Sad fourth

[Ivve]

My best friend's brother, Brian, died on July 4th. Although I didn't know Brian that well, I am saddened to hear that he's gone. The few times I did meet him, he made jokes with me and was generally easy to get along with. This is coming from a person who is kind of hard to get along with, so that's saying a lot. Brian was also the brother that my friend was closest to. His two other brothers (there are 4 of them in total) are somewhat older and just have very different personalities. I know this has been a huge blow to my friend; this is only the second time I've ever seen him cry in our 9-year friendship.

My question is this: Would it be inappropriate to go to the memorial service tomorrow? I would like to be supportive of my friend and pay my respects to his brother, but I don't want to intrude on his family. I've never been to a funeral or memorial service of any kind, so I don't really know what's appropriate.

P.S. Sorry if this is the wrong forum.

[Shuemue]

It's totally appropriate to go imo.

[guartz]

my condolences, to you and his family.

If I were in your shoes, I'd go. Misery loves company, and all that.

[aurik]

definitely go.

[archibaldcrane]

Absolutely go and support your best friend.

A friend of mine here in LA's (from the east coast) brother died in the past couple of days as well...I'd compare notes, but she's really private, I have no idea which brother/how old/name/etc.

[Tajin]

i dont see why you should not go.

[Ivve]

i dont see why you should not go.

They didn't expressly invite me. I haven't heard anything from him since he got on the plane to fly from CA back home, though. I don't think it's intentional; he's probably been swamped with calls since crossing back into our timezone. I'm just a little uncomfortable because I don't know his dad or his other brothers that well. Pretty much the only people from his family that I really know are him, his mom, and Brian.

[Bwelch]

No one is ever invited to a funeral. It's not like you're going to get a invitation card in the mail as if you would for a wedding.

Go if you want to. ._ .

[Tajin]

him, his mom, and Brian.

well idk about you, but i dont call my 4,5 and plus years (of knowing them) friends, friends, i call them brothers. I would be there to support my brother. you dont need any other person ackwoledge. IMO.

At the very least sends flowers. But id go unless you cant really, really attend.

[Ddz]

Things are probably chaotic in their family right now. Let your friend know you're there for him; show up to the funeral if you want to go be supportive (I would definitely go) and just be a shoulder to lean on.

[gandorf]

You should go to support your friend. But there is times when it is inappropriate to go also. Like at my school we have had a few kids die and people who didn't even know them would go just to miss a day of class.

[Ivve]

No one is ever invited to a funeral. It's not like you're going to get a invitation card in the mail as if you would for a wedding.

Go if you want to. ._ .

I didn't know. I've never been to one.

well idk about you, but i dont call my 4,5 and plus years (of knowing them) friends, friends, i call them brothers. I would be there to support my brother. you dont need any other person ackwoledge. IMO.

At the very least sends flowers. But id go unless you cant really, really attend.

Yeah, I just don't want to be creepy. I thought it might be inappropriate since I wasn't really close to his brother, and it is a memorial for his brother.

Things are probably chaotic in their family right now. Let your friend know you're there for him; show up to the funeral if you want to go be supportive (I would definitely go) and just be a shoulder to lean on.

I called him once and got him while he was in the airport on the way back, but I haven't been able to get in touch with him since. I left him a message saying that I wasn't going to spam-call him or anything, but if he needed anything, that I was here, yadda yadda. The truth is that I am fucking horrible at consoling people. I have no idea what to say or how to act when someone dies. It's very similar to how I feel when I have to handle babies or small children -- totally lost.

P.S. I'm sorry to hear that, archibald.

[MF Perm]

It would mean alot to the family for nearly anyone to show up. I doubt anyone will be mad at you or say anything. Friendship helps the grieving process, Even if you just quietly show and leave, maybe pass out some well needed hugs, everyone will be ok.

I'd suggest going.

[Norelco]

You should definitely go. They will not be mad.

p.s. Probably shouldn't ask, but how did he die?

[Mr.Raikku]

Don't go, they don't like you. You will probably just stir up unwanted emotions, just let them be. Take the hint, if you weren't invited, then they don't like you.

[Ivve]

I actually just got off the phone with my friend. He called to let me know about the memorial service and everything, so I feel a lot better about going now. Thanks for your responses.

You should definitely go. They will not be mad.

p.s. Probably shouldn't ask, but how did he die?

He was out at a lake celebrating the 4th, dived into the water and broke his neck on some rocks below the surface that weren't visible from above.

Don't go, they don't like you. You will probably just stir up unwanted emotions, just let them be. Take the hint, if you weren't invited, then they don't like you.

Have you ever posted anything worthwhile in these forums?

[Norelco]

Don't go, they don't like you. You will probably just stir up unwanted emotions, just let them be. Take the hint, if you weren't invited, then they don't like you.

How do you figure? Last time I checked invites weren't sent out for funerals or wakes. You go and show respect to the person who died and the family. If they didn't want anyone there they would make it a private service.

[Norelco]

He was out at a lake celebrating the 4th, dived into the water and broke his neck on some rocks below the surface that weren't visible from above.

Damn, I'm real sorry that happened. He was probably having an awesome time too enjoying the holiday.

Just to let you know, I've never been to a service ever until a few months ago, until a co-worker's mother died. I don't think he has alot of friends outside of work, so when a bunch of us at the office decided to attend, he was blown away that we all came in support of him. It was really touching, and it made me feel good to see a smile on his face during a difficult time.

[Guyverarmor]

Don't go, they don't like you. You will probably just stir up unwanted emotions, just let them be. Take the hint, if you weren't invited, then they don't like you.

First off, Shut the fuck up Meatsack and show a little kindness

Secondly, I would go, be atleast the respectfull thing to do

[Ddz]

No one is ever invited to a funeral. It's not like you're going to get a invitation card in the mail as if you would for a wedding.

Go if you want to. ._ .

I didn't know. I've never been to one.

well idk about you, but i dont call my 4,5 and plus years (of knowing them) friends, friends, i call them brothers. I would be there to support my brother. you dont need any other person ackwoledge. IMO.

At the very least sends flowers. But id go unless you cant really, really attend.

Yeah, I just don't want to be creepy. I thought it might be inappropriate since I wasn't really close to his brother, and it is a memorial for his brother.

Things are probably chaotic in their family right now. Let your friend know you're there for him; show up to the funeral if you want to go be supportive (I would definitely go) and just be a shoulder to lean on.

I called him once and got him while he was in the airport on the way back, but I haven't been able to get in touch with him since. I left him a message saying that I wasn't going to spam-call him or anything, but if he needed anything, that I was here, yadda yadda. The truth is that I am fucking horrible at consoling people. I have no idea what to say or how to act when someone dies. It's very similar to how I feel when I have to handle babies or small children -- totally lost.

P.S. I'm sorry to hear that, archibald.

Yeah lol I am the same way. I'm seeing a guy and his dad had a heart attack a couple weeks ago and he just kind of called me and was in shock and stuff. I totally didn't know how to deal with the situation. I was like "omg do you need me there, cause I'll come meet you if you need a ride or whatever" and he's like "nah that's okay my family is here but I can hardly talk right now, I just wanted to let you know." I didn't really know what to do, so I called my mom and she told me not to go to the hospital, but to call in a couple of hours, cause things were probably pretty out of control with their family and I didn't want to be awkward. So I did call and left a message and he got in touch with me later. Thank god his dad ended up being okay. But yeah, I just let him know I was there if he needed anything at all and not to hesitate to call me.