NFL Week 14: Mother Nature loves Brett Favre

[Bregor]

Not even DA BEARS.

Record:
109-67 straight
83-90-3 ATS


THURSDAY, DECEMBER 9TH

Indianapolis at Tennessee (+3.5) - Six weeks ago, Tennessee beat the Vick-less Eagles at home on the strength of a 27-point fourth quarter explosion, and had a half-game lead on the Colts for the division title. Then came injuries, Finnegan's beatdown, and the Rusty Trombone. The Colts have been maddeningly inconsistent all season, especially on defense. But the lesser Manning and his rag-tag crew of Wayne and the whites still controls its fate in the AFC South. Both teams will be desperate, Indy for a playoff spot and Tennessee to save Jeff Fisher's job. The matchup I like is Chris Johnson against the Colts run defense. And I, for one, welcome our new Jaguar overlords. Titans in the upset.

SUNDAY, DECEMBER 12TH

Green Bay at Detroit (+7) - The Lions actually have a lot in common with Tennessee. Both have gone to their third string QB, both are currently riding five game losing streaks, and both are home dogs this week. And both of them are going to win in the ups-- okay, I couldn't even finish typing that. Green Bay's hitting its stride at the right time and should win easily. Then again, Calvin Johnson. Packers win, Lions cover.

Oakland at Jacksonville (-4) - What gives, Oakland? After blowout losses to Pittsburgh and Miami, I figured it was time for you fold it up and contact Cam Newton's dad. Now a non-losing record and respectability are within your grasp. Get there! The Jags have been hot though, and no one is chewing up yards like MoJoDrew. Is the defense improving, or just benefiting from a soft schedule? I'll go with the latter. Still, Jacksonville can taste the playoffs, and they're at home. They should find a way to win. Jags win and cover.

Cincinnati at Pittsburgh (-9) - Boo! The Steelers suck! Big Ben sucks! I swear to God you all have a learning disability. Especially you Leroy. Polamalu seems to have overcome the dreaded "shampoo commercial curse" and is flat out dominating. How come they can never find reliable corners? I would like the matchup problems TO, 85, Shipley and Gresham present, but then again, Carson Palmer. Steelers win and cover.

Atlanta at Carolina (+7.5) - The Panthers finally have a healthy and effective tailback, but with Pickle under center, will it matter? Atlanta just has too much talent on offense for the Cats to keep it competitive. Also, this line is all over the place, I've seen between 7 and 9 points in the past couple days, which feels to me like we all know a blowout is coming. Falcons win and cover.

Cleveland at Buffalo (-1) - Peyton Hillis does not like being a dog to the Bills. It makes Peyton Hillis angry. You wouldn't like Peyton Hillis when he's angry. Browns in the upset.

Tampa Bay at Washington (+2.5) - Oh, how I've loved this season for the Redskins. All of the insufferable homers in this God-forsaken town had such high hopes for McNabb, Shanny and Fat Albert. Even after the win against DA BEARS, when it was apparent that the offense was fucking terrible, they look at their record and were talking division title. Then came the curb-stompings by Philly and New York, and when your division rivals are owning you this hard, it's time to rebuild. I don't see a winnable game on the rest of their schedule. Oh, so glorious. I'm still not completely buying Tampa, a scrappy Jeter for a QB and mediocre defense that can't get sacks isn't a recipe for a deep playoff run. But they'll get it done this week. Bucs win and cover.

NY Giants at Minnesota (+2.5) - The Giants. So talented, yet so inconsistent. How the fuck have they given up 68 points to Dallas? And how many of Eli's picks have been off tipped or dropped balls? Who cares, just keep the Manningfaces coming. I think anyone who thought the Vikes could still contend this year took Sidney Rice's injury a little too lightly. He makes that passing game go, period. With him back, I think Old Man Greypenis has at least one magical game left in the barrel. And I think this is it. Minnesota in the upset.

St. Louis at New Orleans (-9.5) - Time to get serious for the Saints. They almost blew the Thanksgiving game in Dallas and last week's tilt with the Bungles. Coming back home should help this week, but if they play like that in Baltimore and Atlanta, they'll be in serious jeopardy of missing the playoffs. The Rams are coming off nice back-to-back road wins in Denver and Arizona, but I don't see them getting enough big plays on offense to keep pace with Breesus. Still, that line looks a little large to me. Saints win, Rams cover.

Seattle at San Francisco (-5.5) - Alex Smith is the starter again, just in time for a late-season surge and securing the starting job next year. Just a precursor to being terrible again next fall, right? To me, the Seahawks are the definition of mediocrity. Good at home, bad on the road, check. Old but stable QB, check. Lack of talent at skill positions, check. No exciting players at LB or in the secondary, check. And pardon me for not getting fired up for Chris Clemons and his 9.0 sacks. Still, year one of Pete Carroll has gone better than I thought it would. I think the 49ers are the better team here, but this will be a good (read: close) game. San Fran wins, Seattle covers.

