to cook them in a bath of beer, onions, and hot peppers before finishing them off on the grill for a nice brown sear. Aside from grilling, italian-style sassages are also great when pan-seared, cut into small medallions, and served over rice with sauteed onions and bell peppers.

Q: how long am i lkn @ 4 ridill ?

A: While it can be difficult to accurately predict the exact time it will take to get a new linkshellclanguild member a ridill, typically it is done so within a coupletchree weeks, maybe less depending on how long we be out here grindin'.

Q: I am at work passing the time. And whats the skill in botting then if you wish to compare it to actually having some observatory skills on a pop, what kinda dumb are you? w/e that means

A: This t

Q: Also, can we ever really threesword a dude?

A: Yes. Mote's done it, and he'd do it again, nyaa shee.

Q: What is /A's preferred method of advancement and character progression in the Fourteenth of Final Fantasers?

A: We've always been fans of grindin' nannys.

Q: I am interested in joining your linkshellclanguild...how can I submit an application?

A: The short answer is that your application is already denied. However, we saw your sister outside the Loews Theatre @ Streets of Woodfield the other day and she was looking kinda bangin'. Ask her if she's OK with playing a healer for us, could you?

Q: I am a robot cat. beep boop mow mow mow.

A: Get off the goddamn computer Zeith, you're hogging the dial-up and I need to call Isladar in a couple of minutes.

:hfyb: BITCHES LEAVE

SlashAngry, Slash Angry, /angry, /A, /a, HFYB, and the Hackey Logo are registered trademarks of the Isladar Appreciation Sector, in partnership with REICHCorp GmbH, The this t Council, Also Also & Also, SPACEWHORE Studios, MW Holdings, the IAS International Consortium, EXEUNT Projects Laboratories, the Bonertown Betterment Society, Wanglads Junior Rotary, ShoopuffRidaz Inc., IceyHotRefreshaz Co., BEHEMOR & MANGS, the Make Ballad & Profit Foundation, Teledildonics LLC, and jerks like you. Special thanks go to the Departmental Minister of the Ministry Department of Darkest Carpathia, and of course, the Eye of Mang Which Watches Over all Dudes. Also Danzig.

http://www.slashangry.net/motefavorite.gifhttp://www.slashangry.net/callisto.gifhttp://www.slashangry.net/conduit.gifhttp://www.slashangry.net/ikarys.gifhttp://www.slashangry.net/isla.gifhttp://www.slashangry.net/mowmowmow.gifhttp://www.slashangry.net/nyna.gifhttp://www.slashangry.net/tempgayhttp://www.slashangry.net/woo.gif

[Yoli]

I'm already heartbroken to not make the cut .

Maybe I can sign up on emperor anyways to watch from the outside.

[SamanosukeShiva]

Google needs to have English <-> IAS language translator

[miokomioko]

I think I was just denied on like 15 different points.

[The Blackrose]

Google needs to have English <-> IAS language translator

One simply cannot program a machine to translate IAS. To understand IAS is to understand the essence of life.

In other news, Google has started investigating the language structure of Skaterman.

[Mote]

Google needs to have English <-> IAS language translator

it helps if you read it out loud.

[Araelus]

While the folks at Google sit on their comfy chairs and whatever, the folks at Moogle are flying around all KUPO! just for you.

http://i584.photobucket.com/albums/s...nRDM/extra.png

http://i584.photobucket.com/albums/s...lonRDM/ego.png

http://i584.photobucket.com/albums/s...nRDM/metal.png

http://i584.photobucket.com/albums/s...nRDM/nw2jp.png

[Sho]

I think I was just denied on like 15 different points.

Fuck that, I got denied like a boss.

[isladar]

GREETINGS, JERKS.

In the light of Open Beta starting tomorrow, we here at SLASH ANGRY linkshellclanguild wanted to put up a few testimonials. Not testicles, you fucking ferret.

Isladar is a fucking cock sucking faggot that is gay as fuck. He is to be warned. He ninja lots items like V belt and even goes as far as to Kicking someone out of the party when Kraken club drops and keeping it. I'mlike 1/70 on that BCNM and he goes and takes it.

