From smashing watermelon, to smashing liberalism

[Kuya]

"You have your hat backward," Gallagher sneers at a twentysomething man in the front row. "Are you a homosexual? Because it seems you have a problem figuring out the front from the back." Big laugh. "I see people every day I can't figger out what sex they are," he continues. Even bigger laugh. The old man—1980s fixture, incessant smasher of fruit, and "comedy legend," according to the marquee outside—is onstage in front of a sold-out Admiral Theatre in Bremerton, Washington. An hour earlier, my friend and I had disembarked the packed rush-hour ferry in downtown Bremerton and wandered uphill through oddly deserted streets (our hundreds of fellow passengers seemed to have vaporized when they reached land) until we found the Admiral. Gallagher stood on the sidewalk. He was small and old—his back bent a bit, his trademark dark curls faded to a dank grayish- blond. He scuttled around the corner and through a side door.

Then Gallagher gets going. And fuck. Bremerton is a military town and a conservative one: It's more than just a slide into obscurity that delivered Gallagher to the Admiral rather than, say, the Moore in Seattle. You see, Gallagher is—how best to put this?—a paranoid, delusional, right-wing religious maniac. I HAD NO IDEA.

"Hey, President Obama," he spits out the name like a mouthful of burning hair. "You ain't black. I don't care what you say—you're a latte. You're half whole-milk. It could be goat milk—you could be a terrorist!" I am too busy losing my mind to catch the next joke, which is about Ted Kennedy's brain cancer. Aaaaand we're off.

Gallagher is upset about a lot of things.]Young people with their sagging pants (in faintly coded racist terms, he explains that this is why the jails are overcrowded—because "their" baggy pants make it too hard for "them" to run from the cops). Tattoos: "That ink goes through to your soul—if you read your Bible, your body is a sacred temple, YOU DIPSHIT." People naming their girl-children Sam and Toni instead of acceptable names like Evelyn and Betty: "Just give her some little lesbian tendencies!" Guantánamo Bay: "We weren't even allowed to torture all the way. We had to half-torture—that's nothin' compared to what Saddam and his two sons OOFAY and GOOFAY did." Lesbians: "There's two types—the ugly ones and the pretty ones." (Um, like all people?) Obama again: "If Obama was really black, he'd act like a black guy and get a white wife." Michael Vick: "Poor Michael Vick." Women's lib: "These women told you they wanna be equal—they DON'T." Trans people: "People like Cher's daughter—figure that out. She wants a penis, but she has a big belly. If you can't see your dick, you don't get one." The Rice Krispies elves: "All three of those guys are gay. Look at 'em!" The Mexicans: "Look around—see any Mexicans? Nope. They'll be here later for the cleanup." The French: "They ruin our language with their faggy words."

Above all, everything is gay, gay, gay to Gallagher. He leans into it with the borderline- nonsensical, icked-out, ignorant glee of a boy—or the protest-too-much vigor of a GOP senator. Gallagher delivers your Bible verse for the day: "Without God, we are nothing but dust. What is butt dust? Is that what you get if your homosexual isn't properly lubricated?" He relates a story about spilling mouthwash onto his crotch during a show: "Lucky for me, there was no homosexuals in the area—'cause my balls was minty fresh." At other points during the show, Gallagher says, "Men and women can't live in the same house" and "There's no way men and women can have a relationship." He says he can't remember why he used to feel pleasure in looking at a woman. And, "There's only one kind of homosexual guy, and that's the pretty ones—why do homosexual men have to be so good-looking?" Gallagher. Listen. Is there something you want to share with us?

This could be some form of satire, granted it's pretty bad satire. I never really saw his comedy, i only got who he was from so many refences of his fruit smashing routine (I'm looking at you, Dave). Anyway, you never know with comedians, he may not be serious at all, but somehow it doesn't seem that way. Who knew he was so right-wing crazy?

http://www.thestranger.com/seattle/g...nt?oid=4357855

[Dontkare]

I live in Bremerton and me and my girlfriend went to that show. Yeah, he's fucking weird. My girlfriend's brother got to smash watermelons with him though, that was kind of cool.

[Viq]

Is it 1986?

[Tyche]

True Story...

I once went on stage at a gallagher show, where he put a giant dick head mask on my head. I think I was 13 years old.

Then he let me smash shit with a hammer, so it was all good.

[Correction]

Go look up old gallagher clips on youtube and get a gander at his audience as the camera pans over it. Now try to tell me I should be shocked at this news. The man has always danced this dance, they just never really showed it on his TV specials.

also in before 'if it was a black dude making these jokes, etc.'

[Dontkare]

It's not that he's a white guy making race jokes. It's like, the way he deliver's. He doesn't sound so much like a comedian as much as he sounds like a bitter old man on a rant.

[Correction]

Actually, fuck it. Is this blogger seriously getting indignant with insensitive humor? Has he just now discovered the internet?

[Gadritan]

Yeah, he's fucking weird.

That's all you really need to know about him.

Who cares if he's serious anyway? There were some gems in there man, lol.

If you're worried about PC, don't go to a comedy show.

[Not not Mattaru]

So wait, Gallagher is not a black persons nightmare solely because he smashes watermelons?

[Max™]

So wait, Gallagher is not a black persons nightmare solely because he smashes watermelons?

[Win Detector 2.0]
[-||||||||||||---]

Picking up some decent levels here.

[Kuya]

Perhaps the smashing of watermelon had a meaning afterall.

[Mizango]

Go look up old gallagher clips on youtube and get a gander at his audience as the camera pans over it. Now try to tell me I should be shocked at this news. The man has always danced this dance, they just never really showed it on his TV specials.

also in before 'if it was a black dude making these jokes, etc.'

Correct on both fronts lol.

[Rhinox]

Who cares if he's serious anyway? There were some gems in there man, lol.

really?

really?

really?

which ones?

The most offensive thing about this is its just not funny.

I get racial jokes they can be funny as hell but this was just not funny.

[archibaldcrane]

So wait, Gallagher is not a black persons nightmare solely because he smashes watermelons?

Oh Jesus christ holy shit lol.

This...yeah this is amazing.

[Kohan]

The most offensive thing about this is its just not funny.

I get racial jokes they can be funny as hell but this was just not funny.

Especially because he doesn't have the balls to just call them "fags" most of the time. Using politically correct terminology while on the mic is a recipe for failure.

Someone else mentioned that it wasn't that entertaining, and that it simply sounds like an old man's belligerent yet impotent ranting. Yeah, I'd say that's about right.

If you want good comedy, pursue stand-up from people like Patton Oswalt and David Cross.

[Rhyis.]

[Meresgi]

really?

really?

really?

which ones?

The most offensive thing about this is its just not funny.

I get racial jokes they can be funny as hell but this was just not funny.

Gallagher was great when I was a kid. Fondest memories of my dad are making pizza and watching Gallagher with him during Saturday nights. He still has some funny shit!

[Grey Jorildyn]

Someone else mentioned that it wasn't that entertaining, and that it simply sounds like an old man's belligerent yet impotent ranting. Yeah, I'd say that's about right.

Sounds like George Carlin, but at least he was actually funny to the end. Loved him so much.

My dad loved Gallagher based on his TV specials. He got to see him perform about 15 years ago and was appalled by his jokes. He came back with a completely different idea of who the man was and was very disappointed. But he did enjoy getting watermelon in his face. So did my mom, oddly...

[Kuya]

It seems that people only want to see him smash some fruit. Well, some people.

[Plow]

It seems that people only want to see him smash some fruit. Well, some people.

It seems that's pretty much exactly what he was doing.