Kansas City at San Diego (-7) - I liked San Diego in this game before Matt Cassel's appendectomy, and as much as I want this game to be Brodie Croyle's coming-out party, I just don't see it happening. After a vintage September performance, only in December, the Chargers should be re-focused. This game is a must-win, both for their playoff hopes and Norv's career. And Rivers still has an MVP award to win. This needs to happen, people. San Diego wins and covers.

Miami at NY Jets (-5.5) - I was at a bar last night with a buddy of mine, Dolphins fan, who was going on and on about Peyton Hillis. "But you guys essentially shut him down," I tried to console him. "And you guys have two good tailbacks." Wrong thing to say, apparently, as that made him fly off into a rage about the entire team, from Brown and Williams to the secondary to Brandon Marshall. Oh, and he actually likes Chad Henne. After that I was speechless. The Jets will be in full on ragemode after their embarrassing loss to Tommy UGGs and the Pats, I just feel bad the 'Fins are in the way. Jets win and cover.

Denver at Arizona (+5.5) - Urban Meyer Eric Studesville gets his first crack at being an NFL head coach, and if we've learned anything this year, it's that players try harder after getting someone fired. On the other sideline, Derek Anderson. Broncos win and cover.

New England at Chicago (+3) - The Super Bowl? In December? An early Festivus miracle! After bending the Jets over on Monday night, the Pats look poised to take control of the division and probably the AFC. DA BEARS, on the other hand, have got to feel a little disrespected. Not many 9-3 teams are home dogs, but then again not many 9-3 teams are as punchless as Chicago. The following teams have fewer yards per game than DA BEARS: Tennessee, Arizona, Carolina. Exclusive company, no doubt. Put Welker down for 15 catches, 75 yards, 3 TDs. Pats win and cover.

Philadelphia at Dallas (+3.5) -

Spoiler: show

http://i58.photobucket.com/albums/g2...abbvick910.jpg

Eagles win and cover.

MONDAY, DECEMBER 13TH

Baltimore at Houston (+3) -
http://i.cdn.turner.com/si/2010/foot...-gruden-p1.jpg
I'll tell you what, Jaws. These teams play football. They put their heart and soul into this game and leave it all on the field every single week. You gotta hand it to 'em. And for the Baltimore Ravens to be this good for this long, so much of the credit has to go to the guys who have been here. Ray Lewis. This guy just keeps getting better. He might be 50 and still playing linebacker at a high level in the National Football League. And under center you have a guy. Joe Flacco. So much poise and consistency from a young kid, a young guy out of Delaware, so much talent from such a young quarterback. I gotta say, Jaws, so much about this team changed when he took over. Just the attitude he brings. He might be the best quarterba-

*hits mute button*

*twenty minutes later, forgetting Jon Gruden exists, hits unmute button*

-when I look at the Texans record, and then I watch them play. They are a very good football team. I know they've lost some football games, and have had some problems on defense, but they are talented. They are, and they play hard. It all starts there. And this guy Arian Foster here, man can he run. What a find by this coaching staff. What a great job by head coach Gary Kubiak to find a guy with his ability and get him on the football field and allow him to make plays. It seems like every time he touches the football he makes a play. They'll get things fixed on defense. They will. And then look out. This is a very good football team. I really like-

*hits mute button, bangs head against coffee table until unconscious*

Ravens win and cover.

[Cephius]

Your Gruden impression is spot on. Well done.

But your rationale for picking against the Giants is retarded.

[Conrad]

Oh god, cannot get GrudenVoice out of my head

[Skeeterxi]

Lmao @ the Gruden bit. I read that shit in his voice and it was perfect.

[Rhinox]

Two things

1. No one cares about your record against the spread. You're not pimping a 900 number.

2. Citing yd per game to judge an offense is retarded. Otherwise the lions and cowboys would be one of
best teams in the league.

Sent from my PC36100 using Tapatalk

[Cephius]

Also I hate defending the Bears but how do you cite their "punchless" offense and ignore how the patriots have the worst ranked defense in almost every statistic category?

[Bregor]

No one cares about your record against the spread. You're not pimping a 900 number.

I've done that literally every week. True, it's only the second time I've made the thread, but blame shitmod for wrecking cars or marriages or whatever keeps him busy these days.

[Kyo]

Cowboys gunna get raped by Vick, just sayin.

[Tyche]

Also I hate defending the Bears but how do you cite their "punchless" offense and ignore how the patriots have the worst ranked defense in almost every statistic category?

The pats defense is markedly better than it was 3 or 4 weeks ago. Their secondary is sort of sneaky aggressive. I like cutler for 2 picks.

