Leave of Absence/Work Hiatus

[Nirokun!]

So I was planning on requesting a Leave of Absence/Work Hiatus from my job, with my last month of work being January. Has anyone had experience with this? I'm certainly not going to tell them that I'm leaving to have sex reassignment surgery, but I don't know what to say. Something generic would be great.

Background: I'm a registered nurse (RN), and I've been working as a visiting nurse in DC for 1.5 years. Never late with my work (except that one time that there was a tornado), and am well-liked by my bosses and the office staff, as well as all of my home health aides and patients (there is one angry home health aide, but it's a known issue to the company, who have a hard time removing her because the family of the patient likes her.) I don't have any benefits, and am down as a 1099. I really don't think I would have any issue re-starting work, as I receive regular praise from my employer for my work, and am one of the only RN (maybe the only RN, period) who speaks Spanish and can work with a Spanish-speaking patient/home health aide without an interpreter at this agency. Spanish-speaking patients are accepted by the agency, and given to me as they arrive, it's that kind of situation. They obviously had RNs visit before me, and have told me they didn't like it (language barrier, not doing any work and just getting patient signatures, etc.) and would rather have me visit instead (oh they love me (*'-')!)

I'm just curious if anyone had any advice with this, and could help me think of something to say. My family just says "Just say you're leaving the country to visit family, they won't know." I was going to use that, but they won't know. I plan to be off work for +3 months or so, then slowly start taking in clients, little by little, until I'm back to normal.

Thanks BG!

[Odin'sLaw]

presuming the plan is to go back to that place of work, it would be best advised to tell them of your surgery since I'm sure it would take time dealing with the paper work to make you a man/woman (not sure what your having done) but no boss no matter how much he loves you will like you having time off

[Tajin]

I probably would be honest with at least my direct boss about my plans.
As for the excuse, the trip to wherever is perfect and uncompromising.

[Brill Weave]

Niro go to HR. You need to discuss with them your options. Your boss is not the person to talk to. A brief heads up to them would be ideal, but in the end your company's HR department are the ones that will be dealing with it primarily. They will ask you what the leave of absence is concerning(that's standard.) If you don't want to divulge specifics you can tell them it's for corrective surgery for an ongoing medical issue. Typically most leave of absences don't extend beyond a month. So what you're really looking at is a major medical leave. Most companies start letting their employees accumulate major medical hours after a year or two of employment. That time covers you while you're gone so they don't start burning off your vacation/personal time. However once you run out of major medical time, most companies will then use all your remaining paid time. On top of that the company does not have to grant you this time off or save your position if they do.

I STRONGLY suggest you file for FMLA protection(Family Medical Leave Act.) Go to your PCP(I'm sure they are aware of your intent to go to Thailand etc?) Have them fill out the paperwork and you return it to HR. You have to contact your HR department for the paperwork. It can be used in conjunction with a major medical leave and it ensures your position will be protected until you return unless you burn through all of your FMLA time. No matter if your boss loves you or not, he is still your boss. You need to takes steps to protect your livelihood.

[Ksandra]

Curious on who knows what at your work. Are you registered as a man or woman there? I would definitely say you need to be honest about getting surgery done, just maybe not details to HR. A family trip for 3+ months will sound pretty extreme to them. I hate to say it, but you may end up having to just leave that job and find a new one when you get back.

[hey]

I have no advice, but good luck. It would really suck if you were stuck having to find a new job after this.

[Nirokun!]

You guys look more concerned than I am!

I am not, under any circumstances, disclosing my status, nor the specific reason I will be gone, to my employer. They have paperwork from my initial application that has a male ID (Male name, Gender marker: M) and birth certificate (same). I have always been treated like a woman, and have been "Miss [Male Name]." I changed my name and gender marker last year, while employed, and told them I had my name changed, and they changed it, no funny looks or anything, still telling me not to work too hard and to get married soon and have children and bring them to work. I don't want to mess that up, because they will eventually be a reference for another job.

My workplace is relatively small, there is no HR, and I speak to my bosses directly, at least one or both every month. They ask me how things are going, how they have not seen me in such a long time (it's always just 1 month, but, like I said, they love me (*'-').) I am not given insurance of any kind, or any time off. I have 40~50 patients I see every month, I submit the paperwork, and get paid per patient. In the middle of October, I burned my hand while cooking at home, and called in saying that I could not work (cannot ensure skin integrity, difficulty writing, exposure to HIV+ patients) until I have healed, and would need 2 weeks to heal. This was completely fine, I just submitted a list of the patients remaining that needed visits that month, and could resume after two weeks when I was ready. The office has, in their paperwork, to please give 30 days prior to leaving the company, to allow time for those patients to be redistributed to other nurses. I would be letting them know in December, well before I needed to leave.