Isladar whatever the fuck his BG name is that dumbass mod needs to get banned. Cause hes a cock sucking GIGANIC FAGGOT that I will take a shit on his fucking mouth and blow his head off in real life.
Hes also a child molestor as he touched my 12 year neice in an inappropiate way. He better hope I don't see him irl anymore cause I will break his fucking face swear to god. I hope you die and sonamaa shouldn't even make you a damn mod cause you are a fucking molester and a grand theft, THIEF.
Grand larceny and Sexual offender is what you should be charged with but since k-club is just a video game item then sexual offender will do for now.

Go suck a dick..... and not a little 12 year olds either, you fucking faggot.

I'm banned from BG after this post but I dont give a shit, i'm a moral person in real life and you are a fucking spunk bubble.

Note: This was an actual, for really-real thing that some dude posted. I don't know who this jerk was, but this shit is priceless. I AM A GRAND THEFT.

[Callisto]

I can vouch for this entire story as secretly I WAS THAT 12 YEAR-OLD NIECE.

[miokomioko]

That post makes me want to tuck my Miqo'te tail forward and apply.

[Tempyst]

ANOTHER TESTIMONIAL.

Yeah, before I joined /angry, I was a regular loser like you, with smelly hair and an ugly face. JUST like you. I worked at Red Lobster as a busboy, and they would pay me in expired shrimp cocktail and virgin Lobsteritas. My life was going nowhere. After joining /angry and being the shell dedicated Culinarian for 18 hours a day? Now I OWN Red Lobster and I make 500 G's a day.

Thanks to my new found affluence courtesy of /Angry, I now have 18 individually engraved Rolex watches that spell out "BITCHES GET STITCHES" which I use to indicate to the unwashed masses how I feel about bitches, stitches, and proper time keeping. Sometimes my Dolph Lundren-esque muscles are so big and meaty I can't wear them all on my arms at the same time, so I'll hire some bum to wear them for me. Those watches are important to a man like me. I have watch "G" set to GMT+8 in case Fafnir happens to pop while I'm kicking it in Hong Kong to make love to some oriental ninja broads. I'm a busy man, without those specially tuned watches I'd be late for the effort. How is a linkshell supposed to operate when the melees aren't fed a steady diet of mahi-mahi and cheddar biscuits? I'll tell you: It doesn't, and if I fail to deliver you better believe they'd make good on their offer to send some guy in a trenchcoat to break my thumbs and throw me through a plate glass window. An ASIAN window. Sometimes I'll hire a bum to get thrown out of a window for me. An ASIAN bum. Not the bum wearing my Rolexes though, I don't want those things getting scratched up. Did I mention those watches are made of 146 carat gold and bonafide reconstituted bald eagle? ASIAN bald eagle. I bet you've never even seen a watch before, but that's not your fault: You were just too dumb to join up with the hippest Nanny-Grindcore Industrial Strength Raid Guild Linkshell Association to know any better.

So put in your application today. You're probably too dumb and smelly to figure it out on your own, but maybe you'll be one of the lucky ones that gets to wear one of my watches.

- Tempyst "El Tempysto" Lobsterita, aka. The Great Scourge of the Downtown Olive Garden

[Shadowrunner]

He really does work at red lobster :3

[tyven]

SURE

[BerenTebogo]

When I come to power (or play FFXIV) I will promptly subjugated everyone and make you all into human shoes.

Clarification: Human shoes are where I stick my feet ankle deep in your asses and make you crawl around for me since my legs are far too awesome to be used in a striding motion.

Also, fuck yeah Emperor server.

[Callisto]

When I come to power (or play FFXIV) I will promptly subjugated everyone and make you all into human shoes.

Clarification: Human shoes are where I stick my feet ankle deep in your asses and make you crawl around for me since my legs are far too awesome to be used in a striding motion.

Also, fuck yeah Emperor server.

Your application is under consideration, and the format of it is smiled upon.

[sruon]

Damn, that was actually funny.

[Araelus]

http://i584.photobucket.com/albums/s...M/91c155b7.png

[BerenTebogo]

Laughed far too heartily.

[isladar]

QUIT POSTING IN YOUR OWN BC