Huge fucker post about girlfriend </3

[altwight]

This is a huge fucker post and I do NOT expect anyone to read the entire thing. If you want to skip to the main party scroll down to (The real story)



I can't sleep and I've got nothing to do. Here's my story:

My girlfriend, Jess and I started dating when we were in high school. She was 15 I was 17. Sophemore/Junior. Anyway we've been dating for 3 years now. I've graduated and she graduates on May 21st. We had always planned on going to college together.

For nearly 7months now(Nov 08/present) I've been looking for a job. Applying everywhere and doing call backs. Unfortunately I've yet to receive any response I have 0 work experience but I'm a very good at sticking to something. When Jess ding'd 17 and I hit 19 she and I decided that she was going to move out when she's 18 because her mom is a total psycho bitch. Her mom hates me with every single cell in her body.

2008 after Jess was 17 we started having problems. It was prom and to make a long story short we broke up on prom night and she went with this guy and they kissed. However she was so upset that she kissed him she left immediately and called me. Crying about she didn't get the same feeling as when she kisses me. Three days later we were back together.

Fast forward to January 2009. Jess is now 18 and we're planning on her to move out of her house. My mom changes her mind and decides we can't on another person in our household. Jess starts searching for another place to stay however the only place is with her grandpa (her mom's dad)

Fast forward to March 2009 it's prom again. She calls her grandpa and makes sure she's okay to move in with him. Her plan backfires and he calls her mom and a shit storm happens.

Two weeks later it's prom, things are beginning to turn bad for us again. We started fighting more. She wanted to do more things like going to parties and clubs. We had never been into either of those things so I was not for it. Besides her mom would never let her go anywhere with me.

Prom day Jess packs her suitcase readying herself to move to my family's house after prom. Prom sucked we leave and we're going to a movie. She doesn't call her mom. After the movie she turns her phone on, her mom has text'd her 64 times asking "where the fuck are you" Jess was told she could do whatever since it was prom night but not to stay out 'too' late.

On the way back from the movies she gets cold feet and decides she doesn't want to leave. She cries and begs me to take her home. Infuriated, I turn around and take her home. We have a big fight she leaves crying.

One week later she decides she wants out. I come over to her house at 2am and she sneaks out and comes to my house. The next morning her mom calls my house explodes through the phone. Jess refused to talk to her so she talked to her dad. In the end she went back home that very same day.

Just a little background info before I continue:
Her mom hates me as I've said above. We usually get to hang out maybe once a week for at most 3hours. Jess makes straight As she's never done anything to make her parents not trust her. Her mom treats her like shit and her dad doesn't do anything about it. Mandy was my best friend before I met Jess. They both hated each other until I befriended them after I started dating Jess. They became best friends.

In the following months after Jess tried to leave, things start to get really hard on us. We started fighting more and more. We'd always apologize and forgive one another. However Jess would always bring up previous arguments whenever we got into another fight. It's to the point where Mandy Jess and I can no longer hang out as the three of us. It became Mandy and Jess.

Jess and I have never drank or done any drugs before. Mandy became a loose cannon after her retarded boyfriend (15 she's 18) got caught with weed 4times in a week and having sex with a girl in her car infront of someone's house. He's going to jail. Mandy started drinking and driving amongst other things. She became a bad influence on Jess. I never said anything because Jess and I have never been into any of that.


(The real story)
Thursday(May 7th) Jess calls me to come to her work after she gets off. She tells me that she wants me to get a job (I've been looking since Nov 08) so we can move into our own house, get married and start our lives. I said "okay" she took it as if I wasn't serious and just blew her off. She leaves mad.

Friday (the day of her graduation party) she comes over in the morning like always to sleep for an extra 30minutes with me. She gets in bed and tells me that she's worried. She's worried that I'm never going to get a job (as if I've not been trying) and that her and mandy have grown this resentment towards me. She tells me she wants to take a break and that she doesn't want me to come to her party that I wouldn't have any fun, atleast not with her.