[Bregor]

But your rationale for picking against the Giants is retarded.

Just a gut feeling, really. Had to pick a home dog or two.

Also I hate defending the Bears but how do you cite their "punchless" offense and ignore how the patriots have the worst ranked defense in almost every statistic category?

Not defending the Patriots defense. I just like them to win by more than three points.

[Tyche]

I've done that literally every week. True, it's only the second time I've made the thread, but blame shitmod for wrecking cars or marriages or whatever keeps him busy these days.

Finals, and apparently other women.

[Bregor]

Finals, and apparently other women.

I feel ya. Just needed to make a thread before something drastic happened, like Leroy making it.

[Conrad]

Indianapolis @ Tennessee - Read an article on PFT this morning about a radio announcer employed by the Colts who was broadcast saying that Manning was done, that defenses have him figured out, and that the organization should bench him for Curtis Painter and draft his replacement next year. -10.5 on that guy getting fired by the beginning of next season. Manning's gonna have a big game to prove everybody wrong, including people within his own organization.

Cleveland @ Buffalo - I made the preseason prediciton that the Browns & Lions would each be .500 or better this year. I still have a chance to be half-correct.

Atlanta @ Carolina - Practice squad game.

Cincinnati @ Pittsburgh -

Spoiler: show

http://2.bp.blogspot.com/_Wrnsc-B87i...se-260x335.jpg

And all around the world, women rejoiced. Still, Pittsburgh's too good to drop this one.

NY Giants @ Minnesota - Guy with a shaky O-Line who gets sacked frequently vs. linebackers with an obscene number of sacks. +2.5 Favre explodes into dust by the end of this game.

Green Bay @ Detroit - I like the Lions. They're talented, they've been rebuilding their team, and Stafford (when he's healthy) has shown signs of greatness. Unfortunately, they keep getting screwed by bad calls and inconsistency. They're not going to beat the #1 rated quarterback of all time.

Oakland @ Jacksonville - JAX suddenly has a home field advantage. Oakland is this year's Bengals - overachieving due to a division in a down year, benefactors of a weak schedule, can't dominate outside of its division. Plus, I really want to see both MJD and Not-Indy in the playoffs.

Tampa Bay @ Washington - JAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAASH FREEMAN

St. Louis @ New Orleans - Better team wins, though I like the Rams to surprise people in the playoffs.

Seattle @ San Francisco - NFC WORST. Flip a coin.

New England @ Chicago - If only the NFC could play tough football.

Miami @ NY Jets - Fins don't impress me at all, Jets have something to prove. Easy win for Jersey's B-Team.

Denver @ Arizona - What Bregor said: new coach means the team plays better for some reason, 'Zona sucks and has John Skelton as its quarterback.

Kansas City @ San Diego - Cassel's way more important to the team than people realize. Chiefs are good, but they're gonna miss him. San Diego proves it's the most underachieving team in history by blowing out KC, then sucking the rest of the way.

Philadelphia @ Dallas - Six weeks ago, I was waiting in unadulterated glee for this game, and I nearly came in my pants when I saw the 'Skins game since I knew they were going to do the same thing to Dallas. Then the goddamn Cowboys had to ruin everything by overachieving and feigning legitimacy. No, I can't give Dallas any credit whatsoever; I'm a Philly fan, I was borne of hatred, bathed in loathing, and was raised on contempt. Iggles win.

Baltimore @ Houston - Hey look, it's two underachieving teams with some talented players. Ravens have more flashes of greatness, and Houston's D sucks. Another MNF blowout impending.

[Tyche]

Or, even worse...miz. Who, coincidentally has been as absent as I.

[Saga]

whoops, wrong topic. well while I'm here..still don't feel safe with the Pats/Bears game. I don't think NE is at that point yet where they stop getting complacent after big wins and going against a weaker team the next week, but Brady's been a fucking surgeon with the football so my assumption is NE will pull one out on Sunday.

[Bregor]

Or, even worse...miz. Who, coincidentally has been as absent as I.

I was disappointed, I couldn't even give him the business after Clutch beat Pickle.

[Diamicles]

The pats defense is markedly better than it was 3 or 4 weeks ago. Their secondary is sort of sneaky aggressive. I like cutler for 2 picks.

and the bears offense is substantially better than it was about 6 weeks ago. don't double standard, son

[Chun Liroy]

Cowboys gunna get raped by Vick, just sayin.

Look for vick to have 6 TDs. We are gonna get so torched on defense lol.

[Melena]

Or, even worse...miz. Who, coincidentally has been as absent as I.

Miz is still currently fapping to Texas finishing the year with a losing record. He should be back sometime around new years.

[Conrad]

Miz is still currently fapping to Texas finishing the year with a losing record. He should be back sometime around new years.

Dallas is gonna have a losing record after Sunday, too. He might not even be back then.