Scientists say if zombies were real we'd be boned

[Qalbert]

Zombies would most likely wipe out humanity if they really existed, claim scientists - Telegraph

In their study, titled When Zombies Attack!, the researchers picked “classic” slow-moving zombies such as those in Dawn of the Dead as models and divided humanity into three: the living, zombies and the “removed” – zombies who had been killed by decapitation.

They concluded there was no point trying to cure those infected or live with them - the best thing was to destroy them as quickly as possible.

“A zombie outbreak is likely to lead to the collapse of civilisation, unless it is dealt with quickly,” they write in the book

“While aggressive quarantine may contain the epidemic, or a cure may lead to coexistence of humans and zombies, the most effective way to contain the rise of the undead is to hit hard and hit often.

“As seen in the movies, it is imperative that zombies are dealt with quickly, or else we are all in a great deal of trouble.”

Joe Imad, the study's co-author, said: “If you look at it in a more realistic way, zombies are about the same as any other major infectious disease, they get out and we try to eliminate them.

“Modelling zombies would be the same as modelling swine flu, with some differences for sure, but it is much more interesting to read.”

[Woozie]

“A zombie outbreak is likely to lead to the collapse of civilisation, unless it is dealt with quickly,” they write in blood

For some reason that's how I kept reading this sentence.

[Kaylia]

What kind of scientists waste time on the subject.

[Rakiel]

The same kind of scientist who reads and writes astrophysics papers for fun...then posts in BG's football threads. Gotta do something fun, why NOT run zombie simulations?

[scrockstar]

What kind of scientists waste time on the subject.

Ones that have house payments.

[BRP]

This guy is quoting movies as research. I don't even need to make fun of it.

[Pringles]

Hopefully what this secretly means is scientists have finally invented a rage virus that they're testing on chimps. Chimps that will eventually be liberated by PETA, causing an outbreak that will lead to a Zombie Apocalypse...preferably in 2012.

[Kaylia]

The same kind of scientist who reads and writes astrophysics papers for fun...then posts in BG's football threads. Gotta do something fun, why NOT run zombie simulations?

There is way too many random parameters to make a broad statement like "they would wipe humanity".

They shoud spend their free time researching how to make zombie instead.

[Jotaru]

This guy is quoting movies as research. I don't even need to make fun of it.

Agreed, least he could do was use actual zombie invasions as source info.

[BRP]

There is way too many random parameters to make a broad statement like "they would wipe humanity".

They shoud spend their free time researching how to make zombie instead.

I don't understand what would power a zombie enough to walk around for days let alone weeks or months or years.

[Not not Mattaru]

“Modelling zombies would be the same as modelling swine flu, with some differences for sure, but it is much more interesting to read.”

If you get swine flu, I'm taking you out. Straight to the face. Naturally, this is not part of the "some differences".

[SubzeroDiabolos]

Are we reaaaallllllyy paying for that?

[Kaylia]

I don't understand what would power a zombie enough to walk around for days let alone weeks or months or years.

Which is why I say we need to research how to make zombie first, before making broad statement like "if zombie were real, we'd be boned"!


The closest thing to zombies you can have is a parasite taking over your body. However, for something as complex as the human body, it's virtually impossible to imagine a zombie that feed on other people. It would just be a person dying with spasm.

[zoobernut]

I think the term Zombie can be and is loosely applied now. It doesn't necessarily mean the walking undead. It can mean someone who was taken over by a virus or a parasite or something and it turns them violent. They would survive for at least 3 days if they focused solely on attacking others. (the parasite/virus would do this to spread itself to a new host.) or if it gave them the forethought to drink water the "zombies" could survive about 1 week.

Either way just hold out and they will be gone soon enough and you can start rebuilding.

[Kurokikaze]

http://www.orbitcast.com/archives/swine-flu.jpg

The first zombie.

[guartz]

I don't understand what would power a zombie enough to walk around for days let alone weeks or months or years.

Obamacare. They'd have free access to it.

[Jotaru]

or if it gave them the forethought to drink water the "zombies" could survive about 1 week.

Wish I had linkage, but I read something probably about a year ago now talking about different parasites / viruses that operate by effectively taking control over their hosts- Usually its something simple such as causing balance issues causing them to fall over or whatever, but there were some pretty distinct instances... digging holes or whatnot, exerting some actual form of control rather than just 'k die now'.

In the article it mentioned how, due to the way the human brain works, if one of these parasites / viruses were able to block out portions of the brain from sending/receiving signals, it would effectively kill the ability for the person to control their actions. From there, human instincts (apparently) still exist, so the need to eat/drink/sleep/procreate are still intact. Potentially add in with that a rabies-like rapid and severe aggression symptom, and you have instant-zombie-in-a-cup!

[zoobernut]

I haven't heard of any that effect humans but there is a fluke that infects the brains of ants and the fluke will cause the ant every morning to climb up as high as it can on grass so that a cow will eat it. If the ant isn't consumed by a cow then the fluke will tell the ant to return to the colony and eat/drink until the next morning when it will try again.

[Penthesilea]

Someone needed just one more paper published for tenure. I respect this.

[Kaylia]

I think the term Zombie can be and is loosely applied now. It doesn't necessarily mean the walking undead. It can mean someone who was taken over by a virus or a parasite or something and it turns them violent. They would survive for at least 3 days if they focused solely on attacking others. (the parasite/virus would do this to spread itself to a new host.) or if it gave them the forethought to drink water the "zombies" could survive about 1 week.

Either way just hold out and they will be gone soon enough and you can start rebuilding.

The brain is pretty damn complex. To take over the basic function and make a person violent (attack others, bite..etc) for a long period is hard to imagine. It can works on a bug..maybe small animal but human brain...it's hard to imagine.


The closest we can get to zombies is rabies most likely, but it's still far from a zombie.