I go to the mall that night and pick up a hallmark card. It's a cap and gown card. The theme of her party was bring money to feed her money tree. I put 65$ in the card and drop it off on her front porch. Jess and I love each other so just because she's mad at me and we're on a break is no reason for me not to buy her a gift for her party.

She gets home at 10:00pm (it was a family party) and texts me "thanks for the money and the card" I say you're welcome and ask her if she's home. She says yes. I respond with "what're you doing now?" she tells me that her and mandy are going to a friend's party. My heart sinks. I call her and ask her about it. I can hear her mom in the background telling her to hang up on me. She tells me that she's going to the party with mandy and I ask what she's going to do there? She basically tells me she's just gonna hang out and meet new people. She's very flirtatious, so I ask if she's going to be flirting a lot. She says yes and tells me "I make my own decisions"

I worry a shit load and call mandy and ask her what kind of party it is and mandy tries to reassure me jess isn't going to do anything and that she'll watch her. The last thing Jess wants right now is for me to be spying on her so i tell mandy not to and that I just don't want her to do anything. They leave at 10:30. It's 2am and no phone call. I start to worry a lot and I jump in my car and ride to her house. Her car isn't there so I check mandy's house, not there. I sit at the church just before her house and I start to call her.

She answers the phone and tells me that they got lost 50 times on the way to the party and everyone was gone when they got there. So they went to this playground with mandy's 'guy' friend. Jess tells me she's stuck in the car by herself while mandy is fucking her guy friend in the playground. I'm infuriated. Mandy treats Jess like shit but Jess is too scared to lose a friend (she doesn't have many)

I start to comfort her and we end up in a talk about our break. She informs me she wants to split up and that she's going away for college now(instead of staying here with me) She tells me she can't trust that I'll get a job and keep one and be motivated to do something(i've been trying the entire time)she tells me nothing I say is going to change her mind. She tells me mandy is coming back and that she has to go because she's being rude if she stays on the phone. (After mandy just ditched her to fuck some guy she's being rude by talking on the phone...)

I call her an hour later when they get home and try to talk to her some more. It's of no use. She tells me she wants me to get a job and be motivated and that maybe we can be together in the future. I tell her to promise me she isn't going to do anything with someone. She says she's not going to go looking for someone but she's not gonna stop it if it happens. She says she's not going to have sex with a million guys (we lost our virginity to each other) I promise her I'd have a job by the end of july and I'd find us an apartment that we could move into and we WOULD go to school together.

The whole time she's acting incredibly inconsiderate and saying some of the meanest things she's ever sad. She said she still loves me. She said she's going through a phase in life where she doesn't know who she is or what she wants. We did everything together, we were each other's first love. We were going to get married and have a kid (girl hopefully) around 25ish. Just the other day she was telling me she wanted me to get a job so we could start doing those things. Now she's doing this.

She told me not to call her and that she would call me when she's ready. I've not eaten in 3 days and I'm pretty sure I'm immune to benadryl now. Once you love someone you worry when you don't know what they're doing or where they at. It's killing me to not know. I can't sleep at night because of the horrible thoughts that come and go nonstop.

Tomorrow I'm going with an old friend to go to every single place in the metro area to ask if they're hiring. I plan on keeping my promise. I'm just not sure what she's going to do. She loves me and I know she does. I doubt she's going to do anything with another guy. I just wanna hear from her but any contact between us made by me will result in nothing but anger. I told her I'd call her when something good happens.

Basically if you want to respond I'd like you give some advice as to what she might be going through and what should I do. I know I'm going to keep my promise and I'm trying my fucking hardest not to try and call her. Everyone that she talks to(adults mainly because her mom is the local hair stylist) basically hates me and thinks I'm no good. The worst part of the entire situation is that I have no one to remind her of all the good we've had. Now that Jess and I have broken up her mom is letting her do whatever she wants whenever and however late. Opposed to the hang out once a week for 3hours at most. She hates her mom with every part of her body. The whole reason she wanted to leave was because of her mom's strict rules even though Jess never did anything to not be trusted.

in before tl;dr
in before lolaltwight
in before emooooo
in before stfu

[_chuchu]

Woman, thy name is frailty. Let her go. She wants to keep you by the balls dude. Apply for scholarships for some extra money, get financial aid, etc..

