Relationship: things in common: important or not?

[Enedin]

Quick question. I'm in a relationship with a girl (a year and a half), and I'm pretty uninterested in her the past few months. I've noticed that we don't have much in common (way back when), but only now I started thinking about it as a possible cause for my lack of interest.

I've talked to her about it, and she says that she's not looking for common interests in a relationship. I, however, think that a few common interests would make me want the girl more. I know that each person seeks different things in a relationship, but I just need a few point of views here:

is it important to have common interests to maintain a relationship, or is it just me? What do you guys feel? Also would like to know your gender if you're posting something, not sure if this is gender-related.

[tyven]

I prefer girls with relatively few common interests, beliefs, views, etc., i think it keeps things fresh. I also think its important to have a partner that challenges you

[TacoTaru]

I think a few common interests are important; maybe even one thing you guys both really like. By and large though, no I don't think having a whole in common is important. My wife and I share similar interests in a few things, and our big hobby is gaming, although she's a bit more casual outside of FFXI. Plus having dissimilar often gives the two of us enough to ourselves during the week, so it's not like one of us is ever in a situation where we're begging for the other to leave so we can have a little time alone.

And male if that wasn't obvious.

[Khamsin]

You have to have enough in common to easily find things to do together without one of you always being bored or unhappy. But it's perfectly ok to have plenty of other things that are not in common, as long as you have a certain minimum amount that is.

[Headspace]

You guys need to be identical in every way possible.

[Acturus]

The goal for me has always been not to necessarily have things in common, but to find common ground in as many things as possible.

[Enedin]

You have to have enough in common to easily find things to do together without one of you always being bored or unhappy. But it's perfectly ok to have plenty of other things that are not in common, as long as you have a certain minimum amount that is.

We're trying to find things to do together, as she painfully pointed out to me that we haven't done anything together alone (w/o any of our friends) for 3 months now. I didn't notice until she told me. I always brought along friends because it would be more fun. I wanna have a good time with her, I'm just not sure whether it's my fear of commitment or just the fact that we don't match.

The problem is now that I'm uninterested and she's unhappy because I'm uninterested. Either I'm uninterested because she really doesn't belong with me, or because I'm afraid to take things a step further because I have a fear of committing in a relationship.

Maybe I'm just not ready for one atm. Stopped playing FFXI, that helped.

[Aristio]

What are her interest to begin with? And what are yours? Hobby wise of course.

Would you, "Take on for the team," just for the sake of keeping her happy? I.E. Going to the mall shopping because she enjoys it and you don't. And Vice-versa? For a long term relationship you guys should share similar beliefs, views, and have a -few- hobbies in common. Doing everything together can make people feel constricted. There are some things you need to do alone and some things she needs to do alone as well.

[Venga]

Personally think the strongest couples are friends, not just in a relationship because of lust etc. Don't get me wrong, the sexual and attractive side are just as important, but so is being able to socialize with partner. Alot of strong couples say that their partner is their best friend.

[Mizango]

I prefer girls with relatively few common interests, beliefs, views, etc., i think it keeps things fresh. I also think its important to have a partner that challenges you

Right on the money Tyven. What most folks dont realize is that getting in a relationship is easy because one or both of you will do/say anything to get in one and to make the other person happy. Slowly over time its harder to keep up that facade and the "real" person finally starts to come out, which is why its important to be you. Its better to know shit wont work from the jump than to rather get a year and a half down the road and figure out something that should have been figured out during the "trial period". That honeymoon phase is a shitty stage where shit is all unicorns, rainbows and smashing.

My wife and I have a few interests, but she is a far different person that I am and it works. Like Tyven said, you want someone that challenges you on all sorts of things. Having a yes man or a yes woman gets old fast. I hope everything works out for you guys man, it sucks that its come to this point. At least you guys are honest and having an open dialog about it.

[Mizango]

We're trying to find things to do together, as she painfully pointed out to me that we haven't done anything together alone (w/o any of our friends) for 3 months now. I didn't notice until she told me. I always brought along friends because it would be more fun. I wanna have a good time with her, I'm just not sure whether it's my fear of commitment or just the fact that we don't match.

