The War on Fat

[Plow]

Seeing how much of these forums these days is just random articles and stuff people find, I figured I'd post something I stumbled across cuz it might elicit some interesting discussion.

The War on Fat

It's time to crack down on the hefty.

By Daniel Radosh, from the Playboy forum, July 2000

The evidence is in: Americans are fat. According to the Nation Institutes of Health, excess weight contributes to more than 300,000 deaths each year. That's more deaths than are caused by heroin and cocaine combined. In a culture that glamorizes overeating ("supersize it!") defeating fat is a losing battle. But what if the government took the same hard-line approach that Barry McCaffrey has taken in the government's war on drugs? Here's what might happen:

- Because reaching children is a key factor in keeping them slim, the government could launch a program to teach kids that fat kills, no exceptions. Students would be encouraged to turn in overweight parents. The classic drug-war ad, "This is your brain on drugs," could be altered to show a fat person eating the fried egg and then falling over dead.

- Congress could give police broad powers to search food laboratories (a.k.a. kitchens), particularly in the Midwest. Forfeiture laws would allow the cops to seize homes and cars used to store or transport high-fat foods. The U.S. Supreme Court could allow police to raid the homes of people suspected of being overweight. In some cases, innocents might die. However, the officers could point out that had the victim been thinner, the bullets would have missed.

- Congress would stress zero tolerance policies by establishing minimum sentences for the overweight. Spartan prison diets could save lives. The government would allow exceptions: If a suspect provided the names of people who sold, consumed or discussed fatty foods, he or she would escape punishment. Fat people related to judges or politicians also would be treated leniently.

- Employers would be allowed to conduct random weight checks and test workers' blood for heightened sugar levels. A person who consumed a single bite of a Twinkie over the weekend could expect to be fired.

- Critics would portray a war on fat as the problem, rather than fat itself. Some soft-on-fat lobbyists will claim there are medical benefits to high-calorie diets, such as preventing hunger. The government would not allow exceptions, or its thin citizens could be crushed, perhaps literally. The war must continue until the last fat lady sings.

Yes, I did actually type that out of the magazine anyway, /discuss

[Keno]

I believe that is satire of the war against drugs to show how ridiculous it is.

[Plow]

I believe that is satire of the war against drugs to show how ridiculous it is.

Sorry, I'm a big pothead. I guess I shouldn't assume people would know that and that could be left unsaid lol.

[Keno]

I believe that is satire of the war against drugs to show how ridiculous it is.

Sorry, I'm a big pothead. I guess I shouldn't assume people would know that and that could be left unsaid lol.

So what exactly were you looking to discuss with this? It's more of a joke than anything...

[Ramor]

it's also 8 years old =/

[Plow]

I believe that is satire of the war against drugs to show how ridiculous it is.

Sorry, I'm a big pothead. I guess I shouldn't assume people would know that and that could be left unsaid lol.

So what exactly were you looking to discuss with this? It's more of a joke than anything...

It's like... a less guartz-y way of starting a discussion about the ridiculousness of government controlling personal health matters and the kind of crap it could lead up to. /tinhat on what was that really terrible movie with ethan hawke and uma thurman? crap like that lol...

[CMMeast]

I believe that is satire of the war against drugs to show how ridiculous it is.

Sorry, I'm a big pothead. I guess I shouldn't assume people would know that and that could be left unsaid lol.

So what exactly were you looking to discuss with this? It's more of a joke than anything...

It's like... a less guartz-y way of starting a discussion about the ridiculousness of government controlling personal health matters and the kind of crap it could lead up to. /tinhat on what was that really terrible movie with ethan hawke and uma thurman? crap like that lol...

Well those personal health matters are going to end up torpedoing insurance companies and medical equipment makers. Treating extremely overweight and obese people is a whole different game. It doesn't just end with shipping them to the zoo to get MRIs and CAT scans. And look at the problems Detroit, or really any old-school American corporation is having/will have in the future with guaranteed insurance. Fatties are just going to make the problem worse.

[Churchill]

Government shouldn't have its hands in most of the things it does.*

[guartz]

This just in! Anonymous intelligence sources have confirmed that the Mexican government is refusing to let Health Inspectors into their burrito making plants. U.S officials have yet to comment, but inside sources suggest that this recent act by Mexican government could seriously harm international relations between U.S and Mexico.

More on this every hour, on the hour. FAX NEWS!

[Chicomagiko]

This just in! Anonymous intelligence sources have confirmed that the Mexican government is refusing to let Health Inspectors into their burrito making plants. U.S officials have yet to comment, but inside sources suggest that this recent act by Mexican government could seriously harm international relations between U.S and Mexico.

More on this every hour, on the hour. FAUX NEWS!

[guartz]

Annnd we are back with FAUX NEWS,

Good evening, I'm your host Guartz Guartzalimou.

New information regarding the Mexican Burrito Scandal! Mexican President Sanchez denied accusations that he is amassing burritos of mass consumption in a public speech, where he also openly criticized U.S's War on Fat.

With us today to join the discussion is FAUX's own senior calorie analyst, Clarrisa Fattyson.

Clarrisa?

Thank you, Guartz.

Could you clarify President's Sanchez posturing to our viewers? Because it seems odd to me that President Sanchez wouldn't co-operate in such an important operation, particularly where being skinny is at stake.

And that's exactly it, Guartz. President Sanchez is obviously trying to hide something. One could even ask, why is he wearing such conservative clothes during summer? Is he trying to hide a beer belly?

Thank you Clarrisa,

We'll be back with more right after these messages.

[Nystul]

You're missing an easy joke of satellite photos of sompleace showing trucks holding yellow cake with buttercream icing.

[Alleya]

We have evidence. That Saddam Hussein. Has sought. Significant quantities of butterscotch. From Africa.

/standing ovation

[Nystul]

he's acquired the tools to produce weapons grade fudge.

[Boyiee]

Eggs are good for you, read up until there.

How do you say what food is good and bad? When depending on peoples diets, or current illnesses (ie, diabetes) certain foods need to be eaten that normally would be avoided. Fail, if you are fat, it's your fault. Eat a salad.

[Huggo]

Eggs are good for you, read up until there.

How do you say what food is good and bad? When depending on peoples diets, or current illnesses (ie, diabetes) certain foods need to be eaten that normally would be avoided. Fail, if you are fat, it's your fault. Eat a salad.

Every year somebody else surprises me with a new fact of "that shit you're eating or drinking will kill you." Milk. That stuff that's supposed to make your bones stronger? WRONG! IT'LL KILL YOU. Bread will kill you. Eggs will kill you. Everything that isn't made out of soy is bad for you and you should feel extremely guilty if you touch, let alone eat anything that has carbohydrates or gluten in it. Needless to say, I just don't care anymore.

[Penthesilea]

Everything that isn't made out of soy is bad

the soy makes you gay

[Plow]

Eggs are good for you, read up until there.

How do you say what food is good and bad? When depending on peoples diets, or current illnesses (ie, diabetes) certain foods need to be eaten that normally would be avoided. Fail, if you are fat, it's your fault. Eat a salad.

Egg whites are good for you, yolks not so much.

[Huggo]

Everything that isn't made out of soy is bad

the soy makes you gay

Or a vegan scene kid, which incidentally is pretty similar.