[Kaelia]

Okay, just so you know I'm probably gonna be pretty blunt (but not cruel of course). Obviously I don't know either of you and I can only judge based on what you've said in your post. She sounds like bad news to be honest. She expects YOU to get a job to marry HER and support HER? You're 19 (?) and this girl is already telling you to get a job to support her and marry her, meanwhile she's sending bullshit mixed signals and saying you guys have "plans" for the future, yet she TELLS you she's not gonna stop any other sexual relationships if they come her way?

I'm sorry, but she seems extremely immature, stupid, and when it comes right down to it unfit for a relationship at this point in her life. She expects everything out of you and nothing of herself; this girl is going to be nothing but pain for you. You can have all the sweet sugary beautiful plans you want, but that won't make her realize those dreams. She can say she wants the same thing; her actions are showing completely another. Trust me, I know how hard it can be when you think you have something special, and even though you have all the proof in the world to show you the truth about the situation you might want to refuse to swallow it. I had a boyfriend like that once too, around the same ages as you and she. He did not have his shit sorted; he was likely not faithful to me; he refused to let me have friends and literally told me I should kill myself. And yet I was convinced that he could still be my perfect little sunshine. You have to break yourself from that mindset. What you want to be true isn't always the truth, especially when you've got all the proof before you. You can say "she loves me," but from what you've told me I do not see love. I see you wanting to believe she loves you.

I'm not saying that this girl is a failure and it can never work, but she needs to sort her shit out and if you are sitting around trying to build a future on weak foundations, you're only gonna hurt yourself.

[Rockstaru]

You're twisting in the wind for her. Stop it.

[Snowknight26]

Love at 18/19? :\

[altwight]

I forgot to add that we were not the typical high school relationship. The entire post above is focusing on the bad. We've had a lot of good times and this is the first time she's ever started acting like this out of 3 years.

She has a job she does a fuck ton for me than I do for her (because I don't have the money to)

it's 18/20 and yea my bro and his wife got married at 17/18 it happens. this entire thing makes me realize why people say they never want to date again after a serious relationship.

[LiquidFriend]

Antifreeze cocktail will solve your dilemma.

[Tyr]

Haven't been in the position you're going through, but it looks like she's taking advantage of you at every turn, and every move you do/don't do is lose-lose.

Honestly, I'd say give it some earnest personal reflection, come up with a decision, and stick to your guns.

Perhaps in a bit more detail: obviously, your relationship with her is a priority, and while you don't want to let her go, you have to maybe entertain the unfortunate possibility that she's doing that to you. So prepare yourself foremost. Get a job for the sake of getting a job, although you will also satisfy your financial needs if you are to live with her independently. Go to school for the sake of going to school, etc.

Again, I haven't been through all of this, but in a number of cases, I'm coming to the unfortunate realization that some people train themselves to be escapists, or do anything to perpetuate being immature. I hope I'm misreading something, but it looks like your friend here is one of the two cases, if not both. Best of luck.

[Sol-Blackguy]

Fuck that bitch, she's got cock-trapper written all over her.

[Kaelia]

Well, you make it sound as if recently it's been consistently bad and that's a pretty good indicator of bad things to come (or it has been in my experience). How can you take her seriously when she's already told you she's willing to sleep with someone else just for the sake of sleeping with someone? Clearly the fact that it keeps you awake means its something that's hurtful to you. If it's hurtful to you and she's still willing to do it, then she certainly does not love you in a sense of the word that you seem to be looking for. I've been in both positions and I know what it looks like from both sides.