This can be a problem too, you always seem to need a crutch to lean on. Im not sure of you backstory but do you have some weird trust issues regarding women or (I dont mean this in the fucked up sense) do you have a subconscious brocrush on one of your crew? Ive always been with females (wife included) that doesn't get jealous and isnt afraid to do her thing and let me do mine. It works wonders. We spend time together, but she always goes out, does whatever with her folks and I go out and do whatever with mine. Trust man, trust. You've got to give it to her at some point and leave the bros at home. Dragging along an anchor can begin to grate on anyone's nerves. After 3 months of it? Yeah, that shit would piss me off too.

Like I said I dont know either of your backgrounds, but Id start at square one and find out why it is that after a year and a half you only feel comfortable with a third wheel along on you and your girls private time. Not a troll question at all, but would you let your bro hit your girl if he asked?

[Chun Liroy]

Idk man, me n Miz's wife have tons of interests and we doin' fine.

[Mizango]

Idk man, me n Miz's wife have tons of interests and we doin' fine.

See. She actually LIKES Leroy, can we be any more different?

[Gekii]

girlll, he went there.

posted too late, fuck

[Dimmauk]

Ive been with my wife for 16 years total, and 11 years married. She hates video games, could care less about most sports, and is pro choice, anti gun and anti abortion. My pro death, play video games, and watch sports, and I hate shopping. There has to be sacrifices, so she watches sports, i go shopping, she doesnt complain about my gaming as long as i help around the house, like making dinner or other stuff. We love each other and are best friends. We make each other laugh, and have great sex. You dont have to exactly similar, if so you would just be with yourself.

[Chun Liroy]

Damn nigga you old.

[Enedin]

This can be a problem too, you always seem to need a crutch to lean on. Im not sure of you backstory but do you have some weird trust issues regarding women or (I dont mean this in the fucked up sense) do you have a subconscious brocrush on one of your crew? Ive always been with females (wife included) that doesn't get jealous and isnt afraid to do her thing and let me do mine. It works wonders. We spend time together, but she always goes out, does whatever with her folks and I go out and do whatever with mine. Trust man, trust. You've got to give it to her at some point and leave the bros at home. Dragging along an anchor can begin to grate on anyone's nerves. After 3 months of it? Yeah, that shit would piss me off too.

Like I said I dont know either of your backgrounds, but Id start at square one and find out why it is that after a year and a half you only feel comfortable with a third wheel along on you and your girls private time. Not a troll question at all, but would you let your bro hit your girl if he asked?

You got the picture a bit wrong here, the situations I bring a friend are always different: one time it's a cinema with friend A and his g/f, next time it's a bar with friend B and his g/f, other times it's just a drink with friend C. Not like I have a bromance So no, I wouldn't let either of them hit my g/f.

I don't only feel comfortable with a third weel along, I just think it's boring without one. I like girls who are independant, just like you, and she claims she is, which she is to a certain extent, but I just would like her to be more independant. I don't like people being dependant on me, at least not in a non-business way.

[Ksandra]

I honestly don't even know if there's an answer to this. I've done it both ways. I ended up marrying someone who has a lot of the major things in common with me (ie. video games, movies, music), and I love that because it means we spend a lot of time together. We still have some differences though so I guess that helps when we want to do something on our own.

tbh I enjoyed being with someone who had the major stuff in common with me than the one that didn't. So I think it just depends on your personality.

[aduidarnenye]

My husband and I like a lot of things in common and we each like different things too. I think a mix is best. You don't want to be stuck with your partner every time you want to do something you like, and you don't want them to be completely uninterested in everything you do as well.

[Enedin]

I honestly don't even know if there's an answer to this. I've done it both ways. I ended up marrying someone who has a lot of the major things in common with me (ie. video games, movies, music), and I love that because it means we spend a lot of time together. We still have some differences though so I guess that helps when we want to do something on our own.

tbh I enjoyed being with someone who had the major stuff in common with me than the one that didn't. So I think it just depends on your personality.

I think I'm like you. All the friends I have, I try to have something in common with them. My best friends are the one I can share a lot with, and I just can't share much with my current g/f, nor can she share a whole lot with me. She tries and I tried, but I'm tired of trying.