I like the idea about surgery for an ongoing medical condition. Another idea would be that I would be leaving home to stay in Florida with my grandparents, because my grandmother is having major surgery. My grandmother takes care of my grandfather, who has diabetes and worsening dementia. The rest of my family is unavailable (work obligations), and I, being a RN and from the oldest set of grandchildren, have chosen to help until she is okay. This would give me a reasonable reason to be away for a time period of major surgery (fictional, and not my own), and a reason for me to be there.

[BaneTheBrawler]

In any case, I hope everything, especially your surgery, goes well.

[Brill Weave]

No sense in lying Niro as you have to keep the lie straight etc. Just go with what I said earlier. Medical condition without specifics. You aren't obligated to divulge what medical procedure you are undergoing. With no HR department there would be no way they would find out unless you volunteered that information.

To put it in perspective for you. If one of my employees came up to me and told me they needed a leave of absence to care for a sick family member I would grant it but I would always doubt their word for it. Just because there is no way to prove it. I've granted three leave of absences this year alone for employees that needed surgeries done. I didn't like doing it obviously from a business view. But surgery is surgery and people generally have an easier time accepting that.

[Nirokun!]

And that is the reason I dislike lying, it adds pressure to keep telling the lie, and I'm not that kind of person. The only thing is that, socially, it begs the question, and I feel in some way obligated to tell them, even if it's none of their business and I don't know any of them like that (just a superficially pleasant work atmosphere.) People are really curious about things you won't talk about, and it makes things "messy." It really depends on how my bosses and coworkers view privacy, and how this trickles down, as patients associated with me are dispersed.

[test123]

chop my dick off, like a boss!

[Odin'sLaw]

chop my dick off, like a boss!

he has a point, then fuck a mutant fish! then bomb russia then fly into the sun! wait no to far we want you alive the next day....

[hey]

chop my dick off, like a boss!

Not sure if bigot, or trolling.

[Odin'sLaw]

Not sure if bigot, or trolling.

i presumed he was quoting the Lonely island song if not i feel bad for what i put

[Melena]

I'd just say your having a medical procedure being done. HIPAA will prvent them asking for exact details.

[BaneTheBrawler]

I also interpreted that as a Lonely Island reference. An amusing one, too.

I agree with Brill. Tell the truth, but you don't need to go into detail at all. There's nothing wrong with answering questions with "It's personal." That tells people in a polite way that it's none of their business and that you don't want to talk about it. If they keep pressing you for answers beyond that, you can flat out say "It's none of your business." It might be an unpleasant conversation, but really, it isn't their business, so it should blow over fairly quickly. If it doesn't, your workplace isn't as pleasant as you thought and you'd have found that out one way or another.

Again, though, I hope everything goes well.

[Zigma]

Hi Niro (*'3')

If you're 1099, they might choose not to renew your contract. A leave of absence is usually written in an employee handbook for individuals who are being hired with benefits. Each state has its own laws. On the positive, RN's are in high demand, so I would not worry too much about it. In NYC, you can easily make 90 to 100k plus a year just starting.

Good luck!

[Nirokun!]

Hi Zigma! (*'3')

Everyone is worried that I won't be able to come back, I'm really not. There's been a sign on the window for RNs to make home visits for +6months. This thread was really me asking for ideas about what to say, without telling them the real reason, and to get more information if anyone has been through it before. Everyone is afraid I won't have a job! It's okay, I've had a backup for a long time, working at a nearby (what, no driving into DC? YAY!) hospital where a family friend is a manager who said she will get me in. It's what I planned on doing to start hospital work once my facial hair was gone (home health nursing lets me set my schedule so I can have laser/electrolysis without anyone knowing), but if it comes sooner, I will start that after I regain the strength, and daily dilations drop from 3 to 2 times a day. Maybe I should have said that initially.

[Zigma]

Niro,

Just say you need a leave of absense and the reasons for it are personal. Also say that it will bring hardship to you in the event it is not approved. They are not allowed ask for details as it is personal. They will also have a hard time saying no as it will ... bring personal hardship to you. This is as professional as you can get. Lastly, don't tell them you're having a medical procedure ... people talk and office gossip is huge.

Don't stress it and good luck!

[The Stig]

Are you travelling alone to Thailand? ;_; -- no one is going to accompany you? Very brave. Especially since you're going there to get an operation done to you which will leave you a bit weak initially.