[_chuchu]

I forgot to add that we were not the typical high school relationship. The entire post above is focusing on the bad. We've had a lot of good times and this is the first time she's ever started acting like this out of 3 years.

She has a job she does a fuck ton for me than I do for her (because I don't have the money to)

it's 18/20 and yea my bro and his wife got married at 17/18 it happens. this entire thing makes me realize why people say they never want to date again after a serious relationship.

Women (like anyone else) will change their mind over things involving money. If she wants to go to college somewhere else, let her go. Don't promise anything, ever, unless like you're already getting married <_<. I would recommend going to a community college locally because it's pretty inexpensive and scholarships+financial aid should get you through fine without loans (depending on the state I guess.)

[altwight]

we always wanted to get married. and she never said she's willing to sleep with someone. she didn't mean she was gonna sleep with someone if they wanted her to

[Zilong]

Buy a pack of cigarette, smoke one, and put it out on your hand.

That should be your wake up call.

Really, you have your whole life ahead of you, don't be naive to honestly believe first love born in high school will actually last you a lifetime, there is a goddamn good reason this country has 50% divorce rate.

[gandorf]

Stop thinking about her and move on. She found a new sense of freedom and she is gonna get in all types of trouble with your friend mandy. An she is gonna use you when shit blows up in her face and then she will pull the same shit and it will just keep on hurting you.

Finding a job right now sucks and she should understand your trying. God only knows everyone is out right now looking for jobs she can't expect you to magically get up one day and get one out of thin air.

[altwight]

I remember a while back when her mom was at her worst not letting Jess and I do stuff together. Jess came up with this idea that she would tell her mom we broke up so she could go do whatever she wants. Only that's what her mom would think happened. I guess it's too late now.

[Kaelia]

Well, I don't know what else to tell you. The very best thing I ever did for myself was stop crying myself to sleep, open myself up to other people, and get over my "first love." She is not fully dedicated to you right now. I think you know that, seeing as she "makes her own decisions" and she's told you she's not going to say no to a relationship for your sake if she likes someone who comes her way. You don't have to completely shut her out, but don't shut yourself up and dedicate yourself 100% to someone who is not similarly dedicated to you. Do the best you can for yourself, and if someone comes your way you might want to look into it the way she plans to do. If she gets through that point in her life, matures up, and is ready to be with you, great. But don't put your life on hold waiting for that to happen; there's a good chance it won't. That's the best advice I can give. Good luck.

[Xiona]

you shouldnt need to get a job to stay with someone. that shit has nothing to do with her she just wants to bang dudes while shes away. she needs to be taken down a notch too. honestly id tell her that once its over its done because it doesnt sound like shes grown up enough to be a keeper.

honestly as yourself if you really want to be tied down now as well, especially with someone as imposing as your mother.

[altwight]

I turned down a number of girls due to their immaturity. I was never the type of person to date someone for my position in high school. I only said yes if I actually cared about them. Before Jess met me she would always tell me stories about how she would jump from guy to guy and that she's so happy she met me because I changed her.

If she was a nab in the beginning I wouldn't have ever said yes.

I forgot to add another thing. Her mom has problems. She used to take medication for these problems but one day she just up and decided she didn't need her medication anymore. Jess's grandmother (her mom's mom committed suicide) I can't help but think that her mom's mental problems have perhaps been passed down to jess.

I'm not sure how to describe the problems her mom has. It's like one day her mom can be completely fine and will let us do anything. The next jess will be grounded for not telling her mom she went to taco bell on the way home.

[Rockstaru]

Also, it sounds like you want to hear that you should stay with her, and if you approach this issue with that attitude in mind, that's the only answer you're going to listen to.

[altwight]

No, I've already decided to hang out with some of my old chick friends. If she's going out with that mentality I am too. I'm going keep my promise to her. If she comes around before then or after then that's fine.

edit: however it is very insulting that she says she loves me but then pulls shit like this. she has very bad emo rage whenever I make her mad. this is the worst so far.